Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2) (11 page)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

tess

I
can’t believe I had been ready to take a chance and tell Ryan the truth. All of it.

What an idiot I was. Three days ago we’d been about to have sex on my couch, and today he was hooking up with someone else.

Not that he couldn’t if he wanted to but, damn it, knowing that he was going to be with someone else tonight was like a kick in the gut.

I scrubbed the glass that had just come out of the dishwasher and set it on the rack.

“Everything okay, doll?” Sheila asked. We weren’t open yet, but the girls got here early to get dressed and set up their stations.

“Momentary lapse of judgment,” I said.

“Hate those,” she said with a frown. “We all do it, so don’t beat yourself up too hard.”

By the time Jesse opened the doors, I had all the glasses wiped and a pile of lemon and lime wedges. The music kicked on, the first fifteen minutes were just to let anyone who got here early to settle in before the shows started. It was busy for me because that’s when everyone wanted their drinks.

I was filling an order for Sheila when I saw someone sit down from the corner of my eye.

“Be right with you,” I called out.

“Take your time.”

I froze. No way. No fucking way was Ryan here. My hands shook as I somehow finished up the three slow gin fizzes without spilling them. When Shelia took her tray, I rounded on Ryan.

“Why are you here?”

“I wanted to explain.” He looked a little rough and he needed to shave. There was sawdust all over his arm and his pupils were slightly dilated. I could smell the beer when I got closer.

“Are you drunk?”

“I’ve been waiting in the parking lot since three. I had a few in the truck.”

More than a few by the looks of it. I motioned for Sheila, who was immediately at my side.

“Can you cover for a few minutes? I won’t be long.”

Sheila looked at Ryan, then back at me. She gave my arm a squeeze. “Do what you need to, honey.”

I pushed out from behind the bar and grabbed Ryan’s arm, dragging him toward the hallway that led to the supply room. The last thing I needed was a scene at my job. At the end of the hall, I stopped and let him go, then spun around with my arms crossed.

“There is nothing to say, Ryan.”

“Tess, I want to explain.”

“You don’t owe me anything. You can go sleep with whomever you want to. We’re just . . .” I waved my hand between us. “We’re just something that happened in the past.” It hurt to say, but it was the truth. I thought for a few minutes that maybe we could find a new normal for us, for a while anyway. I guess I didn’t realize until the whole texting thing that I didn’t like the idea of being one of many.

His eyes grew dark and he leaned closer. “We’re something that happened three days ago too.”

I threw up my hands and a slightly hysterical laugh escaped from between my lips. “So what if it did? It didn’t mean anything. Neither of us is looking for anything serious, right? It was just . . . almost sex. That’s it.”

“That’s just it,” he half slurred. “It wasn’t just almost sex. Whatever’s between us is driving me fucking crazy. I can’t get you out of my head. Every time I close my eyes I see you. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Really? Me?” My voice was bordering on hysterical again, and I saw Sheila sidle up to the ordering station and shoot me a questioning look. I ignored her. “You can’t stop thinking about me, yet . . .” I pulled out my phone and scrolled until I found the text, then shoved my phone in his face. “A night of fucking was just what you needed. But not from me. So just stop the bullshitting, all right? Go home and sleep it off, Ryan.”

I started back down the hall, but his hand on my arm stopped me.

“Damn it, Tess,” Ryan croaked. “I fucked up. I thought I could screw you out of my head with someone else. It was a huge fucking mistake.”

I spun around and pointed at Ryan. “You’re right, it was. But it was
my
mistake too because I let you in the other night. And I let you stay. So we will split the blame, call it even, and say goodbye.”

“Tess,” Ryan growled.

“It was never going to be anything more, Ryan. We both said it. We both understood that. You just need to go. There isn’t anything else to say.” I yanked my arm free and made my way back toward the bar. Just outside the hall stood Jesse. His arms were crossed over his chest and he lifted an eyebrow at me.

“Ryan needs a cab, Jesse. Can you see he gets it okay?”

“Time to go, buddy.”

“Wait! Tess, just wait a second. I just . . . can we at least try?”

I moved closer to where Jesse held Ryan by the arm. “Try what, Ryan?” I ground out between my teeth. More people were starting to come through the door and I had to get back to work.

“Us.”

My heart ripped open right there in the middle of Girls! Girls! Girls! I dropped my hands. I could not do this right now. “Ryan, please just go home.”

Ryan yanked on his arm but Jesse didn’t let go. “Not until you talk to me, Tess.”

“Go home and sleep it off, Ryan. When you’re sober, you’ll realize what you almost did tonight and be glad.” I was done. “Good night, Ryan.”

Each step away from him hurt a little more. I hated that we’d gotten to this point so fast, but at least I didn’t have the chance to get in any deeper. Ryan never lied about not being a relationship guy. I was the one who lied to myself that I could do casual, especially with him.

The boy who I gave my heart to so long ago.

Behind me, Ryan swore and I heard a fist and an oomph. But instead of turning around, I kept moving toward the bar. Sheila was looking over my shoulder, her eyes wide. The sound of scuffling grew louder, and I knew what was going to happen next. The boss had a zero-tolerance policy.

You get asked to leave only once. Then the cops were called.

I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. It was for the best. If I let him in, if I trusted that he meant what he said and really wanted to try, then I would have to tell him about Noah and my father.

Even though I had almost told him earlier, the more I thought about it now, the more I realized that things were too precarious with my father and he still had the power to destroy my life. And honestly, I was terrified of what Ryan would do if he found out about all of it.

“He’s gone, honey,” Shelia said. “Jesse took him outside and they called the cops. In case you were wondering.”

Shit.

“So was that the bad judgment you mentioned earlier?”

I wasn’t really close to any of the girls at work, but mostly by choice. This was just a temporary job. But sometimes, not being able to talk to an adult about things really sucked.

“Yeah. We have a history but neither of us is in a place where a relationship makes sense right now.”

Shelia took my hand and squeezed. “Honey, people are rarely ever ready when that lightning strikes. He may not be your happily ever after, but he might just be your happily right now.”

I finally turned to look at the spot where Ryan had been standing.

If only it were that easy.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ryan

“
D
ude, jail is supposed to be my thing. What the hell did you do?” Seth asked when he showed up to bail my ass out.

I sat in a hard plastic chair while Seth paid the clerk and filled out some paperwork. The bail wasn’t set at much and as soon as I got home, I’d pay Seth back.

“They are saying drunk and disorderly,” I answered.

“Jesus, where were you?”

“Strip club.”

Seth barked out a laugh and I cringed. I had no idea how many beers I’d had while I was waiting for the club to open. All I knew was that I had to see Tess and I would wait all night. Then I cringed again when I remembered what an ass I made out of myself.

I just wanted to talk to her, explain my epic fuckup.

Somehow that had morphed into what I think was me asking for a chance at a relationship. Jesus. I dropped my head into my hands. “Leave me here, man, I deserve it.”

“Sorry. I owe you like another dozen bailouts before we’re even.” He took the papers that the clerk gave him and rapped them upside my head. “Let’s go, lawbreaker. I’ll even buy you breakfast. You look like you need it.”

I climbed into his shit-kicker truck and rested my head on the glass.

“So you gonna tell me what the fight was about?” Seth asked after he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.

I grunted. The last person who would be understanding would be Seth if he heard who I’d been at the club to see.

“So a girl then. Was she one of the strippers? Was she hot?”

“She’s not a stripper.” That’s all I was going to give him. He could make up the rest, whatever crazy-assed story he wanted.

“Hmmm, waitress?”

“Just drop it.” I tucked my head and leaned away from him.

“Seriously, bro. Is this the chick you’ve been blowing Shari off for?” Seth turned into a parking lot and killed the engine.

I raised my eyebrow at him. “You sure Avery would be okay with . . . Denny’s?” I lowered my voice as though I was saying a dirty word and widened my eyes in mock horror.

Seth laughed. “Fuck off. Even us green gods get a free pass every now and then.” We got out of the truck and started walking toward the restaurant’s blazing lights. “So back to the Shari thing. What gives, dude?”

“I haven’t been blowing her off. Just been busy.”

“Well Shari thinks you’ve been avoiding her. She told Avery, who mentioned it to me.”

I scrubbed my hand over my face. I needed to talk to Shari, to explain things face-to-face, because I knew I had to. If whatever this was with Tess had a chance, I had to man up and face my shitty actions.

“Look, I know you like to play it loose, and that’s great for you,” Seth said, “but I’m your best friend and what the hell is going on, Ry? Not some bullshit story either. I want to know.” The hostess led us to a booth and I slid in on one side. Seth moved into the other. We gave the waitress our order: two Grand Slams and coffee. As soon as she was gone, Seth leaned in and stared at me.

“You going to tell me? Or have we reached that point in twenty-two years where we start bullshitting each other? You were around for the darkest part of my life, so now it’s my turn. And if it’s hot sex, then I’m your man for that too. Details, man.”

He grinned but I couldn’t make myself smile back. I was going to have to tell him and listen to him freak the fuck out. I decided to start with the lesser of the two evils. “My dad is sobered up and cooking and cleaning now and it’s messing with my head. I think he might be dying or something and he’s not telling me.”

Seth’s mouth dropped open.

Now to yank the Band-Aid off.

“Plus I sorta hooked up with Tess the other night and now she’s in my head again and I don’t know what the hell to do about it. The fight at the club was because I was trying to talk to her. She bartends there. Probably not the greatest idea while I was drunk off my ass, but I fucked up big-time and I needed to explain.”

“Back the fuck up.” Seth glared at me, and I could almost see the steam coming out of his ears. “You slept with Tess?”

“Well, not technically, since we were interrupted by Noah.”

“Her kid?”

“Yeah.”

“I would punch you in the face if we weren’t sitting in public. One of us winding our asses up in jail today is enough. Are you out of your goddamned mind, Ry?”

I held up my hand and glared back. “Look, I appreciate that you have my back, but what went down between us was years ago. We were kids. I’ve moved past it and am over it. Okay?”

Seth crossed his arms and leaned back. “And yet here you are, freshly bailed out of jail because of her. And I know it was a long time ago, I get that. But you can’t tell me that you are suddenly ready to settle down with that picket fence and two-point-five kids because Tess is back in your life.”

“No, you jackass. And she knows that. She’s in the same place.” We were interrupted when the waitress came and set our plates on the table. After she left I grabbed the syrup and drenched my stack of pancakes. “But this shit with my dad and all this tension with Tess, I sort of freaked out and sent Shari a text to hook up yesterday afternoon.”

Seth paused midbite. “Shari was over at Avery’s last night. Alone. All night.”

“I know. Because I fucking sent the text to Tess by mistake. I just wanted something to be normal, just for a little while. Everything feels like I’m on this ride I can’t get off of. I thought I was doing so good taking care of him, and now some neighbor woman who just moved in has gotten through to him and he’s suddenly washing the fucking windows. I never thought to wash the fucking windows, Seth.”

Seth pointed a home fry at me. “Hey. Don’t you dare start second-guessing anything. He checked out and pretty much left you to fend for yourself. You were sixteen. What sixteen-year-old kid takes up all the slack and not only makes sure there is food on the table but also steps up and takes over his job? Just because he’s decided that he’s going to get sober for what, a few days, doesn’t mean you didn’t do the best you could. You lost both your parents and look at you. You’re a damned good guy, and you’re the best damned friend anyone could have.”

I let his words sink in. Aside from Seth, no one even noticed, much less cared about everything I’d done for my father for the past six years. No one else had noticed much of anything, except Tess.

She made me feel important. Like I was worth something.

Then in one fell swoop, Pops sent me crashing back down.

“What if this is him now? It’s a little late for him to start playing at being the doting father.” I stabbed a sausage and crammed it into my mouth. “I’m twenty-two for Christ’s sake.”

“I know that. But maybe give him the benefit of the doubt for a little while? Some people are capable of getting their shit together and coming out for the better.” I knew he meant himself. And he was right, I just wasn’t sure there was enough left between my father and me to build on. Our roles had been reversed for so long I didn’t know how I could go back to respecting a man who gave up on everything when he had a kid to take care of.

“Great. That problem is solved. Now, about Tess.” I glared at Seth and he waved his fork at me. “Don’t get all pissed at me. I was just going to say that if you do decide to move forward with whatever it is you’re doing with her, make sure you’re both on the same page. The last thing you need right now is complications, and, man, where that girl is concerned, you never were able to think straight. And she has a kid now. You sure you’re up for that?”

“That’s the thing, though. It doesn’t matter about Noah. They’re like this package deal and I can’t imagine one without the other.” That was the truth. I wanted them both in my life.

“Just . . . be careful. For both your sakes,” he said.

I nodded. I got it, I really did, but something about Tess made my thinking go off half-cocked and I ended up doing stupid shit. Like showing up at her job drunk. God, I was an ass. If I was going to fix this, it had to be something big. Something that would mean more than just
sorry
.

We finished eating and avoided any more talk of Tess or my father. Once I got Seth talking about classes, all I had to do was sit and listen. It was awesome, watching him light up when he rambled about English Comp or Intro to Renaissance something or other.

“So Avery and I are thinking about getting a place closer to campus.” We’d finished up our breakfast and downed three cups of coffee apiece. I was officially full and not hungover anymore.

“Don’t you guys practically live together already at her condo?” I reached for the check and grabbed it before Seth could.

“I still have my shithole apartment, but this would be our place. And give me the damned bill. I took you to breakfast.”

“Dude, you’re a broke college prick now who is going to shack up with his girlfriend and live in sin. I got it. Besides, I owe you for bailing my ass out of jail.” I pulled out a couple of twenties and threw them on the table. “Thanks by the way. You can always tell who your true friends are by who shows up to post your bail.”

We stood up and Seth knocked my shoulder. “Like you have any better friends than me.”

And he was right about that.