You Before Me (9 page)

She kisses me then, just as slow but
even more intense then last night. There's too much sexual tension
between us. I'm already turned on, and Ryan knows it because her
lips lift a little against mine as she rests fully in my lap. These
basketball shorts aren't hiding anything either. Ryan tastes minty,
but the longer we kiss, the more I taste her. She lets go of my
hands to hold onto my shoulders instead. My own don't even bother
going back to her hips. They head straight for those toned thighs
of hers that I want wrapped around my waist.

The silky smoothness of her skin
disorients me more than anything. I have just enough clarity to
keep my hands from exploring because the moment they do, I'll be
lost in her again. Ryan withdraws from my lips, kissing my jaw,
before going to my neck. That beautiful shoulder is in front of me,
so I start from the right, kissing and sucking my way to the crook
of her neck while her lips travel to nibble on my ear.

“Gabe?” She breathes.

I hum against her shoulder in
response.

“Let your hands move.” I feel her
hands over mine, lifting the fingers a little. “Your grip is too
tight.”

That clears some of the haze, and I
pull away to see her giving me a small smile. “Sorry.”

“It's fine.” The moment clashes as
Aretha starts singing about respect. Ryan sits upright, looking
down at our hands, and I lean back into the couch. After a moment,
she peers up at me from underneath those lashes, her red hair
framing her face perfectly. “I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep
putting you in situations where you feel the need to restrain
yourself. I'm not exactly used to people holding back. Am I really
that bad that you would feel guilty about me? Because that's how
you felt after our date, isn't it? I don't understand why you keep
coming back if I made you feel that way. I-”

“Ryan, stop talking.” I
intertwine our hands again. “
You
didn't make me feel guilty.
I
made myself-”

“Because of what you did with me,” she
interrupts, her voice monotone. The next thing out of her mouth is
full of emotion though. “What you're most scared of, Gabe? That's
practically me. I'm not the kind of girl that guys show off to
those who matter to them. I'm the You-Only-Need-One-Date girl, and
before you even say something, I'm perfectly happy being that girl.
My point is that you, your hopes, dreams, and personality are the
complete opposite of the kind of girl I am. That's why I don't
understand why you're here.”

I think carefully about what she said
before I respond. “I'm here because you are more than a type or
kind of girl. There's always more to a person than that, and you
aren't excluded. I know that there is more to you than sex and more
than a personality that keeps you in a certain
category.”

“But you're concerned,” she interrupts
again. Softly, she curiously adds, “Can you tell me what about me
has you worried?”

“You really want me to tell
you?”

“Of course. It's good to be aware of
my faults.”

My brows come together, confused.
“Your faults?”

“Just tell me, please.”

“These things aren't your faults,
Ryan. It's what makes you who you are, and I don't see anything
wrong with that.” She nods, but I can tell she doesn't believe me.
“But if you really want to know, I'll tell you. All of these things
scare me, sure, but I like these things about you too, okay?” Once
she nods, I continue. “You're beautiful, and you have a very
tempting and gorgeous body. It's almost too much considering your
age. You know how to use this body very well and being pulled over
when you're half naked doesn't bother you at all. Then there's how
I'm six years older than you and that wouldn't sound so bad if your
age didn't end with 'teen'.

“You're still in college while my
lifestyle is way different than that. I'm done with that part of my
life, and you're in the middle of that part for you. Ryan,
sometimes, I have no clue how to handle your personality. But I
like it. That's all that matters.”

Ryan's green eyes study me, with “The
Gambler” of all songs playing in the background. For a moment, I
worry that I've said too much. “Okay,” she finally says.

“Okay?”

“Yes. I can understand you better now,
and that's really all I wanted to accomplish.”

“Good.” I lean forward to kiss her
gently. She smiles, and my eyes catch sight of the clock on the
wall behind her. I will have to leave in about two hours. “You said
you take bubble baths?”

“Yeah?” She questions, not knowing
where I'm going with this.

“I will have to leave soon, but I can
go start the bath for you.”

“Oh, thank you.” Ryan slides off my
lap and onto the couch.

I get up and go start our bath. Yes, I
said our. Never have I taken a bubble bath, but this feels like
something I should do with Ryan. Thankfully, her tub is deep and
wide enough for us both. At least, it looks that way. Once there is
enough water and suds, I turn off the water and quickly undress.
Just as I get comfortable, I hear “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural
Woman” start playing.

“Gabe? Is everything-” Ryan walks into
the bathroom, her eyes wide. “Okay?” She finishes, tilting her head
to look at me.

“I've never had a bubble bath and
these suds,” I cup some in my hand as evidence, “looked like too
much fun, so I thought I'd join you.”

Ryan slowly smiles. “I'm not sure if
there's enough room for us both.”

“There is.”

That's all the push she needs. Ryan
bunches the hem of her shirt in her hands and slowly lifts it up
and over her head, dropping it carelessly to the floor. Then she
shimmies out of her bottoms, becoming completely and boldly naked
in front of me. How she already has a body of a goddess, I'll never
know. Even her tattoo on her hip seems meant to be there. Ryan
steps into the tub across from me, lowering herself into the steamy
water. Her hands find my knees and then travel up my thighs as she
comes closer to me.

Her hair falls forward, the tips
getting wet and sudsy. Ryan bites her lower lip before closing the
distance between our lips to kiss me. It doesn't last nearly long
enough, which is probably a good thing. She pulls away from me to
turn around, her back tattoos partly on display. She slides back
against me between my legs, our knees peeking through the bubbles.
I'm already hard, and Ryan knows it.

“The point of this is to relax,” she
whispers, leaning her head backwards to rest on my left
shoulder.

I let my lips brush her ear as I say,
“Are you not relaxed?” My fingers are twitching to touch her and
leave their current place on the sides of the tub. I move them to
her shoulders, moving downwards under the water, deciding to stop
once I've reached her hips.

Ryan's cheeks lift when she smiles,
her eyes closed. “Not yet. Give me time. I was just telling you,
Officer O'Connor. You seem kind of stiff,” she bubbles out a
laugh.

Smirking, I ignore her comment. My
fingers begin to thrum on her hips, and I start moving them up her
stomach. My thumbs just barely brush over the underside of her
breasts. Ryan's eyes open.

“We're supposed to be relaxing,” she
mutters, turning to look at me.

I grin. “Isn't that what we're
doing?”

“Nope. While you are very tempting,
Gabe, I've decided I don't want to have sex with you.”

My hands return to lay flat on her
stomach. “Oh yeah?”

“Not today anyway. You've inspired
me.”

“I have?” What is she talking
about?

Ryan grins. “Yep. I'm going to behave
better. We'll see how long it lasts.” Ryan frowns as a thought
flits her mind.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Nothing. Time to relax.”

She closes her eyes, leaning her head
back on my shoulder once more. Her frown bothers me though. What is
she thinking? I attempt to relax as well, even though that's still
on my mind along with her body against mine. Twenty minutes pass in
silence before I finally say something about it.

“Ryan?”

“Yeah?” She says without opening her
eyes.

“Tell me why you frowned.”

Ryan sighs and turns her head to look
at me. “I was thinking about how when I stop trying to behave, stop
trying to be someone I'm not, it will count as me quitting because
I would be giving up. That it will be added to my long list of
failures.” Ryan sits up, moves forward, and then turns as she sits
across from me in the tub. “Do you know that I've thought about
changing my name? Countless times.”

“Why?” I actually like her name. Sure,
I thought it was odd at first, but it grows on you.

“My parents wanted a boy.
They got me, and I've heard about it every day of my life. That
name,
my
name, is
tied to me being what they never wanted. That's why it pissed me
off when you said it was a boy's name. Once I started college,
though, I mostly stopped thinking about it and decided to own up to
it.”

Since she brought it up, I decide to
ask. “Why are your parents like that? Explain it to me. Why didn't
they have another kid if they wanted a boy that badly?”

Ryan shakes her head. “Believe it or
not, I'm their miracle child. I'm the only one of my mother's
pregnancies that didn't end in miscarriage. That's why they didn't
have another kid and they stopped trying. Everything they've ever
wanted in a child rests on my shoulders now. They have empty hopes
for me though because they don't think I can do any of it.” Ryan
cups some of the bubbles in her hands and glances at me. “You
ruined my bath for me.”

I take a moment to absorb what she
just said. No wonder she doesn't think she's meet-the-parents
material. Her own parents have made her feel like this. It's
terrible. This is why she keeps using words like disappointment and
failure. It makes sense now. Although, I'm sure there is more I'm
still missing. More that I want to find out, which doesn't mean
that I'm going to turn into a savior.

“I'm sorry.” I move to lean towards
her. “C'mere. I'll make up for it.” All I want to do is make her
feel better before I leave. Ryan looks a little skeptical, so I
curve a finger under her chin and lead her to me. “Close your
eyes,” I softly order.

Ryan does, the corners of her mouth
slightly moving up and down as she tries not to smile. For a
moment, I take in her features. She's beautiful. Without waiting
any longer, I gently press my lips to hers. They part, already
eager for more. I slip my tongue into her mouth to play with hers.
Ryan releases a quiet sigh into my mouth as her fingers grasp my
face. Her sigh is like a small billow of air that makes everything
tumble within me.

I kiss her with unhurried passion, as
if the clock has stopped and we have all the time in the world. But
the water soon cools to bring back bits of my senses, and I pull
away from Ryan. The bubbles have all but disappeared to leave our
naked bodies almost completely visible. She hasn't opened her eyes
yet, and her lips are barely pursed. That look on her face right
now is one I will never tire of. Goosebumps dot her skin, her
nipples at attention. Those dark green eyes finally stare at me, a
smile rising on her lips.

“Thanks,” she whispers.

“Any time.”

Her gaze glances downward at me and my
hard, aching body. It's probably time for me to leave, but all I
want to do is get off. I don't know what Ryan wants, though. I
don't think I should sleep with her again just yet. This needs to
be done right, and I need to resist the lure before I do something
I regret.

“I, uh-” I stop to clear my throat. “I
need to get going.” My eyes immediately snap to Ryan's moving hands
underneath the water, coming towards me at a tortuously slow
pace.

“Right now?” She questions.

I'm wound up too tightly for her to
tease me today. Her hands land on my thighs, and I swallow hard,
waiting for her to do something. My focus won't waver from her
crawling hands, even when she speaks. I'm frozen by those slender
fingers. She's paralyzed me.

“I would feel terrible knowing you
left like this.”

The tips of her fingers ever so
slightly brush along my shaft. Oh my God. She's going to kill me.
Suddenly, her hands are too far away from me, and water is sloshing
as she stands. Helpless to Ryan, I take my time looking as I travel
along her legs, her hips, her stomach, her breasts. I look at every
droplet of water on my way up until I reach her sexy grin. She
holds out her hand, palm up.

“C'mon. The clock is
ticking.”

I take her hand and stand, but wish
more than anything I would have sex with her. I'm not going to do
that though. She said herself she wanted to behave, and I should
honor that for as long as possible. We step out of the tub, and I
grab a towel off the rack, wrapping it around her shoulders. The
corners of her mouth dip, her brows coming together in
confusion.

“What are you doing?” She finally asks
when I wrap one around my waist.