West For Love (A Mail Order Romance Novel) (8 page)

“You can have as much room as you
need,” Thomas said. “I know you came with a single suitcase so if there’s
anything you feel you need, we can travel together into town.”

“I’m fine,” Anna said. “I have all
I need right here.”

Thomas put the suitcase down and
stepped towards Anna. His hands were at his sides and remained there as he
stared at her.

“You can have more,” Thomas said.
“There are means for it here. I’ve been very lucky in my life when it came to choosing
land and making financial decisions.”

“I understand that,” Anna said.
“But I’m not here for financial reasons.”

Thomas excused himself and gave
Anna time to unpack her clothing she had brought from back home. She found
nothing in the room that suggested another woman’s presence which made Anna
wonder what had happened to all the clothes that once belonged to Thomas’s wife.

When it was time to share a bed,
the moments that followed were uncomfortable. Anna didn’t want to be the one to
just climb into the bed. It wasn’t her bed really and within her heart, she
wanted Thomas to welcome her to bed. Not with his hands but with his words.
They weren’t married yet, which left Anna wondering when that would happen. She
thought the moment she left the train depot she would be rushed to become a
bride.

Thomas took to the bed first and
pointed to the empty space for Anna.

“We should sleep,” he said. “We
have a busy time ahead of us.”

Anna wasn’t sure what that meant.

Busy getting married?

Busy tending the fields?

Busy trying to bond with Thomas
Jr.?

Whatever it was, Anna still moved
into the bed. The moment her body started to rest, she wanted to fall fast
asleep. It had been one of the longest days of her life, if not the longest.
Sleep would certainly cure most of the problems Anna felt right then. Thomas killed
the lighting in the room, leaving it pitch black. The silence that followed, interrupted
only by the sporadic sounds of an animal outside, suddenly made Anna feel
lonely.

She knew things would ease in time.
This was the exact reason why Thomas hadn’t sent money in his first letter to
her. He gave Anna the chance to truly consider what she wanted. And this was
what she wanted. She could feel it in her heart. She really hadn’t felt alive
in a long time. It could have just been the excitement of the change, but Anna
had faith in more.

And that faith was then proven a
few seconds later when she felt Thomas’s hand touch her hand. His pinky finger
gently moved, wrapping around Anna’s pinky finger. He squeezed and that was all
the conversation they needed for the night.

Anna closed her eyes and fell
asleep.

When she woke, she felt confused.
It was still dark, but something felt very wrong. The first thing she noticed
was that Thomas no longer touched her hand. That was normal, right? He moved in
his sleep... nothing more.

Anna couldn’t shake the feeling so
she lit a candle and the soft glow of light grew to illuminate the entire bed.
She saw Thomas’s side of the bed empty and her heart sank. She thought about
what Jo had said – how Jo feared Thomas would leave a note and disappear
someday. Anna moved the bed covers and looked for a note but there was none.
She got out of the bed, telling herself she needed to find Thomas. If he needed
proof of anything in life, Anna wanted to be that. If that meant tracking him
down in the middle of the night, she’d do it. If that meant doing it every night,
she’d do it.

As Anna tip-toed, she tried to
ensure she didn’t make a sound. The last thing the house needed was for Thomas
Jr. or Jo to be woken up.

Once in the main part of the house,
Anna held the candle out as she walked slowly. The dining room came into view
along with the figure of Thomas standing at the front window of the house. His
hands were in his pockets as he stared. The first sight of him scared Anna a
little, making her think of times when she and Abigail would trade scary
stories about spooks and specters living in their house or in the fields.

“Thomas?” Anna whispered. “Are you
okay?”

Thomas turned his head. “Did I wake
you?”

“No. But I woke and you weren’t
there.”

“First night...”

That’s all he had to say. Anna got
it.

It wasn’t Anna’s first night as
much as it was Thomas’s first night. Not that Anna had failed to think about
that but she suddenly felt foolish for worrying about herself so much. Just
what was it like for Thomas right then? To have another woman in a bed he once
shared with his wife? Was his wife in that same bed when she began to birth
Thomas Jr.? Or worse yet... was that the bed where she...

“I’m sorry, my Anna,” Thomas said.
“I’ve ruined this for you.”

“You haven’t,” Anna said.

She walked to Thomas and placed her
candle on the table. She touched Thomas’s shoulder, casually, just to let him
know she was there.

“That extra money you have still,”
Thomas said. “If you wanted a ticket home...”

“I am home,” Anna said.

Thomas turned his head again and
looked at Anna. “How can I feel such guilt yet be so lucky?”

“You have every right to feel
anything you want to,” Anna said. “I just hope you know you can speak to me
about anything. I won’t judge you. I won’t take harm in it either.”

“Thank you, my Anna,” Thomas said.

“Do you do this often?”

“Come out here at night?”

Anna nodded.

“I guess there’s no point in lying
to my bride-to-be,” Thomas said.

It warmed Anna over, bringing a
little peace to the strange night.

“Yes, I sometimes do,” Thomas said.
“When I have thoughts or dreams.”

“I mentioned my sister,” Anna said.
“And what happened to her.”

“I remember,” Thomas said.

“I helped her. I had to watch her
go through it. There’s nothing I’m afraid of right here.”

“How long would you stay without
being married?” Thomas asked.

His question came from a place Anna
never expected it. The tone of his voice, the look in his eyes. It wasn’t quite
heartbreaking like things had been with William and her parents, but it felt
pretty close. So close, Anna couldn’t control her emotions as she began to tear
up. A tear fell down her left cheek as she stared back at Thomas.

“That’s what I thought,” Thomas
whispered.

He reached up and touched the tear
on Anna’s cheek, transfrering it to his finger.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“No, my Anna, no. You have to show
your pain too. To me.”

“I can’t wait forever then,” Anna
said. “Although my body and mind say yes, I’ll wait, my heart doesn’t.”

“Since there is no forever, you
won’t have to wait that long,” Thomas said.

His words were sharp and
purposeful. Beautiful at that.

Thomas used Anna’s candle to light
his own. He handed one of the candles to Anna, signaling the return to the
bedroom to finish their last hour or two of sleep before morning would bring a
fresh day of life. As they walked side by side through the house, Anna felt a
little more at home. She didn’t like to see Thomas hurting or confused, but she
liked to see the honesty of how he acted. It gave her hope. Then Thomas slipped
his hand over Anna’s hand, taking it and holding tight.

They walked in the darkness, two
candles as their only light. Trying to find their way together.

Somehow, everything was falling
into place and Anna felt herself falling for Thomas.

Chapter Nine

In the early morning the house came
to life. The sounds of Thomas Jr.’s crying demands for nourishment brought
everyone out of their sleep. Anna woke and watched as Thomas climbed from the
bed and dressed himself for another day of work. It must have been the routine
that saved him, which was a blessing. But it made sense too. The routine of
life and nature kept everything moving. The harshest winter could come, but spring
would undoubtedly follow. The hottest months could dry the dirt into flakes of
Earth, but nature would eventually bring rain. Hurt could still exist inside
Thomas but routine allowed him to live each day and work towards happiness.

When she got out of bed and dressed
herself she went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast and found Thomas holding
his son. It was the first time she saw father holding son and it was a moment
that deserved to be captured forever. The way Thomas looked at Thomas Jr. and
the way the baby looked right back at its father was pure love. No matter what
Thomas did or said to the infant, Thomas Jr. smiled. Even when Thomas looked at
Anna and wished her a good morning, Thomas Jr. smiled. A big, toothless smile
with a small dribble of drool at the corner of his mouth.

“Would you, for a second?” Thomas
asked as he started to hold Thomas Jr. out to Anna.

Anna thought about yesterday and
hesitated. But she couldn’t deny the preciousness of the baby and her motherly
instinct and need to hold and care for Thomas Jr.

She took him into her hands and
pulled him to her chest. He turned his head, wanting to see his father, still
smiling. Anna bounced him a little and she felt his hands close around her
shirt. He was holding onto her! He wasn’t crying. He wasn’t kicking. Thomas Jr.
turned his head and looked up at Anna. He had the biggest eyes she ever saw on
a baby, the eyes that were absorbing the world around him at an amazing rate.
Anna just knew Thomas Jr. would grow to be a smart boy and a strong man, just
like his father.

“Hello Thomas Jr.,” Anna whispered.
“I’m so happy to be here with you.”

Thomas Jr.’s head bounced side to
side for a second and his mouth started moving. His head fell forward to Anna’s
chest and she looked down and saw the movement of his lips. His hand pulled at
her as his mouth started to close over her shirt. He was near her chest and it
made Anna giggle.

“I think he’s still hungry,” Anna
said.

She looked at Thomas, who smiled
too. The smile then started to fade. “I’ll get Josephine.”

Anna wished she could nurture
Thomas Jr. in the way Jo did. She wished she could provide the breast milk
Thomas Jr. needed so she could hold him, bond with him, feel his lips attached
to her.

As Thomas started to move by her,
he stopped. His right hand touched Anna’s left shoulder. The rest of his body
touched Anna and Anna tried to control her breathing. Everything about Thomas
made her feel so different, so alive. Thomas looked at his son and touched the
baby’s head.

Anna looked up at Thomas.

There was a look of content on his
face. He looked at Anna.

“Feels right,” he whispered.

“It does,” Anna said.

Thomas Jr. continued to chew at
Anna’s shirt.

“I just wish there wasn’t someone
else involved,” Thomas said. “Not that I don’t appreciate Josephine...”

“I wish too,” Anna said. “I wish I
could...”

“Maybe someday,” Thomas said.

Anna opened her mouth to remind
Thomas that she hadn’t been able to have a child but she decided against it.
Why ruin such a tender moment?

Thomas squeezed Anna’s shoulder and
then left to get Jo.

When Anna handed Thomas Jr. off to
Jo, she went to work, cooking a breakfast that Thomas enjoyed as much as the
dinner the night before. He then set off to work, and Anna had her first full
day in the house. To explore it, to clean it, and to keep her mind and head
straight. She replayed everything, from the second Thomas touched her wrist
after dinner to his big hand sliding into hers as they walked through the house
with candles in the middle of the night. Those were moments that nobody would
know about. That made Anna happy, knowing she had something she could share
with Thomas for the rest of their lives.

Lunchtime quickly came and Anna
cooked and watched Thomas walk through the fields back towards the house. She
marveled at how he moved, constantly scanning the field, ensuring the
perfection of his land. He was a man who took pride in what he had, never
taking it for granted. When he was close enough to the house to see Anna, he
looked at her through the window and stopped walking. Anna wasn’t sure what to
do next, but something came at her like a rolling boulder straight to her
heart.

Staring at Thomas right then proved
something to her.

She wanted to be married to him.

Right away.

Not in a week. Not in a month.

She wanted to be his wife.

She wanted to be Anna Calhor.

And not just because of the
arrangement made through their exchange of letters either. She felt it in her
heart right then, staring at him.

She wanted to be his wife.

Once lunch had been served and Jo
took Thomas Jr. for another feeding (
“Oh,
this baby is like his father,”
Jo said with her large smile,
“he enjoys his meals!”
)
Thomas approached Anna in the kitchen and said, “I’m going to go into town
today. I need to get some supplies.”

“I wouldn’t mind getting some
cloth,” Anna said. “If that’s okay.”

“Of course it is,” Thomas said.
“Are you going to make something for yourself?”

“No. I was thinking of making something
for Thomas Jr.”

Thomas looked touched. “All the
money and you want to spend it on my son?”

“Yes,” Anna said. “You too. You
have a small tear at the back of your pants.”

“My Anna,” Thomas whispered. “I
just wish...”

Anna could see where the look in
Thomas’s eyes appeared to be going. To that distant place where the memories
played over and over, like some kind of haunted showing. She would be lying to
herself if she didn’t admit that she feared Thomas would go to that place
inside his mind one day and never return. But she vowed to fight it. To win him
over. To become part of his routine, his life.