Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
What to Expect the Toddler Years (84 page)
Sharing is rarely a toddler’s forte.
Take turns with a timer.
Using a timer as an impartial referee at play dates and play groups is one of the most effective ways to teach children to take turns. It allows a toddler to relinquish a riding toy, a shovel, a wagon, a doll without losing face. It also reduces arguing—it’s tougher to dispute a clock than a parent. Explain “I am going to set the timer. When the timer rings, your turn will be over and it will be Molly’s turn.” It may take several demonstrations and runthroughs before the children accept the timer idea, but with persistence this technique will pay off.
Take taking turns patiently.
Remember that your toddler can’t be expected to regularly cooperate in the give-and-take of turn taking with playmates until at least his third birthday.
ROTECTING YOUR VALUABLES
“We collect pottery and other art objects, and it’s important to us that our son learn to respect them and their delicate nature. But we’re afraid to let him learn at the expense of our collection.”
Very wise. Though it’s not too early to begin your toddler’s fine arts training, your fine arts collection will, as you fear, be at considerable risk unless you protect it during the training process—which can take a year or two, or even more.
It often appears that the goal of any toddler confronted with a roomful of valuables is to search and destroy. But that’s rarely the case. What’s behind your child’s behavior is much more likely to be the perilous partnership of curiosity and clumsiness. Seeing something interesting, he picks it up to get a closer look, and (oops!) drops it. If it’s breakable, it breaks.
Your cherished collectibles will obviously stand the best chance of survival if they’re packed safely away for a few years. But keeping breakables safe by keeping them from your toddler teaches him nothing about respect for the possessions, delicate or otherwise, of others. It also deprives you of the enjoyment of your belongings.
The best way to deal with your situation is to follow a four-pronged plan, which includes protecting your valuables, teaching your child to respect the words “don’t touch,” training him to touch okay touchables gently and carefully, and instilling in him an appreciation of your treasures.
Safeguarding valuables.
How best to do this depends on what your collection is like, how extensive it is, where it is ordinarily kept, and whether your child generally plays nearby. Whatever the situation, anything that is breakable or dangerous to your toddler
must
be placed out of his reach. (Keep in mind that he is perfectly capable of climbing.) Irreplaceable items should probably be stashed away temporarily, even if you take other precautions. Ideally, try to house the rest of your collection, at least for the moment, in an area that is not accessible to your toddler, and then limit his access to supervised periods only. If your toddler and your collection must frequently share a space, a locked case with safety-glass doors or a high shelf running around the room at a 6- or 7-foot height are possible alternate display solutions.
SHOPPING WITH TODDLERS: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
It’s yet another of the ironies of parenting: Having a toddler makes it necessary to do more shopping, yet that same toddler also makes it almost impossible to get any shopping done at all. Parenting a toddler certainly signals the end of shopping as you knew it. If a toddler isn’t disappearing down the frozen-food aisle, he’s knocking over a carefully stacked display of cereal boxes. If she isn’t vanishing behind a sale rack, she’s trying to go up the “down” escalator. If he isn’t loudly demanding that you buy a treat or toy he’s just spied on the shelf, he’s throwing a full-blown tantrum before an audience of disapproving witnesses. If she isn’t hungry (“right now!”), she’s thirsty (“right now!”), and if she isn’t either, she has to go to the potty (“too late!”).
Yet shop we must. Following these tips won’t make the process entirely painless, stress-free, or a logistical piece of cake, but they may help you get the job done:
Don’t leave home
with
“it.” A toddler, that is. Unless a fitting is necessary (as it is with shoes), even shopping for toddler clothing is better accomplished without the toddler (chances are, he or she will refuse to try them on, anyway). Seize the opportunity to shop whenever there’s someone else around to stay home with your child—at stores with convenient evening, round-the-clock, or weekend morning hours. Or organize a baby-sitting/shopping co-op with a friend who has a toddler: You can take turns watching the kids and shopping. Or alternate shopping duty with your spouse—one of you stays home with the toddler and the other can go off to the store. If you both work outside the home, make plans for one of you to stop at the store while the other goes home. Or bring a sandwich to eat at your desk, and shop during your lunch hour if you can. Or don’t leave home at all: When possible, phone grocery orders in to markets that will deliver. Order clothing through catalogs or department store circulars (or, if you’re adventurous, via computer or TV shopping shows).
When you can’t leave home without “it,” make sure “it” is in a relatively good mood—fed, well rested, and not overstimulated. There’s no predicting toddler behavior, but there’s no point in writing a script for disaster (suggested title: “Mayhem in the Market”) by taking a hungry, tired, and/or cranky toddler to the store. Avoid staging “Showdown at the Children’s Shoe Corral,” by keeping your saddlebags well packed whenever you stray from home (see page 251).
Enlist help. Almost anyone who is spry enough to chase a toddler down the aisles will do. Even a preteen who isn’t old enough to baby-sit alone can do a good job of looking after your toddler while you shop.
Be a list-maker. Before leaving home, make a detailed list of needed groceries. This is easier to do if you make a master inventory list, arranged in the order you typically proceed through the store (or stores), with items found in the same section (or store) grouped together. List frozen foods and other perishables last and leave some blank space for specialty items. Then make a couple of dozen copies of the list for easy checking-off before your weekly marketing. Make lists, too, for clothing, drugstore, house wares, and other shopping excursions. Though all this takes some time at home, it can cut down dramatically on
the time spent shopping. It can also eliminate the last-minute dash during checkout for the carton of eggs you forgot, as well as the extra trips to the market when you forget the eggs entirely.
Prepare your toddler positively. Announce just what you will be shopping for (food, sneakers, a book), but don’t plant ideas in your toddler’s head by saying, “We’re
not
going to be buying candy, party shoes, or toys.” Toddlers are talented enough at coming up with such ideas on their own. (When they do, of course, you have to be talented enough to know how to say “No.”)
Use the positive approach, too, about the behavior you expect. For example, before going through the automatic doors at the supermarket, say “You’re going to ride in the shopping cart; you can help me find the foods on our list and put them in the cart,” not “You can’t walk around inside, and you can’t touch anything!” And don’t forget positive reinforcement in the form of a few words of praise when your toddler has exercised even a modicum of restraint while you shop.
Provide transportation. You may also be able to cut your shopping time if you can persuade your toddler to ride in the shopping cart at the supermarket rather than toddle down the aisles. (Young toddlers, of course, should be strapped into the cart for safety. Thousands of small children annually sustain injuries that require emergency room care when they tumble out of carts).
Or use a stroller if you only have a few items on your list. Hook a small shopping basket over the handles of the stroller and keep your little one buckled in while you shop. (Avoid overloading the basket—once the groceries outweigh the child, all will topple backwards.) The stroller can also be a boon at shopping malls. Be sure to bring along toys or trinkets to occupy your toddler while you shop. They should be securely attached—so that you won’t have to spend half your time looking for what was dropped in the last aisle or three stores back.
Make a run for it. Leave label reading, coupon clipping, comparison shopping, and careful scrutiny of produce for solo trips to the market. Take the time to analyze a unit price, and your toddler could be three aisles away.
Consider the convenience of convenience stores. When all you need is a container of milk and a couple of bananas, the easy in-and-out accessibility of a convenience store may make the higher prices well worth it.
Steer clear of trouble. If you know your regular shopping destinations well, it should be fairly easy to circumvent or at least speed by potential hot spots (such as the toy department, the fine china and crystal section, or displays of marshmallow-laced cereals). Some supermarkets have a candy-free checkout counter to eliminate (at least in theory) the threat of toddler tantrums (“get me that bubble-gum, or I’ll scream!”); if your favorite store doesn’t, suggest that they set one up.