Wishing on the Water (Water Series Book 1) (11 page)

I walked into the bedroom to see the giant king sized bed, with white sheets and comforter that helped contrast the blue and white on the wall and the blue carpet. I was starting to think about painting my home in California this color blue. The toilet sat in the middle of the bathroom and there was a tub to my right and a glass shower to my left. They were even nice enough to leave me a remote controlled radio for my long relaxing baths.

They left me a list on the bed of services and amenities. I called immediately and scheduled a spa appointment. Andrew had said whatever I wanted was on the company's dime. I wanted a massage bad enough to let them pay for it. After I hung up with the spa, I stared at the room. The living room was bigger than my entire house in California and I suddenly felt overwhelmed.

I grabbed my suitcase and changed into a pair of skinny jeans, my black calf-high Uggs, and a gray and white geometric sweater. I fixed my makeup, then grabbed my A-line black coat to go outside and get some New York air. Once I was ready to go, I thought about asking Andrew to come since I was familiar with the area and he wasn’t, but I needed to clear my head. The words Helen had said made me think that maybe I was a sitting duck: that I was only floating on the water because no one had come to be my life raft.

I usually let words roll off of me, but those words had me thinking about them. They even had me thinking about how her story would make a great book. I could write her story, but that was part of my life with Chase and anti-virus sales are my life now.

I set out on Lexington Avenue and was just going to walk a few blocks and soak up the city I loved. I could still smell the hot dog vendor’s cart that sits on the corner during the day. I could imagine the horns honking as cabs waited in traffic that never moved. I stuck out my arms and spun myself as the snow began to fall.

I smiled when I came to a stop sign, then started walking. I saw the Bull & Bear when I rounded the corner and decided a drink would be wonderful. I walked inside and took a seat at the bar.

“
Black Russian, please.” I called to the bartender.

“
Do I know you?” a strange man spoke with a slurred voice.

“
No, I don’t think you do.” I replied sweetly, as the bartender brought me my drink.

“
Yes, I do. You were Chase Matson’s fiancé.” He spoke with slurred words. “I am sorry for your loss; he was a great man.” Chills rolled down my spine. I downed my drink and ordered another.

“
Sir, I just want to enjoy a drink and not talk about anything with anyone.” I whispered, and he nodded. He slowly got up and whipped out his cell phone as I downed another drink of numbing juice. I looked over and saw him on the phone with someone, with a new drink in his hand.

I tried to place him as I ordered another shot. I stared at his demeanor and knew he had been on the force, but couldn’t place him; maybe because I had had three drinks by then and was feeling no pain. The room had moments of fuzziness, but I wasn’t drunk, merely tipsy. I ordered another drink and the bartender advised me to eat or slow down. I was reluctant, but ordered a burger, since the bartender seemed serious about cutting me off if I kept going.

The burger and fries were delicious. They didn’t have food like this in California. I promised myself that I would eat at every place I had been missing before I went home. My phone lit up and I saw a message from an unknown number and instantly felt a twinge of guilt. It had to be Jax. I just knew it had to be him because I had called him. I wasn’t going to check the message, so I cleared it and placed my phone back down.

The drunk man returned to his seat near me and smiled every few minutes, but had left me alone. I was grateful. I couldn’t take any more people telling me how sorry they were, or how great of a guy Chase was. I know it was the polite thing for people to do and say, but I had heard it enough.

I ordered another drink as my phone lit up again. The same thing as before, just a message and nothing else. Maybe he was finally telling me off. My voice-mail only holds sixty second messages. I downed my drink and ordered another when a voice behind me told the bartender to cash me out.

It took a few minutes in my alcohol riddled brain to realize I was not going to get my drink. I spun on my stool and came face to face with a detective with his badge around his neck.

“
Why are you cut me off?” I slurred, in my drunken state while the room spun.

“
Miss Carson, I think we should get some water into you.” The young, black haired, blue-eyed detective said, as he cloned himself in my vision.

“
You don’t drunk me,” I spoke with my finger aimed at one of him.

“
Miss Carson, I am Detective Mark Stone. You may not remember me. I worked with Chase on a few cases before he passed away.”

“
I know you, but I don’t want to talk about Chase,” I slurred.

“
I am not here to talk about it, but I am here to help you sober up and get you home.”

“
Did the drunk guy call you?” I stated pointing at an empty bar stool. When did that guy leave? My brain was foggy and I couldn’t make sense of anything much.

“
Something like that. May I join you?” Mark asked, as I spun and nearly fell off my stool. We then talked for about two hours, as the fog cleared from my head. He seemed like a good guy. He didn’t bring up Chase again or try to get in my pants, so he was A+ in my book.

I was as sober as I was going to get, and my words were coming together better as exhaustion tore through me. Jet lag and alcohol are not a good mix when you have a meeting at 7a.m.

“
I need to get going. Thank you for the water and conversation.” I muttered, as I tried to put my coat on. I watched as he texted something on his phone, then he stood and helped me into my coat.

“
Can I walk you somewhere, or get you a cab?” Mark asked.

“
You’re sweet, but I can manage,” I replied, and walked toward the door.

“
Miss Carson, if you need anything while you are here, please don’t hesitate to call,” Mark stated, as he handed me his card. I took it and smiled at him. I didn’t know if he was just being nice, or if this was the code: that the brothers in blue took care of the wives and families after an officer was killed. I didn’t want to know, because I didn’t want to think about it.

I stepped out to see that there was a snow and rain mix falling from the sky. I stepped out into it and, for one fleeting moment, I was home. I stood out and looked up at the night sky as the rain snow mix fell down on my face. I closed my eyes and made a wish on the water: that I would have the courage and strength to love, and recognize love, when and if I ever found it again. I didn’t want to wind up alone pining for a man who was in Heaven.

When I opened my eyes again, I started toward the hotel. I must have missed the curb as I slipped and fell. Mark was behind me in a moment, helping me stand back up.

“
Thank you,” I whispered, turning crimson from embarrassment.

“
Don’t thank me yet. I was merely doing a favor for someone.” Mark nodded above my head.

“
What are you talking about?” I asked, wondering just how drunk I still was.

“
Hello, Candy.” A familiar voice called from behind me and shivers went down my spine. My stomach clenched and my body betrayed me as his voice reverberated through me. I turned around and faced the music of the song I had chosen to write.

“
Hello, Jaxson.”

My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke his name. He looked delectable in a pair of jeans and his black and red tri-climate jacket. He was showing a five o’clock shadow, but there was nothing else different about him. I looked into his eyes, the same ones that could tear a secret from your soul, as I acknowledged he was there.

He didn’t look pissed, but that could be because my belly was warm and fuzzy with the remnants of the alcohol I had downed in the bar. Then I remembered there was still a man behind me. I turned and glared at Mark.

“
Your job is done now.” I angrily whispered in Mark’s direction.

“
Sorry, but it’s part of the code between men,” Mark stated, as he shook hands with Jax and then walked off.

The awkwardness had descended down and blanketed me with a thick layer of not knowing what to say or think. I wondered if I ran, would he follow.

“
I am going back to my hotel now,” I stated a little too loudly. “Thanks for the babysitter.”

I started walking, and used the glass on the buildings to see that Jax was following me. I turned the corner and walked into the hotel. He followed me there, too. I climbed into the elevator and he stood across from me, looking like a dream while we climbed the floors.

As I exited the elevator and arrived at my door, I took out my key card and waved it. The lock wouldn’t work. I tried waving it again, but nothing. Jax took it from my hand and slowly waved it over the door across the way and it opened.

I suddenly felt like a moron; I was trying to get into Andrews room. Jax opened the door and I walked inside. I took off my coat and dumped it on the chairs by the table and went to the phone. I ordered up a bottle of vodka and a variety platter with fruits and veggies.

“
Do you really think you need more alcohol?” Jax asked from the blue couch he had made himself at home on.

“
If you are going to be here, then yes,” I replied and smirked.
Why was I so angry with him?
Every emotion I had seemed to amplify a thousand times whenever Jax was near.

“
If I leave, how do I know you won’t drink yourself into oblivion?” Jax asked and I rolled my eyes.

“
I have a daddy, I don’t need another.”

Jax stood up and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around me and I fought to get free. The warmth he carried overpowered me and I melted into him. I was torn between wanting to sigh in relief and cry in frustration. When he let me go I walked over to the window.

“
How did you find me?” I whispered.

“
Your dad told me you were coming. Did you think I wouldn’t come and find you?” Jax asked and I closed my eyes. Jax walked up behind me and whispered into my ear.

“
Candice six months ago I came out to California to bring you home, but you seemed so happy without me in your new life.”

Guilt invaded my core. I had no right to be angry or bitter with him, but I was. I had no reason to feel ashamed for my actions because I was just trying to survive, but I felt like I was the gum on the bottom of his shoes. My guilt festered into anger as his warmth invaded me and I realized just how much I had truly lost.

“
Don’t you have a girlfriend you should be tucking into bed? Isn’t it past her bedtime?”

I immediately wanted to call back my words. My alcohol fused brain didn’t put a filter on my lips. Now he will know I am stalking him online, and I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t even want to see him.

“
She knows where I am.” Jax replied.

“
Does she know you have had your penis in me? Some girls get mad about that kind of thing.” I retorted.

Jax didn’t reply; he merely went back and sat on the couch. He picked up his phone and called someone.

“
Hey babe,” Jax said into the phone. “I know it’s late, but wanted you to know I am going to stay with Candice tonight.”

I stared at him. I never asked him to stay and I was not going to let him. There was no way any woman in her right mind would let a catch as great at Jax stay with me overnight any way.