Unthinkable (Berger Series) (16 page)

Grace looked doubtful. “Scott can help you, hey Scott help this kid,” yelled Fred.

Grace looked at Harry. “Harry says he doesn’t want to pick corn.”

“It’ll be fun,” said Yoshi with false cheer. “Here, I’ll help you.” Yoshi took Grace’s hand and led her away from the intersection. The three remaining adults watched them go.

“Wichita?” asked Evan quietly.

“It burned to the ground,” said Fred. “I don’t think we got hit by a bomb, but there was a riot and then nobody to put it out. We lived just outside the city. Us and some of our neighbors decided to pool our stuff, make a go of it.”

“Yeah,” interjected Ruth, “until they found out this moron here held some stuff back.”

“Hey I was just being practical,” growled Fred.

“You had to know they were gonna catch you,” whined Ruth.

“Anyway,” said Fred, ignoring his wife, “they kicked us out, can you believe that?
Sent us away in our car at gunpoint. They pointed a freakin’ gun at us.” Fred shook his head. “So the only other place we know anyone is Kansas City. We ran out of gas a couple days ago and we’ve been walking ever since. Say, you got a cigarette?”

“No, sorry,” said Evan shaking his head.

“Figures. I’d even smoke the off brand by this point.”

“I’ve been telling you for years you need to quit,” pointed out Ruth.

“Well you got your wish, okay? Geeze why don’t you go help the kids with the corn and let the men talk, all right?”

Ruth glared at him and stalked over to where Yoshi was showing Scott and Grace
how to pull corn off the stalks.

“You married?” asked Fred.

“No,” said Evan.

“Well don’t, that’s my advice,” said Fred. “Even if you knock her up, let her deal with it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” nodded Evan. “But I’d avoid Kansas City if I was you.” Evan knelt down to unzip the bag. He pulled out the atlas and spread it open on the road. “We just came from there. It’s, not good. They have a refugee camp set up and I think they’re treating everyone who comes in there as a looter. And looters are being shot on sight.” Evan looked seriously into Fred’s eyes. Fred looked down at the atlas.

“So where are we?” asked Fred, crouching.

“Here,” Evan sighed. “And this is the way we just came from.” Evan traced their route with a finger.

“Look, Evan,” said Fred quietly. “I appreciate the warning, but what else can we do? I got a wife and a son I got to take care of. We have nowhere else to go.”

“I understand,” nodded Evan, “we’re going to family too. Just, be careful.”

“Thanks,” Fred gave a small smile and called to his wife. The
group walked back to the intersection. “We got directions Ruth.”

“As long as someone knows where we’re going,” Ruth muttered.

“We’ll be fine,” Fred winked at Evan.

“Good luck then,” said Evan, offering his hand.

“Thanks, you too,” said Fred, shaking it.

“What about the little girl?” asked
Ruth.

“What?” asked Yoshi and Evan in
unison.

“A little girl needs a mother, don’t you sweetheart?” Ruth smiled too broadly and crouched in front of Grace. Grace stepped behind Yoshi, holding Harry protectively in front of her.

“Grace is fine with us,” said Yoshi firmly.

“But…” started Ruth.

“No buts, Ruth. The kid’s fine with them,” said Fred.

Ruth pouted and turned to her son. Scott carried an armful of corn ears. She stepped behind him and started steering him down the road.

“Good luck,” said Evan again with a wave.

Fred nodded and
led his family away. Evan bent over to stuff the map back into the bag.

“Are we going to see Nana?” asked Grace.

“No,” said Evan. “Not right now, anyway.”

“Oh,” Grace sounded disappointed. “It’s okay Harry, we’ll see Nana later.”

Evan turned away and started walking before Grace could see his face. He heard Grace talking quietly to her elephant about Nana’s house. Evan forced himself to concentrate on walking. Whatever happened to Fred and his family, he’d tried to warn them. They didn’t even have a weapon, so, maybe that would help. They weren’t his responsibility anyway. Evan tried to push his misgivings down where they wouldn’t bother him.

Chapter 14

They walked quietly the rest of the day. Evan push
ed them on a little further then seemed necessary before they stopped for the night. He made supper to ensure that everyone got an equal portion. If anything Yoshi should have given himself more, he was still skin and bones.  Evan worried about his friend, but worry wasn’t going to get them anywhere.

Yoshi watched Grace eat, Harry tucked close in next to her. “Say, Grace?” asked Yoshi. “Where are you from?”

“Applefield,” said Grace proudly. Yoshi looked at Evan.

Evan shrugged.
“I’m from Minnesota. Do you know where Minnesota is?”

“Um,” Grace thought, “no.”

“It’s north of here.”

“Okay,” said Grace. “Santa Claus brought me Harry. Harry likes you.”

“Well I like Harry too,” said Yoshi, patting the elephant.

Grace beamed. “Can you tell Harry a bedtime story?”

“Sure. Let’s lay down over here. Um, how about ‘Goldilocks and the Three Bears’?”

“Oh, I like that one.” Grace snuggled down on the hard ground with Harry in the crook
of her arm.

Evan walked away, listening amusedly as Yoshi tried to remember how the story went.
She kept interrupting him to remind him of a part he missed. Evan pulled out the bottle and took a swig, thinking of how Yoshi would be a good dad, some day. Hell he was being one now, who was he kidding. He snuck a look back at the two of them together. It was good though, clearly Grace had latched onto Yoshi. It was still crazy they were bringing her along, but hey, what was one more crazy thing in this world?

He
walked back to the pair when he was sure they had fallen asleep. Yoshi cried out and Grace shook him until he woke up a little, looked at her, then lay down again. Evan drained the last of the bottle and threw it into the field. That was it. He settled down a few feet away, lay down and quickly fell asleep.

Whimpering, Evan climbed his way out of another nightmare
. It wasn’t even close to dawn as he climbed to his feet. Grace and Yoshi were still fast asleep. Evan reached into his pocket, then remembered the bottle wasn’t there. He closed his eyes and saw Damien’s broken body.  His eyes flew open again and his breath caught. Taking a couple deep breaths, Evan walked to the road and wondered how the Heinrich’s were doing. Maybe they could get to KC okay. He hoped so. And maybe they wouldn’t have the trouble he’d had. After all, at least they looked normal.

Evan shook his head and looked down at his hands. Would he
now always be defined by his ethnicity? I mean it wasn’t as if he’d never thought of himself as Arabic, it was just that the Arabic thing was somewhere in the background. Evan Berger was an American first and foremost, a Minnesotan, a son, a friend. It’s not that no one had ever said anything about his looks, but it had been so few and far between it barely registered. As long as he treated everyone the same they seemed to do the same for him.

Evan stretched and looked up at the clear sky.
So many stars. He felt so small, just standing out on this road in the middle of the night. So small, and yet everything that had happened felt so big. It was big. People were dead. People were dead, Yoshi was seriously scarred, and it was all his fault.

With another sigh Evan sat down near Yoshi and Grace to watch them sleep. Every time his eyes closed the guilt swooped in and his eyes would open again. There was such a thing as ghosts; they stayed with him every moment.

As dawn broke Evan stirred and made breakfast. He stifled a yawn as he doled out the food. Not much left of the oatmeal, he thought as he put the can away. Not a whole lot of everything else either. The bag was growing lighter as each day passed.

After breakfast they started off again. Evan walked in an exhausted haze. The road was endless and straight. Occasionally a house broke the never-ending fields, but they avoided them and there was little sign of life in them anyway. It was as if all the people had vanished into the dripping heat. They passed a field of animals, hunkered down under the shade of a tree.

When they stopped for lunch Evan nearly fell asleep, but again the memories kept him awake. Yoshi watched him with concern. He started to say something, but Evan shook his head, stood up and walked away. Grace napped a bit and Evan let her sleep. At least someone should get some rest around here. Yoshi lay down next to her until his whimpering woke her up again. She shook him awake and they settled back down together again. Evan paced in the shade, not daring to even try to close his eyes.

When the worst of the heat passed Evan woke up Grace and Yoshi. He tried to stave off exhaustion as he walked, but
his eyes drooped. Grace’s endless chatter wasn’t helping either. Still, he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other. The others stayed behind him. He could feel their trust in him as they walked. He hadn’t asked for this; why were they following him?

“Evan? Why don’t we stop for the night?” Yoshi’s voice cut through the fog. Evan nodded, too tired to
speak. They camped near a road running through a wheat field. Evan watched Yoshi get the fire going and fix supper. Grace quietly played with Harry.

“Here
,” Yoshi handed him a bowl of soup. Evan took it, though he couldn’t remember seeing Yoshi walk over, and looked suspiciously at his bowl. “Don’t worry,” said Yoshi, “I split it even. Why don’t you get some sleep after you eat that?”

“Okay.”
Evan ate mechanically.

Yoshi took the bowl when he finished. Evan nodded and curl
ed up, setting the pistol by his head. He listened as Yoshi told Grace a bedtime story, the words blurring together in his tired mind. Violence still lingered at the edges of sight, but exhaustion began to win out. He drifted, not falling into a deep sleep, and rising back towards consciousness with every noise.

Just as Evan started to mercifully slip into deep sleep Yoshi yelped. Evan leaped to his feet and rushed to Yoshi’s side. Grace
scooted away as he crouched next to Yoshi and shook him hard. Still asleep, Yoshi whimpered and tried to get away.

“Come on, Yoshi!” Evan yelled as he slapped him. Yoshi cried out
and grabbed Evan’s wrist, twisting it painfully. His eyes opened and slowly focused on Evan, then on the wrist in his hand. With a look of disgust he let go.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” exploded Evan. Grace wrapped her arms around her knees and started crying.

“You’re scaring her,” said Yoshi, turning towards Grace.

“No,” Evan grabbed his arm and pulled him up, “you are. Come here.” Evan pulled Yoshi out onto the road, leaving Grace watching them from the grass.

“What do you mean, I’m the one scaring her?” asked Yoshi in a hoarse whisper.

“Every night.
Every goddamn night you wake her up. You wake me up.” Evan spat angrily.

“You don’t sleep the best either. I bet you wake up ‘cause of your nightmares too.” Yoshi got a little louder.

“You don’t know anything about my dreams.”

“I just don’t know why you have to blame yourself for everything…”

“Goddamn it Yoshi!” Evan’s exhaustion boiled into rage. “You don’t get me. You don’t know me. Maybe I should have just left you back at the barn!” he shouted.

“You don’t mean that.” Yoshi looked stricken.

“Maybe I do!” Evan poked his finger into Yoshi’s chest. “You’re supposed to be the strong one here Yosh. Not a whimpering baby.”

“I can’t help
having nightmares,” Yoshi gritted his teeth and tried to keep his voice calm.

“What does that even mean?”
sneered Evan.

“I
mean I can’t change what happened.” Yoshi shook his head.

“
Damnit, why didn’t you fight them?” demanded Evan.

“I thought they were going to kill you!” Yoshi’s hands balled into fists.

“So what if they had?” Evan raised his hands.

“What kind of stupid question is that?”

“Well what kind of man lets…?”

“You have no idea…you…” Yoshi shoved Evan hard enough for him to stumble back. Evan lunged and tackled Yoshi. They rolled into the grass on t
he other side of the road. Limbs flailed as they struggled against each other for a few minutes, but finally Evan pinned Yoshi to the ground. Yoshi sagged as he looked into Evan’s enraged eyes.

“Give me one good reason
why I shouldn’t leave your ass,” demanded Evan.

“I can give you two,” said Yoshi quietly as he looked towards the road. Evan fol
lowed his gaze and saw Grace standing in the middle of the road, sucking her thumb and watching them.

“What’s the other reason?” asked Evan as he slowly let Yoshi up.

“I didn’t leave you.” Yoshi wiped the dirt ineffectually from his clothes as he stood up. He turned his back on Evan, walked to Grace and took her hand. She let herself be led back over to the grass as Yoshi got her settled back down to sleep.

Evan wiped his mouth and turned his back
on them. He stuck his hands in his pockets. With a sigh he pulled out the note and read it again.
Take care of Yoshi. He thinks he’s stronger than he is. Someday he may fail you. If this happens then know that you are still a brother to him…Be strong and have faith. Mortals may fail, but God will not…
Evan crumpled the note as he shoved it back into his pocket.

Yoshi walked up behind him
, voice quiet. “I’m sorry you feel like I failed you.”

Evan looked at
him, but couldn’t meet his eyes. “A lot of shit has happened to both of us,” he acknowledged as he dropped his gaze to the ground.

“I’m still me,” said Yoshi
, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’d die for you if I had to.”

“I know, and you’re crazy. It’s my fault you’ve suffered so much already.”

“Why do you keep blaming yourself?”

“Because it’s true?”
Evan shrugged free and walked away. It was true, he told himself; Yoshi had suffered horribly because he hadn’t fought back at the gas station. Really, Yoshi and Grace were in danger as long as they stayed with him. But neither of them were strong enough right now to go on without him. They were stuck together and Evan’s responsibility. Time to man up and face that fact.

He saw Grace watching him as he lay down to sleep. She got up and walked over to him. “Mr. Evan?” she asked.

“Yeah?” He was surprised she was even talking to him.

“Why don’t you sleep with Harry tonight? He thinks
you need a hug and promises good dreams.”

Evan was stunned. He sat up and Grace wrapped her arms around him. He’d almost forgotten how it felt to be hugged.
She gave him a small smile and handed him the elephant. Evan mumbled a thank you and lay down again as Grace walked away.

Wrapping
his arms around the little purple elephant, Evan thought of a long lost teddy bear and his mom’s porcelain angel. Slowly his eyes closed and he found rest.

The sun was well past dawn as Evan’s eyes opened, feeling remarkably refreshed. “Oh, you’re awake, good,” said Yoshi. He handed Evan a bowl of oatmeal. “That’s the last of it, probably just as well, I know I was getting pretty sick of it.”

Evan gave a small smile as he sat up and took it. He picked the elephant up with his free hand. “Here Grace,” said Evan, “thanks. Harry did a good job.”

“You’re welcome,” said Grace as she took Harry. She walked away and started talking to her toy.

Evan ate slowly, savoring every bite. They were going to have to do something soon about food.  He rolled his neck and stretched, feeling better than he had in a long time.

They started walking as soon as the bowls were put away. Clouds rolled in as they walked and the humidity rose, soaking Evan in sweat. It was going to rain, and soon, he thought, noticing the dark clouds headed their way.

The field they’d been following ended and a farmhouse sat
down a short driveway to their left. Evan looked up at the sky, then back to Yoshi and Grace. She had tucked Harry in her pocket, watching Evan expectantly. Evan looked at the farmhouse and sighed. Just as he started to walk towards it the screen door banged and man stepped onto the porch holding a shotgun.

“Just keep walking,” he yelled.

“It’s about to storm, and we have a kid,” said Evan, stopping.

“I don’t care if you’re the Queen of England. You ain’t
takin’ none of my stuff, none of my time and none of my sympathy. Now git.” He brandished the gun.

Evan shrugged, turned around and picked up Grace. She didn’t protest as Evan p
ushed her up onto his shoulders, turned his back on the farmer and started walking again, faster this time. Yoshi put himself between Evan and the farmer.

Grace wrapped her hands around Evan’s forehead as they hurried forward. By the time they reached the next field the sky had turned even more ominous and dark. There was a small ditch running next to the road, dry for now. Thunder rolled across the landscape. Grace whimpered and clutched Evan tighter. In the distance Evan could see the rain line, marching quickly their way.