Without You (2 page)

A long sigh escaped from my mouth before I could reply. “The guy who just finished singing.”

“The last one?”

“Yes. The last one.”

Michael yanked on the steering wheel, taking the next exit off the freeway and pulled to a screeching halt in the parking lot of a Taco Bell. “Evan James is your ex-boyfriend?”

Staring out of the passenger side window, I nodded slowly. “Yes.”

“You never said your ex was Evan James.” His voice raised a few notches.

“You never asked his name. I told you he was a musician.”

“A musician, Madison. A musician. You never said you dated a Grammy-winning, Billboard-chart-topping, world-touring superstar.” He scrubbed his hand over his face, huffing dramatically as if I’d kept some deep dark secret from him—like a five-year-old kid, or worse, a sexually transmitted disease. “Evan James. That guy is like this generation’s Frank Sinatra and Kurt Cobain all rolled into one. I can’t believe this.”

I couldn’t believe it either. I wasn’t sure if Michael was upset that my ex was a celebrity or if was bummed Evan wasn’t his own ex-best friend.

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W
hen Michael parked in front of my house, I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. I whipped my seatbelt off as soon as I pushed the release button, and out I went, hardly murmuring a goodbye to my long-time boyfriend, let alone an invitation to come in as he expected. He had usually stayed, but tonight was out of the question. My stomach was in knots, my head was pounding and I could not get those lyrics out of my head. Nor could I stop hearing the sexy rumble of Evan’s voice doing things to my insides that they should no longer be able to do. I was a wreck and it was all Evan’s fault. Again.

Michael had attempted to get my attention, but gave up after five minutes. He knew I was stubborn and wouldn’t want to cause a scene in front of my house. Luckily, he didn’t press the issue or I would have put up a fight. My life as I knew it just got turned upside down, and whether it was unlike me or not, I really didn’t care if my neighbors heard me telling my boyfriend to take a hike.

I slammed my front door shut behind me, went straight to my bedroom and into my closet, kicking off my heels along the way. I stood in the small walk-in and shimmied out of my dress after managing to pull down the zipper that spanned the length of my back. When I put on the red dress that evening, I imagined coming home with Michael and allowing him to rid me of the gorgeous number that fit me like a glove. Now, all I could think of was flannel pajamas. Even I couldn’t have sexy thoughts in granny jammies. And sexual fantasies should have been the furthest thing from my mind at that moment. I had just seen my ex-boyfriend for the first time in years. I shouldn’t be affected at all.

But, oh, I definitely was.

I knew Evan well enough to know that that song meant something to him. Unlike many artists, when he wrote, he lived, breathed, and felt every word that made it from his thoughts to paper. He was rarely concerned about writing the next biggest hit. But what he didn’t realize was that all his songs were hits because they came straight from his heart. Whether the inspiration came from his own love or heartbreak, or a couple walking in a park, his songs came from some place deep inside him and his listeners couldn’t help but take notice. Couldn’t help but be riveted. Once he started singing, you didn’t stand a chance. He hypnotized you with his voice, his expression, and every note played from the keystrokes of the piano or from the pluck of the strings of his guitar. Everything about his music tugged at your heart. As soon as he opened his mouth, you were a total goner.

And hell, my reaction wasn’t any different. Again.

* * * * *

W
hen I woke the next morning, my eyes stung from lack of sleep. I was restless most of the night, tossing and turning, getting tangled in my sheets. After a few hours, I had to go into the bathroom and raid my medicine cabinet for something to help me snooze. I settled on a shot of Nyquil, which had done the trick in no time at all. I only wished I would have remembered to turn off my alarm first so I could have slept off the drug, but I didn’t. The alarm sounded and I was awake. Immediately, my mind jumped into overdrive.

What was that line again?
Something about swaying slowly in the moonlight and holding me tight? On our wedding night? Something like that. Why didn’t he think of that before? Hindsight is a bitch, that’s for sure. Everything he sang the previous night made me melt, even though I knew better. But damn, that man had me as putty in his hands the moment he opened his mouth, from the second he started playing the piano.

There was always something sweet and sexy about his fingers gliding across the keys, the way his eyes would close as he felt the music. And that was just when he played the piano. Evan could play the guitar and the saxophone, too. Just the thought of his strong skillful hands, and how they had played me with the same passion as he would an instrument, had me clinching my thighs together. Again. He was a one-man band. A very hot, one-man band.

One that had left me. I couldn’t forget that. I hadn’t forgotten that.

I took my time showering, taking pleasure in massaging my aching head as I shampooed and conditioned my hair. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Evan.

We met in high school. He was a sophomore when I was a freshman. I didn’t pay much attention to him. I thought he was weird, wearing combat boots and Buddy Holly glasses. To me, he was trying too hard to be different. The cool guy with the guitar strapped on his back and a beanie covering his messy hair.

That was until he read a poem in our creative writing class. It was about a flower blossoming. A daisy to be exact. He compared it to puppy love...cute, sweet, and innocent. He looked at me the whole time he was reading it aloud, standing in front of the class with an old school composition book in his hands. His gaze never left mine and I couldn’t look away if I had tried. I was hooked, addicted to the soft melody of his voice, the intensity in his eyes, and if possible, so quickly, his soul. If that was what puppy love was, I wanted it.

“Did you like it?” he had asked me, when he slid back into his desk chair right next to me. Before then, he had never spoken a word to me, so it caught me off guard. I was in ninth grade; boys did not talk to me. Especially older ones.

But he did. And he had asked me a question and I had no idea how to answer.

“Yes. I did. It was sweet.”

“Like you, Sunshine.” He had smiled at me. It was the first time I witnessed that grin and if he hadn’t wanted my heart, it didn’t matter. It was his for the taking; all he had to do was ask. “Sweet and innocent, just like a daisy in the sunshine. You brighten the room.”

I remembered feeling uncomfortable, not knowing what to say next. So I didn’t say anything. The bell rang and I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. Before I did something stupid like tell the boy I loved him, wanted him. Impossible given I had only ever said six words to him.

That was just the beginning. I soon came to find out all about the guy in Doc Martens who didn’t go anywhere without his composition book in one hand and an instrument in another. It didn’t take me long to figure out that Evan wasn’t weird at all, he was just different. He was passionate. As I look back, he was more passionate at fifteen than most grown men I knew.

Ugh. I flopped myself down on my sofa, hoping that my hot tea might be able to do something to calm my foul mood. I didn’t want to think about Evan or our past. Our past...well, it was in the past. It was history. Something I let go of a long time ago and I had no interest in drumming up all the memories that had taken me the last three years to get over after I lost him. After he walked away.

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E
VAN

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A
fter raiding the closest convenience store, I pulled into my driveway just after midnight. I spent the rest of the evening watching Railroad Alaska, eating Snickers and Reese’s Pieces, thinking that living off the grid didn’t sound like such a bad idea right about then. I still couldn’t believe I saw her. My sunshine. My Maddy. When our eyes met, I swear my heart did a backflip and my pulse quickened to life-threatening speeds. She looked gorgeous with her long, dark brown hair flowing in loose waves at her shoulders. Her brown almond-shaped eyes sparkled back at me. I was at a loss for words, but all I wanted to do was run after her. When I got backstage, a crowd of fans had already tracked me down and I had to do what I always did. I shook hands, posed for pictures, and signed autographs. By the time I got out of there, it was too late.

She was gone.

Luke and Genna were still at their table, though. They stayed to watch the rest of the performers, knowing that I would come by to say hello. They were my friends and I planned on calling them. I always did when I came back into town. I just had a few things to work out before I did this time. The song was one of those things.

While I was happy to see them, I really wanted to talk to Luke alone. I had to know who was with Maddy. I didn’t know a thing about that guy and I already hated him. I could have punched him in the jaw if given the chance. It was no secret she was dating. My old connections always kept me up to date on the comings and goings of Madison Grey. Luke rarely mentioned her, probably held to some girl code because he was engaged to Maddy’s best friend.

We had been like the four musketeers in college. We still would have been if Maddy hadn’t pushed me away. Now, Luke and Genna were getting married and Maddy and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other in years. Conveniently, we never bumped into each other when I was back home, even though we did share the same friends.

I always thought we would’ve gotten hitched right after high school. Not for lack of trying on my part. I asked my sunshine to marry me at least once a week from the time we got together till the time we split apart. She always thought I was joking, but I was deadly serious. I loved that girl with all my heart. I still did. I would’ve married her that second if she would’ve had me.

My stomach turned, leaving a sick taste in my mouth. I probably shouldn’t have eaten so much junk food when I got home. It was as if a teenage girl jumped into my body and craved chocolate to cure my heartache. It felt good at the time, to just pig out and watch TV, but the feeling didn’t last long. I woke up feeling gross and needing Pepto.

A ringing sound broke into my thoughts and it took me a while to figure out it was the house phone.

I stood and went to the coffee table where the cordless sat since the last time I had been home months ago.

“This is Evan.”

“Mr. James, this is John at the gate. Mr. Luke Harte is here to see you.”

“Send him through.” Living in a gated community had its perks. It left little room for surprises, like people dropping in unannounced or paparazzi taking an endless amount of pictures. They got enough of those when I went out. I didn’t need photos of me in the privacy of my own home.

A few minutes later, Luke was on my doorstep.

“Hey, man.” I held out my hand and stepped into a bro hug. “It’s been too long.”

“You bet your ass.” He came inside and made his way to the great room, eyeballing my video games. “I haven’t played Madden since the last time you were here. Genna gets all crazy when it comes to video games. She says I’m addicted and she doesn’t like to be ignored.”

I laughed, thinking about Gen. She could be crazy sometimes. “Let’s play then.” Playing some PS3 sounded a lot better than staring at each other talking about my ex-girlfriend. Just saying the word ex made me want to hit something. It was a term I never thought would be associated with Maddy.

We were well into the first quarter of our football game before Luke brought up the night before. “Crazy night, huh? I still can’t believe we all ended up in the same bar.”

“I can’t either.”

“Genna thinks it was fate.” He rolled his eyes.

“She would.” The girl wasn’t even there and she had me cracking up. She was a funny one. There was no way they knew I was going to the bar. Hell, I didn’t even know until I was parked, staring at the steering wheel with the song’s melody playing in my head.

“I guess I kind of agree.” Luke, obviously distracted, said, “Look, last week, my brother called and had to back out of my wedding. His wife is on bed rest and could go into labor early, so he can’t leave town.”

Luke was nervous. He needed to say something but was stalling at that point.

“I’m sorry, bro. That has to suck. Let me know when Lisa delivers so I can send them something.”

Luke nodded. “That would be cool. I’m sure they’d appreciate it. But that’s not all.”

Noticing his worrisome tone, I asked, “What is it, dude?”

“I need your help in a big way. I have a huge favor to ask?”

My friend appeared anxious and I couldn’t understand why. He had to know I’d help him with anything in any way I could. “Done. Whatever you need.”

“I need a best man, Ev. Can you do it? My brother’s still unsure if he can make it and, well, you’re still my best friend.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “What do you say?”

A million questions ran through my mind. Most of them concerned my sunshine. Well, not mine anymore. But dammit, I’d always think of her as mine. Before I answered Luke, I paused the game and tossed the controller on the ottoman beside me. I needed time to think about how best to respond.

“As much as I’d love to, that’s one thing I don’t think I can help you with. It was going to be hard enough being a guest at your wedding, but to stand beside you while Maddy is at Genna’s side, I couldn’t do that to her.” Or to myself either, for that matter. Every wedding ceremony I had ever been to reeled through my head, and at every one, the best man and maid of honor walked back down the aisle together. They shared a toast. Sat side by side. They shared a dance even.

Wait a minute.
This might be my shot to speak to her.
The room would be filled with love, romance would linger in the air and she couldn’t possibly throw daggers at me with her eyes when we had just witnessed our best friends vow to love and honor each other for the rest of their lives. It was perfect.