You Before Me (6 page)

That's my last thought as I drift to
sleep.

* * *

Viv and I are out shopping. She wants
to know about last night, and I want a new outfit to wear to the
party tonight. The autumn air is getting chilly, but it's not cold
enough to cover up a lot of skin. I feel the want to flaunt my body
at this party, so that's the kind of outfit I'm searching
for.

“All right. I'm dying to know, Ryan.
Tell me already!” Viv says once we walk into our first store of the
day.

I roll my eyes at her. “It went well.
We went to his little brother's football game and went to a little
café for cake. Then we went back to my place for sex.”

“Good guys don't fuck on the first
date, so you must have been wrong about that,” she
comments.

“I don't know,” I trail off. Viv may
be my best friend, but there is still a lot I don't tell her. “He
looked like he regretted it before he left. I doubt I'll be calling
him if I ever get into trouble. That's probably the last we'll see
of Gabe O'Connor.” I had to say that last part. Saying it aloud
makes it seem more real, and I'm almost positive that I'm right
about this.

“Maybe not,” she tries, sounding
hopeful. After a moment, she says, “You go on a lot of first dates
now that I think about it. Why don't you ever go on
seconds?”

I keep my eyes on the clothes before
me, knowing she's going to have something to say about this.
“Because good girls don't fuck on the first date, Viv,” I throw her
words back at her. “Lucky for them, and me if you think about it,
I'm not one of those girls. If I want to sleep with them at the end
of the night, I'm not going to hold out for a few more dates. And
after that, they see me only for sex. Besides, you know I'm not
really a dater anyway. Obviously.”

When I look up at Viv, her eyes are
wide open. “You have sex on the first date? Always?” Oh, come on.
She had to know this. We've been friends since freshman year. She
hasn't figured this out yet? I figured I would get a lecture, but I
guess she didn't know this fun fact about me.

“Almost always,” I correct. Is it
really that big of a deal? It's only sex. “Ooh, look at this top.”
I hold up a white, spaghetti-strapped shirt. It's a v-neck and a
little airy, so it wouldn't be skin-tight. The material is super
soft too. I have to buy it.

“It's cute. What would you wear it
with?”

“
A tight skirt of some
sort.”

So we start looking for one of those.
But Viv is back to Gabe.

“Has he texted you or
anything?”

“Nope.”

“Well, how old is his brother?” She
asks.

“He's sixteen, but he has an older one
who is thirty-three.”

“And how old is he again?”

I narrow my eyes at her from across
the rack. Where is she going with this? “Twenty-five.”

“Mhm,” she nods. “So you're closer in
age to his little brother than him.”

Honestly, I hadn't thought of that.
Does our age difference really matter? It's only six years, and I'm
about to turn twenty next month. It's not a huge difference or
anything. I'm sure my parents would expect me to date someone
closer to my age, but it's my choice. Not theirs. They aren't
dating him. I am. Finally, I say, “It doesn't matter either way. I
really don't think I'll see him again. What did dumbass say when
you broke up with him?” I change the subject because I'm tired of
thinking about Gabe.

“He thinks I'm crazy for accusing him
of cheating. When I pushed him about her car in the driveway, he
wanted to know how I knew that, which means he admitted it. And he
hasn't spoken to me since.”

“Perfect timing for a party with an
excuse to get wasted.” I hold up the skirt I found. “What do you
think?” It's a gold, sparkly mini-skirt, and it would look great
paired with the shirt and the right shoes.

“Ooh, I love it. Might have to borrow
that.”

I laugh. “Of course. Do you see
anything in here you want or are you ready to hop to the next
store?”

“Nah, let's check out and move
on.”

Tonight's party is being hosted by the
football team, so I've been trying to convince Viv that she could
hook up with any of one of them. They're going to be looking to get
laid tonight anyway. After the shitty boyfriend, she deserves some
yummy football player to give her a good time. Viv says she's going
to lay low for a while. I stop pestering her because if that's what
she wants, then I'll leave her alone. Viv has more morals or higher
standards, as some would say, than I do, and I will respect her
wishes.

We shop all day, and I rack up some
charges on the credit card my parents gave me. I'm sure I'll get a
call at the end of the month about that bill. It never fails for
them to say if I were a boy, I wouldn't waste so much money on
clothes. Seriously, just get over it already! You got me. Stop
complaining. Nineteen years worth should be enough for the rest of
my life and theirs combined. Besides, they don't have to keep
reminding me of how everything I do isn't good enough for them. Not
to mention the clothes that I buy, they don't always approve of.
It's too slutty and not very “ladylike.” Whatever.

Once I get home, I turn on my love
song playlist and draw myself a bubble bath. It's not Sunday, but
I'm in dire need of some relaxation. I may have to make a massage
appointment next week. I've been so strung up lately. Probably
because of the looming deadline my parents have on me for declaring
my major.

The suds and hot water
temporarily erase those problems. I soak for entirely too long, and
I know that if I don't get out soon, my body will still be wrinkly
when I get to the party. Prune-y won't get me laid. While I'm
eating Ramen noodles, a guilty pleasure of mine, and watching the
old TV show
M*A*S*H
, my father calls. I ignore it as usual. If I talk to him
before the party, I'll be in no mood to have sex. My dad, most of
all and despite my straight-A history, doesn't believe I'll
graduate from college. He wants me to graduate, that is what is
expected of me, but he doesn't think I'll be able to do so. He
thinks that like everything else I've done, I'll quit.

Ugh. No. Stop it right there, Ryan.
Tonight is party night. There is no time to think about what I'll
do next to disappoint my parents. Although, that kind of makes me
wish I had a sibling, like Gabe, and then my parents would focus
all their attention on him. But they stopped trying to have a boy
after I was born because my mother had two miscarriages. After
that, they didn't want to go through that type of loss again. Which
left them, their hopes, and their dreams stuck with me.

I wonder what it would
have been like to have siblings. Does Gabe like them or wish he was
an only child? Oh, great. Now, I'm thinking about Gabe. He's on my
mind as I start getting ready, as I ride with Viv to the party, as
I talk mindlessly with different people, and drinking a couple
beers along the way. But then a football player spots me. I know
his face and his number, 43, but I can't for the life of me
remember his name. How is it that I can remember almost everything
Gabe said last night, but I can't think of this guy's name
and
I've slept with him
twice before?

“Hey, Ry,” he greets. Ah, yes. That's
why. Because he insists on shortening my name.

“Ryan,” I correct. I may not always
like my name, but it's mine, and I'm going to own it.
“Hey.”

“You looked like you needed another
drink.” He hands me a red cup, and I graciously take three swallows
from it.

“Thanks.”

Bass from the speakers set up all over
this place thrums through my body with the alcohol. 43 is looking
at me with desire as he pulls me to him. He slips his beer-free
hand underneath my shirt, his clammy hand touching my bare back. 43
leans down to whisper into my ear, some sloppy, not all that hot
and dirty things to convince me to head upstairs with him. But the
more he talks and lowers his hand over my ass, the more I get
turned off. I was probably too drunk in the past to remember or
care about these features.

“I'm not feeling all that great. I
think I'm going to find Viv and get her to take me home.” I push
him away with a little more force than I intended.

“I'll take you,” he offers.

I agree, only because I'm hoping that
once I get away from all these people, I'll be in a better mood to
fuck. That's what I really want tonight. But if not, then Mr. 43 is
going to be very disappointed. He follows me as I try to find Viv,
but she's nowhere to be found.

“C'mon, Ry.”

“Ryan,” I insert.

“Let's go already. She'll figure it
out.” He starts tugging me out of the house, his grip too tight for
me to fight him on this. Him taking control is kind of turning me
on anyway, so I let him.

Once we get back to my place though, I
regret it. I haven't even unlocked my door yet because I don't want
him to come inside. 43 has me pressed against my door, his slobbery
kisses all over my neck before he starts heading towards my chest,
where, thanks to my bra and new shirt, there is quite a bit of
cleavage showing for him to touch.

“I'm not feeling well,” I repeat.
“Thanks for the ride, but I'm going inside. Alone,” I
add.

His lips move up the left side of my
neck, so I turn my head to the right by instinct. His hands grip my
waist tighter as he puts more of his body weight on me. “Ry,” he
starts.

“Ryan.” Seriously? How many times do I
have to correct him? “You don't need to try to change my mind. The
answer will still be no.”

That makes him stop kissing me. His
eyes turn dark as he stares at me, his hold stronger than ever.
“No? You didn't hesitate before, Ry. Everyone on campus knows that
you're an easy lay and now you're telling me no?”

“I may be easy, but I'm not that easy
for you tonight.” I try to push him off me, but it's impossible.
He's not budging. “Get off me.” I attempt to make my voice as level
as possible, but even I hear how it trembles a little.

“Is there a problem?”

At the sound of his voice, my head
snaps to the stairwell. 43 isn't paying him any mind yet. Gabe is
standing rigid with his arms by his side, hands in fists, and he is
not looking happy at all in his police uniform. His deadly stare is
trained on 43. What is he even doing here?

“Buddy, I don't think this is any of
your business, so-” Finally, he looks, stopping mid-sentence when
he sees that it's a cop. 43 takes a small step away from
me.

Gabe looks at me. “Ma'am?” He
questions, and I've never been so thankful to hear him say
that.

“Um, everything is fine.” I turn to
43, who looks a little pissed. “Catch you later.” I quickly turn
around, pull the house key from my bra, and go inside without
another look back.

With my back against the door, I can
hear feet shuffling away, but then some coming towards me. A knock
sounds loudly, making me jump. I slowly open the door to peek, and
once I see it's Gabe, I open it completely.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Yeah. What are you doing
here?”

Gabe doesn't come in when I move
aside. He stays just outside of my doorframe. “You apparently left
your phone in your friend's car and left a party without telling
her. She called me from your cell, worried, and said that wasn't
like you at all. She thought you might be in some sort of trouble.
I was patrolling nearby, so I told her I would stop by to see if
you were here.”

Suddenly, I wonder how long he was
watching. Did he hear what we said about me being easy? Which he
probably knew anyway thanks to our date, but it has to be a
different story when he hears that I'm that way from a complete
stranger. I want to ask him if he heard, but then decide I don't
really want to know.

“Oh, well, I'll call her on my house
phone and let her know I'm fine. Sorry to have bothered you while
you're working.”

He frowns. “It looked like I needed to
be bothered. Are you sure you're fine? I don't need to go hunt him
down?”

I laugh at his concern. “Yes, I'm
sure. Thank you, though.”

There's a lull, and it's like he just
realized what I am wearing because his eyes slowly rake over my
body. That action alone has me all hot and bothered. Gabe clears
his throat with a slight shake of his head.

“I have to get back to work. Call your
friend, because she was really worried.”

“I will.”

“Okay, see you later,
Ryan.”

“Later.” I watch him turn and walk
away before I close my door.

Without wasting any time, I call Viv.
She's already on her way here with my phone and to check on me
herself since she hadn't heard back yet. When she does get here, I
convince her that I just wasn't feeling well after explaining what
happened. She leaves my phone and then goes on home, thankfully.
Seeing Gabe completely threw me off, especially since he easily
turned me on. I am dying to have sex now. I wonder if he would come
over when he gets off.