Without You (5 page)

I didn’t see Evan right away. Not for lack of trying. I’d been surveying every inch of the house I could once I walked in the door, but he was definitely not there. Not in eyesight anyway.

“Pack it in, pack it in, take a seat on the sectional. Luke and I will be right back. We’re going to get the supplies.” Genna and her fiancé made a beeline for their office while the rest of us did as we were told.

“Hey, Maddy,” Rebecca and Melissa said. “It’s good to see you again.” Genna’s twin sisters leaned in to give me a hug as they spoke in unison. They always had this weird gift of saying the same thing at the same time. It was as if their thoughts were synchronized.

“Good to see you too,” I responded. They were four years younger than us, but miles ahead in the family department. Both were married and each of them had two kids. Their husbands, Matthew and Steven, said hello too and I gave each of them a quick hug as well. “How are the kids?” I asked, while we all sat down.

Melissa started to say something, but she was interrupted when Luke and Genna came back with boxes full of stuff. It sounded like bottles clanging together when Luke dropped one on the floor next to the large coffee table.

“Where do you want this one?” The voice coming from behind me sent tingles zipping from my head to my toes. Instantly, my heart rate picked up the pace and I had to remind myself to breathe.

“Drop it right here,” Genna told him, pointing to where she and Luke had left theirs. “And take a seat.” She gestured to the empty space next to me. She had to be kidding me.

Evan did as he was told and sat right next to me. If either one of us shifted one bit, our legs would have brushed against each other and I swear if that happened, I might have burst into flames. “Hi, Sunshine.”

The nickname had me whipping my head toward him with confusion. My throat closed and I lost my breath. He called me Sunshine. He
was
trying to kill me. He really was. “I... uh... Hello, Evan.” I finally squeezed the words out and suddenly the room got about a hundred degrees warmer.

“So this is the plan.” Genna began to dish out instructions. I could have kissed her for throwing a distraction our way. She went on to explain that she and her man were giving away miniature-sized bottles of booze at their reception. They wanted each of us to write messages on heart-shaped die-cuts that had their names and wedding date pre-printed on them. “Like this,” she said, holding up a ribbon-donned cutout that said,
“I’m plastered with passion
.”

“Only my sister,” Rebecca said, shaking her head, which got a brief chuckle out of each of us.

“What does yours say?” Matthew asked Luke.

He held up a little bottle of Jim Beam Whiskey. “I’m boozed by your boobs.”

“Nice,” Steven said, holding up his hand for a high five.

To this, Genna squished her breasts together and shook them in the direction of her groom. “See, you can be as silly, serious, or downright naughty as you want. This is a small wedding with adults only so let it rip.” She gave each of us a stack of hearts, an array of Sharpies in a variety of colors, and a book to use to write on. “Just grab a bottle of your choice, write something, tie it on, and then pass it back to Luke so he can put them in the storage boxes.”

“Sounds easy enough,” I said. “Let’s do this.” The faster we wrote messages, the faster we could leave. And the faster I could get away from Evan. And the sexy scent of his cologne.

“Wait, I forgot something,” Genna said, holding up her hands. “Luke.” She held out her hands to him and he gave her a few bottles. They tossed each of us one and she said, “Let’s do a shot first. It will get the creative juices flowing.” Her sisters let out a whoop and started twisting the caps off their drinks. Rebecca had Hypnotiq and Melissa, Amaretto. Their husbands landed bottles of Jager.

I glanced down at the little bottle in my palm: Patron. That would get the juices flowing; that’s for sure.

“Cheers,” the crazy couple called out.

We all moved around to bump our bottles together. When Evan clinked his bottle of Captain Morgan against my tequila, our fingers brushed up against each other. That brief touch had me feeling more than it ever should.
Shit
. It reminded me of the first time he held my hand. It was at a movie theater of all places.

If his fans only knew that he wasn’t always so smooth, it would have ruined his image. The man was sex on a stick as long as he was signing, had a guitar in his hands, or sitting at a piano bench. Strip him of his music and he was a bumbling fool when we were young.

We had gone to see a flick with a group of friends and we ended up sitting next to each other. Genna set the whole thing up to make sure we did. I left my hand on the armrest from the time we sat down to make it easy for him to take hold, but he didn’t. Every once in a while, he’d move around, pulling on his pant leg or leaning from one side to the other. A few times, I caught him raise his hand to just above mine, but no dice.

Finally, Genna had had enough.

“For the love of Pearl Jam, Evan James, would you please hold the woman’s hand before I cut off your balls and put them in my purse. Stop being such a girl and man up.” She leaned over me, grabbed his hand from his thigh and placed it on top of mine. “There.” She waved us off with a flick of her wrist. “You’re welcome.”

Genna rested back into her seat and sat forward, her focus back on the big screen.

Turning my face towards Evan’s, his eyes met mine. I shrugged with a slight giggle. My friend was absolutely insane. He looked over at me and gave me his trademark grin and winked. Then, he took my hand in his and brought it to his mouth. He kissed the back of my hand with his sweet lips, and from that point on, I melted to his touch.

And apparently, I still did.

Constant chatter could be heard from the sisters as we all worked on writing goofy sayings on the heart cutouts. The chatter got louder with every taste test of each of the bottles.

We were on our fourth shot when Evan nudged me gently with his elbow. “It was quite the surprise to see you at the bar, Sunshine.”

I grabbed another Patron from the table and took a swig. “Tell me about it.”

“It was nice to see you,” he said in a hushed tone, playfully nudging me again.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and he was smiling, giving me that grin. The song played in my head, the melody of the piano sang to me.
Without you
.

God, I had never wanted to be without him.

“What did you think of the show?” he asked, scrawling out a note on one of the cards.

“It was nice,” I told him. “There was quite a bit of talent. I like hearing the different genres of music.”

“Okay,” he said, drawing out the word. “Well, what did you think of my song?” He snuck a glance in my direction. I tried not to notice.

“It was nice,” I repeated.

“Nice?” he responded as if it was a question.

What did he expect me to say? That it was amazing? That it was the best performance I’d ever seen? That his words meant more to me than they ever had before, but that I was not prepared to take them to heart? How could I tell him that?

“It reminded me of some of your earlier gigs.” Which was true. When we were young, I loved watching him sing his heart out. He was always so real, so in tune with the music that you could hear his spirit.

“It felt like it.” I tried to sneak a look at what he was writing, but I couldn’t make it out. “It was a new song.”

I tapped my pen on the book, trying to think of something new to write. But, I didn’t respond to him this time.

“What do you think of this one?” he asked, passing me a bottle of Jager.
You’re the bomb!

I cracked up. “Good one.” I passed him one of mine, a Jose Cuervo that read, “
I’m drunk on your love
.”

“Nice. Check this one out.”
You’ve got me HUNGupOVER you
.

“Cute.” We went back and forth for a while, sharing our sayings that we found funny but Genna’s guests would probably think were lame. But, who cared. I was having fun. I was surprised by the easy banter flowing back and forth between Evan and me. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought we would be sitting back at our friend’s house, taking shots, talking and having a good time. It was surreal actually. I kept waiting to wake up in my bed, realizing it was all just my imagination.

Another shot later, I was feeling a little freer with Evan. Not using good judgment, I decided to pass him one I thought was really funny. “This one is for you,” I told him, giving him the Fireball. “You’re still HOT!” Blame it on the liquor, like Jamie Fox said. I couldn’t help it. It begged to be said.

“You think so?” he asked, a brow raised in amusement.

“Maybe.”

A few minutes later, Evan passed me a mini of Malibu Rum with a note tied to it. “This one’s for you,” he told me. I turned the heart around to read, “
I’m still NUTS over you
.”

The card appeared blurry through my tear-filled eyes. I read it again and again, as my breath caught in my throat. Maybe this game wasn’t so fun after all. I wasn’t ready for it. Not at all.

I quickly swiped the knuckle of my index finger across my eye and got to my feet. “I’ll be back.”

––––––––

E
VAN

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F
uck. I pushed too soon. We were having such a good time, talking just like the others. If you didn’t know us, or our past, you would have thought we were a couple too. Or at least good friends. But I had to go and ruin it.

“Good job, slick,” Luke told me, slapping me on the back. “What the hell did you say?”

I showed him the two bottles we made for each other. Genna snatched them out of his hands and read the messages.

“Dumbass. It’s too soon for this kind of crap. She was flirting with you, not professing her love. You were supposed to flirt back. I can’t believe you write such beautiful love songs, because you don’t know shit about women.” Nothing like a true friend to be so brutally honest.

Genna stomped off down the hallway, talking to herself and waving her hands in the air.

Luke and I watched in silence as she disappeared from sight in the same direction Maddy fled.

“It felt like a good idea at the time.” I buried my face in my hands. I must have looked like an ass in front of Genna’s family, but it wasn’t like they didn’t know the situation. I couldn’t worry myself with their opinions in that moment anyway. I was more concerned about Maddy.

“Just slow down, bro.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I know what you’re up to and the time will come. You need to ease yourself back into her life. It’s not going to happen overnight.”

Yeah. I got it. It didn’t make me feel any better though. I’d been dying to touch her all night. The casual bumps of our elbows had just about set my body on fire. When her fingers brushed against mine, I wanted to take her hand in mine and press my lips to the inside of her tiny wrist, watching the pink spread from the hollow of her neck up to her cheeks. That sensitive spot turned her on, letting her know it was just the beginning of my feast on her. She loved it and so did I. Just the thought alone had my senses filling with memories of her sweet scent and luscious curves.

Slowing down was going to be difficult when I had to see her often during the next four weeks. We had only been in the same room for a little over an hour and I already had to fight back the urge to pounce on her. To get down on my knees and beg her forgiveness. To do all the things I said I would do in the song. Never take her for granted again. Pay attention to the little things that made her smile. But most of all, give her my time, my undivided attention so that she knew she was worth it. That she was all that mattered. I’d give up my career in a heartbeat just to have her back with me. My music was meaningless without her by my side.

If my friends in the business heard me say that, they’d probably laugh at me. The guys would ask me when I chopped off my balls and grew a vagina. Call me a pussy all you want, I just needed my girl back in my life.

The sound of Maddy’s voice hit me hard in the chest. I looked over my shoulder at the hallway where she was walking toward the rest of us. Her eyelids were red and her nose was pink. It killed me to know that I had done that to her. She was smiling, laughing, and enjoying herself, and with one wrong move on my part, I made her cry. I hoped she knew I had no intention of hurting her. I had already done enough of that in the past. I wanted it to be different.

Maddy lowered herself down to sit beside me. Surprisingly, she patted my knee and leaned in close. Her touch jolted my body to full alert, and my hands itched to touch her back, to feel her silky soft skin against my palms. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to go home and slit my wrists or anything. Seeing you and being this close to you is just going to take some time to get used to.”

The close proximity had me so dazed I could barely breathe, much less think. I couldn’t stop myself from closing the distance between us even more. My nose found its way through her long, wavy hair. She smelled so delicious, like fresh strawberries and whipped cream. Nuzzled close to her ear, my lips fluttered against her lobe as I whispered, “I’ll never get used to it. Being next to you is like a dream that I never want to wake up from.”

Before she could say anything else or move away from me, I stood up and rushed toward the kitchen. I knew I shouldn’t have said that, but I was never one to hold back my feelings. I had been telling Maddy how I felt since I was sixteen years old. Nothing was going to change that now.

Fleeting thoughts kept bouncing back and forth in my head. My heart thumped ferociously in my chest as I thought about what I just said and how it might have affected her. I wondered what she was thinking, how she felt. And then, I thought about Genna’s earlier remarks. And how Luke told me to slow it down. Fuck.

Then, I thought about our past. We were made for each other. She had been my girlfriend for so long. We may have been young, but I knew I made her happy. Up until I got signed anyway. I would’ve had to be a fool not to see how my music got in the way of our happiness.