Undo Me (The Good Ol' Boys #3) (26 page)

I wanted to capture this moment and hold onto it for as long as I could. I wanted to remember her just this way.

For me.

Mine.

“I know a part of me will always be waiting for you. And I want to hate you for it, but I can’t,” I murmured, getting closer to her mouth.

She shook her head unable to find the words.

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

She licked her lips beckoning me to do it.

“You’ve ruined me for every other woman, Aubrey, every last one,” I found myself saying.

She immediately opened her eyes and looked right into mine. “Promise?”

I didn’t falter. Not for one damn second. “Always.”

The front door slammed open, and it was like a bucket of ice cold water was briskly poured on top of her. She jumped back and away from me after the sudden intrusion.

“You need to go,” she ordered.

She wasn’t done breaking my goddamn heart.

“That’s not what you want,” he replied.

“You don’t know what I want, McGraw.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, darlin’, I’ve always known. It’s you that hasn’t.”

I held my chin higher, trying not to let the truth falling off his lips affect me.

“Someday you’re going to find yourself and wish you hadn’t.”

“What do you want from me?” I breathed out.

“Everything,” he simply stated. “But right now I’ll settle for holding you.”

I shook my head no, scared that if I opened my mouth my response would be different.

“Let me hold you, darlin, just for tonight. Tomorrow you can go back to pretending that you don’t love me.”

“Dylan…”

“I’ll sleep on top of the blankets like a good ol’ boy.”

“I can’t.”

“Try.”

I knew what I was doing to myself but the memories already held me captive, and I wanted so desperately to feel anything other than the hatred that lived inside of me.

Even if it was for one night.

I pulled the covers back and got under them, turning away from the face that I couldn’t bear to lie to anymore and waited. He flipped off the light and the darkness immediately took me under. I never slept with the light off. I was about to open my mouth and tell him that I couldn’t do this.

As much as I yearned to.

When I felt his arm come around me, just his arm. He didn’t tug me toward him, he didn’t move me from the place I lay and he didn’t scoot over closer to me. All he did was place his arm over my stomach as if he knew it was all I could take, and I think I fell in love with him all over again.

But too much had happened.

Things that I couldn’t forget.

Mistakes that I couldn’t change.

Regrets that I couldn’t take back.

I closed my eyes and to my surprise it didn’t take long for me to start to fall asleep. Except before I did, I heard him whisper,

“I love you. I’ll always love you.”

I slept the entire night for the first time since the day I died with the man who promised he could save me.

“Right, I know, Aunt Celeste,” I lied.

“Are you eating? Sleeping? Taking care of yourself?”

“Mmm hmm…”

“Aubrey,” she coaxed.

“How is she? Is she doing okay?” I asked out of nowhere.

“Of course she is. I would tell you if she wasn’t.”

I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.

“I got to go though, Jeremy is on his way. I’ll check back in soon.”

“Call your mom, okay?”

“I will.”

“I love you, honey.”

“Me too.” I hung up.

It was my senior year of college, and I was twenty-two years old about to graduate with my bachelor’s degree in fashion and design in a few short weeks. I didn’t have a clue what I would be doing with it, but I would have it the nonetheless.

The front door slammed open.

“Aubrey, where the fuck are you?”

I jolted off my bed.

“Nice to see you too, Jeremy,” Alex greeted as I rushed out of my bedroom.

He immediately smiled, his demeanor changing drastically from the man who just barged through my front door.

“Alex,” he coaxed. “I didn’t see your car outside.”

“I left it at Cole’s. He dropped me off this morning, he’s waiting for me outside.”

“Hey, baby,” he acknowledged, reaching for me and pulling me to his side. He kissed me and then looked back at Alex.

I had met Jeremy at one of Cole’s fraternity parties at the beginning of the school year. He was alumni having graduated three years prior as vice president of the fraternity like his father before him and so on. His family was high profile, and they were generations upon generations of politicians. Jeremy worked for his father, running his office and handling the behind the scenes campaign needs.

He hated it.

He traveled all the time, and each time he came back he was worse than he was before he left.

“Aubrey, can I talk to you for a second? Alone.”

I nodded, glancing over at Jeremy. He wearingly eyed me before excusing himself to go into my bedroom.

Alex gripped my upper arm, tugging me into the kitchen, further away from my room.

“What are you doing with him, Aubrey? He’s a jerk.”

“So was Dylan,” I simply stated, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.

They were nothing alike.

Nothing.

Alex shook her head, disappointed that I was even comparing the two. I couldn’t hate myself more for it, there wasn’t any extra room left for me to feel that. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Dylan since the night I slept with his arm around me. The last time I had a good night’s sleep was over two years ago, so much had changed but yet not enough.

“Dylan wasn’t—”

“I know, Half-Pint, I don’t know why I said that.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself? It makes no sense that you’re with him when you know Dylan is—’

“Not everybody gets their happily ever after, Alex,” I harshly responded.

She stepped back. “What happened to you, Aubrey?”

“I grew up.”

“Let me—”

“Mind your own business, that’s what you need to do. You can’t save me anymore than you could save Lucas.”

She jerked back, hurt.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“No, Aubrey, I think you did.” With that she turned and left.

I took a deep breath as remorse and shame washed over me. I spun around to walk back into my bedroom and before I could take my first step, Jeremy backhanded me across the face so fucking hard I fell to the ground.

“You, stupid bitch!” he roared, hovering above me as I clutched my cheek.

I wish I could tell you that Jeremy wined and dined me, that he made me fall in love with him and his charming personality. That I didn’t know he was a monster. That he tricked me, made me believe he was something that he wasn’t before he showed me his true colors.

He didn’t do any of those things.

I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew what kind of person he was, and what kind of demons were sitting on his shoulders. Waiting for me.

I knew it all.

From our first talk to our first date to the first time he ever laid his hands on me. I knew what he was capable of, and I wanted it. I looked for it.

Those moments when his fists did the talking or his mouth was spewing degrading and hateful words were the only times that the hurt I felt in my heart.

The ache that lived in my soul.

The anguish that consumed my body and mind.

Every. Single. Day.

Was numb for a few precious minutes.

I relished the feeling of the pain that he inflicted, even if it was just for a few minutes. It took away the memories of the person that I had become.

“Fucking look at me!”

I did.

“You don’t defend me to your stupid fucking friend? What kind of a girlfriend are you? A piece of shit one! You’re good for nothing but that pussy between your goddamn legs.”

He kicked me in my stomach and I recoiled in pain, gagging hysterically.

“Get the fuck up, you weak pathetic excuse of a girlfriend!”

I gasped for air, seizing onto my stomach.

“GET THE FUCK UP, AUBREY! You do not want me doing it for you!”

I sat up on my hands and knees, breathing through the pain.

“Aubrey, I’m not going to tell you again,” he warned through gritted teeth.

I hissed through my discomfort, standing hunched over. Blinking through the white spots in my vision as he crudely gripped my chin.

“Dylan is better than me, huh? He’s still waiting for you, isn’t he?”

Silence.

“Answer. Me.”

“No,” I simply stated.

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you,” I whispered with a lack of emotion in my voice. 

“Tell me you know you’re a worthless piece of shit. Tell me that I’m better than him, that I’m better than your Dylan, and you’re lucky to have me.”

I could take the hitting, the physical abuse. It was mild compared to the verbal assault his words inflicted inside me. Like a knife carving my already wounded body. The sting much more intense than anything his hands could ever do to me.

“Look me in the eyes and say it like you fucking mean it. If you don’t, I’ll hurt you until you make me believe that you do.”

I swallowed hard, clenching my ribs where he just hit me so that it would numb the words that were about to come out of my mouth. Each lie that would fall from my lips.

I peered deep into his eyes and murmured, “I’m a worthless piece of shit.”

His eyes dilated, I could see the high my words were giving him and I hesitated for a few seconds.

“You’re better than him and I’m lucky to have you.”

“Better than who, Aubrey? Who am I better than?”

I pressed my ribs harder, wincing through the pain that I wish were from my ribs.

“You’re better than Dylan,” I stated, holding back the tears and my voice from breaking.

He snidely smiled. “Who loves you, baby?”

“You.”

He let go of my chin and tapped on his cheek like he always did after he hit me. I kissed it.

“You know I love you, don’t you, baby?”

I nodded.

“Tell me you know.”

“I know you love me.”

“Only me, baby, only me.”

He pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around me.

“I do this for you. I am what you deserve.”

If only he knew how true his words were.

“I’m coming! Hold on!” I yelled out, wrapping a towel around my waist. I opened my front door to find my mom standing there.

I smiled. “Hello.”

She rolled her eyes. “Dylan, I have been calling you all morning.”

I nodded, stepping aside to let her in.

“And I’ve been ignoring it all morning, but at least you knocked this time, much better than last time.”

She shook her head. “Well, I think catching my son having sex once is enough for a lifetime for any mother.”

I laughed, bracing myself up against the front door and folding my arms. “Oh come on, Mom, it hasn’t just been one time,” I joked.

“Don’t remind me, Dylan,” she stated in an exaggerated breath.

“Awww, Mom, you’ve seen me naked before. Don’t blush,” I teased.

“It’s not about your wiener, darling, I used to change your diapers, and I’m fully aware of what it looks like. It’s the fact that I saw it in some girl’s mouth that caught me off guard.”

I smiled high and raised my eyebrows, amused. “My wiener?” I repeated while laughing. “Only you refer to it as a wiener, Mom, and besides she was a nice girl, she swallowed.”

Her face frowned as she put her hands up in the air in a stopping motion. “Enough, Dylan, don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You’re trying to distract me from the reason I’m here. I don’t want to hear any excuses. You’re going.”

“I have plans,” I answered not needing to know the question.

“Cancel them.”

I pushed off the door and walked toward my kitchen with her right behind me. “I’m not arguing with you today, Mom.”

“Good, seeing as I have no intention of arguing. You’re going,” she ordered again.

I grabbed two bottles of water from my fridge and handed her one. “I’m not a kid, you can’t order me around anymore.”

She scuffed. “Right, because you listened so well when you were a child, huh?”

I twisted the cap and took a sip, placing it on the counter to face her. “I’m not going. There is no reason for me to be there.”

She pulled out the barstool and sat on it. “Yes, there is,” she replied, already prepared for every rebuttal I was about to throw at her.

“What?” I questioned, genuinely curious about her response.

“It’s important to Lucas’ mom. You know the woman who’s like a second mother to you.”

“Oh, well, thank you for that guilt trip. Mission accomplished. I’ll meet you there,” I sarcastically stated.

“Dylan, do not take that tone with me.”

I gripped the back of my neck, annoyed.

“You need a haircut. How about I schedule one for you? Darling, don’t you want to cut your hair? It’s too long. Only girls have their hair that long, honey, you don’t want to look like a girl, do you?”

“It’s never been an issue for me. I don’t have a problem getting pussy, Mom, if that’s your concern.”

“Dylan!” She stepped toward me.

I put my hands out in front of me, surrendering. “What? You started it.”

She placed her hand on her forehead and took a deep breath. “Oh my God, you’re giving me a headache. Your hair is past your shoulders and have you never heard of a razor? Your face, you’re covering your handsome face with nothing but facial hair.”

“Again, it’s never been a—”

“Enough. I do not want to hear about your bed hopping ways. I know you’re on the police bureau and about to be promoted to Detective here in Oak Island,” she beamed even though she was trying to reprimand me.