Unthinkable (Berger Series) (14 page)

“Whoever was here seems to have gone. We’ll be back with the volunteers by this afternoon. You two stay here and keep an eye on the place. If they come back, remember, looters are to be shot on sight.”

Evan couldn’t see the speaker or who he was talking to. The last door slammed and the vehicles turned and tore back down the road. One soldier walked back toward the barn. He leaned against the door with his back to Evan and watched the road. Evan looked at the soldier and then back to where Yoshi was lying. There didn’t seem to be much choice here. He looked at the pistol. He had no idea of the range.

As quietly as he could Evan slipped down the ladder. The soldier shifted his weapon, but didn’t turn his head. Evan crept to one side where he could see the soldier and ducked behind a large metal plow. He raised the pistol and took careful aim. Not all the soldiers would be so nice, he thought as he hesitated. Evan pulled the trigger. The
soldier jerked and turned towards Evan, raising his weapon. Evan pulled the trigger twice more as the soldier collapsed.

Footsteps raced towards them. The second soldier came into view. Evan fired and ducked. The soldier returned fire; Bullets pinged off the plow. There was the crackle of a radio. “KC this is…” Evan jumped up and emptied the clip into the crouching soldier before he could finish. The radio squawked, demanding to know what was going on.

Evan rushed over and stomped on it. Looking down he recognized the second soldier. “Fuck.” It was the soldier who’d let them go moments before. Evan turned and shoved the gun into his waistband. He ran back up to the loft, pulled the bag open, shoved the blanket, bottle and book into it and yanked it closed again. Slinging it over his head, he turned to Yoshi, shaking him. There was no response, so he pulled Yoshi to a sitting position. Something clattered and Evan looked down. The dog tag had dropped to the floor. He picked it up and shoved it in his pocket. This wasn’t going to be easy, but there was no time to lose.

Evan somehow picked up Yoshi and heaved him onto his shoulder. He carefully climbed down the ladder and turned toward the door. The first soldier turned his head as he approached. The nametape said Juarez. He watched him with fading eyes. The other soldier lay on his chest.  Evan pulled his eyes away and walked into the daylight, squinting as his eyes adjusted.

Evan walked behind the barn and looked around. A short distance away was a cornfield.  He walked as quickly as he could, afraid he’d drop Yoshi if he ran. The bag bounced painfully off his hip. By the time a vehicle was heard again he was in the field’s cool shadows. He kept walking, automatically, one foot in front of the other. A hot breeze rattled the corn around him. Evan felt himself slowing as his strength drained. He tripped and stumbled, nearly throwing Yoshi down. Evan stopped and sagged to his knees, laying Yoshi out on the ground. He took the bag off. Only need to rest for a minute, he thought. Yoshi lay unmoving. Evan leaned forward to catch his breath and quietly passed out.

Chapter 12

Evan woke with a start and a strangled scream. The dream vanished as his eyes flew open. Yoshi stood over him, shaking his shoulders with a look of fear and concern. Evan shook him off and turned away.

“What were you dreaming about?” asked Yoshi.

Evan shook his head. Every muscle ached as he rolled his neck and stretched. The sun was higher now. He started to reach for the bag, but it wasn’t where he left it.

“You don’t need the alcohol,” said Yoshi, sitting on the ground.

Evan glared at Yoshi. Yoshi handed Evan a bottle of water.
He sighed and took it. It tasted stale, but it was wet. After a few swigs he forced himself to stop and put the lid back on. Yoshi took it back and shoved it into the bag behind him.

“How long was I out?” asked Evan.

“I don’t know. I woke up and you looked like you were having a nightmare, so I woke you up.”

“You’ve been having nightmares yourself,
Yosh.” Evan looked at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Weak,” admitted Yoshi, looking away, “and my head’s pounding. I think I remember being in a hayloft. What happened?”

“The headache’s my fault. You were being loud when I was trying to hide us. See, some soldiers came out; I guess they planned on using the farm and were making sure it was clear. We had to get away. This is as far as we got. I guess they didn’t try to chase us.”

“Why would they come after us?”

Evan looked down at his hands, remembering dying eyes. “Because I killed the two soldiers they left behind.”

“Evan?” Yoshi said wonderingly.

Evan looked up at Yoshi. He met his eyes and quickly looked away again. Uncomfortably he pulled out the pistol and shifted away. The dog tag slipped out of his pocket. He set the gun on the ground and picked up the dog tag looking at it, then offering it to Yoshi.

Yoshi shook his head. “You…you hold onto it for now.”

“What?” Yoshi closed Evan’s hand around the dog tag. He felt the cool hard edge dig into his hand, the raised letters tracing themselves into his palm. “I can’t take this.”  Evan shook his head as he looked at Yoshi.

“Just, hold onto it for me.” Yoshi held Evan with intense eyes.

Evan nodded slowly and slipped it back into his pocket. He pulled his eyes away and picked up the gun again. Yoshi rubbed his head as he looked away. Evan thought of the name on the dog tag and remembered Yoshi’s nightmares.

“Yoshi?”

“Yeah?”

“Did,” Evan hesitated, unsure if he should ask, “did your Dad hit you?”

“What?” Yoshi’s head swung around.

“You talked in your sleep.
A lot.” Evan looked at the ground.

“We should go,” Yoshi started climbing to his feet.

“Hey…” Evan stood up too.

“I wasn’t a very good kid, okay?” Yoshi picked up the bag.

“Yoshi…” Evan put his hand on Yoshi’s arm. Yoshi pulled away.

Evan sighed, took the bag and slung it over his
shoulder. Yoshi let him take it. “Are you up to walking?” Evan asked.

“Do I have a choice?” asked Yoshi as he turned and started through the field. Evan followed, loading the gun as they walked. Yoshi glanced back to see what he was doing. Not many bullets left, Evan thought. He realized too late that he should have taken the weapons off the soldiers. He sighed and put the
gun back in his waistband. After a short while they reached a dirt road crossing the field. They stepped into it and looked left and right.

“We may as well head for the main road,” said Evan. “We’ll hear any vehicles before they spot us.”

Yoshi nodded and followed Evan. They walked to the main road and turned down it, but stayed close to the field, picking their way along the narrow grass strip between the road and the field. They day grew hotter as the sun rose in the sky. Yoshi stumbled and nearly fell, but Evan caught his arm.

“Come on
, you still need rest,” said Evan as he guided Yoshi into the shade of the field.

Yoshi grunted and closed his eyes as he sat down. Evan pulled open the bag. He looked to make sure Yoshi’s eyes were closed before slipping the bottle of alcohol into his pocket,
then grabbed the bottle of water. He nudged Yoshi’s hand with the water bottle. Yoshi opened his eyes and took a few cautious sips before handing it back, watching Evan take a swig before putting it away. Evan rummaged in the bag and pulled out a small package of dried apricots. He tore it open, took a handful and passed it to Yoshi, who took a handful and passed it back. Evan tugged the bag closed.

Yoshi ate automatically, staring off into space. Evan finished his share, leaned against the bag and closed his eyes. The moment they closed he heard gunfire and saw dying eyes watching him as he walked past. H
e quickly opened them again and shifted, trying to figure out how to get a drink without Yoshi noticing.

As
he moved Yoshi suddenly turned towards him with panicked eyes. “What else did I say?” demanded Yoshi. “You said I talked in my sleep, so I guess I said something about my dad. What else did I say?” Yoshi grabbed Evan’s arm hard enough that he winced.

“
Ow. Um, something in Japanese once. You kept apologizing…” Evan trailed off as he looked away.

“What else, Evan?” Yoshi grabbed the front of Evan’s shirt, forcing him to look into his sparking eyes. “What else did I say?”

Evan swallowed hard, unable to look away. “You cried for your mom, and…”

“And what?”

“You…you were begging someone to stop. To not do something. Whimpering…” Yoshi let him go and turned away. “What happened to you, Yoshisada?” asked Evan with wonder in his voice. “I feel like I don’t even know you.”

Yoshi stayed turned away and spoke softly. “My Dad beat me, when I was younger. It got better after Pat left home. Dad never liked me; my birth wasn’t part of the deal he made with my mom. Honestly, I wasn’t that sorry when they died.”

“Who were you begging to stop? Your Dad?”

“No.” Yoshi’s voice threatened to break as he glanced at him and turned away again. Silence stretched out so long Evan feared he’d never continue. Finally, he sighed. “You’ve only heard me whimpering like that since the shit hit the fan, right?”

“Yeah,” Evan stayed very still, like his slightest movement would stop Yoshi from speaking.

“That night at the gas station.
I thought they were going to kill you. I thought maybe they had. I couldn’t stop them…those people…” He took a deep breath, his voice barely above a whisper. “There was nothing I could do…they…they raped me.”

Evan stared in silence, all words robbed from his
mouth. Yoshi remained turned away. He cautiously looked at Evan, tears standing in his eyes. Evan met his eyes, frozen, unable to react. Yoshi closed his eyes and turned away again. Evan found strength in his arms and reached one hand out to rest it on Yoshi’s shoulder.

A sob racked Yoshi at the touch, followed by a torrent of tears as he doubled over. Evan stayed mute, willing all of his strength to flow through his hand into his friend. He wept until all of his strength was gone and his head rested on the ground. There were a few
hiccupy deep breaths and Yoshi passed out or fell asleep. Evan withdrew his hand and wrapped his arms around his knees, staring at the stranger that had been his friend.

Time stretched out as Evan watched Yoshi. He tried not to think or remember. But his mind kept bring
ing up memories of Yoshi. The tough, but quiet, college kid. The one that seemed to know where the good parties were, but never got into too much trouble, and made sure he didn’t either. Yoshi driving while he chatted on about his latest fling. Nudging him toward that cute brunette whose name was lost in time. Then there was Yoshi, dry eyed at his mother’s funeral and standing beside him when Evan’s own parents were laid to rest.

Thoughts and images raced through Evan’s mind as he tried to reconcile all of that with the broken man lying before him. Yoshi seemed to sleep peaceably, for once. The sun passed its apex and started its slow descent. A warm breeze rustled the corn around them. Yoshi mumbled and rolled over, curling into a tight ball.

The Yoshi he had known was dead, Evan realized, murdered the night of his attack. Probably about the same time he had changed as well. Evan reached into his pocket and pulled out the dog tag. It glinted in the afternoon sun. For a moment Evan considered throwing it away or burying it in the ground. Did Yoshi really need this memento of a man that had apparently never wanted him, had treated him like shit, and maybe worse? Evan hated Yoshi’s father as he looked at the dog tag. He shoved it back into his pocket.

Evan stood up and shook himself. The sun had dropped lower in the sky. He bent over and shook Yoshi, feeling how thin he was through his clothes. “Come on, we need to make some more distance before dark.” The words came out harsher then he intended.

Yoshi blinked and sat up, his dirty face marked by the tracks of his tears. Loathing roared up from somewhere inside of Evan. He quickly turned away before Yoshi could see the look on his face and picked up the bag. As Yoshi climbed to his feet Evan started walking. He could hear Yoshi stumbling to catch up behind him, but didn’t trust himself to turn around and look. He rested a hand on the pistol and felt comforted by the gun there, even if ammunition was dangerously low.

They walked on through the
evening, the warm breeze providing little relief from the heat. Evan knew he should turn and help Yoshi, or at least see how he was doing, but couldn’t. His eyes remained rigidly forward, only his ears keeping track of the limping person behind him.

“Evan…we…I need a minute,” Yoshi said, gasping. Evan came to an abrupt halt. He heard Yoshi sag to the ground. The road was empty as he looked up and down it, willing something to appear. Finally, he looked down at Yoshi.
He had his head in his hands, breathing heavily. Evan unzipped the bag, pulled out a bottle of water and tossed it at Yoshi’s feet. He opened it and took a few grateful swigs before looking up and handing it back to Evan. Yoshi tried to meet Evan’s eyes, but he turned away and stuffed the bottle back into the bag, before going back to watching the road. After a few minutes Yoshi climbed back to his feet. Evan turned and led the way again, enveloped in stony silence.

They walked silently into the
dusk. Evan was numb as he walked, but he couldn’t stop his thoughts. God, he prayed silently, can I get a break here? Can I just wake up and all of this is over? He wondered again why they were doing this. Maybe they didn’t have to go to Wyoming. Maybe they could just find some nice small town somewhere and stop there. Evan wondered about the war movies he’d seen. How had those guys done it?
I have shot and killed people
, he thought, as he shook his head. Mom and Dad wouldn’t recognize him now. He remembered the last time he’d seen Dad. He’d come down to St. Louis to help Evan move and get settled. Mom had some work or something, and they all had assumed they would see each other at Christmas, so it was just a quick goodbye at the airport. But Dad had helped him unpack and get settled in. He’d given Evan the angel from Mom. That was long gone now. But before Evan had driven him to the airport Dad had stopped, put his hand on his shoulder, and said, “I’m proud of you, son.”

What would Dad think now? At least those soldiers in the movies and stuff had a home to go back to. There wasn’t anything now.
Nothing, but, well, Yoshi. Evan resisted looking back and tried to push those emotions far away.

A harvest moon started to rise and the stars came out
. Yoshi occasionally called for a halt and sat for a few minutes while Evan stood by, watching the road. The gulf between them widened as the miles passed.

At last they stopped at a small f
arm road that stretched into a field. “We’ll spend the night here,” said Evan. Yoshi nodded, stumbling again to a seat. Evan got a small fire going and heated up a can of beans. Yoshi wolfed down his half, while Evan ate his in slow measures. When Yoshi finished he looked up at Evan, started to speak, closed his mouth and turned to the bag. He tugged it open and pulled out the book. He looked at the last dog eared page, then slowly flipped a few pages back. Evan wondered if maybe he’d given Yoshi a concussion. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Yoshi, not noticing, turned the page.

Evan turned away and stared down the road. The random music that used to play in the back of his head was drowned out now by screams and whimpers, gunshots and motors. Looking at Yoshi, he pulled the bottle out of his pocket and spun it open. Yoshi glanced at him, sighed and closed the book. He curled up and closed his eyes. Evan took a swig and turned to look back down the road. The urge to flee, to just leave everything and go rushed over him. He looked back at Yoshi, thin, pale and worn, his face for the moment relaxed, though half-hidden by shaggy hair and beard. Evan knew if he left it would be another death on his hands.

Evan looked up at the sky and counted stilled lives. Damien, because he had just stood there and it was his idea to trust Paul, over Damien’s instincts. Juarez and the other soldier back at the farm. Shelly and her girlfriend, because he’d never called them. Lou, his neighbor, he could have warned him. Evan took another swig. Should he count the girls and Lou? After all he hadn’t really believed this was going to happen. He’d gone because Yoshi had insisted. Looking over, he saw Yoshi whimper and struggle against some invisible enemy in his sleep. Yoshi had refused to abandon him then; he would return the favor and refuse to abandon him now.