What to Expect the Toddler Years (55 page)

Are two naps too many? Most toddlers need only one at this age. Try weaning yours from her morning snooze by pushing it later and later (by fifteen minutes a day), until it becomes an early afternoon nap. This will probably eliminate her need for the late nap. (It may, however, trigger a couple of unpleasant temporary side effects; see page 141.)

Is one nap too many? The occasional eighteen-month-old can zoom through the entire day without stopping for a single Z. If this is the case with yours, she may be better off conking out for the day at 7 or 7:30 than sleeping the early evening hours away and then burning the midnight oil. And you may be better off, too. An afternoon “rest period” may stand in well for the nap; see above. If she still needs a nap, she will probably doze off during this rest time.

Is she sleeping late in the morning? Late risers tend to have a late napping schedule. To change this, begin waking her ten or fifteen minutes earlier each morning until she’s getting up at what you consider a reasonable time. As you do this, her nap (or naps) and evening bedtime should start to move toward an earlier schedule.

Is she taking a late-morning nap? A nap taken late in the morning could push back her afternoon nap. Try moving the morning nap earlier by fifteen minutes each day. Do the same with the afternoon nap, until both fall at more convenient hours.

Is she sleeping for two or three hours in the morning? Such a long morning nap would almost certainly interfere with her need for an early-afternoon siesta. So wake your toddler fifteen minutes earlier from each morning nap until she is sleeping no more than an hour in the morning.

In some situations, the late nap is a boon to a family’s schedule. If both parents get home late from work, for example, they can have a quiet meal together as their toddler sleeps, and can then spend time with her before she’s off to bed. If that’s the case in your family, leave things the way they are for the moment.

“Our son used to take a two-hour nap every afternoon. Recently, he’s refused to nap at all, no matter what I do. Is he ready to give up his nap?”

A toddler often needs his nap a lot more than he thinks he does; the problem lies in convincing him of this. With so much to do, and so little time in a day to do it, toddlers understandably balk at taking an hour or two off for sleep; after all, why lie down in a darkened room when you can climb, run, explore, and play in the daylight?

Sometimes, a toddler gives up his nap prematurely because of a one-time event that knocked his schedule out of whack—an afternoon birthday party or trip to the movies, a weekend at Grandma’s (where it’s too much fun to sleep). Less often, he gives it up because he really doesn’t need it. If your child sleeps well at night, seems rested in the morning, is happy and generally good-tempered all day, he probably can drop his nap. If, however, he seems chronically cranky and overtired, easily frustrated and poorly coordinated (tripping over his feet, for example) at his customary nap time or in the evening, try some gentle persuasion to get him napping again. See page 33 for tips on getting your toddler to nap.

At first, your toddler may not fall asleep at the appointed nap time, or may nap only sporadically, no matter what you do. But if you persist with a regular nap-time routine, he may give in. Even if he doesn’t, he will get a much-needed break from his hectic day, and a quiet interlude may turn out to be all he needs. Stick to the nap ritual, whether or not your child actually falls asleep—as long as he doesn’t spend the entire time protesting instead of resting.

If your toddler resists both nap and quiet times, and he continues to show signs of fatigue, shoot for an earlier bedtime.

“Our daughter wakes up before the crack of dawn—usually 5:00
A
.
M
.—
every single morning. Either we go to bed at 8:30 in the evening in self-defense, or we’re constantly exhausted.”

Like farmers, parents of small children rarely need to set an alarm clock—the rousing call of the average toddler is as difficult to sleep through as the rooster’s crow. (And unlike the rooster, who makes his racket and then retreats to the chicken coop, the toddler will persevere loud and long until every member of the household is awake.)

There may well be no rest for the early-morning weary for many years to come; it’s usually not until well into the school years (when you
want
them up early) that early risers start sleeping in. Until then, you have nothing to lose by trying the following tips. And, who knows—you might even net yourself a few precious minutes of sleep in the process:

Regulate the pace of your toddler’s life
. Lots of exercise and fresh air during the day plus lots of relaxing and unwinding at night yields the best sleep. Too much stimulation during the day, on the other hand, especially near bedtime, can sabotage peaceful sleep.

Nix a too-early nap.
If your toddler gets up at 5
A.M
. and naps at 8, that 8 o’clock nap may be the problem. Her early-morning waking may be more like a middle-of-the-night waking, after which she completes her normal sleep span with the nap. To move her nap time to a later hour, start the nap ten minutes later every morning until she’s napping at 10
A.M
. or 10:30. She may be cranky for a while, but as her body adjusts to the new nap schedule she should start sleeping later in the morning.

Establish a waiting period
. Instead of rushing into her room the moment you hear a peep from your toddler in the morning, wait ten or fifteen minutes—even if she’s crying. It’s possible that she will cry a bit, then turn over and go back to sleep.

Postpone bedtime.
A too-early bedtime can sabotage your chances of getting your wake-up call at a decent hour. If your toddler’s currently hitting the hay at 7
P.M
., try tucking her in about ten minutes later each night until her bedtime is at 7:30 or 8 instead. Be aware, however, that overtired toddlers rarely sleep well or late; there’s usually no benefit in keeping them up
extremely
late.

Shut out the dawn
. Some toddlers are more sensitive to incoming light than others, so it’s worth a try to darken your daughter’s room in an effort to keep her asleep longer. Hang drapes lined with room-darkening fabric, or add a room-darkening shade or blind. If traffic or construction-work racket is the suspected problem, keep your toddler’s windows closed. If it’s the sound of others in the family who rise early, close your toddler’s door.

Put entertainment at her fingertips
. It’s possible that keeping a favorite toy or two in your toddler’s crib may encourage her to amuse herself upon waking, giving you an extra few minutes of early morning peace. (Be sure she can’t hurt herself on these toys or pile them up to scale the heights of the crib rail.) It’s also possible that it won’t; some toddlers aren’t happy until they’ve roused some human company.

Cut down on nighttime liquids
. If your toddler’s still taking a bottle of water to bed, a sopping diaper may be waking her up early. Stop that bottle, if possible, as well as other excess fluids, before bed.

Postpone breakfast.
Feeding your toddler—fluids or solids—as soon as she wakens trains her tummy to wake at daybreak. Instead, try tabling her morning meal until it’s less like dawn and more like morning. Again, use the ten-minutes-a-day approach, until you have breakfast time where you want it. If she’s really ravenous, give her a very light snack (such as a cracker or some dry cereal) to hold her off until breakfast.

Accept what you can’t change
. Though you may not feel healthier, wealthier, or wiser for your “early-to-bed-and-early-to-rise” routine, you may have to get used to it. Your child may just not need as much sleep as you’d like her to need. Very few parents can count among their blessings a late-sleeping toddler; many, like you, have an early bird in their nest.

“Bedtime is a battle in our house. Our son doesn’t want to go to bed, and once he’s there, he drives us crazy with calls and demands.”

Bed ranks high on the list of places a toddler would least like to be—right up there with the changing table and the doctor’s office. Most toddlers
are happiest when they’re on the go, and coming to a screeching stop at bedtime can be distressing. Going to bed not only requires leaving his toys and his family for ten or twelve hours but also resigning himself to ending his exploits for the day. Add to that what may be budding fears of the dark and of being alone, and it’s not surprising that many toddlers make a fuss when bedtime approaches.