Yolo (25 page)

SnowAngel:

this is going to sound mean, and maybe it is, but she's put on *more* than fifteen pounds, and from the looks of it, the extra weight all ended up on her face.

SnowAngel:

she's like . . . round. like she got stung by a bee. LOTS of bees.

SnowAngel:

I can't even make fun of her cuz I feel sorry for her. remember in high school how we said that one day she'd have no friends cuz she's so awful and treats ppl so badly?

SnowAngel:

I wonder if that's happened now that she's at college without her posse. like, maybe she's eating out of loneliness?

SnowAngel:

her tweets are weird too.

SnowAngel:

like one was “bring out your dead.” what the . . . ?

SnowAngel:

another was “I almost cut myself today,” with a pic of the underside of her arm.

SnowAngel:

I guess it's a Halloween thing, but it's dumb and creepy and . . . and NEEDY. like she wants everyone to feel sorry for her cuz she “almost” cut herself.

SnowAngel:

I mean, maybe she was saying, “oops, I was slicing a bagel and I almost cut myself by accident,” but it didn't seem like it, cuz she attached a pic of the underside of her arm.

SnowAngel:

*shakes it off*

SnowAngel:

anyway . . . I'm so glad I have both of you. that's all.

mad maddie:

walk-through or wheel-through? as in WHEELchairs. get it? get it?

zoegirl:

*disapproving stare*

mad maddie:

oh, plz. was funny.

mad maddie:

if I were in a wheelchair, I'd want ppl to make jokes (if they were funny). I'd wanna be treated the same as anyone else, not as if I were some fragile flower.

zoegirl:

but they're not all in wheelchairs. some are on crutches, some are amputees, some have prostheses.

mad maddie:

when you say “amputee,” does that mean that some of them are missing a leg? yikes. on the day of the competition, I sure hope they don't get off on the wrong foot!

zoegirl:

Maddie!

mad maddie:

if you can't laugh, you might as well be dead.

zoegirl:

why are we talking about this? how did this happen?

mad maddie:

because you want to feel sorry for mopey ppl. I want to tell mopers to STOP being sad, cuz what good does it do?

mad maddie:

if I'm feeling depressed, I say, “oh, shut up, self. it's not like you lost a leg, so quit yer whining and grow up, loser.”

zoegirl:

but you're not a loser

zoegirl:

and Mads, are you feeling depressed?

mad maddie:

no

zoegirl:

then why did you say that?

mad maddie:

dude, I say all sorts of things. and yes, I sometimes wonder if life has any meaning. don't you?

zoegirl:

all right, rewind.

zoegirl:

but I know what it feels like to be depressed. you can tell me if you are, Mads.

mad maddie:

I'm not depressed. I'm just a nihilist. I'm in a what's-the-point mode.

zoegirl:

the point is . . .

zoegirl:

the point is that life is so beautiful, even with the depressing parts thrown in. if you were here, if you saw these kids zooming around the gym, laughing and grinning and throwing balls at each other, no way would you say you're a nihilist.

mad maddie:

all right, I'm not a nihilist. healed!

zoegirl:

you're not telling me something. what are you not telling me?

zoegirl:

ok, no answer.

zoegirl:

do Zara and the Esbees know how you're feeling?

mad maddie:

what? no.

mad maddie:

they don't even know what the word “nihilist” means.

mad maddie:

well, actually I'm pretty sure they do. but they're into DOING stuff, you know? and they're fine with me hanging out with them, but holding my hand and patting my back wldn't exactly be their thing.

zoegirl:

but they're your friends! if you're depressed, wouldn't they want to know?

mad maddie:

to which I say: SINCE they're my friends, I refuse to bug them with it.

mad maddie:

everything is golden, Zoe. seriously. just last night we came THIS CLOSE to flying to Vegas for a midweek let's-be-crazy fling.

zoegirl:

you did not

mad maddie:

yeah, we actually did. me, Zara, Nekkid Neesa, and this guy Neesa's going out with named Leon.

zoegirl:

Maddie, you are full of it. this time you really are making this up, aren't you? to make fun of me?

mad maddie:

um, if I wanted to make fun of you—which I don't—I think I'd do it by making fun of you.

mad maddie:

you said you're worried I'm depressed. I said I'm not. I'm now giving proof, all right?

zoegirl:

you also said you're a nihilist. like, ten seconds ago. and now everything's “golden”?

mad maddie:

we rented a Zipcar and Zara drove us to the airport and we got all the way to the ticket counter before Leon remembered that he was terrified of flying. Zara said she'd just give him some anti-anxiety meds, but then she realized she didn't have any.

zoegirl:

Maddie?

mad maddie:

yes?

zoegirl:

nvm. they're calling me over to time the wheelchair race. mwah!

SnowAngel:

I thought CA was the Land of Sunshine.

mad maddie:

exactamundo. where's my vitamin D?

mad maddie:

so have you lost that weight yet?

SnowAngel:

*gives Maddie the finger*

mad maddie:

ooo, a finger! yay! already got ten of them, tho, so I'm tossing it back atcha.

SnowAngel:

you, go stand in the corner.

mad maddie:

what? why? I'm just being a supportive friend by asking how the Fatty Patty problem is going.

SnowAngel:

stop it, Maddie. yr being mean.

mad maddie:

omg, I teased Zoe and she got all huffy too. such drama queens.

SnowAngel:

*gazes at friend reproachfully*

mad maddie:

fine. I take back the Fatty Patty remark. GEEZ.

SnowAngel:

I *was* going to tell you something really sweet that Reid did, but I'm no longer in the mood. call me later, when you're back to being yourself!

zoegirl:

are you serious?

zoegirl:

what is going on with her?

SnowAngel:

wish I knew. she blamed it on us, said we're drama queens.

zoegirl:

maybe she's having a bad day. or a bad week. there's something up with her for sure, but every time I try to call her on it, she finds a way to duck the question.

SnowAngel:

if something's wrong, why won't she tell us about it? why won't she let us be a shoulder for her to cry on?

zoegirl:

um, because Maddie doesn't cry?

SnowAngel:

but that's stupid.

SnowAngel:

she prolly thinks she's “being strong.” but it doesn't count if it makes her mean.

zoegirl:

she's not truly mean, though. not deep down.

SnowAngel:

whatever

SnowAngel:

wanna hear something super-sweet that Reid did?

zoegirl:

absolutely!

SnowAngel:

he knows I haven't been feeling so great about myself, and UNLIKE Maddie, he wanted to help me feel better. so he came to my room and we watched “Juno” on his laptop. remember that movie?

zoegirl:

about the girl who gets pregnant in high school? I thought it was great, but you said it was too indie for yr taste.

SnowAngel:

did I?

zoegirl:

you also said that looking at the boyfriend character burned your retinas because he was so dorky.

zoegirl:

Michael Cera! yes! I can't believe I called his name up!

SnowAngel:

excuse me, but those track shorts? his skinny pale thighs? that horrible sweatband . . . ?

SnowAngel:

doesn't matter, tho, cuz he was a good guy. somehow I missed that the first time I saw the movie.

zoegirl:

or maybe you've changed since the first time you saw the movie. maybe you've learned that dorky boys—cough cough Reid cough cough—aren't as bad as you thought.

SnowAngel:

for the record, Reid is waaaaay cuter than the Michael Cera character whose name I can't remember.

zoegirl:

oh, is he, now?

SnowAngel:

ignoring!

SnowAngel:

do you remember when Juno asks her dad if love is even possible, and if so, if it can last?

zoegirl:

ha. I've wondered that myself.

SnowAngel:

oh shit, Zoe. *facepalm*

SnowAngel:

was not talking about Doug, I swear. did NOT mean to bring up bad memories.

zoegirl:

I know. it's fine. go on.

SnowAngel:

well, Juno's dad is all grizzled and rough around the edges. NOT touchy-feely at all.

SnowAngel:

but he gives Juno an honest answer. he says, “The best thing you can do is find someone who loves you when you're pretty, when you're ugly, when you're mad, when you're happy. Someone who, no matter what, is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.”

zoegirl:

aw. it's not the way I would have put it, but . . . yeah.

SnowAngel:

and then Reid paused the movie, looked straight at me, and said, “Ok, Angela? Ok?”

zoegirl:

oh my god. was he saying he LOVES you?

SnowAngel:

no!!!!

SnowAngel:

he was saying that fifteen pounds doesn't mean anything. that it doesn't change who I really am.

zoegirl:

he was saying more than that, Angela. and he has excellent taste. you're awesome.

SnowAngel:

*plugs ears* la la la can't hear u la la la

zoegirl:

do you like him back? I'm not suggesting you're in love with him, but you talk about him A LOT. to me it seems like you think of him as more than just a friend.

SnowAngel:

Zoe, some of my Zeta sisters saw Reid and me at Shakes Alive. they saw Reid, they looked at Reid, and then they looked very deliberately at me. they made it clear, the next time I was at the Zeta house, that Reid was not boyfriend material.

zoegirl:

how did they do that?

SnowAngel:

by saying, and I quote, “Angie, darlin', your friend is a doll, but you do know that he's not boyfriend material for an Alpha Zeta . . .”

SnowAngel:

pretty hard to misinterpret, wldn't you say?

zoegirl:

but . . . ick! that is wrong on so many levels!

SnowAngel:

*shrugs*

zoegirl:

do they really call you Angie?

SnowAngel:

sometimes

zoegirl:

do they really call you darlin'???

SnowAngel:

darlin' or slut, depending on the situation.

SnowAngel:

but not just me. everyone's either a darling or a slut.

zoegirl:

BUT ANGELA. you wouldn't honestly let your sorority sisters, or anyone else, tell you who you could go out with, would you?

zoegirl:

and *do* you like Reid in the going-out-with way???

SnowAngel:

argggh

SnowAngel:

he's my best UGA friend, other than Anna. we see each other every day. he makes me laugh, and he cheers me up when I'm feeling down.

zoegirl:

he goes on late-night donut runs for you . . .

SnowAngel:

he goes on late-night donut runs for me . . .

SnowAngel:

but do I *like* him like him?

SnowAngel:

zoegirl:

if you can't flat-out say no, that itself says something.

SnowAngel:

sighhhhhhh

zoegirl:

all right, try this. if you were going on a two-day car trip with someone, would you rather go with Reid or your sorority sisters?

SnowAngel:

there are over 300 Zetas, Zoe. 300 Zetas plus me wld not fit in a car.

zoegirl:

hardy hardy har

zoegirl:

in that case, would you rather go on a car trip with Anna or with Reid?

SnowAngel:

where are we going?

SnowAngel:

also, that's not fair. that's asking me to choose b/w two friends, not b/w a friend and a sorority sister.

zoegirl:

so your sorority sisters aren't your friends . . . ?

SnowAngel:

*strangles Zoe*

SnowAngel:

enough, you annoying person! you've made your point!

zoegirl:

good!

zoegirl:

what point?

SnowAngel:

I don't know, except that initiation is in two weeks. that's when I go from being a pledge to being a full-fledged sister, so . . .

SnowAngel:

do I go thru with it or not?

zoegirl:

God, don't ask me!