Yolo (21 page)

zoegirl:

it is so cool!

mad maddie:

that is one big pumpkin.

mad maddie:

how do u know it weighs that much?

zoegirl:

there's a sign. also I just now lifted it up, and by my guesstimate, that sounded about right.

mad maddie:

such a brute! I like!

zoegirl:

Holly and Gannon and I held hands and tried to wrap our arms around her, but we didn't come close.

mad maddie:

her? the pumpkin has a vagina?

zoegirl:

no.

zoegirl:

well, not to my knowledge.

zoegirl:

but it's a tradition at Kenyon to have a gigantic pumpkin in the cafeteria to celebrate fall, and I guess the pumpkin is always a “she.” that's how everyone refers to her.

zoegirl:

she's huge, Maddie. seriously, you would love her.

mad maddie:

snapchat?

zoegirl:

yes, ma'am . . .

mad maddie:

omfg, I LOVE THAT PUMPKIN. I want to eat that pumpkin and have that pumpkin's babies!

zoegirl:

the second pic is of Holly and Gannon. they both say hi.

mad maddie:

hi back

mad maddie:

why is Holly's belly button green?

zoegirl:

she got bored in one of her classes and colored it.

mad maddie:

why is her belly button visible?

zoegirl:

because she has her shirt tied back, silly!

zoegirl:

kidding. I mean, it IS, but the “why” is because she wanted to show off her green belly button. she's hoping people will think it's mold.

mad maddie:

well, she and Gannon both look nice.

zoegirl:

they are. they were worried about me during my time in the Bad Lands too, as it turns out.

mad maddie:

but yr better now?

zoegirl:

yup. I went for a run again this morning, and I'm going to try to make myself do that three times a week. I'm not going to skip class anymore, and today I met with all my profs and asked if I could make up the work I missed.

zoegirl:

my heart is still secretly hurting . . . but too bad.

mad maddie:

fake it till ya make it?

zoegirl:

yes. exactly.

zoegirl:

and I'm not TOTALLY faking it. alone in my dorm room, I'm a pathetic self-pitying mess, but when I'm with other people, it's so much better.

mad maddie:

which—ahem—I told you five million years ago

zoegirl:

I know, I know.

zoegirl:

so what'd you do over the weekend?

mad maddie:

you have to ask? I sat alone in my dorm room like a pathetic self-pitying mess, obviously.

zoegirl:

Maddie . . .

zoegirl:

zoegirl:

that was kind of mean. did you intend it to be?

mad maddie:

I didn't. I'm sorry. the second I hit “send,” I realized it wasn't a good joke.

zoegirl:

it wasn't even a bad joke.

mad maddie:

yr right, and I really am sorry.

mad maddie:

what I really did over the weekend—hold on to yer hat—was go ghost hunting!

zoegirl:

no way

mad maddie:

way! there's a building on campus that's supposedly haunted, and my suitemates and I snuck in thru the window and went down to the basement, which is the most haunted part of the entire haunted building.

zoegirl:

eek, I would have been worried about the campus police.

zoegirl:

was it creepy?

mad maddie:

so creepy I can't even tell you. human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together . . . mass hysteria!

zoegirl:

haha

mad maddie:

ok, but there WAS a spine-tingliness to it all. it was dark and my flashlight went out, and at one point we heard this loud BUMP. we all froze in our tracks and Nekkid Neesa's eyes got huge and she put her finger to her lips.

mad maddie:

then, and this part's hilarious, she whispered, “Listen! I smell something!”

zoegirl:

???

zoegirl:

why hilarious?

mad maddie:

really? I have to explain it to you?

mad maddie:

the reason it's funny is cuz you can't hear a *smell*.

zoegirl:

ohhhhh

mad maddie:

everyone cracked up, but I dunno, maybe you had to be there.

zoegirl:

did you actually smell anything?

mad maddie:

mildew. cold rock. normal basement smells. except . . .

zoegirl:

what?

mad maddie:

I did catch a whiff of something hard to
describe. like snot mixed with a wet springer spaniel?

zoegirl:

ah. yum. ghost dog?

mad maddie:

that's really the only explanation, right? woof!

mad maddie:

u still wearing yr hospital socks?

SnowAngel:

health clinic socks, not hospital socks. get it right, geez!

SnowAngel:

but I can wiggle my toes! and I don't have to wrap my foot anymore!

SnowAngel:

I have graduated to two large Band-Aids, one on the top of my foot and one on the bottom.

mad maddie:

does it hurt?

SnowAngel:

a little. sometimes a lot. it's worth it to be almost back to normal—except for the VERY sad part, which is that the doc said no
s. boo!!!!

mad maddie:

poor Angela. will the agony ever end?

SnowAngel:

I know, right?

SnowAngel:

I have a scar, tho. it's pretty awesome.

mad maddie:

is there a scab? will you save it for me? nom nom nom.

SnowAngel:

ermagawd, eating scabs is SO second grade.

SnowAngel:

the cook at the Zeta house got fired, tho

mad maddie:

scabs . . . second grade . . . sorority house cook . . .

mad maddie:

ok, I'll bite. (HA!)

mad maddie:

why?

SnowAngel:

cuz the food was TOO GOOD, which sucks for those of us who actually like to eat. the next cook will serve only carrots and watercress if the bulimia sisters have anything to do with it.

mad maddie:

I really hope you're kidding

SnowAngel:

I really wish I were

SnowAngel:

do you think there's a difference b/w real bulimia and skinny girl mob mentality? there's this one girl who thinks she's fat because she wears size 23 jeans. size 23! that is TINY!

mad maddie:

that's fucked up, bro

SnowAngel:

don't even get me started, BRO

SnowAngel:

and here's another story for ya. Victoria, a Zeta whose Louis Vuitton clutch I covet, asked my friend Anna and me to give some high school girls a tour of the campus.

SnowAngel:

(they were daughters of Zeta alums who are considering coming to UGA, that's why)

SnowAngel:

we showed them around, blabbity blah, and along the way, we walked down fraternity row. and guys from different houses started calling out things like “fresh meat” and “looking good, girls” and “come shake your moneymakers for us.” stuff like that.

mad maddie:

ugh

SnowAngel:

I told the high school girls to ignore them, cuz if we responded, it would just encourage them.

mad maddie:

SO not my world (thank god)

SnowAngel:

then, two seconds after I gave that speech, a Delta Sig called out, “Yo! Angela! Where's my kiss, bitch?” and totally on autopilot, I said, “Brian! Hi!” and ran over to chat with him.

mad maddie:

headbang headbang headbang

mad maddie:

did you kiss him?

SnowAngel:

no!

SnowAngel:

but Anna *totally* gave me hell for going against my own advice. it was funny.

mad maddie:

good for Anna. I like Anna.

SnowAngel:

uh-huh. that's why I'm on the fence about whether to depledge or not. I JUST CAN'T DECIDE.

SnowAngel:

like, I've met some super-nice girls, esp Anna, and I love the times when a bunch of us get together and paint each other's nails and eat popcorn and just hang out. I have fun at the mixers too.

mad maddie:

that sorority leader girl called u a twat, Angela.

SnowAngel:

and a fucking diaper-wearing baby

mad maddie:

wha . . . ? you didn't tell me the diaper-wearing-baby one

SnowAngel:

a *fucking* diaper-wearing baby. get it right. god.

mad maddie:

hey, I know. you shld depledge and move to Santa Cruz and be with me. I wld even paint yr nails.

SnowAngel:

*pinches Maddie's cheeks*

SnowAngel:

awww, sweet Maddie. if only!