The Scars of Us (21 page)

I drove home, where I showered the smell and feel of the woman off me before collapsing into bed.
What the fuck am I going to do?

I’d spent weeks avoiding Ryker, and they were definitely taking their toll on me. Every part of me missed him, especially my neglected body, which craved his touch. I hadn’t had sex since the night before the meeting with Kaleb.

I’d been ignoring him and Bryce. I hadn’t returned any of their phone calls or texts, and I’d been skipping class. Before Ryker, I had hooked up with Bryce at least once every two weeks, if not more often. We hadn’t had sex in over a month, and he had definitely noticed. He called and texted me multiple times daily.

I was waiting for one of them to show up at my door since I wouldn’t return any of their calls or messages, but neither had. I guess both of them respected my privacy, but that selfish part of me wished that Ryker would come searching for me.

Avoiding Ryker meant I had to stop going to self-defense class, and that was definitely affecting me. My body harbored so much pent up energy and anxiety from not releasing it that I thought I was going to come out of my skin.

Knowing that Ryker didn’t usually go to work on most days until the afternoon, I decided to go to the gym early one Saturday morning with Kamden. I had to get out of the house, had to release some of the frustration and nerves eating away at me.

As we parked in the lot of the gym, he asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Looking among the cars, I searched for Ryker’s truck, but I didn’t see it. A combined sense of disappointment and relief washed over me, and I scolded myself for being selfish and wanting to see him.
You can’t be with him. He’ll only get hurt.

Once we entered, Kamden wanted to stay with me while I exercised, just in case Ryker showed up. Rolling my eyes, I walked away from him to get on the elliptical. He didn’t follow me, so I assumed that he went to the weight room.

After I finished, my muscles felt strained, sore from lack of use. I decided to use the sauna to help relax the tight tension, so I headed to the locker room to swap my clothes for a towel.

After I had the towel securely wrapped around me, I padded to the steam room, hoping that since it was so early no one would be in there. I’d been wanting to use it since we started coming to this gym. But the sauna was always filled with people, and I could never bring myself to go in, afraid of being alone with strangers with only a towel on.

Peeking in, I smiled—no one was inside.
Hopefully, no one will come in.
I went in and sat on the bench, already starting to perspire from the humidity within the room.

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back and let out a breath as my body began to relax. A couple of minutes passed when the door abruptly opened, causing me to stand and grip my towel. When I focused on the person in the doorway, I blinked several times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Ryker angrily spat, closing the door to the sauna. His eyes ran over me as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. Clad only in a pair of gym shorts and no shirt, his skin gleamed with a sheen of sweet. He looked like he’d just finished working out.
Fuck me.

“Are you really going to do this in here?” I snapped back as I clutched my towel to me.

His voice was gruff and matter of fact. “I have no other choice—you’ve missed class for almost three weeks now, and you won’t answer my calls.”

“I’ve been busy,” I lied.

The truth was that I’d been sulking around my apartment trying not to think of Ryker, which was almost impossible. He dominated every thought, much like his presence did in real life.

Eyes narrowing in determination, he advanced toward me, causing me to back up into the tile wall. Surprisingly, I wasn’t scared—Ryker never caused that kind of fear in me. What he made me feel was more of an exhilarating kind of the fear, the kind you get when you’re about to do something like bungee jump or skydive, the kind that excites your soul.

Caging me between his arms, my already fevered skin heated more from his proximity as he pressed against me with his body. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed his touch until his skin reunited with mine, making me feel as though a piece of me had been lost since we’d last been together.

Ryker’s eyes met mine, and there was no denying the desire and longing in them. “Always fighting me, Warrior,” he softly spoke as he caressed my cheek with the back of his knuckles. Leaning in, he grazed my neck with his lips. The combination of heat from the steam and his mouth began to blanket me in a heady fog, evaporating all thought and replacing it with lust.

“I’ve missed you,” Ryker murmured against my skin before tracing the curve of my jaw with his tongue. My breath escaped in a low moan as he pulled my body closer to him, leaving no space between us while he continued to taste me.

My hands tangled in his hair, leaving my loose towel barely clinging to my sweaty skin. When he brought his lips to mine, I let go of everything, losing myself in him and how he made me feel.

He groaned in my mouth as our tongues met, tangling together seamlessly as he lifted me. My legs automatically wrapped around him as he pressed me up against the wall, his hardened erection pushing against my already heated core.

Ryker nipped at my lips as he ripped the towel from my body, tossing it to the floor as his callused hands reacquainted themselves with my skin.
God, I missed him. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same without his touch.
Finding my breasts, Ryker’s talented fingers massaged my stiff nipples before his mouth claimed them. The blissful combination of his soft, wet mouth and hard, smooth tongue ring against my sensitive flesh caused a moan to escape from my throat
.

Leaning my head back against the wall, I let Ryker consume me. He eagerly suckled my breasts, pulling each nipple with his teeth before caressing it with that amazing piercing again.
I love how he makes me feel—so alive… almost whole.

“Ryker,” I breathlessly moaned as I reached for his shorts. Slipping my hand inside, I found his cock and pulled it out, needing him to fill me.

He didn’t hesitate—he never did. Gripping my hips, he thrust himself inside my slick sex as his mouth reclaimed mine. Sweat beaded on our skin as he roughly pummeled me against the tile, taking me closer to heaven with each stroke.

Ryker’s thick shaft stretched my walls, the pleasurable pain spreading throughout every inch of my limbs. I reveled in how he made me forget everything else, immersing me in us and the beauty of how our bodies perfectly connected. He unraveled and completed me all at the same time.

“Fuck, I missed you, baby, missed the taste of your sweet skin,” Ryker groaned against my lips.

I love it when he talks to me like that.

I forced him deeper inside me with my legs, tightening my hold around his hips. He growled his approval, increasing the pace and intensity of his thrusts as his cock blissfully ravaged me.

Ryker’s lips left mine as he nuzzled his face into my neck and placed soft kisses along my skin. “I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. I’ve been going crazy thinking about you, baby.”

“Me too. I’ve missed you so much,” I whimpered as I guided his mouth back to mine.

His strength amazed me, unwavering as he supported my weight while simultaneously using his body to fuck me senseless. Ryker continuously pumped into me, creating a sensual rhythm just for us as our bodies molded together in harmony.

Ryker pulled back and grasped my face in his inked hands. “Never again, Warrior.” His voice was gruff and deep, laced with emotion. “Can’t go through that again.”

“Never, baby, never,” I whispered.

His mouth crashed on mine again. Every press of Ryker’s lips, every caress from his hands, and every stroke of his amazing cock pushed me closer to ecstasy. My body ached for it, needing release after craving Ryker for so long.

As if sensing how close I was, Ryker pounded harder into me, creating the perfect combination of pain and pleasure within my body. My nails raked across his back as I cried out in euphoria, my climax sending tremors of sensation throughout my limbs. My thighs trembled against his hips as his strokes intensified in both speed and strength, seeking his own release. Seconds later, he withdrew his throbbing cock from my sex before shooting his cum up between my breasts.

The sticky heat of the room was stifling, making it more difficult to breathe as we disentangled ourselves. Picking up my towel, Ryker gently wiped his release from my skin, snapping me out the sensual fog we’d created. Immediately, I felt self-conscious, causing panic to root within me. Anxiety began to tighten in my body, trying to seize every muscle in its grasp as it attempted to take hold.

Ryker’s hand cupped my cheek. “What’s wrong?”

My eyes snapped to his, trying to focus on him to pull myself out of my downward spiral. My chest heaved as it struggled to breathe, causing Ryker’s eyes to crease in worry. “Breathe, baby, breathe. It’s okay, everything is okay.”

Breathe. In, out, in, out.
The pressure began to relinquish as I concentrated on Ryker’s face. Both of his hands clasped my face. “You with me, baby?”

I gave him a tight nod. My chest was still somewhat constricted, and my muscles were stiff, but the tension was slowly easing away.

“I’m sorry—I have to go,” I stammered as I snatched the towel from Ryker’s hand. I darted around him toward the exit while trying to wrap the cloth around me.

“You don’t have to run from me, Warrior,” he called out after me.

Ryker’s words stopped me, only a few feet from the door. I felt him behind me as his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling my body against his. Pressing a soft kiss to my shoulder, he murmured, “Talk to me, baby.”

My mouth dried up, the words stuck in my throat. I blinked rapidly, willing back tears. Ryker slowly turned me to face him and pressed our foreheads together as he released a breath.

“I know you’ve been hurt before, experienced things that no one should ever have to. Just know that I’d never do that to you. Ever
.
I know you’re probably not ready to talk about it yet, but when you are, I’ll be here.”

And with those words, Ryker smashed a small hole in the barrier surrounding the broken pieces of my heart. My eyes watered as I looked away. “My demons are torturing me a lot lately. I’m having trouble dealing with them.”

“You know I’m here for you, Warrior. You don’t have to fight alone,” he said as he caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. My eyes closed from the blissful sensation, wishing I could just stay like that with him forever.

Opening my eyes, my gaze locked with Ryker’s. My voice cracked, sounding weak and small as I spoke, “You know how I told you that someone abused me when I was little?”

“Yes,” he growled angrily.

“Well, that person was institutionalized, but he’s being considered for release.” I sighed deeply and looked away as the reality overtook me. “Kamden and I went to protest it. The whole thing overwhelmed me.” My hands wrapped around my body, keeping the towel in place and the shiver coursing through my body at bay. “I… I hadn’t been that close to him in years, and I didn’t deal with it well.”

Ryker enveloped me in a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me? You shouldn’t have dealt with that by yourself.”

Laying my head against his chest, I confessed, “I didn’t want to bring you into it. You shouldn’t have to deal with my issues.”
With my psychotic brother.

Ryker pulled back, gripping me softly by the shoulders and leaning down to look in my eyes. “Don’t start this shit again, Ky. If I didn’t want to deal with your issues, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” I choked.

“Hurt? Why would I get hurt?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and his forehead creased as his eyes ran over my face, looking for an answer.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “If my… he gets out, he’ll come after me. He’ll hurt you just for being with me.”

He laughed—actually laughed. “Baby, you don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself.” He paused before his eyes steeled, his voice deepening angrily. “And if he lays one finger, one fucking finger on you, he won’t be breathing for long.”

My eyes searched his, looking to see if he was joking—he wasn’t. This had to be the most serious I’d ever seen him. My heart swelled at his protectiveness, and my resolve to stay away from him crumbled.

Melting against him, I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his muscular chest. “I’m not good for you,” I whispered.

His body rumbled beneath me with a soft chuckle. “Oh, yeah? Why not?”

“I’m just not.” I’d already divulged too much, and I didn’t want to reveal anymore, afraid he’d leave if he learned the whole truth about me.
That might be best for him.

Tilting my chin up, he stared deep in my eyes. “You are.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument.

Then, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, evaporating all my fears and doubts and replacing them with hope. He made me feel as if one day, I could be complete, not the fucked-up, fractured version of a person that I was.