What to Expect the Toddler Years (268 page)
Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
But when you’re down with the flu, you need your rest at least as much as your toddler needs that care and attention, particularly if you’d like to get better fast. If there’s any possibility at all of having someone stay at home with you or of farming your toddler out to a friend or a relative for the day, seize it. If not, and you’re stuck home alone with your toddler, you can try to enlist his cooperation by explaining (in simple toddler terms) that you need to stay in bed as much as possible in order to get better. Remind him how awful he felt when he was sick, and how he didn’t feel much like running around.
If you can’t seem to get your toddler to slow down out of the goodness of his heart (a likely possibility), don’t try to instill guilt by playing the martyr (“I’m so sick, and you won’t let me lie down for ten minutes!”); remember, he’s just a toddler. Instead, try to get him to slow down for the fun of it. Appoint him “doctor for the day” while you play patient. This will make him feel grown-up and important and
may
make him more cooperative. It will also keep him occupied for a while. Let him go at you with the stethoscope and blood pressure cuff from his play doctor’s kit; encourage him to plump your pillows, fluff your blanket, feel your head (and then his, so he can feel the difference), bring you the remote control or a magazine, even order you to stay in bed. Don’t let him handle any medication you’re taking, however, or leave it at your bedside (even an ostensibly childproof container is not always toddlerproof). Incidentally, if you’re taking a cold preparation, be sure to take a nonsedative formula so that you stay alert enough to take care of your toddler.
Make any room where there’s a television and a comfortable place to lie down your sick room. And though you might be more in the mood for
An Affair to Remember,
bring out a day’s supply of children’s DVDs or keep the television tuned to a children’s channel; this is one time you shouldn’t worry about “too much TV.” Have the room stocked with everything you might need (tissues; a thermos of warm soup or warm orangeade; nonperishable snacks and juice packs for your toddler; piles of books, puzzles, crayons and paper, toys, and other amusements). Having your significantly more healthy other make a plate of sandwiches and stow it in the refrigerator for your toddler’s lunch will save you from having to slave over a jar of peanut butter later on.
When you’re sick with a virus your toddler hasn’t already had, it’s likely he will catch it. Still, it makes sense to explain the rudiments of germ passing to him and to follow the illness prevention tips on page 609.
IFFERING VIEWS ON PARENTING
“My wife and I see things differently on many child-care issues. That means there’s a lot of inconsistency in our daughter’s life, and a lot of arguing going on around her.”
Even couples who otherwise have a great deal in common can have trouble finding common ground when it comes to child-rearing philosophy. After all, it’s rare for a husband and wife to come to parenting with identical backgrounds. The different child-rearing ideas they’ve evolved often fuel disagreements over how to raise their children.
BACK RELIEF
Your toddler may be able to walk, but that doesn’t mean you won’t still be doing a lot of carrying—carrying that can strain your back. To minimize back strain:
Encourage your toddler to walk whenever possible (see page 317). But don’t make it a power struggle, which will only encourage more frequent cries of “Carry me!”
Use the right lifting techniques. Bend at the knees rather than at the waist and lift with your arms and legs rather than your back when picking up your toddler—or anything else.
Use the right carrying techniques. Though it may initially seem comfortable, don’t carry your toddler on your hip for long periods. This position could stress your back muscles and spine, especially if you are twisting and turning at the same time. When you do hip-carry, switch back and forth (side to side). Carrying your child close to your body will also ease back stress. For long walks, many parents find a backpack is a good idea.
Watch your posture. Walk with your pelvis thrust forward and your spine as straight as possible; if stroller handles are too short, invest in a pair of extenders; when standing for long periods, keep one knee bent by raising your foot on a stool; when sitting for long periods, use a chair with a supportive back and arms and a firm seat, and try to keep your knees slightly elevated (use a footstool if necessary); sleep on a firm mattress on your side with your knees bent.
Exercise to strengthen the abdominal muscles that support your back. A DVD may be most helpful in learning the recommended exercises, which usually include the pelvic tilt (pushing the pelvis forward), modified leg-lifts (one at a time with knees bent), and sit-ups (lifting the head and shoulders off the floor but not all the way to the upright position).
Too often, however, the loser in parental child-rearing disputes is the child. Children crave consistency; when their parents send different signals, have conflicting policies, and show open disdain for how the other half parents, children are denied that consistency—and the security that goes with it.
Disagreements over one or another parenting area—bedtimes, discipline, or feeding, for example—are inevitable, but destructive consequences needn’t be. To resolve disputes before they make a victim of your child, try these approaches:
Talk about it ahead of time. Decide how disagreements will be handled before they come up (see suggestions below). Then stick to your conflict-resolution plan.
Don’t disagree in front of your child. Arguing occasionally in front of your toddler about issues that don’t directly affect her is healthy for all of you (see page 757), but arguing in front of your toddler
about
your toddler can be confusing, upsetting, and guilt provoking. Instead, resolve such conflicts behind closed doors (but don’t take them to bed). When a decision must be made on the spot, try to agree on a contingency plan ahead of time, such as deferring to the person who feels most strongly about
the issue until it can be further negotiated later on.
Put safety first. When health, safety, or fairness to a child is concerned, the decision should not be based on opinion, nor should it be one on which you arrive at a compromise. If you and your spouse disagree on what is healthier, safer, or fairer to your child, use this book or another child-rearing resource as referee, or ask the opinion of your child’s doctor.