Unveiling The Sky (26 page)

“Hey!” Derek yelled as he pounded on the door by my head. “Get out here. We’re watching a movie.”

I groaned as my head fell against his bare chest. “Go away,” I yelled as Gabe chuckled above me.

“I thought Sundays were about having fun.” Gabe paused and looked down at me with more heat in his eyes than I thought possible. “And I’m having
tons
of fun.”

“It’s supposed to be a group activity.” This came from Naomi, and I was slightly horrified to think about how long they might have been out there.

“You guys want to watch?” Gabe asked with mock horror. I burst out laughing as Derek groaned and Naomi snorted. “What are the chances they’ll leave us alone?” he whispered to me.

I pulled back and arched an eyebrow. He let out a pained breath before grabbing my shirt and fixing it so it wasn’t inside out. I lifted my arms as he helped me into it, and once it was on he gently pulled my hair free until it fanned across my back. He smiled and gave me a quick kiss before reaching for his own, which he pulled on roughly, and I smiled at the contrast between how careful he was with me.

“We can finish this later,” I whispered as I slipped my bra on underneath.

“It doesn’t matter.” Gabe shrugged and pushed my hair behind my ear. When I quirked an eyebrow in question, he continued with an easy smile. “It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. I always have fun when I’m with you.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said softly. And as we walked back into the darkened living room I realized that, for once, I was more comforted by his confession than terrified.

If someone had asked me three months ago if I’d feel as good as I did right now, I would have laughed at them. I still couldn’t believe it myself. I had a great job, amazing friends, and even though Alara and I hadn’t officially said we were dating, there was no doubt in my mind that that’s what we were doing.

So as I waited in my father’s office for our “meeting,” I felt a little sick at how quickly I found myself in my old life. But I’d be a fool to disregard Sam’s warning.

“Gabriel.” His voice sounded from behind me before he closed the door and made his way toward his desk. I closed my eyes and prayed for patience before standing and turning around. I looked into eyes so similar to my own, but instead of feeling the love and respect I should feel toward my father, I felt nothing.
 

“Dad.” I nodded my head and stuffed my hands in my pocket. “How are you doing?”

I wasn’t surprised when he ignored my question and started in on business. “You know, it would have been nice to see more than your taillights when you first came home. Even a phone call would have sufficed. We have a lot of things to discuss and since you’ll be returning soon—”

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sighed and cut him off. “I’m not returning.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I’m not coming back to the company; I’m not going back to Miranda. The only part of my old life I want anything to do with is Sam.”

He was silent for several minutes as he absorbed my words. “That’s not what we agreed to.”

I rolled my eyes. “We agreed to nothing. You made a statement and as usual, you expected me to just roll over.”

“You’re my son, it’s expected of you to—”
 

And just like that, some of my anger returned. “Oh,
now
I’m your son? What was I when you missed a little league game? What was I when you forgot about my birthday?” My voice had risen, and I paused to take a deep breath and rein in some of my anger. “What was I when Mom got sick?”

“I was working. I was supporting this family.”

Shaking my head, I said, “We didn’t need money. We needed you. Mom needed you. I know you won’t understand this, but money is worthless in the end. Money couldn’t save Mom, money couldn’t make Sam happy, and money certainly won’t keep me on your leash.”

“You wanted to be here and you wanted Miranda; don’t make it seem like you were unhappy,” he said as his jaw tensed.

I nodded. “You’re right, I did want that. But the key word is
did
. I don’t anymore, and you have to accept that.” I stared at him expectantly but he said nothing, his expression revealed nothing. When he finally opened his mouth to respond, he was interrupted as his secretary’s voice filled the room.

“Mr. Monayhan. I’m sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Sanders is on the phone and he says it’s urgent.” My father walked over to his desk and pressed a button on his phone before speaking.

“Give me just a minute. Gabe and I are almost finished.”

I shook my head and made my way to the door. I don’t know what I expected; I had to make a freaking appointment to see him, did I really expect him to have the decency to put the rest of his life on hold for ten damn minutes?
 

“Don’t bother. I’ve said all I needed to.” I slammed the door on my way out.

I hadn’t seen Gabe since Sunday—between school and work, it just never worked out. It was Wednesday night and I thought I’d surprise him; I had just lifted my hand to knock when the door swung open and there he was. He stopped short when he saw me and then shook his head like he didn’t believe I was really there.

“Hey,” I said cautiously. He looked agitated when he opened the door, and unfortunately that hadn’t changed since he saw me. My stomach dropped and I shifted nervously.

“Hi. Sorry, did I know you were coming over?” he asked as he stepped back and waved me in. I didn’t enter.

“No, I just thought…” I trailed off and pointed over my shoulder. “I’ll just leave, it’s obvious you were headed out.”

He shook his head and reached forward to grab my arm and pull me in. Thankfully some of his expression cleared as he shut the door and wrapped his arms around me. “No, no, sorry. Please stay. I was just going for a walk. Today just… it hasn’t been a good day.”

“Oh,” I mumbled against his chest as I returned his embrace. Resting my chin on his chest, I looked up and gave him a small smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips as he rubbed my back. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry if it didn’t seem like it, I was just surprised.”

“Yeah, that was the idea.”

“C’mon.” As we walked back to his room, I scanned the apartment. “He’s not here,” he whispered in my ear. I shivered and turned into him. Our kisses were slow and soft as we shuffled toward his room. We weren’t in any kind of hurry, and for Gabe this seemed more about comfort than anything else. And even though I had come over with a slightly different purpose, I couldn’t deny how perfect it felt.

Gabe stopped us at the foot of his bed, placing three sweet kisses on my lips before pulling back. “Do you want something to drink?”

I smiled up at him as I ran my palms down his arms until we were holding hands. “Sure.”

“Water?” At my nod, he gave my hands a quick squeeze before leaving the room.

As I heard the ice machine clunking and sputtering I wandered around his room, really looking at the photos for the first time. I picked up a picture on Gabe’s desk and was still studying it when he came back into the room. He set the glass down and gently took it from me before rubbing his thumb over it with a reverence and sadness that hurt to watch.

“Your mom?” I asked quietly. His nod was almost imperceptible. “She’s beautiful.”

“Yeah, she was.” He slowly put the picture on the table and turned fully toward me. “She was always beautiful. I’m sure no girl wants to hear that all the work they put in on their wedding day was unnecessary, but…” He trailed off as he nodded to the candid shot of his mom. “But she was always beautiful.”

I nodded and grabbed his hand as we walked to his bed. “Sam looks just like her,” I observed.

He blew out a heavy breath as he leaned against the headboard and wrapped his arms around my stomach until I was seated between his legs and laying against his chest. “I know. It used to seem like such a blessing, but now I wonder if it’s more of a curse,” he said against my ear.

We sat in silence as I dissected what he said. Were those really the only options we had in life? Did it have to be one or other? Or was it all in the way you saw things? The truth of life was this: you show up, shit happens, and you can either make it positive or negative. That was it. And even though grief can temporarily alter how we see things, ultimately we have to decide we want more for ourselves than just the pain. Right?

As we sat and Gabe absentmindedly stroked my hair, I couldn’t help but wonder if he would always see things this way, if he would always see the negative in the flaws of life. Internally I laughed at the irony; I had flaws in spades, and when I was in the darkest days of my depression all I saw were the negatives. But I also liked to think I could recognize that some of those flaws may have saved my life. Being anxious certainly caused problems, but ultimately it stopped me from ever doing anything permanent during the lowest period of my life. Maybe our curses could keep us alive as much as our blessings.

If Gabe looked at this positively he’d see how lucky he was to still be able to see his mother every day. But he only saw the pain that her existence left, not the joy of the mother he loved. It made me wonder how bad it had really gotten.

“What was it like?” My whisper felt loud because of the silence that had settled.

“What?”

“Having to take care of her?” His hand paused in my hair before he slowly resumed stroking it. He was silent for so long I didn’t think he would respond.
 

“It was unbelievably excruciating. All I wanted was to take her place, to take her pain. Obviously those thoughts were unrealistic, but I couldn’t get over how little I could actually do for her. So I was just really,
really
angry. Like… all the time.” I squeezed the arm that was still wrapped around my stomach as he continued. “At the end, I felt like I failed her…” He trailed off.

“Why?”

He paused and took a deep breath before continuing, “My mom told me she didn’t want to live anymore.”

All the air seemed to leave the room at his statement. I licked my suddenly dried lips before responding. “S-she did?”

“We knew that depression could be a side effect. But I just never thought… I thought we’d be enough to keep her happy.” My eyes closed at the pain in his voice. I wiped my sweaty palms against my pants and my heart was beating so loud I wouldn’t be surprised if he
heard
it.

“But it wasn’t… it wasn’t what I thought. She wasn’t sad, she was just in a lot of physical pain and she didn’t want to suffer anymore.” He paused to take a deep breath. “And I think she thought of herself as a burden.” His hand dropped from my hair to join the arm he had banded around my waist. “I don’t know if she ever talked to Sam about it, God, I hope not… but one day she asked me to help her.”

“What’d you do?”

“I told her no.” Gabe’s voice was incredulous as his arms left me and he disentangled himself. Once he was standing he turned around and stared at me like I was crazy. “I wasn’t going to help her kill herself.”

I felt the blood drain from my face as I pieced together what he was telling me. “I thought she wanted you to get her help, as in medicine or talking to someone. I didn’t think…” I trailed off and swallowed hard before continuing this conversation that was bound to end in disaster. “She wanted you to do it? To… kill her?”

“No, but she did want me to get the drugs for her. She said she’d inject herself and take care of everything else.” He shook his head and stared out the window. “That was her main concern. She wanted me to know that none of the blame could fall on me so I wouldn’t feel guilty. Never mind that just getting the drugs would make me an accomplice, but she actually believed I would do that to her.”

“For her,” I whispered.

“What?”

I cleared my throat and scooted forward until I was sitting at the edge of the bed. “She wasn’t thinking of it as something you’d do ‘to her’ but ‘for her.’ I think there’s a difference.” I shrugged and leaned forward to rest my arms on my thighs. This certainly wasn’t how I imagined telling him, but I couldn’t keep it to myself now that the topic had come up. “I get it. Can you imagine being in that much pain and knowing it’ll never get better? I—”