Unmistakable (11 page)

Seeing I can only give him a nod of my head, he leads me to our room. Slowly, he guides me to the stairs, and my mind is playing every lie he’s ever said to me, but the feel of his hand over mine translates to every sweet word he’s ever lovingly said to me. The
feisty woman
in me demands answers to why he broke my trust, but the
little girl
in me just desires the love he’s always shown me.

We enter our room, he sits me down on the bed and kneels in front of me wedging himself between my legs. He twines our fingers together; slowly takes a breath, while my heart thuds non-stop; and my brain stops functioning as my eyes soaks up the love that flows freely from him to me.

He gives my hands a love squeeze and says, “I know, there’s a lot of doubts in your head. Ones I’ve placed there, and ones created by your past; but I hope, you can see beyond the lies, because they weren’t meant to hurt you.” He shakes his head and says, “I hate you even consider it lying, because I didn’t make up a lie to cover the truth…I merely kept quiet to prepare you to handle the truth. Every time pain or sadness covers your beautiful face, my heart feels it, too. So, my actions will always ensure your heart is always protected. I’ll shelter it from any storm, because I want to be
your
heaven amidst the raging chaos of life. I’ll always…always come to you; no one else matters to me, just you. I’ll give up my life, so yours will be whole.”

Cody didn’t say anything after that. It’s as if he’s thinking of saying goodbye…my heart feels he’s saying goodbye…

He clears his throat as he stares at our hands, still locked together.

“If for some reason, you can’t see me or feel me, you can doubt everything about us; but never doubt my love for you. Trust that my heart’s every beat…each time it pumps life in me…what’s inside, is you. It pulses because of you, and it hangs on for dear life, scared as fuck of losing you. It loves only you.”

There are no words in the English dictionary I can think of to explain what I’m feeling, right now. However, one thing I know for sure, I’m in awe of his love for me. No one has ever loved me as fiercely as he does. How I wish there were a pill that could wash away my doubts, could wipe away my fears to just completely trust this man. I ache to trust him. Sometimes, it’s hard to teach your heart to feel, to teach your eyes to see; but most of all, it’s hard to erase the memories trenched so deep, their grip so strong, their strength so powerful that in order to break free, you need more than love…more than a shitload of trust, and more than a vat full of hope to escape.

What do I need then? Who do I need? Who can rescue me?

My foxy-crazy-self answers for me.

What you need is a man who completely, undeniably, undoubtedly loves you with everything he is…everything he has, and everything he can give. That man is right in front of you. He has more than enough love, and more than enough hope to fight this war you wage on yourself. So, love him…trust in him. Trust your love for him is enough…and let that love teach you to trust him, completely.

So, I do….

I pull him close to me. I want to enclose him with myself, surround him with me…all of me.

With my hands shaking, fearful, he won’t believe me I anchor them on his face and say, “Cody, you own my heart, and I trust you to take care of it. I really do. It may take a while for me to completely, irrevocably trust all of
us
to you because I’ve been burned so deeply. I feel the need to take care of us
my
way. I don’t know how I can love you so much, and not trust you wholly. It’s hard to forget the past, because it shapes our present and unfolds our future. One thing I can assure you is, even though my past dictates my actions, it’s because of my love for you, I’m prepared and willing to give you myself whole heartedly. Are you able to take me as I am?”

Just when Cody’s about to answer, LT and Brian’s loud voices shake the quiet engulfing our house.

“Don’t open the door, T!”

Cody springs into action, and in seconds he has his gun cocked and ready to fire.

“Stay here. Don’t go out for anything. Do you understand?”

Shocked out of my mind, I just stare at him with my mouth open as I nod once. Then, he’s gone locking the door behind him.

I slowly inch my way toward the stairs and stop when I see Jake doing the same with his gun pointing on the floor. One nod from me, and we continue our trek down the stairs carefully with the least amount of noise as possible. Back to back we cleared the foyer. As we enter the living room, I see Brian hugging Tami, as LT drops a manila envelope on top of whatever shits on the table.

“What the hell is going on?” Jake asks while looking at Tami.

“Someone fucking rang the doorbell, and we yelled for her not to open the door.” LT points at the manila envelope. “I opened it, and she saw the black rose attached to the picture and DVD….” LT stops talking as he sits down on the sofa.

“A fucking DVD and a picture?” I finally find my voice to speak.

At this point, Tami is crying, though not hysterically, it’s enough to fill the room with tension so thick I don’t think anyone can breathe at all.

Clearing his throat, Jake speaks, “Let me take Tami upstairs with the girls. As soon as you’ve reviewed it, come get me.”

Jake leads a very distraught Tami toward the stairs, while I itch to see what the hell picture was attached to the damn rose and what the damn DVD is all about. What the hell, we just got here! As soon as Jake disappeared, both Brian and I move to where LT is sitting.

Sitting down on the sofa across from LT, I look at Brian. “How the fuck did she get that close to the damn door, man?”

“I was about to go in the head, stupid ass. LT was in the kitchen. I left her here, sitting down reading a damn magazine. I guess the fuckers know we’re here.”

Shaking my head I say, “No, shit.”

LT lifts the manila envelope, and I see the black rose, a DVD, picture, and a letter. Now, I understand why Tami is crying in fear. The picture of Roxy holding Trish’s stomach from when we arrived this afternoon is cut right down the middle with an x mark on both their faces. The note that says ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ is written across a white piece of paper. The fuckers are now taunting us.

“Pop the DVD in the player, B,” LT instructs Brian.

As soon as we see John’s battered face holding the San Francisco Chronicle newspaper, I know this is the proof of life that Gunny requested. The camera zooms in on the date of the newspaper and pans out again, focusing on John’s face. Then, we hear a chilling voice that is hidden behind a voice distortion effect that says ‘next time it will be his finger’. Then, it just fades to black.

“Un-fucking-believable!” I explode, not caring if Roxy or the girls can hear me.

I focus on LT, who is scrubbing his face with his hand, who is just as frustrated as I am.

“Alright, I’ll take the first watch, then Brian, and you, Cody. I have to get Gunny on the horn and let him know what’s up. For now, no one and I mean no one leaves the house. If we need to make a run for something, it’ll only be a couple of us. The girls stay here with two guards.”

“LT, whoever did this has some fucking balls to just walk up to the front door within striking distance.”

“Cody, we’re dealing with the cartel. I guess you can say, we’re lucky it was only a black rose, and not a fucking body part.”

“Brian, review the tapes in the guest bedroom. I don’t think you’ll see anything. I’m sure, the guy who dropped off the package will be well concealed.”

“LT, it’s worth a try. Any lead is a good lead. Let me check on Tami first, okay?”

With a nod from LT, Brian leaves. While I stay glued on the sofa thinking this shit needs to be over. Frustration seeps through every crevice of my body, I
really
need this shit to be over soon.

“Cody, you good?”

A sarcastic laugh escapes me. “Fine fucking dandy, LT. Our first night here, and we get a fucking welcome gift. Fuckers aren’t wasting any time.”

“It is what it is, Cody. Let me call Gunny.”

LT dials Gunny’s number and puts in on speaker. Two rings later he answers.

“We got your proof of life, Gunny,” LT says going straight to the point.

“How? When and What?”

“We got it about fifteen minutes ago, via a package was dropped off at the front door. Inside a manila envelope was a black rose, picture of Roxy and Trish from this afternoon, and a note welcoming us to the neighborhood, then a DVD of John badly beaten holding a newspaper.”

“Keep a short leash on everyone, LT. Since John’s been compromised, I’m sure the cartel will use his phone to get in touch with the FBI, or they’ll beat him to a pulp to get Roxy’s number. Just be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary.”

“Anything else, Gunny?” LT asks while I sit there soaking everything in.

“That’s all. I’ll check in, in a couple of days.”

As soon as LT hangs up the phone, Jake comes into the living room.

“I’ve explained everything to the girls. Are we good here?”

LT nods. “I just got off the phone with your dad. Everything’s squared away. We proceed as usual, except I’d like to quarantine the girls. At least, for now.”

Jake and I nod in agreement, knowing it’ll be a hard sell, but knowing that’s the only choice we have.

We’ve lived in Frisco for two months now. Two months of being on constant alert. Two months of not having a good night’s sleep. Two months of not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Does anyone truly know what tomorrow brings? Of course, no one knows, but to add danger on top of that. Then, add the fact the one I love is the one in danger, it creates a huge uncertainty I’m not used to. I just want this nightmare to be over. The worry constricts my heart like no other.

Having no control is slowly draining me…it’s deliberately instilling fear in me that I’ve never felt before. True, I’ve felt fear before, but it was the level of fear I could control. I could talk myself down and not go nuts. However, fearing for Roxy’s life constantly weakens me. The feeling of weakness and being trapped is what incapacitates me. That’s what I hate the most.

Today we’re attempting our first outing since our ‘special delivery’ on our first night here. We’re taking Trish to her regular doctor’s visit after we’re going straight to the grocery store with the girls. This little outing is causing LT a major headache. Ever since the time Jake and I did the grocery shopping, and it caused mass hysteria, equivalent to the apocalypse, anyone who has balls in the house agreed we need to bring the females. The mass hysteria was because we got a regular creamer, and not the sugar free kind; we got low fat yogurt, instead of the Greek kind; and we only bought three different flavors of ice cream, instead of five; not to mention, we purposely forgot to buy the dreaded vagina plugs. I won’t be caught holding that shit. Diapers I can handle, but no tampons or pads! I don’t care if they are the pearl kind or pads with damn wings.