The Unexpected List (The List Trilogy) (39 page)

February, 2003

“Wow, you guys!  That was the most fun I’ve had in a long time!”

My rag tag team just threw me the most awesome baby shower ever.  It was just the four of us in the dimly lit meditation room at the studio.  No annoying extended family members and no annoying thank you cards to write.  No muss, no fuss.

Patting Slutty on the back for a job well done, Barbara, Megan, Slutty, and I are about to enter my favorite restaurant in Lafayette, Postino’s, for the yummiest dinner ever when all of a sudden I stop dead in my tracks.

“C’mon, hunny, it’s friggin’ cold out here!  Get movin!”

But I can’t move.  I can’t talk either.  All I can do is stare.

Sitting at a dimly-lit corner table is my Leo, and he’s holding hands with a very smart looking, okay…fine,
a very pretty
, brunette.  My friend’s eyes zoom in the direction of mine and damage control commences.

“Oh crap!  I thought they were staying in San Francisco this weekend.  I
never
would’ve suggested this place if I knew they’d be here.”

Disoriented, I continue to stare.  Not the case with Slutty.

“What the hell, Megan, you knew he’d be in town this weekend?”

“He’s here for the whole week, actually. That west coast office finally opened.”

“And you know this
how
?”

“My roommate’s ex-boyfriend…well, I guess they’re more like fuck buddies now.”

“Get to the point, Megan!”

“I’M TRYING!  He told her Leo was coming to town and he was… he was…”

“HE WAS WHAT?”

“Bringing his new girlfriend.”  Whispering over to me, “I’m so sorry, Chrissy.”

But I can’t hear Megan.  I can’t hear anything but my own thoughts.

Walk over there and show him your stomach.  Get him back, Chrissy.

But I can’t!  I don’t know for sure if this baby is his. 

Yes, you do!  Forget what Courtney and Nicole said, you’re carrying Leo’s baby and you know it.  And if he knew it too, he’d forget all about Kurt’s relationship with Kendall…he wouldn’t have to dig deep!  The relationship he’d have with his own child would make all of those jealous feelings insignificant.  He wasn’t capable of seeing things that way when he broke up with you because there was no baby, but all of that has changed now!  Forget all of those stupid outcomes you created.  Show him your stomach and let him be the judge of his own life.  Show him and get him back!

Slutty Co-worker’s back at demanding answers from Megan.

“Why would he bring her here?  He knows damn well Chrissy lives in this town.”

And then I see the answer.  Leo’s Mom walks out of the coat check room, up to the brunette and introduces herself with a nice big hug.

Oh no… Please, no.  Please, please, don’t let this be happening.  She used to be my biggest cheerleader. 
She used to root for me
.  Reaching out for the wall in front of me for support, I close my eyes at the agonizing sight.  I made myself believe I had lost him.  I tried so hard to convince myself he was gone, but when the baby came along, I had hope again.  I never talked about it.  I barely even admitted it to myself because I knew it was a long shot.  But there has always been a pull toward my Leo drug, and I had an unspoken feeling I’d be with him again one day.  But watching Leo’s mother embrace the woman, who is clearly someone very important to him, I feel him being pulled away along with my courage to approach him.  And I’m not the only one who feels it.  My baby, who all of a sudden kicks me for the first time, feels it too.

Shaken by the unfamiliar jolt in my stomach, I hastily clutch it and breathlessly mumble, “Take me home.”

In the hustle to get me across the street and into the car, Slutty Co-worker yells expletives to everything standing in our way.  Everyone, from the rambunctious kids flowing in and out of The Round Up to the patrons entering the restaurant, can hear her.  I take one more glance back at Leo’s candle-lit corner table as my friend’s usher me to the car, and notice that he can hear her too. He leans back in his chair to glance out the window to try and connect the sound from his past with a face, and neither Leo’s mother or the brunette, notice when he finally makes the connection and whispers, “Oh, my God.”  Swiftly and painfully, I turn away from the sight of him.

Now sitting in the passenger seat of the car, door closed, I keep my head pointed toward the ground. I can’t stand to see him with her for one more second.  Without shifting her gaze from Leo’s, Slutty Co-worker asks me, “Are you sure you don’t wanna talk to him, hunny?  I mean, maybe he deserves to know what’s going on.”

“Please…just take me home.”

Her eyes still locked on Leo’s, she shakes her head in contempt at him for bringing his new girl to my neighborhood and then she gets in the car and drives away.

Great Aunties

February, 2003

Once we’re back at my house, Barbara scurries to the kitchen to make some tea.  Sassy clothes and chic hair aside, she still hates big commotions and will avoid them at all costs.  And it’s not hard to tell by my pacing in the living room that there’s about to be a lot of commotion.  Suddenly stopping dead in my tracks, I ask Megan to tell me everything she knows, and Slutty Co-worker isn’t happy about it one bit.

“Hunny, this can’t be good for the baby.  C’mon…I’ll make us some food and we’ll wait for another kick.”

Ignoring her, I glare at Megan and demand, “Tell me.  I have to know.”

My over-protective old friend disapprovingly nods her head at Megan, giving her permission to break my heart.

“He met her in Texas.”

“When?”

“I think it was in November.”

“Is it serious?”

“Chrissy, don’t make me do this.”

“Just tell me.”

“Aside from bringing her here to meet his mom…they’ve flown back and forth between New York and Texas quite a bit.”

“Do they work together?”

“I think she has something to do with the new office in Texas.  But, Chrissy, if he knew about the baby…”

“Do you know if he’s happy?”

“Chrissy, c’mon…how would I know for sure?”

“I know you know, Megan.  Just tell me…is he happy?”

Clearly not relishing in my self-affliction, she hangs her head and speaks softly.

“All I know is he’s enjoying his success.” 

He’s enjoying his success.  He’s enjoying his success.  It’s all I could hear as my friends tucked me in.  Then, when they turned out the lights, all I could see was Leo making love to that woman.  I could feel his hands on her back and his lips all over her body.  I could smell him and I could feel her quiver with every gasp of air she took as he had his way with her. I could see him burying his face in her hair and doing with his body all of the delightful things he used to do to me.  I saw his eyes look passionately into hers, and I could feel her knees go weak as his deep voice whispered over and over again, “I’m never letting you go,” and then I heard hers say back to him, “I’m never letting you.”  But mostly, I could hear him ask her about her dreams and how they magically aligned with his.  To stop the frenzied visions, I snap the lights back on and reach for the glass of water on my nightstand and that’s when I see it, the stupid happy list I made just last night.

1)
     
Pick up Kendall on Sunday night and show Kurt I’m pregnant.  Ending all mystery about who the father is…because I know.

2)
     
Call Leo and tell him the news and that I waited this long because I wasn’t sure if he’d be glad.

3)
     
Let Leo decide what’s best for him and stay calm.

4)
     
Live happily ever after because Leo will decide YOU are what’s best for him. 

None of this can happen now because of that woman.  He’s done.  It’s over.  I believe it this time.  I solemnly rip the stupid happy list into a million little pieces, vowing it’ll be the last one I ever make.  And then, clutching the towel he left behind, I quietly cry myself to sleep as I damn my truly, madly, deeply existence.

I wake in the morning, face swollen from torturing myself last night.  I’m instantly hit with the foreign movement in my stomach.

“Morning, little one.  Is someone hungry?”

Rounding the corner to my kitchen that I’m still petrified I can’t afford,  I’m not sure who was more surprised, my yoga friends at the hideous swollen sight of me, or me, to find Larry, Curly and Moe attempting to cook pancakes.

“What are you guys still doing here?”

Slutty Co-worker barrels toward me and boasts, “We have a surprise for you!”

Scared that I’ll never feel excitement and happiness ever again, I place my hands over my trembling lips to try and keep my emotions under control.  She immediately wraps one arm around me and places the other one on my stomach.

“We’re your family, hunny, and we’ll never abandon you, okay?”

Megan then comes up behind me and does the same.

“We’re gonna help you through this, Chrissy.  You’ll never be alone.”

Barbara stands in the background with a huge smile on her face and holds up the thirty-third pair of booties she’s made.

After pretending to feel better, I chew on a rubber pancake and let them guide me to the surprise.  They take me to the room I designated a long time ago as the baby’s.

Slutty Co-worker whispers in my ear, “We thought this would help” and then she opens the door.

At the sight, my hands go once again over my trembling lips.  My friends stayed up the entire night quietly painting and putting together furniture.  They even found a baby store that was open until midnight (who knew those existed?) and after they were sure I was fast asleep, they snuck out to buy every single thing a newborn baby and a stupid ass mom could ever need.

“And if it’ll help, Chrissy, I can move in once the baby is born to help out.”

“Megan…I’m speechless.”

Throwing her hands in the air, Slutty Co-worker, belts out, “Well, me too!  That offer makes all of the shit I’ve done so far seem
totally
insignificant!”

In barely a whisper, because after what I saw last night it’s all I seem to have left in me, I say, “But I can’t let you do that, Megan.  You’re a fashion designer, not a nanny.”

“I’m a fashion designer…and a friend.”

Sitting in the rocking chair, I look all around the room in amazement.

“This is more than I ever could’ve dreamt of.  You guys did good.”

“I guess this would be a good time to ask you for a month off then, huh?”

Slutty Co-worker and Barbara quietly back out of the room and close the door, leaving me alone with Megan.

“But don’t worry; I’ll be back before the baby gets here.”

“Where are you going?”

“Nepal.  You know…to do my
thang
.”

“Oh yeah…the charity thing.  Of course…of course…but, what about your boyfriend, won’t you miss him?”

“My boyfriend?”

It’s a weird reaction to a completely innocent question, and it makes me forget for a second that Leo’s probably in some expensive hotel room going down on that brown-haired hedge fund bitch.

“Mick…from shipping…at our old company. 
Remember?
  The guy you told me might be ‘the one’?”

Clearly relieved, Megan slides down the bedroom wall and lands on the ground.

“Are you okay?”

“Guess I’m just tired from being up all night.  Anyway, Mick and I broke up like a year ago, Chrissy.”

“Oh, geez.  How did I not know that?”

“You’ve been a little busy.”

Feeling bad for not being there for her, “You’ve become like a little sister to me, Megan.  I should never be too busy for you.  I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, really.”

“This Nepal thing…is it safe?  Did Kurt set you up with the right people and all?” 

“Totally safe.  And well…Kurt’s actually going with me.”

WHOA…
WHAT
?  Sure, the Kurt I’ve known my whole entire life is like,
seventeen-thousand
different non-emotional things, but he’d NEVER leave to go to a third world country without talking to me if he knew he knocked me up.  Rubbing my stomach, I say to myself, I knew Leo was your daddy.

“I agree with everything you’re thinking right now.”

Surprised that Megan can see right through me, I cock my head up and ask, “What’s that?”

“There’s no way he’d go if there was a chance it was his.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been doing the drop off and pick up of Kendall for what… like four months now?”

“Yeah.”

“He hasn’t asked about it once.”

“I know.”

“Does knowing make all of this better or worse?”

“In light of what I saw last night, I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Should I have told you about her?”

“Now that I think of it…you tried.  Last month, in your office when I asked you why you were being so damn secretive lately, you started to tell me I might be able to stop something if I’d just pick up the phone and tell Leo about the baby.  But, you stopped short of telling me exactly what it was I’d be stopping.”

“Chrissy, I think I-”

“No, it’s okay Megan.  This was bound to happen.”  Trying to be strong, “We broke up five months ago.”  Rubbing my belly, “Life goes on right?”