William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back (8 page)

Beep, squeak?

—I know not what it is, dear friend.

’Tis like some thing appearing from a dream,

Some midnight reverie I cannot shake.

For neither does this circumstance seem real,

Nor do I slumber here—aye, that I know.

It seems the place is but a walking shadow—

Not dream, not wake, but something in between.

The strangeness of the scene creeps in my bones,

Yet also do I feel familiar pangs.

Beep, whistle, meep?

—I know not. I do feel—

[Yoda reveals himself.

What dost thou feel, hmm?

Prithee, I would truly know

What is it thou feel’st?

[Luke points his blaster at Yoda.

That odd, familiar sense that we are watch’d!

Beep, beep, meep, whistle, beep, squeak, whistle, nee!

Away with weapons!

I mean no harm, but wonder

Why thou hast come here.

Thou sneaking imp! I look for someone here.

Looking, are you, hmm?

Found someone you have, it seems!

Is that not correct?

’Tis true, I may suppose—I’ve someone found,

Though such a one as this did not expect.

Help you I can, aye.

[
Aside:
] I, indeed, more help shall be

Than he imagines.

Nay, I think not. My search is for a great

And mighty warrior, a man of strength!

O, great warrior!

A great warrior you seek?

Wars not make one great.

But soft, no more of

Talking, for my appetite

Dinner demandeth.

Thus shall I explore

The food thou hast here prepar’d.

Mmm, and I shall taste.

Nay, nay, unhand my supper, little one!

How dost grow so big

When the food of thy diet

Is of this strange kind?

Attend, my friend, thou must leave this alone.

My food I shall have need of, as we strive

To free our ship. I did not try to land

Inside that puddle drear, and if we could

Our ship remove, we would. But we cannot—

At least, I know not how it shall be done.

[Yoda rummages through Luke’s supplies, discarding them to the ground.

Unfortunate ship…

Thou canst not get it out, hmm?

O, what merry light!

[Yoda removes a light from Luke’s supplies.

A mess thou now hast made! Give me that light!

’Tis mine, it is mine!

I shall the pretty thing have

Or I help you not.

I need not thine assistance, nay! I need

My lamp, for it shall guide me out of this

Most slimy and disgusting hole of mud!

What slimy, what mud?

Thou speak’st indeed of my home.

[R2-D2 reaches out and grabs the lamp.

Alas, naughty droid!

[R2-D2 and Yoda fight for the lamp.

O R2, let the creature have it now.

[R2-D2 releases the lamp.

Now move along, good fellow. We have much

To do. Thou art small in both size and help.

Nay, nay, I shall stay.

For I shall stay and help thee

Find thy long lost friend.

Thou dost not understand, thou useless scamp.

I search not for a friend in this damp place,

But for a Jedi master wise in skill!

O Jedi master!

Yoda that you seek it is.

’Tis truly Yoda!

[
aside:
] A strange turn of events! This tiny sprite

May yet prove useful if he knows the man.

[
To Yoda:
] Attend: thou know’st of Yoda, little one?

I’ll take thee to him.

Aye, but first, let us eat food.

Come, I good food have!

I follow. R2, stay and watch the camp—

Mayhap some hope still lives within this damp.

[Exeunt, Luke following Yoda.

Now shall I shut down ev’rything except

The ship’s emergency pow’r systems.

—Sir,

I am almost afraid to ask, but doth

This mean that I shall be shut down as well?

Nay, nay, good droid, for thou shalt speak unto

The
Falcon
to determine wherefore doth

The hyperdrive not operate aright.

For once I find thee useful, goldenrod.

[The ship shakes and all are rocked from side to side.

Sir, it is possible this ast’roid may

Not be entirely stable.

—Dost thou think?

O droid of wisdom, skill, and excellence—

Howe’er would I survive if I did not

Have thee here to reveal such mysteries?

From usefulness to obvious within

A single stroke. I pray, Chewbacca, take

This scholar made of wires and metal to

The back and plug him in the hyperdrive!

Sometimes I do not comprehend the strange

And varied ways of human beings. True

It is that I did only try to help!

[Exeunt Chewbacca and C-3PO. The ship shakes again and Leia falls into Han’s arms.

[
aside:
] O happy accident! O fall most fair!

Now in his arms, where I have long’d to be,

I know not whether ’tis the ship or if

It is my heart that I feel quaking. Yet,

Alas, this moment not befits our love.

The situation is too strain’d. I wish,

With all my being, to be in this place—

But not like this. [
To Han:
] Pray, let me go.

—Tut, tut!

I prithee, let me go.

[
aside:
]          —O small request

That tears apart my soul! [
To Leia:
] Indeed, indeed,

Be not with such excitement overcome.

My captain, being held by you is far

Too plain a thing to e’er excite my mood.

I crave your kindly pardon, sweetheart fierce,

But we have little time for something else—

I’ll leave thee here alone and then, mayhap,

The time apart shall heighten thy desire.

[Exit Han Solo.

O man of pride and will most obstinate!

However can I love thee, being as

You are? But being other than you are,

I would not love thee. How this pirate hath

Laid claim upon the bounty of my soul!

O, wherefore did I speak so testily?

Why is it that whenever he is near

My wit is turn’d to unto a laser beam

With Han plac’d firmly in its sights? I tear

His heart in twain with words too cruel and harsh,

Then wonder why he is so full of pride.

’Tis now quite clear that he with arrogance

Doth speak so that he may his heart protect.

Forsooth, was e’er a woman placèd in

So delicate a situation yet?

[
Exit Princess Leia.

O, where is that knave R2 now? For when

I need him most, then is he far away.

Perhaps on some adventure, which will serve

To puff him up most mightily, and leave

Him ever bragging o’er his exploits. Pish!

The scrawny, errant scamp perplexes me,

For he is both my nuisance and delight—

The thorn deep in my side and, stranger still,

The very object of my happiness.

Now, Captain Solo, pray, a word with thee.

[
aside:
] A word from thee belike means hundreds more.

I know not where your ship did learn to speak—

It hath a most peculiar dialect.

It is as though ’twere programm’d by a thief,

And spends its days with smugglers, thugs, and crooks.

But now, no more of that; my point is made.

It doth report the power coupling on

The axis negative is polariz’d,

And must replacèd be to operate.

’Tis plain it must replacèd be. Presume

Thou not to tell a pilot—one so grand

As me, at least—the bus’ness of his ship.

[Exit C-3PO.

[
To Chewbacca:
] Good Chewie?

—Egh?

—It seems we must replace

The power coupling negative, yes?