The Unexpected List (The List Trilogy) (37 page)

“Been there.  Done that.  You think I wanted a kid in my twenties…in the middle of my residency?”

Problem solver Courtney is NOT happy with the direction Nicole’s taking the conversation.  “Nic, this is different!  You were drunk…with your husband!  Chrissy, are you saying you’re not gonna tell the father of this baby what’s going on?”

“I’m just taking it day by day, Court.”

“Okay, ONE this isn’t alcoholics anonymous so enough with the sanctimonious holier than thou crap and TWO, that’s totally unfair!  Leo--or some other random guy--is about to become a father.  You can’t rip him off like that!”

“I’m not saying that’s the plan.”

Nicole moves closer to me and lovingly says, “What is the plan, Mama?”

“Well, the first step…” looking at Courtney, “…and I’m not trying to rip off alcoholics anonymous when I say that…”  I wanted to make her crack a smile, but no go, “…is to find out if I even slept with the mystery man.”

“Here’s an idea, why don’t you ask him?”

“I did, Courtney.  I think he sort of said no.”

“You think?”

And then Nicole,
“Sort of?”

Their logical brains are clearly not built to handle the chaotic intensity in which I
used
to live my life.  Watching them self-destruct with all of this is actually the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and it’s a nice vacation from missing Leo.

“I think he was trying to let me off the hook.”

“Well, what are you gonna do then…paternity test?”

Clapping her hands, Nicole sings, “That’s
soooooo
Hollywood!”

Ignoring her idiocy, I proceed to explain. “Once he finds out I’m pregnant, he’ll come clean because he’s a good guy.  If he says we had sex, then I’ll do a paternity test, but only with him.”

“Why not with Leo?”

“Because he asked me to set him free.  No, wait…actually he begged me.  Telling him I might be having his baby qualifies as the opposite of setting him free, don’t you think?”

“Hold on, so if you find out this baby is Leo’s…you’re
still
not gonna tell him?”

I merely shrug because I just don’t know.

Courtney shakes her head and looks away.  Nicole though, she knows I need a little love and moves closer.

“When
are
you gonna tell this mystery man that you’re pregnant?”

“I’m not.”

What I failed to tack onto my response was…You are.

Unraveling

December, 2002

It wasn’t my plan to tell Courtney and Nicole I was pregnant.  In fact, it was my hope to keep it a secret…forever.  Silly I know, but there it is.  But I started showing and quickly realized that even the most expensive couture ensembles aren’t going to hide the baby I’ve got growing inside of me.  Not long after I shared my secret with my best friends, I shared it with Megan and Barbara too.  Barbara was so excited about the news, she got busy right away crocheting blankets and booties.  Megan though…she looked confused.  Despite her reaction, I needed a huge favor.  I asked if she would continue to deliver Kendall to Kurt every Friday and pick her up every Sunday, so that I could keep my pregnancy a secret for a while longer. Reluctantly, she agreed.   I had to run off to a holiday party at Kendall’s school, but I made a mental note to talk to Megan later in private about her reaction and apologize for using her as a chauffeur.  She’s my designer, not my nanny, and I have to get back to treating her accordingly.

On top of the fact that my protruding belly is preventing me from keeping my pregnancy a secret, Kelly’s words have been weighing heavy on me and as soon as I started to watch the first video, I decided that my life, Kendall’s, and the new baby’s will be a lot calmer if I know the truth about who the father is.  Some smart person once said, “The truth will set you free,” and by unleashing my secret to Courtney and Nicole, and knowing damn well they’d say something to Kurt about it, I hoped to find out if that smart person was full of shit.  I guess the bright side is, if Kurt is the father, he’ll have both of the kids every weekend and it’ll offer me much needed time alone to cry myself senseless.

But it’s starting to look like I might not get that alone time
or
answers anytime soon because it’s been nearly four weeks since I told my friends about the baby and Kurt
still
hasn’t said a peep to me about it.  I even asked Megan if he said anything the last time she picked up Kendall, and her answer was a somber, “No.”   The crazy thing is, I’m not sure if I’m happy about this or not.  Let’s be real.  Leo basically told me to get the hell out of his life.  I’m not too excited about bouncing back into it with an entire family.  I am completely confused about what to do.  That’s why Kelly’s videos have become my new addiction.  They force me to forget about the past and plan for the future. They take my mind off of my problems and force me to find solutions to them.  I don’t want to rush through them though. Each one is a gift that I want to make last.  I’ve watched the
Three Years Old
one every night since the first time I popped it in.  Tonight, I’m giving myself the Christmas gift of
Four Years Old.
 

After Kendall and I put cookies and milk out for Santa, I tuck her in and bring my own cookies and milk into bed and pop in the next video.

Kelly doesn’t look that much different than the video she made before it, perhaps she did them just days apart.  Glancing at the box containing the other thirteen videos, I cringe at what I’m about to watch unfold.  Looking back at the TV, I observe her beautiful shoulder-length auburn hair.  I still hate the cut…but the color is to die for.  Oh shit…sorry Kel!  Bad choice of words!  Her weight is still seemingly normal, and her physique is as strong looking as it ever was.  Her voice is authoritative, and just like the last time it spoke to me; I take in her every word.

“…I’ve read that four years old is all about rapid mood changes, explosive and destructive behavior, testing limits, exaggeration, and even fibbing.”

Shoving another cookie in my mouth, “Good Lord, I’m like the world’s oldest four-year- old.”

“…But do your best to stay calm…be tenderly honest with her about her behavior.  Lead by example, and try your best not to react to her outbursts.”

The funny thing is Kendall has never been explosive or destructive.  Letting out a deep sigh I think, Kelly and Craig sure missed out on a gem.

“… Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, and it’ll backfire on you if you hold back the truth from her.”

With that reasoning, I turn off the video, roll onto my side, and agree with Kelly.  It’s time.

The next morning, Kendall woke to a brand new big girl bike from Santa and the news that she’s going to get a brand new sibling.

“Really, Ki-Ki?”

As much as she wants to call me Mommy, she’s still struggles with it. She writes it on every card and picture she makes, but saying the word is still so awkward for her. 

“Really, hunny!  And, it’ll be here in June.”

“Is dat what Santa brought you?”

Looking under the tree and realizing there’s nothing there with my name on it, I nod my head.

“Does it mean you were naughty or nice?”

Ahhhhh
, out of the mouths of babes. 

“Well, since babies are the most precious gift in the world, I’m pretty sure it means I was nice.”  Too nice actually.

“Tell me, how do you feel about being a big sister?”

Thinking long and hard, “Do I have to share my new bike?”

“Probably not for four more years.”

“Then I’m SOOPA DOOPA happy!  I hope it’s a boy!”

“
Really
?  I was all about the girl power thing.  Why do you want it to be a boy, Kendall?”

“He can pretend he’s the daddy.”

On that gloomy note, and to thwart anything explosive or destructive from flying out of my four-year-old mouth, I dully hand Kendall another present to open.

Exposed

December, 2002

“Wow, the garden really looks amazing, Chrissy.”

“It’s all amazing…the garden, the house, the yoga studios, the pregnancy.  I can’t believe you’re managing all of this stuff by yourself.”

Courtney and Nicole left their own families on Christmas day to spend some time with mine, and up until that comment, I was happy for the distraction.

“Yep…all by my lonesome.  Thanks for the reminder, Nicole.”

The three of us watch Kendall from the kitchen window.  She’s attempting to ride her new bike in the backyard, and it’s just about the cutest thing ever.

“God, she’s starting to look more and more like her mother.”

Courtney and I nod our heads in agreement, before I say, “And she’s got the laid-back temperament of her father.  Seriously, the girl is amazing.”  Pointing at my stomach, “I hope to heck that I, and whatever I’ve got going on in here, don’t screw her up.”

“Does she know about the baby?”

“Told her this morning.”

“
And
?”

“If I told her I was giving birth to Santa Claus himself, she couldn’t have been more excited.”

Sort of changing the subject, Courtney asks, “Have you heard from Leo?”

“No.”

I slam my knife down on an onion so that they think my tears are from its stench as opposed to thoughts of him.

“I told you…he’s gone.”

“And still no word from the mystery man?”

“Not a damn thing.”

“Why can’t you just tell us who it is?”

Shaking my head, “Later.”

“Do you think he knows about the baby yet?”

It’s been almost four weeks since I told my friends I was pregnant, so I laugh a little when I say, “I sure thought he would’ve found out about it by now.”

“What does Kurt have to say about all of this?”

Now things are about to get interesting.

“How would Kurt know I was pregnant, Nicole?”

My back-peddling besties are all of a sudden hard at work covering up their big mouths.  The same big mouths I was counting on to tell Kurt the news.

“I…I guess I assumed you would’ve told him by now.”

“Yeah, look at you!  He must have noticed!”

“I haven’t told him, and I also haven’t seen him since September, long before I started showing.”

My back-up singers let out an impressively harmonized, “
Why
?”

“We had a pretty big blow up back in August, and Megan’s been handling the transfer of Kendall for me.”  Looking at Courtney, I curiously ask, “Do
you
think he knows?”

She nudges Nicole who shamefully confesses, “I
kinda
spilled the beans to Kyle about the baby and well…he asked Kurt how he felt about you being pregnant.”  Looking at Courtney, “I guess that explains the surprised look on his face, huh?  I’m sorry Chrissy.  I had no idea he didn’t know.”

Ignoring her guilt, I go on my own fact finding mission.

“When was that?”

“About three weeks ago.”

“And what did he say?”

“All he said was, ‘I know it was on her list. I hope it makes her happy.’”

“Did he say it in a way that made you think he gave me the baby or was it more like he thinks I’m a big happy family with Leo?”

Once again, I’m surrounded by back-up singers when Nicole and Courtney, scream out, “
KURT’S THE MYSTERY MAN?”

Christmas day sure isn’t turning out to be as ho-ho-ho-hum as I thought it would be, that’s for sure.

“Maybe….I still don’t know for sure.”

“Holy crap, is that why you and Leo broke up?”

“It was more over the fact that since I have Kendall, Kurt will always be a part of my life, and he couldn’t dig deep enough to get over it.”

Nicole, who’s recklessly trying to crack open a bottle of wine to enjoy while she and Courtney process the news, jabs me with, “Well, Jesus, considering you might’ve slept with Kurt; I guess the guy made the right choice!”

I grab the mutilated bottle from her and jab right back.  “You’re gonna break that damn thing!  Seriously…how do you treat your actual patients?”

After showing Nicole how easy the bottle opening process should be, I pour them each a ginormous glass and get back to my fact finding mission.

 “So, Nic, when Kyle told Kurt the news, did he give off any sign that this could be his.”

“Nope.  He just said he hoped you were happy and got back to the football game he was watching with the guys.”

“Not true, there’s more!”  Courtney nudges Nicole again and says, “Tell her.”

Nic, who’s not happy about being exposed as a blabber mouth, hesitantly confesses, “Okay, I also asked him if he heard the news that you and Leo were officially over.”

“
And
?”

“He said he’s known about that since sometime in August.”

The morning I woke up at his house
….What kind of game is Kurt playing? 

Courtney, who doesn’t think Nicole’s handing the meat and potatoes of this conversation as well as she should interjects with, “Chrissy!  If Kurt thought for a second that the baby was Leo’s, but knew that you guys broke up, don’t you think he’d make some kind of a joke about you sharing custody of
another
kid?  C’mon, he’d make a crack about you being a mess or something, wouldn’t he?”

“Correction, I don’t share custody of Kendall with Kurt, he gets visitation.”

“Who cares?  Don’t you see what I’m getting at?”

“Not really.”  Actually, I kind of do, but denial is a much more appealing place to be right now.

“Maybe he thinks you and Leo broke up because you got pregnant with his baby, and he’s just waiting for
you
to talk to
him
about it.”

Then, slapping Nicole on the shoulder, she grumbles, “Wow, anyone else feel like they’re on
The Young and The Restless right now?”