Yolo (20 page)

SnowAngel:

it was like being yelled at by Southern Belle Barbie meets Desperate Housewife from Hell, and you shld both feel sorry for me and offer to rub my bunions.

SnowAngel:

don't you feel sorry for me?

SnowAngel:

I don't actually have bunions.

SnowAngel:

I don't actually know what bunions are.

SnowAngel:

OMG, REALLY? where are you ppl when I need you?!!!

SnowAngel:

Tandy, the social chair of the Alpha Zetas, called an emergency pledge meeting because apparently sororities have emergencies involving social-ness.

SnowAngel:

here is the first thing she said once we were sitting down: “now listen, y'all. don't even THINK about moving your derrieres from this room until I'm done. you're all going to want to run away like little bitty babies because you're all in huge fucking trouble, but if you move even one of your ugly-ass butt cheeks? you. are. dead. y'all got that?”

SnowAngel:

it was half scary and half funny, but Tandy wasn't joking.

SnowAngel:

for the next hour, she told us we were the worst pledge class in the history of Alpha Zetas. that we don't show enough Zeta spirit, that we don't make a splash on campus, that we don't wear our letters
enough, and that only HALF of us had purchased the Zeta lavaliers we're supposed to buy, and what the fuck was up with that?

SnowAngel:

a lavalier is a necklace with the Greek letters for whatever yr sorority is on it, in case you didn't know. I'm one of the girls who hasn't bought one, but not as an act of rebellion. just cuz I'm lazy.

SnowAngel:

see, you have to log on to this online store—there's Alpha Zeta comforters, Alpha Zeta mugs, Alpha Zeta teddy bears, Alpha Zeta undies . . . but something went wrong when I was creating my account and I cldn't get it to work and finally I said, screw it.

SnowAngel:

ANYway, after the lavalier rant, she told us that she'd gotten complaints from various frat guys about how “boring and lame” we are. wtf????

SnowAngel:

I am many things, but I am NOT boring or lame!

SnowAngel:

but Tandy was like, “lesson one, bitches: if frats don't like the fucking boring pledges they invite to parties, then they stop liking the sororities they belong to. y'all are making the rest of us look bad, so stop sucking ass and man up, you twats.”

SnowAngel:

she really did use that word. I'm not kidding!

SnowAngel:

she also asked if we were fucking brain damaged.

SnowAngel:

the only thing that made Tandy's rant bearable was Anna, my best pledge-buddy. I
Anna. she kept making spit bubbles when Tandy wasn't looking, hee hee hee. and when I say spit bubbles, I mean real, live spit bubbles, not drool.

SnowAngel:

I have no idea how she does it, but she can make teeny-tiny little bubbles leave her lips and float thru the air.

SnowAngel:

amazebubbles!!!!

SnowAngel:

well, yeah, blah blah blah. when we were finally
allowed to leave, Anna and I went to Shakes Alive and talked about how cray-cray Tandy is and also about how cray-cray being in a sorority is, period. it's not all bad, and there are excellent parts as well as sucky parts, but I'm starting to wonder if it's going to be sorority-ever-after for me after all.

SnowAngel:

Anna is too.

SnowAngel:

oh, and Anna is super-cute, only I told her how she'd look even cuter if she used a slightly less red shade of lipgloss and swept her bangs to the side. (for the record, I ASKED if she wanted my extremely gentle tips, and she said yes, so stop thinking whatever you're thinking unless it's that I'm so awesome.)

SnowAngel:

I also taught her the half-tuck, cuz she has a great body and shld show it off. and I'm gonna take her shopping for jeans, cuz the ones she has are fine but cld be so much better.

SnowAngel:

so yeah, that's me. *blows invisible fashion-fairy dust off fingernails* adios, amigas!

SnowAngel:

hee hee

SnowAngel:

you know I was just being funny

zoegirl:

well, joke's on you, cuz I not only got out of bed but also went for a jog. a *jog* jog, as in sneakers and huffing and puffing and making my feet move me from one place to another. it sucked, and I hated it, but now that it's over, I feel better than I've felt in forever.

SnowAngel:

dude! dudette! you so beamin'!

SnowAngel:

is it like a runner's high?

zoegirl:

I don't know. maybe. I told myself I would jog the entire trail that loops around the campus (it's a mile and a half), and I didn't let myself stop even when I wanted to.

zoegirl:

and I really wanted to.

SnowAngel:

I'm so proud of you! taking a mile-and-a-half jog sounds terrible and horrible, but yay, you!

zoegirl:

I had a mantra that I repeated as I ran. it was “screw Doug. screw Doug. screw Doug.” and maybe it was sort of like therapy, because a) it felt good to get those bad feelings out, and b) I was so spent afterward that I didn't have enough energy left to be depressed.

SnowAngel:

look at you go, girl! you have just earned five gold stars!

zoegirl:

I still miss him, though. I'm mad at him and I hate him (and I definitely hate Canyon!), but I miss him too.

SnowAngel:

but you don't miss Canyon.

zoegirl:

ha

zoegirl:

no, I don't miss Canyon. that made me snort.

zoegirl:

hey—what the hell is a half-tuck?

SnowAngel:

like what I taught Anna to do? you tuck in half of your shirt, like from your belly button to your hip, and you leave the rest hanging out. that way it shows that you still have a waist, but you don't look like the kind of person who tucks her shirts in on purpose.

SnowAngel:

casual + sexy, see?

zoegirl:

ahhhhh. will keep that in mind.

zoegirl:

I'm stinky from my run so I'm going to take a shower.

SnowAngel:

kk. and again: you rock, girlfriend!

SnowAngel:

what happened to taking a shower?

zoegirl:

waiting in hall. I forgot that there's always a Sunday morning shower line. *facepalm*

SnowAngel:

cuz of all the Saturday night partying. boom!

zoegirl:

do you ever wonder if Maddie is as close as she says she is to Zara and her friends from high school?

SnowAngel:

the Esbees? um . . . no.

SnowAngel:

do u?

zoegirl:

check out Maddie's Instagram if you haven't lately. I went to her profile and clicked to see who she was following, and one of the people was “themarkofzara.”

SnowAngel:

I don't get it

zoegirl:

the mark of Zara. like the “Mark of Zorro”?

SnowAngel:

still don't get it

zoegirl:

doesn't matter. so I started following Zara, and guess what? she's posted TONS of pictures, but Maddie doesn't show up in a single one.

SnowAngel:

hmm

SnowAngel:

is that weird? I'm thinking about it, and I can't decide. I mean, I post tons of pics, but they're not all of my new UGA buds.

zoegirl:

Angela, yes they are. omigod. the ONLY pictures you post are sorority pics and party pics and drunkish party-outfit-posing pics.

SnowAngel:

not true!

SnowAngel:

maybe true.

SnowAngel:

ok, true, except don't forget my derpy puppies in a basket picture.

zoegirl:

I asked Maddie about it, and she said she just doesn't like having her picture taken.

SnowAngel:

she doesn't. remember her whole curl-up-in-a-ball/ hide-her-face-with-her-hands phase when either of us tried to take her pic?

zoegirl:

but she grew out of that phase

SnowAngel:

well, I don't know, then. I guess she grew back in.