West For Love (A Mail Order Romance Novel) (16 page)

“Is it because my eyes are blue?”
Anna asked. “They can’t hide.”

“Perhaps. Or maybe my love is that
great.”

“I’m glad,” Anna said. “There is
something different. Something is changing, Thomas...”

“Okay,” Thomas said with
inquisition in his voice.

Anna pushed back on her chair and
put both hands to her stomach. She held the sides of her stomach, thinking
about how it was going to feel in a little while when her belly was so much
bigger, with a baby kicking and moving.

She looked at Thomas and his
eyebrows raised.

“Not sure if you’ve noticed yet,”
she whispered.

Anna pulled at her dress, allowing
her small stomach to show against the dress.

“What are you saying?” Thomas
asked.

“I’m... I’m pregnant, Thomas.”

Thomas hurried and stood up, his
chair falling back and crashing to the floor. He stared at Anna, stuck between
fear and anger. The mood changed so suddenly, Anna gasped for air.

“Thomas...”

“You said you couldn’t,” Thomas
said.

“I said that I didn’t in that year
I was with William,” Anna said. “And when you and I were together for a while
nothing happened. But now... that’s why I was sick each morning. I can feel my
stomach growing already.”

“No,” Thomas bellowed. He pointed a
finger at Anna, shaking like a frightened child. “No. You can’t do this to me.”

“We did this together,” Anna said.
“Thomas, I’m healthy. We can go to Dr. Hibert and make sure...”

“Healthy?” Thomas cut in. “It’s not
about being healthy, Anna.
She
was healthy too. Right up until she gave birth. And then...” Thomas’s face
turned red. “No. I can’t do this again. I can’t, Anna.”

Thomas turned and to Anna’s
complete shock he kicked the chair out of the way, sending it into the air and
crashing against the wall. Anna thought the chair was going to break but it
didn’t. When Thomas was gone, Anna slowly stood and reminded herself to
breathe. The worst thing she could do now was get upset. For her sake. For
Thomas’s sake. For the baby’s sake. She slowly cleaned up from dinner, starting
with the chair Thomas kicked. As she stood in the kitchen washing dishes Jo
came in to join her.

“I heard,” Jo said. “I...”

Anna looked at Jo and saw the pain
in Jo’s eyes. Anna couldn’t be sure if she saw tears in Jo’s eyes because a
second later, the tears flowed from her own eyes. She couldn’t control it. Jo
hugged Anna and held her tight. Anna silently thanked God for having Jo there
more than ever before. Anna couldn’t imagine being alone at such a delicate
time. She felt lost and confused, just like she had back at home only now she
carried life in her womb. It wasn’t that easy to just leave and certainly not
easy to survive. Not that the thoughts entered her mind at all; the commitment
to Thomas, as horribly ironic as it felt was until death came between them. She
would never leave Thomas unless it was by God’s own design.

“It will be okay,” Jo said,
comforting Anna. “He’s scared, sweet Anna, that’s all.”

“Of course he is,” Anna said. “I’m
afraid I’ve let him down. That’s why I’m crying. I never thought I could carry
a child. An entire year...”

“Well, you are with child,” Jo
said, cutting Anna off. “No use in talking about the past. Right now you have a
husband in the bedroom scared half to death.”

“What can I say to him?” Anna
asked. “Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of my pregnancy?”

“It’s not,” Jo said. “Follow your
heart, Anna. That’s what brought you here in the first place. I’m always here
to comfort you, but we both know there’s only person in the world who can truly
comfort you.”

“Thomas,” Anna whispered.

“Thomas,” Jo repeated.

Anna stepped back from Jo and
touched her stomach. She wiped her eyes and went back to cleaning from dinner.
She still had a house to take care of. Chores to complete. To ensure the house
would be settled by the time everyone retired for the night. Once that was
completed, Anna found Thomas standing in the bedroom, hands in his pockets,
looking like a statue.

“Thomas,” Anna said, “I... if I
knew...”

“I asked God for this,” Thomas
said.

The words caught Anna off guard, causing
her to touch her stomach with one hand and reach for Thomas with the other.

“You asked God?”

“I did,” Thomas admitted. “I did.”

“If so, why are you... like this?”

“I said it in a moment of passion,”
Thomas said. “To myself. When we were together, my Anna. Our bodies, our eyes,
just everything. I thought to myself how great would it make our family if we
had a baby of our own. Not that Thomas Jr. isn’t your son, but for a moment, I
saw myself with you, with you carrying a child. If God heard me and did this,
it’s a cruel punishment to my mending soul.”

“You shouldn’t talk like that,”
Anna snapped. “You can’t question God or His actions.”

Thomas looked at Anna like he
wanted to explode. “Anna... you’ve never...”

“I am now,” Anna cut in. She rubbed
her stomach. “This should be a joyous time for us! Instead, I’m worried, scared
for myself and for you. For Thomas Jr. and even Jo. If anything...”

Anna felt her lips quivering. She
was going to lose it again. She didn’t want to do this in front of Thomas but
her emotions were so intense at the moment. Between the thoughts in her mind
and the changes in her body she was quite literally at the mercy of herself.

She began to cry and turned, not
wanting Thomas to see her. She lowered her head and wept, praying silently to
God and speaking to her unborn child. She loved the life in her womb, as much
as she loved the life in the next room.

After a few seconds ticked by, Anna
felt Thomas’s strong hands touch her shoulders.

“Oh, Anna,” Thomas whispered. “This
isn’t right. For you. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Anna shook her head. “No. I
should have known. My body...”

“No,” Thomas said. “This is a
miracle. This is a gift, my Anna, from God to us. We are a family already but
this... this just brings it all together.”

“Thomas, are you afraid?” Anna
asked.

“Yes,” Thomas said.

“I’ll go see Dr. Hibert,” Anna
said. “Every single day if I have to.”

“I know you would,” Thomas said.
“Anything can happen though...”

Anna took a breath and got her
emotions finally under control.

“I’m sorry to cry like that,” Anna
said. “I think that’s going to happen a lot.”

“It’s fine,” Thomas said. “Now... I
need you to relax.”

Thomas’s right hand left Anna’s
right shoulder. A second later it appeared at her stomach. His big hand held
Anna’s stomach with a warmth and protection that made her cry again.

“You’re carrying our child, my
Anna,” Thomas said. “Our family.”

Anna nodded.

Our
family.

Sleep that night was restless as
Anna kept having terrible nightmares, playing out scenes that only Thomas had
lived through. Each time she woke, she touched next to her to make sure that
Thomas was there. After the third nightmare, she found the bed empty. It made
Anna panic because in the nightmare she had a baby but couldn’t find Thomas. It
was her holding a newborn baby as it cried. She ran down a long hall, it was
black as night hall, and she searched for Thomas.

And that’s how she felt walking
through the house only to find Thomas in the same spot she had found him the
first time the bed was empty all that time ago. Sometimes it felt like a
lifetime had gone by and that both she and Thomas had changed so much.

But there he stood, a candle
burning behind him. His eyes fixated on the window in front of him.

“I had a terrible dream,” Anna
said.

Thomas put his arm out and Anna
felt better instantly. It was a real touch from a real man.

“Why are you awake?” Anna asked.

“Thinking,” Thomas said.

“Can I think with you?”

“Yes.”

Anna stood, battling her weary
eyes. They felt like boulders as her muscles were sore, her private areas
tender. But Anna just looked at Thomas, wishing she could protect him forever.

“Is there enough room?” Thomas
asked, his voice soothing but so out of the blue.

“I’m sorry?”

“The house. You, me, Thomas Jr.,
and the new baby...”

“What about Jo?” Anna blurted out.

She couldn’t imagine a day without
Jo in the house.

“Well, you know Josephine has a job
here,” Thomas said. “Thomas Jr. won’t be needing her soon.”

“Then she’ll leave?” Anna asked.

“Yeah,” Thomas said, turning his
head, looking down at Anna. “She’ll need to go work elsewhere. You understand
that, right?”

“I guess,” Anna said. “She’s just
been here since I’ve been here...”

Anna closed her eyes, forcing the
emotions and hormones to calm down.

“Oh, Anna,” Thomas said. “I didn’t
even think of it that way. But, yes, Josephine will leave. She will find other
families to help. Some in my position and some who are wealthy and prefer to
have a wet nurse.”

“I just can’t imagine a day without
her,” Anna whispered.

Thomas nodded. “Without her, I hope
the house will provide for us, my Anna.”

“It will,” Anna said. “There’s
never a place too small to house our family. I’d sleep on the table if I had
to!”

Thomas laughed.

It was good to hear him laugh.

“Come, let’s sleep,” Thomas said.

He walked Anna back to the bedroom
and once there, he touched her shoulder, his hand spreading open. His fingers
grazed down and when he touched Anna’s chest, she shuddered and moaned.

“Does anything hurt?” Thomas asked.

“A little,” Anna whispered. “But
it’s okay... if you want...”

“Let’s wait for a bit,” Thomas
said. “I want to know. For sure. Not that I doubt you.”

“Okay,” Anna said.

Thomas then touched Anna’s stomach
and his hand remained there until Anna fell asleep.

The next passing weeks brought more
changes to Anna’s body. Her small stomach started to grow. Thomas Jr. got more
teeth and poor Jo looked wounded and worn out. Anna joined her in Jo’s room for
a feeding and watched her reaction as Thomas Jr. fed. What once had been a
tender moment between woman and baby, the gift of nourishment, was now a time
of discomfort for Jo.

“This is the tough part sometimes,”
Jo said. “When they get their teeth early.”

For a week now Thomas had been
offering Thomas Jr. food, mashing up vegetables and other foods. The baby took
to some. Others he completely rejected. The only thing he would actually take
was Jo’s breast milk. And Jo, fulfilling all her duties, stuck it out with
Thomas Jr., making sure the baby was fed and happy.

After one of the feedings, Anna
caught a glimpse of Jo’s poor breast and nipple. It looked so sore and tender,
red, showing the obvious effects of Thomas Jr.’s new teeth.

“Will I have to go through that?”
Anna asked, worrying about her own body and breasts.

“Maybe,” Jo said. “But it’s worth
it. And it’s not forever.”

That same day when Thomas came in
from the fields he announced they would be traveling into town to see Dr.
Hibert. To ensure Anna’s health, to celebrate the creation of life, and to
purchase new clothes for Anna. Anna hated the idea of buying new clothes when
she could make her own, but Thomas demanded he buy new clothing for her. She
agreed to purchase only a few pieces and nothing more. When it came time to
leave, Anna didn’t feel comfortable leaving Jo behind. After her conversation
with Thomas about Jo’s eventual departure, it felt like time ticked away faster
than ever with a growing sadness that matched the growing anticipation of the
coming baby.

Jo argued and stayed behind,
something that Anna wept for as they left the house. Thomas had grown
accustomed to Anna’s emotions, always offering a hand or a few kind words.

This ride was no different.

“Anna, I’ve been thinking,” Thomas
said.

“About?” Anna asked, drying her
eyes with her free hand.

She held Thomas Jr. in the other
arm, the baby sitting on her lap. He loved rides in the carriage and always
looked around, snapping his head side to side, not wanting to miss a thing.

“Josephine,” Thomas said.

“I can’t handle the thought of her
leaving,” Anna said. “My heart aches, Thomas.”

“She won’t leave then,” Thomas
said.

“How so?”

“I can’t chase her away,” Thomas
said. “I can’t see you upset. And you were right when you said that Josephine
has been with you since you came to meet me. She even picked you up at the
train depot!”

“I know.”

“Well, I’m going to have her stay.
Even if Thomas Jr. no longer needs her, she’ll stay with us. To see you through
the birth. To see you through nursing our child. Just in case...”

“If I can’t feed our baby?” Anna
asked.

“That won’t happen,” Thomas said.
“But I’d like to have Josephine with us during that time. Until she’s ready to
leave.”

Anna swallowed and wanted to hug
Thomas. She wanted to kiss him, hold him – thank him for everything.

“That means so much to me,” Anna
said. “More than money. Dresses. Thoughts of a bigger house. I hope you know
that.”

“I do,” Thomas said. “I see it in
your eyes, my Anna. I see how much Josephine means to you.”

“To everyone in our house,” Anna
said.

“Yes,” Thomas agreed.

Jo would stay and Anna knew the
kind woman would argue with a smile. She felt it in her heart that Jo didn’t
want to leave. But she also felt Jo would know when it was time to leave. Jo
couldn’t be there forever. She wasn’t much older than Anna... in her
mid-twenties, suffering in a way Anna wish she knew how to help, and working as
a wet nurse to provide happiness for other families. Jo deserved the happiness,
as much as Abigail did.