Unmistakable (7 page)

He releases my swollen, well-loved lips, as I continue to move painstakingly slow. “Open your eyes, love, look at what you do to me. How you own me…I.love.you. Roxy. Trust me.”

I never look away…my eyes focus on him…as I rock against him faster, each stroke calculated, as he grabs my ass, pulling me harder toward him…rocking me back and forth with unyielding force, while I squeeze him, milk him…I take us to our paradise, where everything is true and everlasting….where I can trust him completely, until reality hits.

Breathlessly, he says, “That was very satisfying. Can I have it every morning for break-fuck. You know, it’s the most important meal of the day.”

This is one thing I love about him. He always makes me laugh, no matter the situation. He knows how to ease the load. With that thought, I start to laugh…ease the load; Cody sure knows how to do both.

Reliving our moment brings a smile to my face, when life was good; no one lies and plays with my feelings. Those times keep playing in my brain. I wish they would stop, because now, they don’t matter. It meant nothing, so my head says. But my heart is beginning to question my decision, while my brain is fighting with my heart.

An hour before the sun rises, I’m awake with LT preparing everything we need. I’m trying to psych myself against Roxy’s backlash since her target seems to be me. Can I blame her, though? Probably not. If she’ll just sit and be calm for a second, she’ll see it my way. There’s just no other way…no other road to take. She’s mine, and I’m hers. I’m completely hers, body and soul, every inch of me, every cell in my body, and every fiber of my being belongs solely to her.

LT sneaks up behind me. “Ready for this, bro?”

I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say. My hands are itching to touch her, to hold her. Fuck! I don’t think I can last being around her and not being inside her. My body aches for her…she’s like a candle that burns inside me. Watching as the fire sways from one side to the other is hypnotizing, and that’s what she does to my soul. She hypnotizes me…her presences cradles me and rocks me to oblivion. I scrub my face with my hand, hoping for the best.

“She’ll come around, Ace,” LT says.

I notice he uses my nickname from the Corps. It’s his way of centering me. Reminding me we have something far more important to deal with than my love life, which at the moment is in the shitter.

LT’s eyes never leave my face, and it’s taking everything in me not to yell at him. Better yet, not to yell at myself. If only I didn’t agree…If only I pushed harder for another plan, I wouldn’t be…we wouldn’t be in this predicament.

I let out a long sigh. “I can’t stand not being able to touch her. I’d rather we were miles apart where I can’t see her, but this, fuck! This is fucking torture, man. I’m gonna lose my shit. Tell me this is gonna get better, because I don’t know how my heart can stand this.”

LT clasps my shoulder. “Cody, I get it. I know you love her deeply, and for that, I thank you. I couldn’t have picked anyone better, who will give his life for hers willingly without blinking, but you. However, right now, lock that shit up. You have to deal with it later. The pressing issue here is her safety, and everyone else’s. If your mind isn’t clear, you’ll miss something you should’ve noticed. You know how this shit works. She comes first, before you. Square yourself away, Cody, nice and fucking tight.”

As I prepare to turn around and walk my sorry ass to wake up my tormentor, his words stops me right in my tracks.

“She loves you, man. That’s all you need to know. Everything else, well, it’ll fall into place, alright?”

I nod in agreement. My mind thinks so, but my battered heart might just give way. There’s this part in the Marine Recon Creed I like to repeat over and over in my brain. It applies in every aspect of my life, and now, in my lowest this passage lifts me up and gives me a boost.

“Conquering all obstacles, both large and small, I shall never quit.
To quit, to surrender, to give up is to fail. To be a Recon Marine is to surpass failure; to overcome, to adapt and to do whatever it takes to complete the mission.”

I say this on repeat in my brain to psych myself up. Quitting isn’t an option…it’s not mine and not hers. Whatever is happening, right now, is just a hitch in the road, a hurdle we need to overcome, and by God, we will, because our love is
the mission.

I stop for a second in front of her door that used to be
our
door.
Damn your pussy is in full bloom! You’re getting sentimental over a fucking door. Man the fuck up and open it!

So, I do; and when my eyes land on her angelic face, not only does it make me smile, but it clears my mind. This girl, right here, is the reason why I’m fighting. She’s the only reason I’ll ever have…my life for hers…always.

I walk toward the bed and kneel down, enjoying looking at her face that’s crowned by her long wavy blond hair. Her plump lips I love to devour are slightly parted, her cute small nose that scrunches up when she smiles, and her soft skin I like running my fingers over. Then I see it, what she’s wearing. She’s wearing my old marine shirt. She’s embracing her pillow, her left leg is hiked up exposing her smooth as silk legs, and my mouth waters, knowing what’s between them. I’ve died and gone to paradise…this right here is my paradise.

I couldn’t help myself, I run my finger on her cheek, needing the connection, aching to touch her, longing to feel her.

“Love, it’s time. You need to get ready.”

She moans as she normally does. I can drop a bomb, and she wouldn’t budge. Trying to wake up Roxy is like waking up the dead. What normally wakes her up are my kisses. It never fails, when my lips land anywhere on her neck, she purrs like a cat, and that sound jumpstarts my heart and my dick.

“Mmmm, five minish…love,” She mumbles.

The embers of hope that were quickly disappearing come roaring back to life when she calls me ‘love’. I call her that, because she’s been without it since she was ten. I know Jake’s parents, Jake, and Tami shower her endlessly, but I know she misses the love of her father, mother, and her brother. I want her to always hear me say it, to remind her my love for her is enough to
fix
the pain…enough to
restore
what’s broken, and enough to
last
her a lifetime.

Consciously, she might want to cut my balls, but subconsciously, which is when she’s vulnerable…all she wants is me. I’m always the one to push the envelope, to see how far I can go. This plan might backfire on me, or it might give me a new lease on life.

“You want my kiss, love?” I whisper in her ear.

Old habits die hard, or is it, you can’t teach old dogs new tricks. The moment those words leave my mouth, my love puckers her lips, waiting for mine to make contact. I’m just too willing to oblige. After all, I aim to please.

So, I kiss her, tentatively, at first; but when she snakes her arms around my neck and her naughty tongue runs over my upper lip, seeking entrance, wanting to spar with mine, it’s game on. As my tongue duels with hers, her hands roam ever so slowly on my back, leaving in its wake a lust filled burn that arouses me. Our kiss quickly becomes hot and frantic because the desire is too great…the need too strong, but at times, it’s slow and sensual as we take our time, making up for a night of non-contact.

I’m plundering her mouth as a starved man in a damn chow line. My girl is giving it back to me stroke for stroke. As I suck on her tongue, the sexy moan that escapes her mouth almost make me come right there. While her fingers continue their sensual grazing of my body, my hands knead and caress her soft skin. With one hand pinching her hard nipple, the other pushes her perfect ass close to my throbbing dick.

The moment her able fingers pull my zipper down, I know I’m close to my paradise. My hands slowly graze her thighs, inching closer to her warm waiting heat. Her panties are gone in a flash, and my cargo shorts are down on my ankles. The need to be inside her is so intense, I only have a second to check if she’s ready for me. I plunge deep into my nirvana. I take a moment to savor the feeling of being inside her…of her enclosing me…this moment is only mine and hers. It’s when I feel whole, complete…it’s where I
feel
my girl is
free…
free from all the pain…and nothing, absolutely nothing, but
my
love…
our
love surrounds her.

There’s a nagging fear in me though, when she comes to, she’ll realize she doesn’t want to continue. I move slowly and deliberately, savoring every thrust as I convey my undying love for her with each sensual push. While my hands cradle her head tenderly, my tongue strokes hers, expressing how she’s cherished by me, and only me. I hope it’ll wash away any doubt she might have. Slow and steady is what my head tells me, to treasure every moan that escapes her, to derive pleasure in every shift my body makes against hers, but my heart is inundated with the hunger to claim her as mine forever…for all of eternity.

As I slowly fill her passionately…making love to her in a way I’ve never done with anyone else, I pray I fill her heart with my love that I’ve only ever offer to her.

An arousing cry escapes her luscious lips, and I know she’s close. Then, her hands guide me to rest my lips against her neck, as I nibble on it just how she likes it. As she holds my head lovingly, cradling me with her able hands, I take us to heights that I’ve never once been, and never want to ever leave. She gives me a love bite on my shoulder as a sob escapes her. My heart stops.

She breathily says with a pained voice, “You broke me…I trusted you, and you broke me.”

As I continue to drive into her, she’s squeezing my sides with her thighs and clings to me, accompanied with whimpers that choke my heart. I want to silence her cries and wipe away her doubts, so I kiss her. I pour all my love….all my faith in us into every brush my tongue makes against hers. I want to patch every hole in her heart with my touch, I want to remove every scar with my kiss, but more than anything, I want to fix her heart….I want to renew it with my love.

“Don’t say that, love. I’ll fix it…let me fix us...,” I tell her, hoping it’ll erase every piece of uncertainty she has as I drive into her as deep as I can go.

We both surrender to our climaxes, and my hope is that along with it, every bit of my betrayal will be swept away as well. Roxy’s body relaxes against mine, her tight hold on me brings comfort; but, when she turns her head away from me and her hold gives way, the proverbial wall of pain is erected; a mask of indifference veils her pretty face.

She slowly says without looking at me, “Thanks for getting me off. What happened here was just a moment of lust.” She smirks, “…that’s all it has been between us. Nothing more.”

I can’t believe she’s telling me this while I’m still inside her. How can she say what has been between us has only been lust? I need to redirect her brain, because this shit, this is betrayal of the worse kind.

With both hands, I hold her head so I can look in her eyes, and she can look in mine. I hold it without hurting her, but my grip…my hold tells her this shit needs to stop…her shit ends, now.

“I want to be inside you, not only in a sexual way, but with everything about you -- your
heart
, your
mind
, your
body
, your
soul
. I want to be in there so deep that without
me
…without
us
there’s no point to this shit we call life. That’s what
you
are to
me
.” I stop and look in her pain filled eyes, tears of pain slip and fall; but I continue on. “You’re
in
so deep with every part of me, every word that leaves your mouth is like a knife cutting me, but you can cut all you want. You can’t kill the love I have for you. So, go and fight, lash out and get fucking upset.” I stand up, get dressed, and gaze at her one last time.

Roxy’s a fighter, so she’s matching my stare with one of her own. As my eyes are filled with disappointment, hers are laced with hurt.

A smirk escapes me. “Just remember this, no one…no one can make
you
whole but
me,
and you very well know it.” I give her yet another smirk that I know annoys the shit out of her, and plow through, “That’s the saddest part, you know it, and you’ll spit at it without thinking. That’s you, not me. Don’t spit on what I know is real. So, have at it; go ahead, and
break
you…you can’t
break
me.”