Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
What to Expect the Toddler Years (26 page)
A toddler at play can be a scientist, a parent, a firefighter, a construction worker, a dancer, a musician, a cowherd; there is virtually no area of life about which play can’t teach.
Play builds self-esteem. Children tend to play at what they do well, something that can bring them what they consider success. The fact that they make up the rules during play time increases their chances of success. With no adults telling them what they’re doing wrong toddlers can also feel free to try and fail—and to try and try again—without feeling inadequate.
Play builds social skills. Long before children begin socializing, play prepares them for social experience. Since the
first playmates are usually inanimate and nonthreatening—a teddy bear, a doll, a truck—they’re perfect tools with which to practice interactive skills. Later, play with peers builds on this foundation, as children learn (eventually) how to share, wait for a turn, stand up for their own rights, and care about the rights of others. Play with parents hones social skills, too; studies show that children whose
parents play with them ultimately do better socially.
CONTAINING THE CLUTTER
If there’s a down side to toddler’s play, it’s the disarray and clutter that so often go with it. As beneficial as toys are to your toddler, there will be many days when you’ll wish they’d all vanish from your home—days when you’ll feel as though you’ve done nothing but pick up (or step on or trip over) blocks, dolls, puzzle pieces, and miniature cars.
In time and with your persistence, your child can learn to clean up after a day’s play; in the meantime, you can help contain the mess by making sure your toddler has:
A play space. Ideally, this should be an area that you can oversee from wherever you spend most of your at-home time (the family room, your home office, the living room, or wherever). Define the space where toys are permissible (the living room carpet, the family room, your toddler’s room). At first this won’t mean much to your toddler; toys will be dragged all through the house. But if you keep making a point of returning the toys to and setting them up in the same area each day, your toddler will eventually get the message that play should take place in the play area. Ideally, this area should include: a comfy place to cuddle up in—an armchair or small sofa that you and your child can use for reading, telling stories, and so on; two toddler-size chairs (one for your toddler and one for a playmate or a parent) and a small table for doing puzzles and art projects, playing games, and, of course, serving tea; a safe, efficient, easy-to-reach and easy-to-use storage system; carpeting or an area rug so playing on the floor will be comfortable on chilly days.
A place for everything—so everything can be in its place, at least occasionally. Large, colored baskets on deep shelves are a good way to store toys. Assigning a color for each type of toy (green for blocks, blue for cars, yellow for stuffed animals, and so on) simplifies clean-up and will help your toddler learn to recognize colors. If you use a toy box, see page 627.
A regular clean-up routine. Whether at the end of each play period or the end of each day, make clean-up part of your routine. Though you’ll do most of the work, involving your toddler is an important first step in fostering responsibility for caring for his or her own belongings. (“It’s time to put the toys away. The blocks go in the green basket. Can you put your blocks in there?”) Work on putting away one toy type at a time (blocks, puzzles, books, etc.) to avoid confusion and overload. Playing, singing, or humming a special clean-up tune can make the job more fun. By the second birthday, a challenge to “clean up by the time I count to 100” or “by the time the buzzer rings” can turn a tedious chore into an entertaining game.
For tips on teaching an older toddler to take care of his or her belongings, see page 417.
BUY RIGHT
There’s something about shopping for toys that brings out the kid in every grown-up. And when the kid comes out, it’s tough for some grown-ups to keep in mind who they’re shopping for. Instead of buying what’s appropriate for the child in their lives, they tend to buy what appeals to the child in themselves: an intricate train set for the infant still in the cradle, a computerized alphabet game for the child who hasn’t yet spoken his first word, a tricycle for the tot who hasn’t taken her first step. Premature purchases that aren’t just uninteresting for the young recipients, but often completely unusable, and sometimes even unsafe.
To avoid falling into this toy trap and filling your toddler’s toy chest with unsuitable selections, be sure to observe the safety guidelines on page 656 and the specific suggestions that follow:
Don’t choose toys your toddler’s not developmentally ready for. Overcome with nostalgia, you may be tempted to buy a Barbie for your two-year-old. But she can’t possibly dress it, and by the time she can, it’ll be ready for the trash bin. Hold off, too, on electric trains, a Monopoly set, or any other tempting toy that appeals to the kid in you. It’s the kid in your kid you should try to please. Judge less, however, by what your child demands than by what he or she actually plays with at home. The glitziest toys often have the shortest playing power.
Don’t overlook non-toys as playthings—a measuring cup that can be used to mold sand at the playground; a large cardboard box to climb in and out of; a small cardboard box to use as a garage for cars or a table for dolls; paper bags for making masks, costumes, and puppets, and to use for carrying around belongings; a blanket draped over two chairs to create a “tent.” Also great: mixing bowls and spoons, small unopened cans of food or empty cereal or cracker boxes, and some plastic flatware, dishes, and cups.
In general, don’t buy what offends you or your values. But leave yourself open to compromise when it’s something your child is truly yearning for (see page 226).
Avoid excess. Young children are not born with great expectations—the adults in their lives (and, later, their peers and television) generate the expectations. Even if you can afford to go overboard at birthdays and holidays, don’t. Children with closets full of toys often bounce from one to the next and don’t appreciate or enjoy any of them. If your toddler already has a colossal collection, rotate the toys, making only a few available at a time.
Be a borrower and a lender. Set up a toy co-op with other parents you know, so that you can trade toys, especially big ticket items and toys that are outgrown before they’re worn out.
Look for versatility. Toys should offer a variety of play possibilities rather than a variety of elaborate features; they should stimulate children to do, rather than do for them.
Don’t discourage originality in your child’s play. A child should be allowed to play with a toy his or her own way—even if it’s not the way the designers had in mind. The only exception: when originality can lead to danger.