Unmistakable (5 page)

My deep soul searching is interrupted by a loud bang coming from somewhere, and I really don’t care from where as long as the said source is far, far away from me!
What the hell? That sound isn’t far, far away. Actually, it’s really, really close!
Cody is like a statue in front of me, and if not for his controlled breathing, I would really think he were one.

After what seems like an eternity, Uncle Jack finally comes back. I know this without seeing, because all of a sudden, we’re moving. Cody’s head motion prompts me to move toward my left, painstakingly slow. Ten backward steps in, and another loud noise coming from outside, stuns me again. Shitballs! How many are out there?

“Fuck, how many are out there?” Cody echoes my sentiment.

We all meet in the middle of the great room. With all the girls in the middle of the circle, we await Uncle Jack’s instructions. It’s as if we’re in a middle of a football huddle until Uncle Jack says ‘break’.

“Listen up. I’ve called it in. Move to the garage, LT. You’re on point,” Uncle Jack whispers his instructions.

LT moves first; followed by Cody, who’s on my left; Tami is behind me; next to her is Aunt Patti. Uncle Jack and Brian bring up the rear. LT signals to stop and plaster our backs against the wall as he moves in the opposite direction, directly beside the door. Slowly, Cody grips the door knob, and LT answers with a single head nod to proceed with one hand holding a tactical flashlight and the other his Sig Sauer pointing straight, safety off, trigger finger at the ready. It seems as though we’re moving in slow motion. Not knowing what’s behind that door seems to constrict my brain, and the moment Cody opens the door, a foreboding chill instantly fills the air.

The boys wait, guns pointed straight, stance rigid, while us girls, well, we pray. We pray for these fuckers to die!
Roxy this isn’t the time to say bad words! You should say, ‘please Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do. Our boys know their stuff, so please, make them hit their targets. Amen.’

“Clear,” LT whispers.

LT holds the door open with his back against the door. I follow Cody, walking past LT toward the door leading to the backyard. Cody holds his right arm up with a closed fist, a sign for us to stop. Tami grabs my hand, and we all stay crouching low on the ground as the guys stand in front us, waiting for my uncle’s next instructions.

“Just hang tight. Cops are on their way,” Uncle Jack says as he bends over kissing my aunt’s head.

“Thank God,” Tami mutters under hear breath.

A series of loud gunshots causes Cody to slam his body hard against mine. The next thing I hear, the boys are yelling.

“Cover!”

Just then, I feel more weight on me.
God, I’m not going to die from a bullet! I’m going to die because I’m pinned by two six foot hunks of manliness. Not a bad way to go!
WTH?
Clearly, my foxy self is only thinking of her reproductive organ!

It feels like forever, but finally, I feel a little bit of the weight lift off of me. I can hear Uncle Jack talking to LT, footsteps leaving the garage, and sirens in the background. Next, I feel Cody’s strong arms around me, pulling me toward him. Seconds later, Cody taps his earpiece mouthing ‘all clear’ to me.

“You okay, love? I didn’t mean to slam into you that hard. I needed to cover you. Sorry,” He says as he run his hands all over me, checking for injuries.

“It’s okay. If you were covering me, why did LT jump, too? I couldn’t breathe at all.”

Cody’s hands start caressing my cheeks. “He was covering both of us.”

What do I say to that? Damien’s act of selflessness makes me love him even more. I just hope Cody won’t think anything is happening between him and me.

Brian pulls Cody to the side, as Tami pulls me toward her for a hug. I’m close enough to Brian and Cody to hear part of what Brian is saying. Upon hearing it, my heart starts beating a mile a minute, and my over active brain is running amok all on its own.

“Man, tell her while you still can. What happened tonight was too close. You have to talk to LT, because this can’t go on much longer, Cody.”

As I inch away from Tami, wanting to hear more of what Brian is saying, his eyes dart from my face to Cody’s, and he changes his tune.

“Cody, come on; let’s get the girls inside. I’m sure, Gunny has something to tell us. Let’s go,” Brian says, while he only looks at Cody, and not at me.

I know, he’s ignoring me, but I also know, he’s hiding something from me. Just then, LT walks in and stands next to me. My mind is still thinking about what Brian meant by what he said. I’ve always trusted my intuition…it has never steered me wrong. Right now, it’s telling me something isn’t adding up. That feeling alone wakes me from my stupor, and my mouth runs away with my nerves.

“Is there something going on that I need to know, LT?” I ask, with a serious tone as I face him, while studying his facial expression.

He stays stoic. There’s no sudden shift in his facial expression, either. Who am I kidding? He’s trained not to show his emotions. Shit! All of them are trained to be just that, but one thing you can’t train are the
eyes
. It’s the part of you that feels without touching…that tells without speaking. It’s the part of the human body that knows what the heart is feeling, because when the heart is hurting, they shed tears of pain. When the heart is happy, they cry tears of joy. So, I focus on the eyes…

LT blows out a breath before answering. “Nothing’s going on, Rox. Bring it down a notch, yeah?”

Then, I turn to Cody. He won’t lie to me after I just gave him my whole heart. He knows…He knows
not
to break my trust. This damn secret has got something to do with either Cody or LT. The fear confining my heart moves my mouth to speak. I say a silent prayer before asking God to spare me another heartache, for Cody not to break my heart.

Looking at him with hope in my eyes, I ask one simple question. “Is there something you know that you’re not telling me?”

There it is. Without answering, Cody gave me his answer…not a single word leaves his lips. The very lips I kiss are now the very lips that can’t move…can’t speak. It’s his silence that seals our fate, but it’s his sparkling blue eyes that stab my heart. They used to resonate love and truth…now…now they only show regret.

He reaches for me, and I let him. “Love, don’t. Don’t judge me without hearing what I have to say.”

I savor the warmth his hand gives, but when he moves to touch my face…I catch his hand and stop him from touching me. He lost that right the moment he lied to me…the moment he made the decision not to be forthcoming with me.

Shaking my head I say, “You don’t have to say anything, love.” I say
love
in the most sarcastic, hurtful way I can. “Your silence says it all. Whatever it is you’re both keeping from me….” I swing my head to LT, and I pin him with my anger filled eyes. “…I hope it’s worth it.”

LT speaks before I turn around to leave. “Roxy, please…”

Pointing my finger at him, I lash out. “No! You don’t get to talk now. I gave you the chance when I asked you. You should have answered me then!”

Cody reaches out to me, but I shrug him off. I walk away from the only person I’ve given my heart to. What kills the hope that sprouts like a mushroom in my heart, is knowing that the person who broke that trust is the very person that I love with all my heart.

I know, love can heal most any hurt, but trust is vital in making love last a lifetime. How can ours last if trust has been decimated to oblivion? Can the power of love put together the trust he shattered to pieces?

So, this is how a broken, shattered, obliterated heart feels. I’m breathing, but my heart isn’t feeling, though it’s beating, it feels so empty. This is what lying to my
love
does…it makes me want to hide in shame. I want to punch myself, wound myself for hurting her. This is why I was opposed to this fucked up plan of Damien’s. I wanted to tell her from the get go; but after Damien convinced me, and weighing the pros and cons, sometimes you have to make the tough decision to achieve the best end result. Not good…not even better, but the best result. I don’t want Roxy to feel that she’s ‘collateral damage’. Roxy is never, was never, will never be collateral damage. My decision was based on shielding her from pain, and that, for me, is the best result.

Was it right to hide things from her? At the time, it was. Now, in hindsight, fuck if I know. I thought I could control the situation. I wanted to protect her in a controlled way. She just needs to trust me. After what just happened, her trusting me again will be the biggest and hardest hurdle I will ever face in my life.

Control – how could I have lost it in this situation?

As everyone converges back in the great room, my eyes zero in on Roxy, who’s sandwiched between Patti and Tami. She’s not looking my way, and I’ll bet my left nut she knows I’m staring at her.
Why not your right nut? Do you favor it?
What the fuck? I surprise myself sometimes when I think of stupid things to calm my shit down since the one who can obviously calm my nerves is currently ignoring me. My all access pass has turned into all access denied, indefinitely.

Gunny starts throwing out instructions left and right, and my undivided attention diverts to the man whose mouth is moving. My feelings and my apprehensions about the current status of my relationship are in a holding pattern.

Gunny starts, “Everyone listen up! As you guys know, John’s double crossing the cartel, giving the FBI all the info they need to execute an arrest. Hopefully, the cartel won’t realize it until it’s too late. Obviously, we didn’t get a tip on what happened tonight, so Plan B starts tomorrow at o six hundred hours. You guys will travel up north to Frisco. Jake and Trish are on their way from Santa Barbara, and they’ll get there before you guys do. Jake found the best OB in Frisco, so everyone will stay there until Trish gives birth. Summer will be picked up en route tomorrow morning. So, pack your stuff up girls. Travel light. Boys make sure all your gear is ready. LT will drive the first car with Summer, luggage, and supplies. Brian will drive the other with Tami, Roxy, and Cody. I’ll be up with Patti in a couple of weeks, but we won’t be staying with you guys. We’ll stay in a nearby hotel.”

“Wait, what? You want us there for nine months! What’s going to happen to the shop? This is ridiculous! Why didn’t you ask us?” Roxy stands up, and looks at Tami for support.

Within five seconds, Tami throws in her own question, “Wait! Summer, why? Roxy’s right, Dad! Why weren’t we informed about this? What about my store, Dad?”

Jack starts shaking his head, and more than likely is counting from zero to ten to avoid losing his cool. “Kiddo, we’ve been through this before. It’s going to be my way until this ends.” He swings his gaze to his daughter. “Tami, Summer will help Trish. You know as well as I do, her pregnancy isn’t going to be easy. Your brother can’t be stressed, and Summer will provide support. You know, you can handle your business on the phone. Move your people around.” Then, his gaze lands back to Roxy. “Is there a problem, Roxy?”

Then, Roxy looks my way, and if her anger and frustration were twin twisters, everyone in this room wouldn’t survive it. She swings her anger filled eyes toward LT, and if she thinks she can make us both shake in fear, she’s in for a rude awakening.

She turns toward Jack. “Actually, there is a problem. I know, someone’s hiding something from me. I think I deserve to know everything!”

Jack looks to me, then LT, and switches back to Roxy. I knew this would be the end of the secret we’re all keeping. There’s no way out of this, and I think, LT knows it too. He looks at me with the same fear that’s coursing through my body. However, no one is the wiser since our emotions are locked in tight. The slight twitch in LT’s lips tells the tale. Gunny lets out a resigned sigh and prepares himself to face World War III, bat shit crazy style.

“Alright, have at it. Fire away, kiddo. First, let me remind you to have an open mind to understand the answers I’m about to give you,” Jack says as he sits down, resting his arms on his knees with his hands clasp together.

“You’ll answer me truthfully?” Roxy asks, cocking her head to the side, which earns her a stare down from Jack.