West For Love (A Mail Order Romance Novel) (11 page)

Anna turned and lowered her head,
feeling foolish for blurting out such a mean thing to a nice woman like Jo. Thankfully,
Jo didn’t take it that way at all. She left the dishes and tended to Anna,
walking her to the dining room and sitting her down.

“I’m so sorry for that,” Anna said.
“I shouldn’t have said that to you.”

“No, I understand,” Jo said. “Was
last night... not okay?”

“It was amazing,” Anna said. “For
me. But Thomas...”

“Don’t think a thing about it,” Jo
said.

“I can’t give him what he wants. Or
Thomas Jr. what he needs.”

Jo closed her mouth and nodded.
Anna could see in Jo’s eyes that she knew exactly what Anna meant.

“And what if Thomas wants a bigger
family? What am I do to then?”

“Who says you can’t have a bigger
family?” Jo asked.

“I was married for a year without a
baby,” Anna said.

“That may not have been your
doing,” Jo said. “Do you have faith?”

“Yes, I do.”

“That’s all you need, sweet Anna.
You and Thomas are meant to be. Let it be.”

That’s what Anna needed to hear.
She collected herself and her tears and spent the rest of the day as the wife
she wanted to be. She took care of the house, the cooking, and even took care
of Thomas Jr. in every way God allowed her. Jo only took the baby when he
needed nourishment.

The days and nights soon began to
move faster than Anna thought they would.

The days were long and hard
sometimes, but Anna forged through them. She took care of everything Thomas
needed and wanted, usually doing so without him saying a word about a thing.
She noticed he didn’t like to ask for things, but he appreciated everything she
did. He took to touching her hands at any opportunity they were free and they
shared moments in bed together, but each time it ended, Thomas always left the
room.

Through the kitchen window, Anna
spent many hours watching Thomas work hard. The crops grew like she had never
seen crops grow before, a testament to the good land and the hard work. When it
came time to sell crops, Anna joined Thomas and brought Thomas Jr. along. She
then got to watch her husband work as a businessman, making the living he
deserved and rightfully earned. Each second she spent staring at Thomas,
watching him work, watching him deal in business, watching him hold Thomas Jr.
and make the baby laugh, Anna fell more in love with him. And it was genuine
love. She wanted to openly celebrate, but she held back for fear of learning how
Thomas actually felt about her. The last thing she would ever want to do was
push Thomas away.

He meant too much to Anna and she
had reached the point that she couldn’t imagine her life without him in it. As
promised to herself, she sat down one evening to write two letters.

She had the paper in front of her
and traced her thoughts, trying to find the perfect words to say.

Jo was nursing Thomas Jr. and
Thomas stepped up behind Anna, standing as she sat. His strong hands touched
her shoulders, sending that intense warm feeling through her body. If Thomas
had been able to see her cheeks right then, he would have seen her blushing.

“Writing?” he asked.

“I promised to pen two letters,”
Anna said.

“Friends or family?”

“Both,” Anna said. “One is for my
sister. One is for the woman who helped me get here.”

“Do you miss your sister?” Thomas
asked.

It was probably the most personal
question he’d asked Anna in over a month.

“I do,” Anna said. “But I worry
more than miss her. I want her to read this letter and understand that life can
exist after pain.”

What Anna wanted to really say was
that love could exist after pain, but she wasn’t sure how Thomas would handle
hearing that.

“Well,” Thomas said, “you tell her
that I’m happy. That our marriage is strong and healthy.”

Anna smiled.

“I’ll leave you be,” Thomas said.

“Thank you,” Anna said.

She thought again about what to
write. She tried to picture Abigail, but it was becoming harder to do. Time had
gone by so fast and with so much involved. Thinking about time bothered Anna.
Anna touched her stomach, feeling let down again. She wasn’t sure why she
expected to carry a child, but she wondered if Jo had been right. That God’s
will didn’t let it happen with William to allow it to happen with Thomas. That
obviously wasn’t the case at all as Anna’s bodily cycle had just come to an
end.

She focused on the letter and
decided to write to Mary first.

Dear
Mary -

How
the weeks go fast! I’m not sure where the time actually goes, but it does go.
My travels were safe and everything was as planned. Thomas is a handsome man,
Mary. More than I feel I deserve. The wet nurse, Jo, is the kindest woman I
ever met - other than yourself, Mary! She is warm, welcoming, understanding,
and what she provides Thomas Jr. is something that leaves me amazed every time
I see it.

I
won’t try and paint a perfect picture, Mary, because perfection is not quite
here yet. Thomas and I married and we have found a way to survive together.
I’ve fallen for that man, Mary. I love him so. But his eyes aren’t the same to
me. I understand and cope but how I wish he could feel the same. When we touch
each other, he enjoys but then leaves the room. I fear he is still lost in
grieving and perhaps rightfully so. He is reminded of his loss each time he
sees his son. Each time Jo provides milk to his son. And each time he looks at
me. I’m not her, Mary, and I can’t be! I know nothing of her, and if I did, I
wouldn’t be anyone but myself.

I’m
sorry if this letter sounds sad. I’m truly not sad. I swear on that. By God’s
will I have the strength to carry through this time right now. To make the
house a home, to cook wonderful meals, to hold Thomas Jr. and watch him grow.
And to watch Thomas as he works so hard on his land. He’s a wonderful man,
Mary. A man who I want to give my all to. I promise you, Mary, I will never
stop loving Thomas and will never step away from him.

In
the beginning Thomas Jr. didn’t take to me. He cried when I held him. But then
came a day where he fell asleep on my shoulder. Oh, Mary, what a feeling!
Holding that warm baby, able to trust me enough to sleep. That was the same day
Thomas insisted we get married. We even shared a kiss- okay, a few! - but please
promise never to share that with anyone. I don’t want to be judged as a woman
who kisses men out of wedlock.

It’s
beautiful here, Mary. The land so vast. The town is far away, but the people
are generous. They understand Thomas, they understand me, and most of all, they
accept us. They accept us together and that does help when things feel... I
don’t know, so lost sometimes.

I
cannot thank you enough, Mary, for all you’ve done for me. By saving those
letters. By sharing them with me. By giving me the chance to finally find my
place and my own happiness. And I do have it! Right here! When Thomas touches
me, it’s a feeling that I know is real in my body and heart. When he looks at
me, I feel... oh, I don’t know how to describe it, Mary... but my face burns
when he looks at me.

I
hope all goes well with yourself and Henry. I miss both you, I really do.
That’s the hardest part for me. I often think of Henry’s nice suits and
terrible whistling! But each time I look at the wet nurse, Josephine, I think
of you Mary.

If
you find time, I would appreciate to read your words.

Sincerely,

Anna

Anna gave the letter a once over
and while she wasn’t sure of the way it sounded, it was how she felt and with
Mary, she knew she could be honest. Mary would understand. Mary had sent many
women off to be married. While Anna wasn’t sure if any of the women wrote back
to Mary, she wanted to believe that some did. And Anna was certain that not all
women find love and happiness.

Anna then went to the next letter,
the one to her sister.

Dear
Abigail -

I
miss my big sister! I think of you, Abigail, that face of an angel. Bright blue
eyes. Beautiful, long hair. I miss it. I miss our talks, our laughs, and how we
always had each other.

I’m
almost pained to write this letter because I fear how it will make you feel.
But Abigail, my sister, I am truly happy! I have fallen in love with a man
named Thomas and his infant son. I am happily married right now as I write
this. I take care of the home and the baby, aside from nursing which is cared
by another woman who works as a wet nurse. She’s a wonderful woman, Abigail,
you’d love her.

Each
day I’m greeted with a beautiful sun rise. My husband goes to work in the field
- perhaps the greatest crops I’ve ever seen grown. He works hard. I cook, I
clean, I care. It’s a life I never thought I’d have. To be happy and in love.

I
share this with you, Abigail, to perhaps help cure your worries. Your worries
of what happened to me before and what happened to you. I can write to tell you
that happiness can come after a heartache. When I look at my husband, Thomas, I
feel it rush through my body. I’m sure it was how you felt at one point in your
life. And, Abigail, you can feel it again!

How
did this all happen?

I
met with a woman named Mary and her brother, Henry. They run the Lowemills
Daily newspaper. They also place ads from men looking for brides. They helped
me connect with Thomas through writing letters to him. And Thomas sent me money
and I traveled on a train to be with him.

I
hope mother and father are well. I hope my absence hasn’t hurt them more than
my divorce had. I feel guilty each day about it, Abigail, wishing there was something
I could have done. But my body - and God - made those decisions! Not me! It’s wasn’t
fair for me to feel the way I did. I understand our parents position and I hope
you can share this letter with them. Let them see that I’ve gone off, on my
own, I’ve found a husband, a family, love, and I’m happy. I say this honestly,
Abigail, I am truly happy. I hope they are happy. Most of all, I hope you’re
happy. I want to know you’re okay. I want to know you’re going to find love
too. You deserve a husband. A family too.

I
will eagerly await a letter from you Abigail.

I
miss you, big sister!

Love,

Anna

Anna slid the letters away from her
and took a deep breath. She had to collect her emotions. Everything came at her
at once by penning the letters. Thinking about William and the divorce. The way
her parents acted. The travel to Kansas. Meeting Thomas. Meeting Thomas Jr..
Everything else...

“Are you done?”

Anna gasped and jumped. She looked
over her shoulder and saw Thomas standing.

“Yes,” Anna said. “I’m done. Can I
mail these tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Thomas said. “We’ll go
into town. We’ll make a list of anything we may need too. I’ll ask Josephine if
there is anything she needs.”

“Thank you.”

Thomas stepped towards the table,
his eyes gazing upon the letters. He looked down at Anna. Anna could see the
intrigue in his eyes.

“You could read them if you’d
like,” Anna said.

“No, I couldn’t.”

Anna smiled. “You could. I want you
too, Thomas. Please.”

“Why?”

“Maybe the written word has more
meaning. Since the ink is on the paper. Stuck there. It can be read again and
again...”

Thomas leaned forward and took
Abigail’s letter first. Anna just stared straight ahead, with her hands folded,
waiting for Thomas to finish reading. She grew nervous wondering how Thomas would
take the words she had to write.

Thomas placed the first letter back
on the table then took the other letter Anna wrote. The one to Mary. The one
with a little more honesty in it. That was the one Anna truly worried about.
She half expected Thomas to storm away. But Thomas didn’t. Instead, just like
before, he placed the letter on the table. He touched Anna’s shoulder.

“Those are nice letters,” he said.
“I’m sure they will be able to receive them.”

“Do they upset you?” Anna asked.

“No,” Thomas said.

It was a quick
no
and nothing more. He
then turned and left the room. Anna watched her troubled husband walk away, but
she didn’t chase right after him. One thing Anna had learned so far about
Thomas was that he liked to be alone when his mind was overwhelmed. Smothering
him only made things worse, often ending with him making a rash decision or saying
something he certainly would regret.

Anna gently folded the letters and
then opened them again to read them one more time.

Had
she said something that should have been kept silent?

If so, Anna could burn the letters.
That was one way of making sure the words disappeared.

Jo came into the room and saw the
table and pointed.

“Finally writing those?” she asked.

“Finally?”

“Well of course,” Jo said. “I never
thought you the type to just run. Plus, you mentioned that woman, Mary,
numerous times. I knew she had to be on your mind. And the other letter...”

“My sister, Abigail,” Anna said.
“Lost her husband.”