William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back (2 page)

[
through comlink:
]         —Nay.

There is not life enough upon this cube

Of ice to fill an empty space cruiser.

The sensors have I put in place, so shall

I now return unto the base.

—’Tis well,

And I, forsooth, shall soon meet with thee there.

But I have spied a met’orite that hath

Its landing made near here. So shall I go

And fix my eyes upon the scene. I’ll not

Be long, I warrant; then, I shall return.

You viewers all, whose gentle hearts do fear

The smallest womp rat creeping on the floor,

May now perchance both quake and tremble here,

When wampa rough in wildest rage doth roar.

Pray know that I a wampa simple am,

And take no pleasure in my angry mood.

Though with great force this young one’s face I slam,

I prithee know I strike but for my food.

Alas, is this th’adventure I am due,

To die upon a vicious monster’s whim?

I am attackèd by this awful beast!

O fate most wretched—shall I be his feast?

[Exit, pursued by a wampa.

A scoundrel may not rise above his place—

This is a fact the galaxy doth teach.

For e’en though I have join’d rebellion’s ranks

These many weeks and months, and gain’d respect

Within their noble band, my scoundrel past

Doth make its harsh demands upon my life.

The bounty hunters sent by Jabba make

Pursuit to win the price upon my head.

So must I go once more unto the depths

Of my old life, find Jabba of the Hutt

And pay his ransom, thus to free my soul.

I would not leave my noble rebel friends,

I would not leave the cause for which they fight,

I would not leave the princess and her charm,

I would not leave all these, and yet I must.

A life’s not well lived under threat of death,

Especially with men of cruel intent—

Who for a price shall fill the Hutt’s demands—

Upon the trail of my indebtedness.

And so, my mate Chewbacca and I leave

Upon the instant that the ship is set to go.

Enter
C
HEWBACCA
,
working on the
Millennium Falcon.

I say, Chewbacca, ho! Aye, Chewie!

—Auugh!

Lose not thy temper, gentle Wookiee, nay,

But practice patience; I shall help thee soon.

Egh, auugh, egh.

[Exit Chewbacca. Han crosses to command center with Princess Leia and General Rieekan.

—Solo, wouldst thou speak with me?

Good general, the sensors are in place,

And surely shalt thou know if aught comes near

Our hidden station here.

—Well. Prithee say,

Commander Skywalker, hath he yet made

Report?

—Nay, truly. He hath gone to see

A met’orite that hath made landfall near.

With all the met’orites a’falling in

This system, I believe we shall have pains

And trouble in detecting ’proaching ships.

[
aside:
] How shall I tell my news most difficult,

And crush this man’s great hopes for what’s ahead?

Fear not, O heart, but be direct and calm:

’Tis best approach’d straight on, like th’Kessel Run.

[
To Rieekan:
] My general, I cannot stay. I must

Make haste and get me hence, e’en now.

[
aside:
]        —Alack,

How like a death knell sounds this news to me!

I tell thee truly when I say to thee:

This news doth break this gen’ral’s gentle soul.

I could not be more sorry, pilot brave.

A price still lies upon my head, and if

I do not make amends with Jabba, I

Shall not repay with money, nay, but life.

A price too dear, indeed! A death mark is

No kind companion to a free man’s life.

Thou art a warrior noble, Solo, and

I hate to lose thee.

—And thou art a kind,

Good general, sirrah, I hate to go.

[Exit Rieekan. Han turns to Princess Leia.

And so, Your Highness great, this is the end.

’Tis so.

—I prithee mourn me not, and show

No sentiment. Farewell, thou princess cold.

[
Aside:
] I go, and hope she’ll follow hard upon,

For if she shall not follow, all is lost.

[Han Solo begins to exit, pursued by Princess Leia.

Han, halt!

—What is thy pleasure, Highness?

I did believe that thou had chos’n to stay.

The bounty hunter we did meet on Ord

Mantell hath chang’d my mind.

—We need thee, Han.

What “we”? Why speakest thou of “we”?

Dost thou in royal terms speak here of “we”?

Hast thou a rodent in thy pocket, such

That thou and he are “we”? What meanest thou?

What need is there that thou dost share with all?

Speak not of “we,” but “I.” O princess, what

Dost thou most need? Not “we,” not “they,” but thou?

I know not what thou speakest of.

—’Tis true.

Most probably thou dost not know thyself.

And what, pray tell, precisely should I know?

Of what great myst’ry am I unaware?

Hast thou the depths of Leia plumb’d and seen

What lies within my soul, my very core?

Be not elusive, nay! Thou wouldst that I

Should stay because of how thou feelest in

Thy heart about me. Need hath turn’d to want.

Pray, tell me not thy needs, but thy desires.

Thou art a leader full of skill, ’tis true.

Thine answer leadeth thee astray. Let fly!

I see it in thine aspect now, let fly!

Tell me the answer true.

—Thy vanity

Hath puff’d up thine imagination.

—Aye?

Then why dost thou yet follow me? Wert thou

Afraid I would depart without a kiss?

I would as eagerly kiss Wookiee lips.

That can arrangèd be. By heaven’s breath,

A kiss would suit thee well!

[Exit Han Solo.

—O man of bile!

Thou wouldst make e’en the coolest temper burn,

For thou art made of heat and flame and fire.

No wood may stand within a mile of thee

But it shall roast as if ’twere on the sun.

And now, thy scorching manner lights my fuse.

Aye truly, I confess I am aflame:

Thine eyes create combustion in my heart,

Thy face doth cause my cheeks to flood with warmth,

Thy fingers set me trembling at their touch,

Thy hands may hold the secrets of my soul.

Thou hast a pow’r o’er Leia’s very self,

Yet wear my patience past what I can bear.

For O, how thou dost needle, jest, and prick

When thou dost think thy pride is at the stake.

Be not so full of bile, my noble Han.

I prithee, choose the tender side of wit.

If thou couldst ever put thy pride away,

Belike my prejudice would fall aside.

Then could our two hearts sing a melody,

Instead of clashing in disharmony.

[Exit Princess Leia.

O R2, thou dost ever plague me so!

E’en now have we been in dishonor sent

Away from our good princess’ chamber. Fie!

Such breach of etiquette and protocol,

And all the fault doth on thy shoulders lie.

Beep, meep, beep, whistle, meep, beep, squeak, nee, meep!

Lay not thy blame upon my shoulders, droid—

I did, at no point, ask thee to engage

The thermal heater. ’Twas but a remark

Upon the coldness of the princess’ room.

Beep, whistle, squeak.

—But freezing it should be!

And now, how shall we dry off all her clothes?

I truly know not how.

—Beep, meep, beep, hoo.

O, switch off!

[
C-3PO walks aside toward the
Millennium Falcon.

[
aside:
]          —Watch thy tongue, thou naughty droid,

Or I shall bring my wit to bear on thee

And thou shalt not escape my shocks and jabs.

For though I speak aloud in beeps and squeaks,

Within my mind a keener tongue prevails.

And though thou like a brother art to me,

I’ll happily correct your errant ways.

If thou didst think the thermal heater was

Too hot, then shalt thou surely not endure

The fire that I shall kindle with my wit.

[C-3PO makes his way to Han Solo.

[
to Chewbacca:
] Why hast thou taken this apart when

I am striving to depart this wretched place?

Excuse me, Sir.

—Pray, mend the ship, and swift!

Please, Sir, a word with thee.

—What dost thou want?

’Tis Princess Leia, Sir, she strives to reach

Thee on th’communicator.

—Then ’twas wise

That I did turn it off, for I have no

Desire to speak with her.

—I see. But she

Hath after Master Luke made inquiry,

For surely he hath not return’d unto

The base. She knows not where he is.

—In that

Her mind and mine are one. I know not where

He is.

—But no one knows his whereabouts.

What dost thou mean by “no one,” prating droid?

Deck officer, deck officer!

—Yes, Sir?

Dost thou know where Commander Skywalker Is?

—I’ve not seen him, but ’tis possible

He through the entrance to the south return’d.

“ ’Tis possible”? I prithee, good lad, go

Thou thither and find out. It grows quite dark

Outside.

—Aye, Sir.

[Exit deck officer.

—Excuse me, Sir, but may

I ask what doth transpire?

—Thou mayst indeed.

O man impossible! Come thou, R2,

Let us return unto the princess now.

The drying of her clothes is now the least

Of all our worries, for another ill

Far greater than our mishap is afoot.

In confidence I tell thee: I do fear

That Master Luke grave danger doth confront.

[Exit C-3PO and R2-D2.

What portents strange, what evil tidings this:

My friend by no one seen, the droids afraid,

Chewbacca prone to error with the ship,

The young deck officer so tentative—

These things foretell some ill that shall occur.

But if misfortune toucheth anyone,

Let it be me and not my partner, Luke.

For he is like a brother unto me,

As all who fight with me in battle are.

Though I did save him in the Death Star clash,

’Tis he hath sav’d me from the smuggler’s life

By leading me on paths more true than I

Had e’er foreseen. Now do I call him friend,

And this rebellion is the cause we share.

From all my friends here I would not depart

If I were not by Jabba hunted down.

Aye, I would give my bones—my life—for great

Rebellion’s sake if e’er it were requir’d.

But soft you now: the officer returns.

Good Sir, Commander Skywalker hath not

Come in the entrance to the south. He may

Have but forgotten to check in.

—Nay, nay.

His nature is not thus. Now tell me, are

The speeders ready?

—Nay, we have not yet

Adapted them unto the cold of Hoth.