Yolo (34 page)

zoegirl:

twenty of my closest friends?

zoegirl:

ok, two of my closest friends (at least here at Kenyon) (Holly and Gannon) and eighteen random people.

zoegirl:

but I did it, and everyone applauded, and I'm so giddy, I feel like spinning around in circles!

mad maddie:

u go, girl!

zoegirl:

GUESS WHO JUST CALLED ME????? out of the blue! saying he MISSED me and had made a huge mistake and was just confused about life and lonely and didn't know what he was doing?????

SnowAngel:

no!

SnowAngel:

no.

SnowAngel:

NO.

mad maddie:

did he mention Canyon?

zoegirl:

I saw his name pop up on my phone and my heart STOPPED.

zoegirl:

I almost didn't answer. my body did that hot-cold-hot-cold thing and my knees went wobbly. I mean, it was just DOUG, but the Doug I knew seems so far away from the Doug who exists now.

SnowAngel:

what did he say? was it good or bad?

zoegirl:

it was confusing. not good or bad, but definitely confusing.

mad maddie:

explain

zoegirl:

sigh

zoegirl:

it was painful to hear his voice. painful to realize for sure (and the way I realized for sure is because my body told me) that I didn't want to get back together with him, although that's ALL I wanted when he first broke up with me.

mad maddie:

so what changed b/w then and now?

zoegirl:

oh, you know. everything. Holly and Gannon and going running every morning. being brave and reading aloud at the coffeehouse.

zoegirl:

I'm happy, or at least happyish.

zoegirl:

no—I really am happy, and *this* is my life now. the thought of slipping back into loving someone but never seeing him, not truly knowing what HIS life is like, not truly being part of his life . . .

SnowAngel:

you wld have felt like you were regressing

zoegirl:

exactly. but this is DOUG we're talking about.

zoegirl:

the whole thing played with my mind.

mad maddie:

what about Doug? is he doing ok?

zoegirl:

yeah, I guess. he didn't fall apart and start sobbing or anything.

zoegirl:

he wants to get together over Thanksgiving break, just to hang out.

SnowAngel:

and?

zoegirl:

and I said sure—but as friends. but I didn't say the “friends” part out loud because it would have sounded so cliche.

zoegirl:

so if a hanging-out situation comes up, y'all are coming with me, k?

SnowAngel:

of course!

SnowAngel:

*hugs Zoe from across the space-time continuum*

SnowAngel:

I think you handled it really well, babes.

mad maddie:

true dat. our little Zoe's growing up.

SnowAngel:

m.

SnowAngel:

g.

SnowAngel:

Zoe's life has become nutso. yesterday Doug called her, right? well, guess who called her *today*?

SnowAngel:

Canyon! the girl who lives on his hall!

SnowAngel:

she SAID she was calling cuz Doug's her friend and she cares about him and hates to see him sad. she SAID she really hoped Zoe wld give him another chance.

SnowAngel:

but doesn't that sound almost fake-nice? fake-concerned?

SnowAngel:

if she's that worried, she shld just comfort Doug herself.

SnowAngel:

or maybe she did, at one point, AND THEN SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM! and that's why he called Zoe!

SnowAngel:

but Zo didn't answer. Canyon left a message, and Zo isn't planning on calling her back.

SnowAngel:

COLLEGE IS SO WEIRD!!!!

mad maddie:

happy Monday!

mad maddie:

tick tick, tock tock, Thanksgiving break's just around the clock . . .

mad maddie:

I can't wait!

mad maddie:

happy Tuesday!

mad maddie:

where are y'all, ya big lugs? yr not, like, studying or sumpin, are ya?

mad maddie:

well, whatevs. call me. text me. send me some of that good ol' winsome threesome loving!

mad maddie:

until then . . . happy Tuesday!

zoegirl:

maybe I'm overreacting. I don't know. but I need to talk, and neither of you are answering your phones.

zoegirl:

call me!!!!