Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2) (18 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

ryan

A
week.

Tess had been gone almost a week and I was in agony. I wanted to drive all over the fucking country looking for her, but Seth and my father had gotten together and hid my keys when I was ready to walk out the door. Dad dropped me off at work, Seth took my work truck to the site and left it there so I had my tools, but then Dad picked me up at five.

I was pissed off at both of them for treating me like a two-year-old, and the guys on-site were walking on eggshells all week. I knew I was acting like a crazy man, but helpless was not something I did well.

I was pacing the trailer while Pops fixed dinner, feeling helpless as all get out.

“Did I ever tell you how your mother and I met?” Pops asked.

“You never really told me much of anything about her,” I snapped.

“I was remodeling her parents’ bathroom. They hired me when their usual contractor was too busy. I was cockier than hell; a twenty-year-old who knew everything. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life. She was kind and polite and always said the right things while I was left stumbling all over my words. She was this ray of sunshine every time she walked into a room.”

I wandered over to the table and pulled out a chair.

“There was something there between us from the start. Chemistry. Pretty soon we were sneaking around and fooling around. Her parents didn’t have a clue. Well, until we found out you were on the way. Weren’t expecting that. Her parents were beyond furious. They said if she kept you, they’d disinherit her. I promised her I’d take care of her. So we got married. You need to know that she really tried, Ryan. This life was never really her. When you were sixteen, she got a letter from her parents. The first time they’d ever reached out to her. They made her an offer. If she came home . . . alone . . . they would add her back into the will and forget about everything. She told them no at first, because she wanted to take you with her. I knew they’d make your life hell just because you existed, because you were part of me too.”

I stared at Pops. His head hung down as he stirred the pot of stew.

“I knew she would never really be happy here and I hated knowing that I let her down. I made her promises I would never be able to keep in this lifetime. So I talked her into going and leaving you with me. It was guilt that knocked me down for so long. It wasn’t that she left, it was that I couldn’t take care of her, give her what I had promised her.”

My limbs felt heavier, but somewhere inside, there was a new lightness.

“It was nothing you did, son. I’m sorry I let you think that all these years. That trust fund your mother set up was her way of making sure you had a decent start to life. That if you had a dream, you could chase it and not worry. Her greatest wish for you was that you were happy. I’m sorry I was the one who held you back, that I wasn’t the parent you needed. It’s funny how guilt only builds on itself and makes it damned near impossible to pull yourself out of. Sometimes, you need an outsider’s help with it.”

“Sabine?” I asked.

“Yeah. She has a way of looking at you and seeing all the good and the bad. She called me on my bullshit and made me think about what I’d been doing. She’s helped me move on.”

“And I never did that for you.” I realized that what I had been doing all this time wasn’t taking care of Pops so much as enabling him. I knew it now because I knew why.

“That was never your responsibility, Ryan. And I will regret that burden I put on you until the day I die. But I’m telling you this so you know it wasn’t anything you did. Your mom loved you enough to stay for sixteen years. You’re the only thing that kept her here for so long. Love does work, and you need to know that believing in someone, trusting in their love for you, will make things work out.”

“Things didn’t work out for you, though, Pops.”

He gave me a watery smile. “Maybe they did. Maybe they happened just like they were supposed to.”

I wasn’t sure that was really true, but it seemed to give him a little bit of resolution. “I remember your Tess. I remember the way she used to follow you around, how she looked at you when you didn’t see it. She must have grown into an exceptional young woman for you to fall in love with her again. Second chances don’t come around often. Now you have to trust in her love for you. Don’t give up on life, don’t let some misplaced guilt keep you from hoping and living.”

“Do you still love her?” I asked.

“I do,” he said with a smile. “But in a way that I hope she never comes back.”

That was some messed-up logic, but it made sense.

Pops dished up stew and for the first time in days, I ate until I was full.

T
ess hadn’t returned any of my calls all week; they’d all gone straight to voice mail and I was going crazy. Two days ago I broke down and told her the truth in a message. That Noah was hers and that she could come home now.

Even if she hated me for it, she had to know.

She still didn’t call.

“Dude, you need to let it go.” Seth had come to the trailer Friday night and practically threw my ass in the shower, then insisted he was taking me out to eat something. He drove of course.

“I’m not fucking letting it go,” I growled. “Tess thinks she’s running from something that isn’t true.”

“You don’t know that for sure. She could have gotten your message and decided it was the perfect time to start over. She thinks you guys were just playing it casual, that you aren’t a settling-down kinda guy.”

“That hasn’t been true for a while.” I dropped my head into my hands and exhaled. “I miss them, Seth. God, spending time with Noah was the highlight of my days and just being with Tess . . . that was enough.”

Seth nudged my shoulder with his. “That’s fucking love right there. Trust in it. If she feels the same way, she’ll come back.”

“My mother didn’t. That mean she didn’t love me?” I said the words before I realized and wanted to take them back immediately.

“Shit, Ry, it’s not the same. Your mom never really belonged there and you know it.” He held up his hand. “I know you remember the good shit. The smiles. The cookies. But I don’t think you really remember how sad she looked all the time.”

It was true. All of it. “I remember. For a year I waited for her to come back.” I never told anyone that. “I’d come home from school and throw open the door hoping she’d be there, but all I ever saw was my dad, sitting in the same chair with the same blank expression. Pops told me the truth about her leaving, about why she didn’t take me with her. It was never me; it was her who never belonged here. And he wasn’t brokenhearted all these years, it was guilt that made him check out.”

“Christ. It’s amazing we both made it without some seriously screwed-up issues.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Dude, a little prison time and a hero complex are pretty okay in my book.” He grinned, and I couldn’t help but smile. He was an asshole, but he was right. It was all behind us now, and we’d come out relatively unscathed.

“If Tess loves you, she’ll come back.”

I hoped Seth was right. Without her, it felt like I was just existing, and it sucked. She was the light and the air I needed to really live. The days before her were marked in gray. The ones after, full of bright color and laughter. I needed her a hell of a lot more than she needed me.

“When the fuck did you get all wise and shit?” I asked.

Seth picked up his beer and took a swallow. “Beats the hell out of me.”

We finished our meal and Seth drove me home. I must have had about a dozen too many because when Seth got closer to my trailer, I swore I saw a little white Honda parked behind my truck.

“No fucking way,” I muttered. “Do you see a Honda in the yard or is it just me?”

“What? You know who that is?” Seth pulled in behind the car and put his truck in park.

“That’s Tess’s car.” My entire body went from ice-cold to burning hot.

“No shit.” Seth was grinning like a fool and I waited for about two seconds. He punched me in the arm. “Told you so.”

“For once in my life, I’m glad you did.” I was already out of his truck and didn’t look back as I took the steps two at a time.

W
hen I pushed the door open, the first thing I saw was Tess. She had a forkful of spaghetti midway to her mouth and, when she saw me, she shot straight up from the table like she’d been shocked.

Noah on the other hand jumped out of his seat and ran at me as fast as his little legs could go. I grabbed on to him when he slammed into me and lifted him into my arms.

“Hey, Ryan!” Noah said.

“Hey, buddy.” My voice shook and I tried to make eye contact with Tess.

They’d all been sitting at the table eating dinner. Dad, Sabine, Tess, and Noah.

Eating. Dinner.

What the fuck was going on?

Dad looked up and met my stare. “Tess, if you want to talk to Ryan, I can keep an eye on this little guy. I think there’s some ice cream in the freezer we can keep ourselves busy with.”

Noah wiggled from my arms and I set him down.

“Thank you both. For dinner and . . . everything.” Tess came over to me and stood next to me. She was so close I could reach out and touch her, but damn it, I needed some answers. Relief warred with anger. She left without a word for a week, didn’t return my calls, and then here she was, eating dinner like she hadn’t fucked up my entire world.

“Outside,” I said in a clipped voice.

Tess cringed but followed when I led the way.

“Ryan . . .” she started to say, but I rounded on her before she could get another word out.

“What the fuck were you thinking?”

Her eyes narrowed on me. “I was thinking that I was protecting the most important thing in my life.”

I exhaled. Now that she was standing right there in front of me, close enough to touch, I did what I’d wanted to since I walked into my house and saw her. I took three steps until I was right in front of her, then cradled her face and kissed her. Her lips parted at once and I was lost in the warmth that I’d been craving. Her fingers slid up my arm and she dug her nails into my shoulders. Fire surged through me and I groaned.

“Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again. I had no idea where you were. I wanted to look for you, but the United States is a big fucking country. Why didn’t you call me back? I was out of my mind. Seth and Pops took my truck away to keep me from taking off looking for you.”

“I got the first two messages and I’m sorry I didn’t call back. Noah and I ended up in a cottage in Virginia Beach. I had to think about everything. The day we got there, we were playing in the water and I dropped my phone in the ocean. It hasn’t worked since. When I was on my way back I realized I didn’t know your number by heart to let you know. So as soon as we got back in town, I came here. I had to see you.”

“I can’t believe you’re really here.” I kissed her forehead and pulled her into my arms. “I’m never letting go, you know.”

“I missed you too,” she said, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“So . . . you’re back? For good, right?” I sat down in one of the lawn chairs and pulled her onto my lap. Tess wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder. She better be back for good because I wasn’t letting her go ever again.

“I had to come back. I can’t run. It’s not fair to Noah. I panicked and didn’t think, but being alone for the past week made me realize that I was trying so hard to keep Noah safe, I was the one putting him in danger.”

I sat up and held her at arm’s length. Of course—her phone was toast.

She didn’t know.

“Stay here.” I jumped up and ran into the trailer. Three curious glances followed me to the side table in the living room, where I grabbed the manila envelope the courier tried to deliver to her.

When I got back outside, Tess was pacing. Until she saw the envelope. Then she stopped and her hand flew to her chest. “They gave it to you? Why?”

“It’s not what you think. Open it.” I handed it to her, and she eyed it like it was a copperhead. “Trust me, Tess.”

She looked so scared and so lost, but she had to see what was inside. I took her hand and put the envelope in it. She was shaking and her eyes glittered in the dim light. I could tell her, but she needed to see it for herself.

“I came back to take you up on your offer of help,” she said softly. “I know that things between us were just casual, but you said . . .”

I closed the distance and pulled her into my arms. “Things haven’t been casual since day one, and you know it. We were both dancing around the truth and I’m done pretending. When I thought you were gone, I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. I was terrified that you’d never know how I felt.”

“Ryan, you don’t have to . . .”

“Be quiet and listen. I love you, Tess. I did when I was fifteen and I do now, more than I thought I could ever love someone. You make me believe that happily ever after is possible, that sometimes people love you back and they stay. I want to take a chance and I want it to be with you. So no matter what’s in that envelope, I need you to know that I fucking love you, okay?”