Your Little Secret (9 page)

Ethan stood up, and grabbed her across the coffee table, “I’m going to tell her that you and I spent last night on the sofa and I’m going to be all open with her. I don’t want to lie. I will have you both in my life.”

“Then go to her,” Amber smiled as she slumped into his hold on her arms. “I had my Ethan cooked Sunday breakfast. Go,” she used her head to point towards the door. “I’m going to ring Luc and get her to come over for a girl’s day.”

“Want me to stay?” he asked as he pulled her around the small table and made her sit down. She shook her head and he leaned down, kissing her cheek chastely. “Okay, text me before you go to bed.”

“Will do,” she smiled up at him and watched him finally take his moment to leave. “Oh and, Ethan,” Amber called out as he reached the door way. She looked up at him solemnly. “If she causes a fight over Tuesday, pick her.” She dropped her gaze and shook her head as she hit rock bottom. “It’s just a birthday. I’ll get another one next year.”

“Hey now,” Ethan said stepping back into the room, going to her and sitting on the table in front of her. “I am not missing your birthday for love nor money. She can do without me for one night. I will be here singing on your doorstop Tuesday morning whether you let me in or not.”

“You have a key,” Amber fought back with a pathetic pout.

“Well then no arguments,” he said, kissing her nose as he did so. He pushed himself up from the coffee table and looked down at her. “I don’t care if she kicks up a fuss. She’s fresh back in my life. You’re a constant. You’re my first place prize.” He pulled her up and into his arms, literally giving her a bear hug, “I love you, Ambi. You drive me insane, but I promise you one day you will smile and know that everything is just working out perfectly.”

Hearing the door slam she sat on the sofa with her head in her hands. Deciding not to wallow in self-pity, she curled her legs up under her and tried to find on her TiVo box some kind of angry Gordon Ramsey programme. Her phone vibrated on the coffee table and a photo of Connor appeared in the background. She took in the photo for a second, he was deliciously topless, a photo from when they went to Ibiza together. She took this photo to remind her of how lucky she was to have him. Feeling guilty she answered the call.

"Hey, baby," he said in a seductive tone that made her damp between her thighs.

"Hi," she replied trying to keep her aroused body at bay. She ached for him, missed him inside her. "I fucking miss you, Connor," she flustered through a breath.

"Sounds like it, angel, you're so horny aren't you?" he could tell by the way she reacted to his voice, if he couldn't have his wicked way with her he could sure try over the phone. "Where are you?" he asked his tone becoming deeper.

"On the sofa," she replied laying back so she was laid lengthways across. She put her right leg to the floor and touched at the waistband of her leggings. "Where are you?"

"Alone on my bed. I don't have work today and I missed you. How much do you miss me, baby?"

"So much, Con, just thinking about you inside me right now, I'm wet for you,” putting her hand immediately to her mouth she sighed against her palm in embarrassment. "I mean - I don't know what I mean."

"I'm so hard for you, Amber." And he was. He was stroking himself back and forth as he listened to the voice he missed so badly. "Touch yourself."

"Con... We haven't even asked each other how we are yet."

"Fuck that, I miss my girl and I want to hear her cum." His words were her undoing and she pushed her fingers further down her leggings. When she reached her knicker line she placed her palm against her hot core and waited for his instructions. "Put your fingers on yourself, baby, work yourself. Just imagine it's my fingers, or my tongue."  Imagining his tongue on her wasn't hard as he knew it was her favourite. "You taste so good, Amber; I love your taste in my mouth." Keeping her moans at bay she could feel her heart rate quicken as she played and toyed with her small nerves.

"I want you to make me cum, Con, make me cum." Rubbing hard against her nerves she imagined his hot wet tongue running up and down her cleft.

"I'm gonna cum for you, Amber; I'm imagining you riding me, your sexy body rocking on me." She groaned again at his words and felt herself quicken, her orgasm pushing throughout her body. Her legs began to stiffen as she became harsher with herself pushing her fingers inside and out again using the moisture to rub herself.

Her breathing quickened and she could hear Connor breathing hard and whispering sweet nothing's into her ear. His moans were coming strong now and she felt the same, her core slick and wet. The orgasm came fast and she ushered his name at the ecstasy of endorphins that released through her blood.  He came shortly after and their breaths entwined through the telephone.

Moments passed, both living in the post-orgasmic moment before Connor tapered his breathing and spoke out, “How do you feel now?”

Amber closed her eyes in delight as his husky tone ran a shiver down her spine. “Better,” she replied dryly and slumped more in her seat. She relented in just breaking into a bright smile as something finally felt complete in her.
“You?”

“Finally managed to feed a hunger,” Connor commented and the silence settled again.

“Was that all you called for?” Amber probed the real manner of the call. Surely he didn’t just ring to make her pleasure herself.

“I’m also ringing because a certain girl I know has a birthday coming up,” Connor spoke, his tone still seductive, still pushing her to just want him now. “I see birthday sex in your future,” he teased her and groaned out. “It’s lonely here without you, Amber. No amount of work will fill the void you leave me with.”

“I should hope not,” Amber teased back lightly. “And well if I have birthday sex in my future does that mean a certain male in my life is making an appearance and leaving work behind?”

“Yes,” Connor spoke to her with a deep tone, “And I’ll be around until my train back Saturday.”

Amber sat up. “But I have work.” Her heart raced, Connor was going to be back and she wasn’t going to get to see him. The only day she had off was Tuesday and that was for the simple matter of not working on her birthday. “You’ll be here and I’ll miss it all.”

Connor chuckled at her, “Do you really think I haven’t sorted that all out?” he asked her as if it was a stupid assumption. “I’ve spoken to your work; you’re off after tomorrow for a week. I’ve got so much planned and you best believe I will be waking you up Tuesday morning.”

Amber went silent – World War Three was going to begin on her birthday and she was going to be the catalyst. Ethan was going to be here, Connor was going to be here. God, she hated the idea of her birthday now. How did she tell Connor about Ethan and Ethan about Connor? She couldn’t. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to have to choose. She wanted to be selfish.

“Amber?” Connor pierced her thoughts, bringing her back to the matter at hand. “What’s wrong, baby? You went really quiet.”

“Nothing,” she lied to him, “I’m just trying to get my head around you actually being home for more than a few hours. Are you lying?” She didn’t want to come across as a bitch, but she couldn’t help it. He had barely spoken to her in a week. He’d been angered when she hadn’t responded to his comment about being together forever. She never expected him to tell her he was coming to spend near enough a week with her.

Connor chuckled. “No, Amber. My train back up to Leeds is at half six in the morning. I expect you to stay in bed until I’m there.”

“Clothes or no clothes?” she automatically purred down the phone at him. The groaning that she received back told her the answer, “I’ll make sure my pyjamas are in the washing machine then.” She chuckled as he laughed at her joke and she sighed with contentment. Maybe this is what she needs. "I'll see you soon then I guess," she padded over to the kitchen bare foot to look for some kind of food. She needed more than a bacon sandwich this morning.

"Yes, baby, you will and I can't wait to see you for your birthday." Feeling happy for the first time in days he sighed against the handset.

"Me too, Con, love you so much."

"I love you too babe, now have a good day and try not to miss me too much." Hearing noise in the background Amber immediately felt obliged to listen harder. "Listen, babe I've got to go, I love you."

She heard the line go dead and chucked her phone on the kitchen table as she rummaged through her fridge looking for something greasy to munch on.

***

The day consisted of Amber seeing Lucy and staying the night at her luxury apartment in Leeds. She hadn't heard again from Connor and she was so excited to see him. Curling up with Lucy in front of her fifty inch screen was just what she needed. Lucy lived in luxury compared to her.

"I thought you liked Ben and Jerry's,
Amb?" Lucy asked her friend as she pulled out a tub from the freezer. Holding the two tubs of ice cream in each hand she gestured towards Amber with a decision. "What do you want biatch?" Smiling at her friend she pointed at the tub she wanted.

"Phish food please," Amber smiled at her as she tried her hardest to stick in a spoon and skipped into the living room.

"So," she said wrapping the blanket around her. "What's been happening, miss?" Rolling her eyes at Lucy she pitted her urge for gossip but still wanted to unravel her feelings to her. "Sit and listen, I've been all alone for the past few weeks and I've worked my arse off at work and not had any recognition as usual. I've been so ground down that I feel that I'm at such a weak point. Do you know what I mean? I miss the man in my life, and while he's running off doing his job in London, I'm stuck here in my falling down house." Sighing, she took a large spoonful of Ice cream and swallowed. Nodding profusely at her Lucy felt sorry for her best friend, like she couldn't help her in any way then what she was doing right now. She could see the sadness radiate off of her and she put a reassuring arm around her shoulders.

"It'll all be okay soon. Connor will be home and you can carry on like he was never away," She pulled Amber in for an awkward sideways hug and rubbed up and down her arm. "Are you going to tell me the truth yet?" Turning to look at her friend she cocked her eyebrow at how easy she could read her.

“Truth?” Amber asked, digging her spoon into the ice cream making sure she got most of the marshmallow part. “What truth?”

“What is going on with you, girl?!” Lucy exclaimed and shot up from her position so she could turn around a little and look at properly. “We’ve barely seen one another and when I do you’re the one voting to get drunk. You don’t look happy anymore, Amber, and I know damn well there is more to this than just Connor being in London. What the hell is going on?”

And just like that, Amber felt her life fall apart around her exactly like her house was, “Everything.”

Lucy registered the despair to Amber’s tone, and acted quickly, “Talk to me, Amber. Really talk to me. Leave nothing out. Is it Connor?”

Amber offered a slight nod; after all he was a massive problem. Taking a deep breath, Amber dropped her gaze to the ice cream and spoke, “I’ll be on the phone to him and he’ll be the man I love and then there will be noise in the background and the next thing I know he’s put the phone down on me and I’m left sitting there thinking the worse possible thoughts.”

“You think he’s cheating?” Lucy
asked, her tone edgy and reluctant.

Amber took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, uttering the one word that really cracked the shell of her heart, “Yes.”

“And why do you think that?” Lucy pressed on unrelenting. She might be uncomfortable, but she needed Amber to open up and confront this.

“He barely speaks to me. He never Skype’s anymore. He won’t tell me who he’s with. He shuts the phone off when someone is around him,” Amber shook her head as she sat and looked at her life objectively. “Do you know how fucked up my entire life is?” She looked to Lucy wordlessly, her eye widening slightly, “I am fawning over a man that picks me up and drops me as and when he pleases, and I am jealous that Ethan and his ex are now back together. When I’m with Ethan it’s like everything makes sense. I feel alive and without him I’m just numb. He makes me feel like I’m the object of his entire world and he knows me, he gets me, he loves me. He looks after me and I just want him for myself,” It was as the words left her mouth that horror hit home. “Am I in love with my best friend?” Amber asked Lucy, the tears streaming her face, running the contours of her natural face shape.

Lucy gave a sympathetic look. “I think you already know the answer to that one, Ambi.”

Walking into her house with filled shopping bags she dumped them all on her counter and dropped her keys on the table. Turning towards her living room window she sighed in unhappiness. She missed Connor. She missed his sense of humour, the way he could make her heart flutter unexpectedly and how he could make a situation uncomplicated. He was good when it came to phoning up companies and complaining about their staff or whatever. But is that what it all boiled down to?
Just a few interesting features? Unlocking her iPhone, she flicked through their holiday pictures from Ibiza that he surprised her with last year. She supposed he was good at that, surprises. But standing here right now, in a cold empty house made her heart swell with pain. Feeling a sob at the back of her throat she threw her iPhone against the wall in anger. She didn't want to cry over this, over missing him. What was the point? Feeling the hot heavy tears escape she pulled a pillow from the sofa and sobbed into it for a few seconds before throwing it at the vase of flowers on the windowsill. Hearing the vase crash startled her but she needed to vent this anger. She didn't want to come home to an empty house, not like she used to with her parents. Endless days coming home on her own, from ages as small as seven, to do it for the rest of her life. She wanted a family, a husband. Ethan flooded her thoughts as she sat on her degrading sofa and put her face in her hands. Ethan. This situation was becoming apparent.