Wishing on the Water (Water Series Book 1) (7 page)

When he laid me back down I was so swollen, I could feel all of him, everywhere. I felt a rapid stirring in my loins as he drove into me a little faster.

“
You are so tight and wet. You’re going to kill me.” Jax muttered as he came down to kiss my neck. I would surely wear a hickey tomorrow, but I didn’t care. I was enthralled. As he bit down lightly on my neck, I tightened down on his cock and heard his groan.

The winds picked up and rain poured in the open window onto us, as our bodies came to a climax. I clamped down even tighter on Jax and watched as he gritted his teeth and pushed harder into me. As the orgasm rumbled like the thunder and cracked like the lightning through me and into Jax.

“
Chase,” I screamed out without thinking, as Jax simultaneously shouted “Candy.” I closed my eyes as he came to a stop, in hopes he didn’t hear me call out Chase’s name. In my release, my heartache and sorrow fled with it. I could still feel my broken heart, but the ache wasn’t as bad as the guilt I now felt for saying Chase’s name. The guilt grew as added feelings about what we had just done manifested within seconds and I wanted to flee. I opened my eyes to see the hurt on Jax’s face. There was no denying he had heard me.

“
Jax…”

What was there to say? I could apologize for calling him by another man’s name. By calling him by my fiancé’s name, but I felt like that wouldn’t be enough. It suddenly felt like our friendship had just taken a turn into the twilight zone.

Jax pulled out of me and I immediately missed him. I watched without words as he grabbed his boxers and put them back on. He stood up and walked to the window and closed it. Shutting me out from my storm that still raged on outside.

“
Jax…” I spoke softly as I pulled the comforter up.

“
Get some sleep. We will talk about it in the morning.” He leaned over and gave me a kiss on my forehead. I suddenly felt all alone. My emotional dam busted, and I cried into the pillow as Jax left the room. I was broken and this time I had no one to lean on. I had done this to myself. I had broken what Jax and I had.

I let myself cry it out, and then got up and donned a black bra and underwear, and put on my over-sized Metallica hoody over my skinny jeans. I walked through the puddle and opened the window to let the storm soothe me. Then I put everything back in my suitcase and zipped it up.

I knew I had to leave, but saying goodbye would be too hard. I rummaged through his nightstand and found a piece of paper and a pen. I sat and wrote Jax a note. He deserved so much more than a letter, but I am a coward. I left the letter on the bed and stood to get my things ready. I was going to take what I could and go out the window to avoid hurting him any further.

I heard something at the door and watched as an envelope slid across the floor. I stared at the envelope across the room as if it was taunting me with more heartache. In the back of my mind I pretended Jax had written me a note, but I knew that was not what was in the envelope. My next heartache was sitting inside that 5x8 envelope that looked to be sealed with tape.

I picked it up off the floor. I read how the cover was addressed, and hugged it to my chest. It was addressed: In Case of my Death. I don’t know what was worse, the way he left and the things he had done, or the fact that the letter was dated two days before he died. I slid to the floor as my heart sunk.

This was Chase saying goodbye. I had been hurt that he died. I was furious he had not told me about Christina, but now when I hold an envelope next to me, I am empty.

When Chase died, I think he took everything I had in me with him. What little bit of me was left went with Jax when I let him inside me. I was a hollow shell of a woman left to pick herself back up and move on alone. I prepared my heart, opened the letter and began to read it.

Candice,

If you are reading this, then I wasn’t the big bad superhero I always thought I was. I never had any intention of leaving you alone in this life. I wanted you with me till the very end, and the thing is I did have you till my very end. I hope you won’t mind me looking down on you from Heaven. I know it’s supposed to be a glorious place and I will be at peace there, but my heart will still be on Earth with you.

I made so many mistakes in my life, and one of them was never trusting you with all of me. I learned I am going to have a daughter with Christina. I am sure the news is clearly devastating, considering I didn’t tell you. I never wanted anyone but you. I didn’t want a baby with Christina, but when the time came to choose I chose life; and in that, I created one.

I knew if I told you I might lose you, and I wasn’t willing to take that risk. I would have rather spent every day with you happy than to watch you in pain from the actions I took. Be angry with me, not with anyone else. I have earned your wrath, so if you want to spit on my grave, it’s okay I understand.

I am sad that I have left you, but I know you will be okay. Jaxson loves you more than life itself. You love him, too, even if you don’t see it now, you will. Give yourself time to heal I am sure he will wait for you. I couldn’t think of a better man to ask to take care of you while I am gone than one that loves you so completely. I want you and Jaxson to take care of each other as if I had never been there. Lean on each other in times of need, hold each other in times of sorrow, and laugh together in times of joy.

Don’t let my death affect you so deeply that you never move on. Don’t let my betrayal of your trust lead you down a darkened path where you stop trusting everyone. Give your dad a chance to know you. He wants to; he just doesn’t know how. Live your life like every day is your last, because when my last day came I had no regrets other than I would never be able to give you a good with the bad kiss goodbye.

I will love you forever and always,

Chase

Seven months later…

I awoke to my alarm clock going off at 5am. It was time for work. I had, once upon a time, been a best-selling author; now I was a cubical junkie for a computer company. After moving and leaving everything behind me, I needed the change. I loved my job it kept me busy and kept me entertained. The water cooler comments alone could write their own book. It was always
did you know she was doing this with …. With her…. While they… Under him… Oh, you know she liked it.
It was a regular ‘As the World Turns’ in there.

I stretched as I rolled out of bed. The time difference between east coast and west coast made it feel as though I was sleeping in every single day. I placed my perfectly pedicured toes onto the bare hardwood floor, which was always cold in the morning as I walked to the shower.

I had found a two bedroom house outside of Los Angeles. I could not deal with being in the city because the traffic was awful. I thought New York City traffic was bad. Nope, Los Angeles had it beat in spades.

I walked into the bathroom and opened the glass door to turn on the shower. I stripped out of my pajamas as I waited for the water to heat. I stared at the shadow box that held a freeze-dried four leaf clover and a red rose petal on my wall. It was all I had from home. I had it all packed sent to the dump since it was all damaged from the break in.

I had been told not to make any serious changes for one year. They say it is a time for grieving, but I was sinking and had to make some very real changes or I would have drowned. I had placed the house on the market a couple of days ago. I thought I was finally in a good place emotionally and I was in a new place where no one knew me or had any real expectations of me. I thought about Jax and missed his friendship from time to time, but I think the friendship had ended when I left. Plus, I had made friends here as well. I was working hard to forget him and that part of my life.

I stepped into the shower and began to wash my hair when I heard the phone ring. A familiar tune that meant my boss, Andrew, was calling. He had been calling every morning for the last three months making sure I was up, offering to carpool, and even providing breakfast. I was quickly growing to love my boss. He was the temporary replacement after my boss was killed in a hit and run, so I worried he would be transferred out any day.

I had never had a boss that saw me every day before, but if everyone’s boss was this great I do not see why anyone complained. Andrew was the best. It was a thirty minute ride just to get into the city, so four of us met every morning at my house and he drove us through the horrid traffic on the 405.

I finished showering and stepped out to hear a knock at my door. I quickly threw my hair up in a towel and fastened my black satin robe around me, and headed for the door. I could smell the coffee before I even opened the door and smiled. I knew it was Andrew.

“
Hi Andrew, how are you this morning?” I opened the door and asked while grabbing for the bag to see what delicious treat I was getting today. I had a weird thought flash through my mind that I was a dog who every day she did something good she got to have a treat. I had to shake the thought from my mind.

“
Hello gorgeous, do you always answer the door wearing nothing but a robe when a man brings you food?” He spoke with laughter in his voice. His green eyes danced in the delight when he watched my excitement. He took the bag from my hands since I was fumbling to get it open.

“
What do I get today?” I asked clapping my hands like a toddler. I was so excited to be able to bond with him this way. It had nothing to do with breakfast, but more about him being a great friend. I was short a few best friends, but Andrew was climbing his way into one of those spots.

He walked past me and into my kitchen that was composed of an oven, a refrigerator, and three white bottom cabinets. I had a small pantry, but I used it to store pots and pans instead of food. I was never much of a cook, so the yellow and white kitchen, that was more Barbie-sized rather than life sized, did not bother me.

I watched as he hunted for something, and then figured out he was going to cook when I saw the carton of eggs sticking out of the bag. I went to the pantry, but the door was sticking as I was pulling. Andrew came up behind me to help as the door swung open and I plowed backward into him.

“
Are you ok?” I asked peeling myself and him up off the floor. My cheeks turned crimson with embarrassment when I realized my robe had untied itself. Although, I could have sworn I double knotted it.

“
I know I make your place look good, but do you really want me to be part of your décor so bad that you would implant me in the wall?”

He smiled at me as he took off his jacket and placed it on the card table I used for a dining room table. He un-cuffed his button down shirt and rolled up his sleeves as if to get to work. I left him to cook as I had to get ready for work. After smiling at the way he was dancing around my kitchen, I left the room to go back to the bathroom.

My long brown hair was showing curls again, and I would have to straighten it before I showed my face out in the kitchen or anywhere outside the bathroom. As I set about straightening my hair, I smelled bacon coming from the kitchen and my mouth began to water. Who did not love bacon?

I quickly finished my hair and applied minimal makeup. I walked out of the bathroom and headed straight for the closet in my bedroom. I slid open the bi-fold doors and stared ahead at my clothes. They were in color order by season and size, because I had nothing else to do in my downtime than to organize my closet. I reached out and grabbed a black pencil skirt. Then I grabbed a white button down shirt and a pair of black heels that wrapped around my ankle.

I laid the clothes out on the bed as the aroma from the kitchen was making my stomach clinch with hunger. Grabbing a black lace bra with matching panties and a garter along with a pair of thigh highs, I proceeded to get dressed.