Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
What to Expect the Toddler Years (59 page)
Give her a turn.
Your toddler may feel less victimized if she’s allowed to shampoo someone herself—a doll or a bath toy with hair to shampoo. She can use the watering can, too. Or try the distraction techniques in the box on page 156.
Let her watch.
Mount an unbreakable mirror in the tub so shampooing can become a spectator sport. Making “suds sculptures” with your toddler’s hair (but try to avoid creating tangles) can also be diverting. Encourage her to sculpt her doll’s hair into interesting shapes with the suds, too.
Don’t overdo it.
Unless the weather’s hot or your toddler’s hair is unusually oily (or matted with food), one shampoo a week is enough.
ESISTANCE TO HAND WASHING
“Our toddler’s hands get unbelievably dirty during a morning of play. But he won’t let us wash them before he eats.”
Dirt and toddlers are constant companions. The sandbox set routinely sport blackened knees, filthy forearms, grimy elbows, sticky faces, and dirt-encrusted knuckles. These toddler trademarks
develop as surely as temper tantrums and picky eating habits.
But though most of the dirt a toddler attracts during a morning’s play can safely remain intact until his nighttime tubbing, the dirt on his hands should be removed before he eats—particularly since he’s likely to be using his hands to feed himself. And though most toddlers relish a dunk in the tub, many, like yours, regularly resist hand washing.
Whether your toddler likes it or not, however, he should get into the hand-washing habit. Hand washing is a cornerstone of personal hygiene; it not only helps to keep dirt out of your toddler’s food but also to prevent the spread of germs. To make hand washing less onerous and more fun:
Put hand washing in his hands.
The more control toddlers have over an activity, the less likely they are to have an aversion to it. If you’ve been washing your toddler’s hands, turn the soap and water over to him, and much of his resistance may go down the drain with the dirt. Don’t make a fuss about the mess he’ll inevitably make—it can be mopped up afterward. Do adjust the water temperature for him, though, to avoid burns. (As a safety precaution, keep your home water heater set below 120°F. And, when your child’s old enough to adjust the water himself, teach him to turn on the cold-water faucet first to avoid scalds.)
Check his handiwork when he’s finished; if his hands don’t look much cleaner than when he started, have him try again. Or let him wash your hands while you wash his.
Put hand washing within his reach.
One of the most frustrating parts of hand washing for a toddler is the stretch—literally. Providing your toddler with easy access to the bathroom sink (via a steady step stool) and placing accessories (soap and towel) within reach can help him feel more in control of the process. Another way to make hand washing more fun: Invest in (or borrow) a portable “toddler sink” that can be attached to the side of the bathtub at toddler level.
Switch to liquid soap.
Bar soap is not only slippery and difficult for little fingers to lather, but it collects almost as much dirt as your toddler’s hands and can serve as a breeding ground for bacteria. To keep your toddler from getting carried away with the liquid soap pumping, hand it to him, let him dispense a generous dollop, then return the pump to the sink. As an alternative, you or your toddler can squirt a bit of liquid soap onto a washcloth. After using the cloth to wash his hands, your child can rinse them under the faucet.
Let him use wipes, when appropriate.
When you’re away from home, disposable wipes may be the easiest and most sanitary way of giving hands a quick wash, and even a fairly young toddler can use them. Encourage him to make the wipes as “dirty” as he can, so that more of the grime will come off of him.
EALOUSY
“Our son seems jealous. Every time my husband tries to hug me, he pushes us apart and complains. At first we thought it was cute, but it’s getting annoying.”
A lot of toddlers have a little Oedipus in them; they display an excessive and possessive love for their moms, and even talk of marrying them. These feelings are normal, and if handled properly, transient. In fact, by the time they reach three or four, many boys keep their mothers at arm’s length, rejecting hugs
and kisses. Instead of reacting angrily (spurning your toddler for Daddy will only fuel jealousy and confirm his fear that Daddy poses a threat) or too sympathetically (spurning Daddy for him will only confuse his notion of family dynamics), try reacting with good humor. So that he won’t feel left out, include him in your hugs when he seeks to pry you apart (and remind him, “I love you
and
I love Daddy—I love you both very much”). And be careful not to encourage fantasies because they’re cute or you’re flattered. (Explain: “You can’t marry me, because I’m your mommy, but you can marry another nice woman when you grow up.”)
A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR
Mary Poppins had the right idea when she prescribed a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. But since sugar is bad for a toddler’s teeth (and, questionable for their health in general), it’s advisable to choose other methods of making medicine—and having shampoos, getting dressed, putting away toys, washing up, and other necessary routines—palatable. Here are a few that Ms. Poppins (and pediatric dentists) could recommend wholeheartedly:
Laughable lyrics.
You don’t have to be a Rodgers or a Hammerstein to entertain a toddler with an impromptu chorus of “I’m going to wash those elephants right out of your hair” or “This is the way we dress our feet . . .” or a parody of your own making. The more nonsensical and outrageous the lyrics, the more likely your toddler will be distracted by them. Use the same silly song each time you perform an un popular task and your toddler may come to look forward to the song so much that shampooing, dressing, and washing will be endured without a squabble.
Mommy’s (or Daddy’s) mistakes.
As some one small who’s always being told what to do and how to do it, nothing gives your toddler more enjoyment than showing you the errors of
your
ways. The object of this game is to give your child that distinct pleasure while giving you the distinct pleasure of his or her compliance. When you want a cup of milk downed, for instance, you might say, “Oh, boy—yum, yum, my milk. I think I’m going to drink it.” After you’ve drawn the bath and your toddler is about to draw a battle line, announce, “I’m all ready for my bath,” and proceed to pretend to get into the tub fully dressed. Your toddler will get a kick not only out of correcting you with, “
My
milk!” or “
My
bath!” but out of the goofy incongruity of the situation. And you’ll get a kick when your child (you hope) takes the cup and drinks the milk or scrambles into the tub before you do.
Reverse psychology.
Turning the tables sometimes turns the tide. See page 316.
Situation-saving sillies.
In this game, you get silly (rather than angry) when trouble is about to erupt. You pretend, for example, to put the mittens on the dog when your toddler refuses to don them, or to struggle into your toddler’s coat when he or she’s resisting getting dressed to go outdoors. With any luck, the game will not only yield giggles, but results, too: “No,
my
mittens!
My
coat!”
Funny faces.
Again, it doesn’t take much to amuse a toddler. Puffed out cheeks, a scrunched-up mouth, a protruding tongue—improvise until you tickle that funny bone
and make your toddler forget what it was he or she didn’t want to do.
Uncharacteristic utterances.
High, low, squeaky, creaky, mouse-like, clown-like—the sound of an unexpected voice can of ten distract a toddler long enough to en able a parent to get through even the most difficult of routines. If you’re one of those talented parents who can produce realistic sound effects (a buzzer, horn, siren, animal imitations, or what have you), use them to amuse and catch a resisting toddler off guard.
An imaginary setting.
A toddler who’s resisting a pair of shoes may relent if you play “shoe store.” Line up a few pairs that are obviously not toddler-size and suggest “Let’s try these on.” After giggling his or her way through a couple of wacky misfits, your toddler may relish trying on a pair that’s “just right.” Likewise, play “beauty shop” at bath time, “clothing store” at dressing time, “restaurant” at mealtime.
Giggly games.
Hold a hand-washing contest (who can suds up faster?); a mitten-donning race (who can get their mittens on first?); a pick-up party (who can stash away more toys?).
Character charades.
Shampoos are much more fun when Big Bird does the sudsing, shoes are much less of a bother to have buckled when Dumbo does the honors. Becoming one of your toddler’s favorite storybook or television characters can make it easier to get almost any unpleasant job done.
Gotcha! gambling.
Everyone loves to win a bet, and older toddlers are no exception. The challenge, “I bet you can’t get your shoes on before I get mine on,” can motivate a child to move faster than nagging, threatening, pleading, and screaming combined. There’s incentive not only to win the bet but to prove you wrong. For variety, you can set your challenges to music, à la musical chairs (“I bet you can’t put your books back on the shelf before I finish singing”). Or use a timer’s buzz (“I bet you can’t wash your hands by the time the buzzer buzzes”). Or, if your toddler is interested in numbers, extend a numerical challenge (“I bet you can’t put away your blocks by the time I count to ten”). When he or she’s older, try a count down in stead. (“Ten, nine, eight . . . three, two, one, blast off!”)
An important rule of the game: If your toddler takes you up on your wager, let him or her win—even if it means putting your shoes on at a snail’s pace, singing in an exaggeratedly slow fashion, or taking two minutes to count to ten. Without the satisfaction of winning, your toddler’s much less likely to accept your wager next time.
It’s important that there be no payoff in this game, other than the fun of coming in first. You don’t want to start promoting full-fledged gambling.
Make sure, too, that your toddler’s getting plenty of loving attention from both of you. If he’s wary with Daddy, having them spend time together—“just us boys”—will help them grow closer. Eventually he will realize that he can’t take Daddy’s place, but he can be like him. Then their relationship will blossom.
Many girls also favor Mommy early on. Other children are Daddy’s girls (or boys) almost from birth. It’s important to remember that favoritism of any kind is not a personal affront to the less-favored parent of the moment but simply a matter of normal development. During later stages, many children shift their loyalties to the other parent—and still later, may swing back again.
ARLY TANTRUMS
“I’ve heard of tantrums during the terrible two’s; my daughter seems to be starting early. Is that possible?”
Indeed it is. It’s not unheard of for even a twelve-month-old-child to kick and scream when she doesn’t get what she wants. And by the middle of the second year, most children exhibit some
“terrible two’s” behavior. Tantrums may be full-blown, very mild, or somewhere in between. Read about how to handle them on page 339.
TOYS, PLAYTHINGS, AND ACTIVITIES AT EIGHTEEN MONTHS
At a year and a half, toddlers are a handful and a half. No longer is keeping them busy as easy as putting them in front of a busy box. The typical eighteen-month-old has become more verbal and sociable, is learning the art of pretending, mastering a long list of new skills (stacking three or four blocks in a tower, throwing a ball, pulling a pull toy, opening and closing containers, turning pages and knobs, fitting shapes into a sorter, rocking a “baby”), and is ready for many more challenges. To provide your toddler with those challenges, make sure you provide a wide range of playthings that stimulate the fascinating little person he or she is.
Child-size table and chairs are perfect for games, puzzles, tea parties, coloring, and so on. Look for chairs with legs that get wider at the bottom to reduce the chance of tipping, and check the height of both the table and its chairs to be sure they are right for your toddler. (An 11-inch chair and a 20-inch table usually “fit” until age four.) Also important is adequate and accessible storage space for toys (see page 57 for tips on toy storage). And for carrying toys on outings and trips, a small tote or toddler backpack.
The Toys for Tots recommended on page 56 are suitable for your eighteen-month-old, but they are sure to be used in a more sophisticated way now. Remember to select a few toys from each category so that your toddler will develop a wide variety of interests and skills. And, of course, be sure to check toys for age appropriateness and safety (see page 658).
ELAYED WALKING
“Our eighteen-month-old son is the only child in his play group not walking on his own. Though he seems normal in every other way, we are very concerned.”
Most children are walking unassisted by eighteen months, but occasionally a perfectly normal toddler refuses to toddle until a bit—rarely, a lot—later. Sometimes fear (because of a previous nasty fall) keeps a toddler from letting go and taking off on his own. Sometimes it’s proficiency as a crawler (he knows he can get around more quickly on hands and knees than on two feet). Sometimes a very slow gross-motor developmental timetable is responsible. And sometimes walking is delayed by a problem that needs medical attention.
Your first step in finding out why your son hasn’t yet taken his first solo steps is to consult his doctor, who might refer you to a specialist. If a thorough medical work-up rules out a developmental problem, you can breathe easier. But you can also take some steps to encourage your toddler’s stepping out: