Unthinkable (Berger Series) (20 page)

They stopped in front of a pale blue farmhouse. Beyond the house wheat fields waved in the breeze. A sturdy young woman came out of the house. She was tall with long brown hair in a tight braid. “Morning Clem,” she said as they climbed out of the truck.

“Morning Shannon,” said Clem. Evan climbed out and stood next to him, still carrying Grace. “This is Evan and Grace. Evan, Grace, this is Shannon Rogers, George Rogers’s daughter. This is the Rogers farm.”

“Nice to meet you Evan,” Shannon shook Evan’s hand
and gave Grace a smile. Grace burrowed her head in his shoulder again.

“
We figured Evan can help your dad,” said Clem.

“He could use it. Are you heading right back to town Clem?”

“Yep, the wife needs me. Tell your Dad hello.”

“Will do,” Shannon’s smile faded a bit as Clem turned back to the truck. He waved before driving off. Shannon walked to the porch and rang a large bell twice.

“Won’t you come in?” she asked.

They
followed Shannon into the house. She led them back to the kitchen and poured Evan a cup of coffee. He resisted asking if she had any liquor to spike it with.
I need to make a good impression
, he thought. Grace slipped into a chair and played with the dog tag. Shannon busied herself cleaning up the kitchen, humming quietly to herself.

In a few minutes a large bearded man came in carrying a shotgun. Evan stood up as he walked in. “Dad, this is Evan and Grace. Evan, Grace this is
my dad, George Rogers.”

George shook Evan’s hand and met his eyes. Evan forced half a smile. “I’m here to work sir, though I’m afraid I don’t know anything about farming.”

“I can teach you. It’s almost harvest time anyway. Just glad for the help,” said George. “In fact, if you want we can start right now.”

“That would be fine, sir,” said Evan. He looked over at Grace. “Grace you can stay here, okay?”

Grace ignored Evan and continued to slouch in the chair playing with the dog tag. Shannon looked questioningly at Evan, then crouched next to Grace’s chair. “I think we have some coloring books. Do you want color?”

She
shrugged. Shannon stood up and went to a cabinet as George picked up his gun and led Evan out of the house.

Evan worked hard that day. George was patient with him and for that
he was grateful. The farmer didn’t ask questions either, just accepted Evan’s presence and his help with no conditions.

W
hen the bell finally rang for supper he was hot and sweaty, but at least he’d stayed the whole day in one place, not walking down a road. Guilt wormed in his stomach at the thought and the smile slipped from his face. Walking would be okay if Yoshi was there. George led him over to the pump and Evan tried to hide his expression by washing his face in the cold water.

Supper was fried chicken. Evan complimented Shannon on the meal and she smiled. Grace
picked at her food, but ate most of it. “You gave them Charlie’s room, right?” asked George.

“Yes Dad,” said Shannon.
A shadow passed between them at the name, Evan noticed.

“Good,” George grunted and turned back to his plate.

“I thought you and Grace would probably want to share a room, at least for a while,” said Shannon, standing. “Let me show you, I’m sure Grace is tired.”

Evan and Grace followed her upstairs. Shannon hesitated as she opened the door on the left. “This was my brother’s room. He’s in the Army, overseas. We don’t expect him to come back, so…” Shannon took a breath as she opened the door.

A full size bed sat perfectly made against one wall. A small cot sat in the middle of the floor. There was a desk against the other wall. One shelf held a half-dozen baseball trophies. Evan’s breath caught as he looked at the desk. A little porcelain angel sat on the corner of it. Without thinking Evan walked to it and gently touched it’s wings.

“My mom gave us both angels before she died,” said Shannon quietly. “Charlie was always afraid of his breaking, so he left it here. I took mine to college…
it’s gone now.”

Evan gently picked it up and offered it to Shannon. “Then here, I’m sure your brother would rather you keep it safe. My mom gave me one when I
moved to St. Louis. She died not too long after.”

Shannon looked into Evan’s eyes. Evan bit his lip and forced himself to shove the emotions away as he met her gaze. She took it from his hands and turned away. “Grace, would you like one of my dolls to
sleep with?” Shannon’s voice broke as she wiped her eyes.

Grace looked up silently at Shannon.
She retreated with the angel, returning a minute later with a large stuffed cat. “This is Kitty. She took good care of me when I was your age, she’ll take good care of you.”

Grace took the cat, wrapped her arms around it and crawled between the sheets. Evan tugged the covers up to
tuck her in. He took one last look at the room before following Shannon out.

George sat in the living room quietly tuning a guitar. Evan
kept walking and went out the door. The sun was setting brilliantly as he watched it slide below the horizon. Everyone had lost someone, he thought, if not in this apocalypse then at some other time in their life.

Footsteps echoed on the porch as
Shannon walked up behind him. “Grace isn’t talking,” she said to Evan’s back.

“I know,” Evan didn’t turn around. “She’s been through a lot. We buried my friend Yoshi this morning. They were close.”

“Is that his dog tag?” asked Shannon quietly.

“Sort of.
It was his father’s.”

“I’ll put it on some string so she doesn’t lose it,” offered Shannon.

“That would be good,” said Evan, his thoughts elsewhere. He abruptly turned back for the house. “I’m going to bed,” he said as he passed her.

Evan climbed the stairs to what was now his room. Setting the gun on the nightstand, he kicked off his shoes and climbed into the big bed. Grace snored quietly across the room. With a sigh he closed his eyes and braced himself for sleep.

A short time later Evan slammed awake with screams ringing through his head and fire licking at his soul. He sat straight up, heart racing, breath coming in ragged gasps. As he tried to calm himself back down the door creaked open. Shannon stood in the moonlight, watching him.

“I’m,” Evan gulped, “I’m fine,” he lied.

Shannon took a few tentative steps into the room. “Can I get you anything?” she asked.

“You got any alcohol?”

Shannon shook her head. “Dad doesn’t drink. Let me get you some water.”

“That’s…” said Evan to Shannon’s back. He sighed and tried to concentrate on breathing again. Looking over
he saw Grace watching him. When his eyes met hers she rolled over and snuggled back into the covers. Shannon returned with a small cup of water.

“Thanks,” whispered Evan.

Shannon smiled and walked over to tuck in Grace. Grace acted as if she were still sound asleep. “Do you…” started Shannon.

“No.” Evan cut her off and handed her back the glass. Shannon nodded and left the room.
He lay back down and stared at the ceiling until his eyes closed. This was a new life. A new chance.
Let’s not blow it
, was his last thought before falling asleep again.

Chapter 18

The next few weeks flew by. Evan spent his days helping George bring in the harvest. He threw himself into the work, forcing himself to focus only on the task at hand. Whenever his concentration wandered he pushed the thoughts to Grace and how he was providing her a home.

George worked quietly, speaking only when he needed to give a quiet direction. In the evenings he found himself sitting with George and Shannon on the porch, after Grace had gone to bed. George would quietly strum an unfamiliar song as they talked. One night Shannon gave Evan a badly needed haircut. Slowly he unwound the story of their journey, skipping over the parts he didn’t want to talk about. George and Shannon talked about their lives too and slowly they came to know one another.

Grace’s continued silence worried Evan. Her face stayed in a frown. She had her first nightmare
, that he was aware of, their third night on the farm. Instead of going to Evan though, she slipped from the room and went to sleep with Shannon. He tried not to think about why she didn’t come to him.

She
spent most of her time with Shannon anyway, helping with the housework. Before everything happened, Shannon was studying to be a teacher, so she tried to teach Grace. It was frustrating, since with the silence she wasn’t sure that Grace understood anything, but she kept trying.

As for Evan’s nightmares, they continued off and on.
He knew he’d been loud when Shannon appeared in the doorway, usually bearing a glass of water. It made him feel a bit like a kid, having to be comforted after a bad dream. But Shannon’s presence was welcome and he found himself watching her as she watched him.

“Fall Festival is in three days,” said the young man who had ridden out to the farm. He pulled out a piece of paper and read from it. “Layette Grounds. Bring goods to trade, including crops. Fun and games for the kids. Dance in the evening, childcare will be provided.” The man looked up from his list. “Oh and George, Evander wants to know if you’d be willing to play for the dance?”

“Usual crew?” asked George.

“You’re the first one I’ve asked, but probably.”

“Sure,” said George with a smile.

“Great!” The young man smiled back. “See you in three days.” He clicked at the horse and took off again.

“Well,” said George as he watched him go, “it’s going to be a busy couple of days.”

“Grace, do you want to learn to can vegetables?” asked Shannon.

Grace shrugged and kicked at the dirt before looking up and solemnly nodding. Evan turned away, feeling guilty.

Three days later Evan climbed into the passenger side of an enormous truck. Shannon handed him up the guitar, gave him a smile and closed the door. George was already in the driver’s seat, starting the truck.

“Probably last harvest I’ll get to use her,” George said as he shifted into gear
, “uses too much gas.” Evan glanced back and saw Grace getting into the smaller battered old pickup with Shannon.

“Just glad I could help,” said Evan as they pulled out onto the road.

“I wanted to talk to you,” said George, glancing in his mirrors.

Evan wondered why, if he wanted to talk, he hadn’t
done it in the hours they’d worked together.

“I understand you’ve been having nightmares,” said George.

Evan shifted and looked out the passenger window.

“Look,” continued George, “I know you don’t want to talk about it. But I understand better than you think and I can take a pretty good guess at why you’re having those dreams.” He paused and sighed. “
Have you ever wondered why there isn’t any liquor in the house?”

“Maybe a little,” admitted
Evan as he turned and looked at him curiously.

“I got drafted
in ‘68,” said George slowly. “I was just a small town kid, never been anywhere. Well when I got over there I met Mickey Rogers.” His voice cracked.

Evan looked away again. 

“No relation; he was from Duluth, the son of a lake captain. But they started calling us the Rogers Twins.” He stopped again, taking a breath. “A week before we were due to go home we got ambushed. We were short timing and not paying attention; we should have known better. Mickey didn’t come home the way he planned.”

Evan didn’t know what to say to that
.

George collected himself. “When I got home I got drunk. I stayed drunk for six months until my Daddy broke every bottle in the house. I didn’t even look at liquor again until Amy, my wife, died. After the funeral I had Charlie take Shannon home. I picked up a bottle and just started driving, wondering what I was going to do next. Well
,,” He sighed, “you know what I finally did?”

“What?” Evan asked,
staring at the dashboard.

“I pulled over and threw the bottle right out the window. Smashed it just like my Daddy did all those years ago. Do you know why?”

Evan shook his head.

“You can’t run forever, Evan. You can’t change the past and you can’t bring back the dead. All you can do is live and love and try to make them proud.”

“I’ve done things…” Evan hesitantly looked over.

“Of course you have,” George cut him off. “It’s called survival.” his voice cracked again and he pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose. “Shannon’s taken a shine to you, and I’m glad. You’re a good man
..”

Evan sighed and looked out the window again. Shannon was beautiful. She deserved a better man then him.

“Don’t sell yourself short,” said George in answer to his thoughts. Evan shifted uncomfortably and tried to focus on the scenery. George blew his nose again and they drove on in silence. Evan tried not to think about what George had said, but his mind still mulled it over. Maybe today would be okay, he thought, trying to force his thoughts elsewhere. If nothing else it would be a chance to spend time with Grace and Shannon.

The field was a hive of activity when George pulled in. A man in an orange vest directed them to
a parking spot. Evan saw it was mostly trucks, but here and there were horses and even a couple wagons. He wondered where anyone had found those. After the heavy silence of the drive, it was a relief to climb out of the cab. Shannon parked next to them.

“Just leave the guitar in the cab,” said George. Shannon wa
lked over holding Grace’s hand while Grace looked around uncertainly.

“Are you okay, Dad?” asked Shannon.

“Fine,” said George, wiping his brow. “Evan, why don’t you and Grace have a look around while Shannon and I set up?”

“Sure,” said Evan, taking Grace’s hand
. They made their way past people setting up to barter whatever goods they had; farmers putting out some of their crops, others putting out canned goods and homemade items.

“Here you go Honey,” said a woman as she offered Grace a piece of rock candy. Grace hesitated, but took it.

“Thank you,” said Evan.

“Welcome,” said the woman, smiling before turning back to setting out jams and treats.

A group of kids ran squealing by, laughing and chattering among themselves. Grace looked at them as if they were some alien race. Evan looked at her and wondered if he’d ever see her smile again. Up ahead was music.

They soon found a space set up just for kids
. On one side someone was offering pony rides. Then there was a puppet show, a pair of jugglers and the music, which was an accordion player, singing silly songs. There were some other games set up on the other side, but none of the big prizes usually found at fairs. Suddenly Evan wondered if he’d ever see a Ferris wheel again. He looked down and saw Grace looking around in wonder.

“Do you want to ride the ponies?” asked Evan, crouching at Grace’s eye level.
She stared at the horses and sucked on her candy, then slowly nodded. Taking her hand again, he led her over. “Why don’t you finish your candy first?” he asked.

Grace sucked on her candy as she watched the other kids ride in circles on patient animals. Most of the kids were laughing and smiling, enjoying the moment of pleasure. Evan looked around at the other adults
and could tell they were trying to enjoy themselves. He wasn’t the only one armed, he noticed, but it was also the sort of the thing that nobody was going to point out. Even the man running the ponies had a gun leaning against the fence.

There was a tug
on Evan’s shirt. Looking down he saw that she had finished. He walked her over and the man running the ponies looked at his watch and stopped them. He helped the kids without visible parents get off the horses. Most of the kids went running off again. Evan wondered if the candy lady had given all the kids free samples.

The line shuffled forward and Evan helped lift Grace onto a pretty little gray pony. She looked nervous as she
held on to the horse. He stood back and watched as the ponies slowly started their circle. A cool breeze ruffled his hair.
Maybe I should have brought a jacket
, he thought. There was a collective aww from the crowd around the juggler and Evan turned to look. Apparently one of the jugglers had dropped something. He turned back just in time to see Grace slowly start to smile as she patted the horse on his head. He swallowed hard and turned to watch the juggler again, wanting to give her the moment. The horses came to a stop and Evan looked back to see Grace still smiling faintly, scratching the pony behind the ears. He walked over to help her off and she looked up at him, searching his eyes. Biting her lip, she reached up for him to carry her. Picking her up, he settled her on his shoulders, noticing she’d gained weight, and was glad for it.

Evan returned to George and Shannon. George was in a brisk discussion with a young man who was holding a lamb. Shannon sat behind a table looking at a jar of honey in the light.
He set Grace down and stared at Shannon, who wandered over to pet the lamb, making George smile. Putting down the jar, Shannon caught him looking and smiled encouragingly. He walked over and sat next to her. “I think Dad’s going to buy her,” said Shannon.

“Grace?”
asked Evan, teasing.

“No silly,” Shannon punched his arm.
“The lamb. He wants to get some animals before winter. We can’t just be a one horse operation anymore. Err, no pun intended.”

Evan laughed
out loud, surprised at himself for it. Shannon put her hand on the table and looked away Evan looked at her hand. Was that a hint? A shadow passed over his face. But maybe George was right. With trepidation Evan put his hand over Shannon’s. Her smile broadened as she turned to look back at him and rolled her hand over to hold his.

“Why
me,” asked Evan quietly, shaking his head, “isn’t there anyone else in this town? You just met me.”

Shaking her head softly, she looked into
his eyes, keeping his hand.

They spent the rest of the day together
. George took Grace for another walk, leaving Shannon to barter. Before he left he winked at Evan and told him not to worry, she could have been a lawyer. He was right, thought Evan, as he watched Shannon wheel and deal. By the time they got back she’d gotten rid of most of the wheat and acquired a small menagerie of animals along with a trailer to bring them home in, as well as two bolts of cloth, a handful of needles, honey, jams and a few other assorted things. Evan was completely impressed.

At last the day began to wind down. Grace yawned sleepily. “They’re having a dinner before the dance,” said George, returning from another short walk. “We might as well head over there; I hired Jose Dawkins to take the animals back to the farm for us. He just wants to get back in time for the dance, so he’s going to head out now.”

A young man walked up and took the keys for the big truck from George. Shannon grabbed the guitar while George and Jose attached the trailer. The animals bleated. Evan picked up Grace again and stood back and watched. Jose waved as he drove off. George took the guitar and they made their way through the slowly emptying field towards a barn. Noticing a creek running along one side, he wondered if it was the same one that ran along the graveyard and shuddered. Grace picked up her head and looked at him. He gave her a reassuring smile.

The barn was set up for potluck with long tables in the middle of the room. It was loud with people talking and laughing and joking as they ate. Evan put Grace down and helped her get a plate. By the time he finished helping Grace
, George and Shannon had already gotten seats and waved them over. He realized this felt like family as he got Grace settled in and sat next to her. She busied herself with food.

“Hi there Evan, nice to see you.
” Clem slipped into the seat next to Grace.

She
scooted away from him and wrapped one hand around the dog tag under her shirt.. Clem didn’t seem to notice.

“Hey Clem,” said Evan through bites of chicken, “how are you doing?”

“Great!” said Clem, “I’m going to be a father!”

“Congratulations,” said Shannon, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

“Yes, Congratulations,” said George, reaching over to shake his hand.

“Looks like you’re settling in well,” said Clem, beaming.