Unmistakable (24 page)

He unties me, and takes off my blindfold. Seeing my father up close after all these years makes my eyes tear up so fast, reigning in my emotions is a constant struggle. My sobbing intensifies because everything painful…everything dark…everything bad about my past starts resurfacing.

Gripping my face, my dad says, “There’s not much time left to explain, but please know, I tried to stop this. Yes, I am to blame for why it’s happening, and for that, I’m truly sorry. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, because there are no words. Shame is all I have left, but even that, can’t stop me from trying to save you. We need to act quickly. Listen and follow me, okay? I’ll hoist you up, so you can jump over the window. You have to do this, Roxy. It’s the only way.”

I start shaking my head, for some unexplainable reason, I don’t want to leave him behind. Why on God’s green earth would I want to save him? Why? I want to hate him, to despise him. I don’t want to forgive him. As with the heart of a child, forgiveness is easily given, because at that age, love is at its purest. Presently, I am that little girl.

I.am.my.daddy’s.little.girl….

My dad gently wipes the tears trickling down my face. His eyes are moving rapidly from one part of my face to another. It’s in this moment, my heart knows I have to forgive him….I need to. Simply, because we don’t have much time…there’s no time left. The hour glass of our relationship is approaching its last grain of life, so fast, the only way to right the wrong is to forgive.

“I love you, baby girl. You may not believe me, and I accept that…I do. My own selfish hunger for power and money blinded me for a very long time, but even then, thoughts of you…of your brother….of your mother kept haunting me. The guilt I’ve carried, and the love I’ve lost will forever be in my heart. It’s a constant reminder of the monster I’ve become. No amount of forgiveness can change that. There’s no excuse for my actions, and neither will I give one. This is all on me. I’m not hoping for you to love me, but I’m hoping that you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Stunned speechless, I just stare at my dad for the longest time. The ticking of the invisible clock is the only sound registering in my brain. Though I want so badly to tell him I’ve forgiven him….I can’t. My childlike heart wants to forgive, but my hurt-adult filled mind can’t. Once again, my heart and my brain are in a battle. As clear as day, I see in my dad’s eyes; the resignation of the forgiveness he seeks will never be his. Instead of getting pissed off, maybe call me names, shove be back, or push me down, he doesn’t do anything. Instead….

He smiles and says, “I understand, Roxy. I love you just the same. While my heart is hoping for forgiveness, it’s okay if you can’t give it.” Gazing at me lovingly, regret and sadness in his eyes, he asks, “How about let’s try to get you out of here?”

I shake my head. “No, I can’t go. If I do, they’ll hurt him, dad. They’ll kill everyone. I have to stay.”

I want to tell him so badly…‘they’ll kill you first’, but those words don’t leave my mouth…though they stay in my heart and mind.

It’s his turn to shake his head, vigorously. “Do you think they’ll stop when they kill you? I need you to go, so you can tell Jack they need to come down on this place hard, because the head of the operation will be here. You.need.to.go. If you want to save them, you need to listen to me.”

My dad helps me up, and just as I’m about to climb on my dad, the door swings open. The murderous face of one of Satan’s spawns is indescribable. In three steps, he pulls me hard, away from my dad and drags me, again by the hair. My head is throbbing, my side’s killing me, but I still try my hardest to get away by scratching on the hand that’s torturously pulling on my hair. Then, two more guys come barging in and start beating on my dad. Satan’s spawn slams me against the wall, and I fall like a ragdoll on the unforgiving floor. He pins me down with his body, grabbing both my wrists as he continues to terrorize me.

“Trying to escape, are you? I’ve been watching you for a long time, I’ve been wanting to taste you. Now, you’re all mine.” He licks me from my cheek to my neck, and no matter how much I squirm and fight, he has me pinned on the floor.

With his body flush against mine, his hot stinky alcohol breath fans my face. He makes a mistake of releasing one of my wrists so he can unbutton my shorts, giving me enough room to wiggle my other hand in between us. I squeeze his dick as hard as I can, causing him to move away from me while he yells loudly, cursing at me. I crawl backward, away from him. Another guy comes in, yells, and tells everyone to leave the room, except the guy whose dick I just grabbed.

“Hijo de puta! Didn’t I tell you, we’ll save her for later? I need that son-of-a-bitch, here. After I have my way with both of them, you can do whatever the fuck you want with this bitch!” The man yells at his evil twin.

While still holding his dick he says, “Did Jefe call them?”

“In an hour. Meanwhile, rough her up a bit more. I need that fucker to know who he’s messing with. Make her bleed this time.” He sneers at me before leaving the room.

Immediately, I look at my dad. He’s turning his body toward me, slowly trying to be in an upright position. He’s preparing to stand up as soon as throbbing dickhead makes his move. There’s blood oozing from my dad’s mouth, there’s blood everywhere. I move toward my dad, and as quickly as I can, I stand up bracing myself to what Satan’s spawn has in store for me.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and says, “You heard him, bitch. I need to make you bleed.”

He lunges at me. I try to knee him in the balls, but he moves quickly to the side and hits my stomach with his closed fist, bringing me to my knees, clutching my stomach in pain. My dad tries to get up, but he was kicked on his back. The spawn of Satan pulls both my legs and drags me across the room as I continue to flail around. He straddles me and starts slapping me until I start tasting my own blood. I’m starting to lose consciousness, I think, because my eyes can’t focus on anything. The next thing I know, my dad launches himself at our tormentor, knocking them both away from me. I hear someone groan, while the other grunts and cusses something in Spanish.

I turn my head to look at the door, my mind knows it’s the way out, but my body doesn’t respond...

I can’t move…

I can’t breathe…

Cody’s face flash before my eyes, and I hold on to that image like a lifeline. In my mind, I can almost hear him tell me how much he loves me…I try my hardest to take my mind to when he told me….

“If for some reason you can’t see me or feel me, you can doubt everything about us, but never doubt my love for you. Trust that my heart’s every beat…each time it pumps life in me…what’s inside, is you. It pulses because of you, and it hangs on for dear life, scared as fuck of losing you. It loves only you.”

As my mind understands its meaning, my heart surrenders to its strength, and tears escape my eyes. Hanging on for dear life is what my heart and mind agree on. His loving words will give me strength…every word will pump life into me, because inside my heart is
him
. I long for his touch to heal me again; I yearn for his lips to wipe away the ache. I’m scared of dying without seeing him. God…please…I want to see him one last time…please, let my last vision be of his face…let my last breath be in his presence…God…I need him.

The last thing I remember before everything turns black is a flash of light….then….

SILENCE….

We’re at the rally point two blocks away from the warehouse where Roxy is. We’re planning how we’re going to position the teams when Gunny’s phone lights up signaling a call. Everyone’s attention is on him, and I’m afraid my heart will jump out of my body at any given moment.

As he looks at his phone, his clenched jaw reveals the bad news that one call carries. He excuses himself and signals for LT to follow him, leaving Brian, me, and the rest of the team to wait with the same question in mind. What’s it all about? What did he see on his phone?

I follow them closely with my eyes, and as Gunny shows his phone to LT, one word…one word sends my feet moving, leaving my already dead heart behind.

“Fuck!” LT yells as he looks up at the dark night sky.

I reach Gunny, and the moment my eyes land on his phone seeing Roxy’s battered face, her lips bloodied, the corner of her eye black and blue, her cheeks red and swollen, her hair matted and covering half her face, her lifeless body on the floor with her blood stained shirt ripped on the shoulders, and her eyes closed; I don’t know how I remain upright.

Hot searing pain runs through every inch of my body and rockets its way to my chest. I start shaking with so much rage inside me, the rumbling strength of bulls stampeding moves me to run, but not fast enough. Gunny and Brian slam me hard against the side of the Tahoe.

“Get your shit together, son, or this war is over before it even begins. She’s not dead, but she will be if you don’t allow your mind to work. Let what you know kick in, and not what you feel. They’re gonna use any trick they can pull out of their asses to use against us, to rattle the shit out of us, because they know we’re coming. They knew once Roxy was in their hands, the timer started for them. Focus on the mission.”

Chest heaving, wanting to push the man I look up to as a father, my eyes zero in on Brian. He stares me down, and his eyes show nothing, but brute restraint and unwavering control, silencing the thundering bulls inside of me. When its go time, unleashing this beast is the only thing left to do.

“Are you calm enough? There’s more to that picture. Now, open your ears and listen up,” taking a deep breath, Gunny continues. “They want you,” Gunny says, pointing at me.

I shrug Brian off me, waiting on the next intel I’m sure is attached to that ‘they want me’ comment. I know a different plan needs to be talked about before I cowboy up. Giving Gunny a one nod acknowledgement, he continues.

“They want you to go in through the north side. Alone. The last time we checked on Roxy’s location, she’s right in that area, too. Cody, you know situations such as these can change on the flip of a dime. I need you sharp and focused only on one thing, and that’s to bring her back to us.”

Jack clears his throat and says, “Like I said, you’re to go alone, unarmed. I’m going to put a tracker in your boot, hopefully, they won’t check that. Do what they say, but once I see shit’s escalating we’re coming in hot. The tactical shirt you’re wearing has a mic and camera imbedded in it. It’s this button right here, so we’ll be able to hear and see what’s going on. Hopefully, Lady Luck’s on our side tonight. Heat signals are showing where all the targets are. We’ll attack accordingly, boys. Alright, five minutes before show time.”

I stay put while the rest of the team goes in different directions. I’m taking everything attached to me off since I’m going in naked…no gun…nothing. I’m leaving my Ka-bar tucked away in my boot, though. Standing next to me, LT’s nervous energy is vibrating at full force. He hasn’t said a word since his initial outburst after seeing Roxy’s picture, and I wince mentally, when her picture flashes again in my mind. I thought Roxy not telling me everything made me feel helpless, out of control even, but seeing a picture of her beaten up, nothing could’ve prepared me for that.

“Are you good, Cody?” LT asks with shaky voice. A first for LT, because nothing shook him until Roxy.

“Honestly, I don’t know, man. I thought I had the training to back me up, but now, I understand the reason I was able to control my fear back then was because it was my safety that was in jeopardy. I could control the fear, because I knew what I’m capable of, but now, it’s Roxy’s life on the line, this is a different fucking kind of fear. It leaves me helpless to move…to jump into action for fear of what may happen to her if I don’t do as they say. I don’t ever want to feel this way again, Damien. Not again.”

“Once you’re in there, you’ll know what you need to do. I’m right behind you, bro. Go get
your
girl. Bring her home. I…”

Gunny flags me after an agent whispers something to him. I’m watching carefully for a change in demeanor, but Gunny’s hard to read, so I wait again….for another damn shoe to fucking drop.