William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back (7 page)

—Beep, hoo.

Now flies my weary soul to Dagobah,

The place that hath in vision called to me.

I know not what or who this Yoda is,

Yet do I trust the ghost of my dear Ben.

To be a Jedi is my calling now,

To learn the ways of the most potent Force.

Already have I had more mentors than

Most people would e’er know in seven lives.

But here I am, drawn t’ward another quest—

To travel to an unknown system, aye,

And meet an unknown person who, perhaps,

Doth not expect my sudden visit there.

Yet I believe the words that came from Ben

Were better than a foolproof prophet’s tale.

There is a tide in the affairs of Jedi,

Which taken at the flood, leads to the Force.

Omitted, all the voyage of their life

Is bound in black holes and in miseries.

On such a full sea I am now afloat.

And I must take the current where it serves,

Or lose my chance to find my destiny.

[
aside:
] O noble speech, with feeling brute and raw.

My master’s honor shall I serve with pride.

How best to show him I stand by his side?

I’ll offer ways to help him navigate.

[
To Luke:
] Beep, meep, meep, squeak, beep, whistle, whistle, beep?

Nay, nothing’s wrong, I merely change our course.

Meep, beep, squeak, whistle, beep, meep, meep, beep, whee?

We shall not rendezvous with our friends yet.

Unto the system Dagobah we travel—

And what we shall meet there, time shall unravel.

[Exeunt.

Hoth is a memory, but trouble still

Doth follow close behind. With threat’ning force

The Empire’s ships aggressively pursue

My well-belovèd ship. Shall we escape?

Auugh!

—Truly, Chewie, I did see them too!

I prithee, say—what hast thou seen, O Han?

Two Star Destroyers coming t’ward the ship.

Sir, Sir, may I but say a thing to thee?

Pray, shut him up or shut him down, anon!

Prepare our shield—they still may be outrun.

[
Aside:
] With all my pilot’s wisdom, skill, and might

I shall attempt to outwit these who chase.

Now watch, you Empire vile, how I do fly!

First up and down, aye, up and down, this Han

Will lead them up and down. Away we go!

Now back and forth, then back around again.

They are confounded by my errant moves.

Ha, ha! They are confus’d and fall behind.

Thus we have slipp’d away, soon safe from harm.

[
To Chewbacca:
] Make ready for the jump to hyperspace.

But Sir!

—They do approach!

—Not yet: observe!

[
The
Millennium Falcon
makes a sound and fails
.

Observe? What’s to observe, pray tell me plain?

A fig! The ship seems to malfunction. Fie!

’Tis possible we may in trouble be.

I tried to warn thee, Sir, the hyperdrive

Hath damag’d been, and cannot do its task!

Lightspeed is verily unfeasible!

Correction: we in trouble truly are.

O that all I had fix’d were truly fix’d!

But now I must in haste—and under threat

Of death—attempt to fix the ship once more.

[He runs to repair the ship, yelling back to Chewbacca.

Where are the horizontal boosters hid?

Egh, auugh!

—Alluvi’l dampers, where are they?

[
Aside:
] If only I were but more organiz’d!

’Tis true that order’s not a smuggler’s gift.

[
To Chewbacca:
] Bring me the hydrospanners quickly now.

[
Aside:
] I know not how we shall escape this time.

Of all the situations I have seen,

Of all the problems small or dangers great,

Of all the rubs and scrapes have scratch’d my life,

Of all the enemies just barely fled—

This moment now doth seem the worst of all.

[
Loud sound. Han is knocked aside.

Alack, now what is this? What shakes the ship?

How have we gone from bad to still worse yet?

Good Han, return at once!

[Han runs back to the cockpit.

’Tis asteroids!

[
aside:
] O wicked thought and wonderful idea

That cometh to me in this frightful time.

I shall here chart a course none would expect:

Not flee from danger, nay, but welcome it,

And in so doing break the Empire’s grip

While rescuing my princess from all harm.

[
To Chewbacca:
] Set course two-seven-one.

—What didst thou say?

Thou wilt not enter in the ast’roid field?

For certain thou art wild—but not insane!

Yet they would be the madder to give chase.

Thou must not do this to impress me, Han.

[
Aside:
] Already he hath won my heart, ’tis true,

Yet would I rather live to tell him so!

Good Sir, attend: the possibility

Of navigating fields of ast’roids is

Three thousand seven hundred twenty to

But one—the odds are well against thee here!

The odds of rescuing a princess: low.

The odds of smuggler turning rebel: lower.

The odds of ending th’Death Star: lowest yet!

I tell thee, droid: assail me not with odds!

[
aside:
] Behold, what keen maneuvers doth he make,

And how, like Gungans sinking in the swamp,

Our enemies do fall behind us, slain.

What bravery he showeth for my sake.

If you recall, Your Highness, you did hope

You would bear witness to my failure great:

It may be now.

—My word I do rescind.

We shall be pulveriz’d if we remain

A’floating in this field of wayward rocks.

Thou hast thy honor proven, Han, now please:

Let us seek safety in another place.

I cannot argue with thine argument.

I shall attempt to fly us closer in

Toward a larger ast’roid.

—Closer?

—Auugh!

O this is suicide, for where have we

To go where we may yet survive? Are we

Not bound for death?

—Aye, this one here shall do.

It hath a goodly look.

—What “goodly look”?

Be calm, I prithee, for it shall suffice.

Excuse me, Princess, but where are we bound?

[The
Millennium Falcon
flies deep into one of the asteroids.

My hope flies unto you, most worthy man,

My hope for us, and for our safety, too.

I hope it is the Force that leadeth thee,

I hope that thou dost know what thou dost do.

Thy hopes do echo mine, my lady, true.

[Exeunt into an asteroid’s tunnel.

[
aside:
] O sight most tragic, this—a robot-man

Who doth require a mask to stay alive.

What situation e’er did lead to this?

How can he stand to live beneath a mask?

But soft, Piett, and reconsider this:

Aye, verily, how shall I judge? The mask

He wears is far more obvious than most.

With Vader it is plain he wears a mask,

Though few have seen the scarring underneath.

But truly, what man doth not wear a mask?

For all of us are maskèd in some way—

Some choose sharp cruelty as their outward face,

Some put themselves behind a king’s façade,

Some hide behind the mask of bravery,

Some put on the disguise of arrogance.

But underneath our masks, are we not one?

Do not all wish for love, and joy, and peace?

And whether rebel or Imperial,

Do not our hearts all beat in time to make

The pounding rhythm of the galaxy?

So while Darth Vader’s mask keeps him alive,

And sits upon his face for all to see,

’Tis possible he is more honest than

A man who wears no mask, but hides his self.

But come, Piett, now still thy prating tongue—

His private time is done, his mask back on.

Yes, Admiral?

—Our ships have found the swift

Millenn’um Falcon
, Lord. However, it

Hath ventur’d deep into an ast’roid field.

It seems unsafe to make pursuit therein:

To follow it is far too great a risk.

Thy fear of asteroids concerns me not.

I want the ship, not thy most weak dismay.

I understand, my Lord, and shall obey.

[Exeunt.

What misadventure I have seen today!

Our sensors spied no cities or machines

Within this system desolate, but life

Forms plenty. As we made our way unto

The planet’s atmosphere, all went awry:

My X-wing ship began to shake and groan.

My scopes had fail’d, and I did blindly spin

Into a landing doom’d to end with strife.

’Tis almost fortunate that I did land

Within this swampy bog where now the ship

Is partway sunk, for had I hit the ground

My ship and droid and even my own self

Might have been crush’d, and ev’rything destroy’d.

But now my ship is fixèd in the mire,

And how it shall come out I cannot tell.

Was this first trouble all I would endure?

Nay, nay! It seemeth Fate did not see fit

To send pain singular, but multiple!

Fate hath provided pains abundantly,

For this is not the end of our distress.

As R2 and I headed for the shore

He fell into the water, wheels to scope,

And was assaulted by a mighty beast—

Aye, swallow’d whole and disappear’d from sight.

For seeming ages I did search for him,

To no avail. And then, with frightful scream,

He was ejected from the swamp as fast

As proton-fill’d torpedoes from their shaft.

Above my head he sail’d, well o’er the ground,

And landed in a heap of dirt and grime.

’Twas only for his metal-tasting shell

This little droid shall live to see tomorrow.

So much misfortune! After all this pain

I should feel grateful still to have my life.

But now we are maroon’d within a place

Where neither friend nor contact may be found.

I should have listen’d to the wise R2

When he said coming here would work us woe.

Our camp is now set up, our food prepar’d,

My faithful R2 chargeth up his pow’r,

The semblance of good order we present—

But I have neither stomach nor desire

To sit down to a hale and hearty feast.

More pressing, too, I must this Yoda find,

Indeed, if that good man doth e’en exist.

Look ’round about, R2: is this place not

Unlikely for a Jedi master’s home?

’Tis strange, ’tis passing strange, ’tis pitiful.