The Scars of Us (31 page)

He wore that grin as he approached me, wrapping his arms around me once he reached where I stood. Placing a kiss below my ear, he murmured in that deep, husky voice that I loved, “I missed you.”

Ryker hadn’t been hiding his affections for me for the past few weeks at class, so most of the students, if not all, knew that we had something going on. That was another reason I worried about returning—I didn’t want them to judge Ryker because of my actions. I was sure they already questioned why he was with me in the first place; hell, I asked myself that question daily. After witnessing my breakdown, they probably thought he was just as crazy to be with me.

“I missed you, too,” I softly replied, feeling my cheeks heat. Ryker still affected me the same way after almost six months, and I prayed that it never changed.

When he pulled away, I could feel the stares on us. I’d always hated that feeling, the one that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. But with the way Ryker was looking at me, I didn’t care about what anyone was thinking as they watched us. All that mattered was that look in his eyes, the one I first saw in the picture we took at the aquarium, the one I’d glimpsed on several occasions since; the one I was sure was evident on my face every single day.

I’d never been in love before, but I was never more certain of anything in my life than I was at that moment. I loved Ryker. But was I going to tell him? No. I was scared. My number one fear had gone from Kaleb being released to losing Ryker.

Telling him I loved him might chase him away. I knew that many guys ran when a girl said those three words, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. Not willing to chance it, I decided to wait until he said it first. If he ever did.
I hope he does.

Another student had started talking to Ryker, so I headed for my bag to get ready for class to start. I avoided making eye contact with anyone as I stretched out and slipped on my gloves.

As soon as my fists and legs hit the bag when we started the first combo, I was happy that Ryker convinced me to come back. I didn’t know why I thought I could give it up—kickboxing had become a part of me, just like Ryker had. Both made me feel stronger, more empowered… capable of anything. Even though I started taking the class to protect myself for when Kaleb was released, I couldn’t see myself giving it up now that he wasn’t.

Ryker came over as I was working on the second combo that he demonstrated. Those full lips of his tipped up playfully as he teased, “And you didn’t want to come back.”

Stopping, I rolled my eyes. “You were right. Thank you for making me come back.”

“I couldn’t let you give it up. Plus, I’d miss watching you work that amazing body of yours.” His voice had deepened, taking on the tone that meant he was getting turned on.

I let out a laugh before I pushed him away. “Stop distracting me.”

Backing up, he gave me a sexy pout, then headed to another student. I fought the butterflies he caused in my lower abdomen as I focused back on the bag.

Once the first part of class was over, we gathered as a group like always. When Ryker asked if anyone had requests for the next portion of class, I surprised everyone, including myself, when I raised my hand. Ryker gave me an inquisitive look, his eyebrows raising in surprise as he called on me. “Kaiya?”

I lowered my hand. “Can we learn how to defend against knife attacks?”

He smiled proudly at me, causing more butterflies to somersault in my stomach. “We can. Knives are easier for criminals to get their hands on than a gun, so many attacks involve a knife. Get with your partners.”

As Ryker walked toward me, he had a look of admiration on his face.

“What?” I asked with a shy smile as our eyes met.

“Just proud of you,” he grinned widely. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’m sure. I want to know what to do if it happens again. I might not be so lucky the next time around.”

Ryker’s eyes hardened, and his jaw tensed as his lips set in a frown. “There won’t be a next time, that’s for damn sure,” he practically growled.

I waited for his expression to soften, but it didn’t. He was actually upset at the thought.

“Hey, it’s just a precaution, right? No reason to get upset,” I said calmly as I placed my hand on his bicep.

His stiff body relaxed some as he gave me a small smile. “Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t like the thought of you getting hurt.”

His words warmed my insides like coffee on a cold day.
He really cares about me, doesn’t he?

He walked over to one of his supply tubs and brought out a prop knife. Stiffening slightly from the reminder of my attack, my hand instinctively went for my throat. Ryker noticed my apprehension as he came back to me. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready, Ky. Kaleb isn’t getting released anymore.”

Our eyes met again, and I remembered how his loving touch the other night had made me realize that I couldn’t let my attack have the kind of power it had over me; I couldn’t let Kaleb have that kind of power over me anymore. I was done being afraid.

“No, I’m ready.” I said after taking a deep breath.

Ryker paused, searching my face briefly. “Okay. First, I’m going to show you what to do if someone is coming at you with a knife. Then, we can work on defense from behind.”

Ryker took up his fighting stance, holding the knife in his right hand. “Typically, an attacker is going to try to stab you in the stomach, thrusting directly forward like this,” he demonstrated, slowly moving the knife towards the center of my abdomen. “And, most will repeatedly stab you, so you need to disable them, not just block their initial attack because they’ll come at you again.”

Handing me the knife, he instructed, “Pretend that you’re going to stab me.” When I did as he said, he shifted his hips back, moving his torso out of the way as he threw his arms out to trap mine. The back of his right arm was on top of mine while the back of his left sat under, sandwiching it in place. “When they thrust at you, you need to block their arm, prevent it from getting near you while moving your body back. Your dominant hand needs to be on top, right above their elbow, and your opposite arm needs to be under their forearm. So, for you, your right arm will be on top. I basically made my arms into an X, trapping yours in between and securing it from going further.”

Nodding, I asked, “Then what?”

“Then, you’re going to turn your top hand over, gripping the bottom of the tricep. Once you have a secure grip, move your other hand to their elbow and pull their arm into your chest, trapping it there. Act like you’re sawing their tricep with your right hand until your wrist is digging into it and then clasp your hands together. Now, you have them in a simple arm bar.”

He had executed the moves as he spoke, so I was bent over with my arm pulled back and trapped between his two, huge, muscular ones. For me, I wasn’t in any pain, just uncomfortable, because I was pretty flexible, but Ryker could easily snap my arm from the position I was in.

“Now, you’re going to want to take a step back to protect yourself from getting hit. Most people will reflexively put their other hand down on the ground to stabilize themselves. If they do, you can stomp on their fingers, which will almost guarantee breakage. Or you could just do some knees to the face, which will knock them out after a few solid hits.”

Ryker loosened his hold on me, then helped me stand upright. He rubbed my arm. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. You know I’m flexible.” I gave him a playful smile.

“That I do.” He winked, and his dark, seductive eyes gleamed with mischief. “Let’s go through it again.”

We repeated the maneuver twice more before we switched roles. Ryker had to talk me through the moves as I completed them at a snail’s pace the first two times, but they were becoming more fluid after my third try. By the fifth time, I had a pretty good grasp on the concept, but I knew I would need to practice again to really get it. Something to do at our next Saturday session.

“Now, I want to practice if someone comes up behind you and puts a knife to your throat. You think you can handle that?”

My stomach contorted uncomfortably at the thought.
It’s not a real knife and it’s only Ryker. You can do this. You wanted this.
Swallowing the knot of fear in my throat, I nodded. “I can do it.”

Ryker didn’t look convinced as his eyes perused my face. “If it gets too much for you at any point, just tell me and we’ll stop, okay?”

“Okay,” I meekly replied, my voice sounded frail and gauzy as I tried to hide my nerves and push down the fear trying to take over.

“Baby, I don’t like seeing you like this. Maybe this isn’t a good idea.” His eyes filled with concern, and his voice was heavy with doubt.

I was about to take the easy way out and agree, to tell him that I couldn’t do it, but I wanted to be stronger, wanted to make him proud. “I’m okay. I can do this,” I replied, hoping I sounded stronger than I felt.

Ryker didn’t say anything for a few seconds before he conceded, sighing. “Fine. I’ll talk you through the whole thing.”

As usual, Ryker had me act as the attacker first, walking me through the steps of how to defend. That was the easy part. After demonstrating several times, he asked, “Ready to try?”

I nodded, afraid to speak and betray the fact that I was borderline terrified of having that thing pressed against my throat, scared that it would cause another panic attack in the middle of class.

Ryker’s familiar body pressed up against my back. Leaning into him, I reveled in the feel of his large body and strong frame, needing it to get me through the maneuver.
You can do this. Conquer your fears. Overcome your weakness.

Closing my eyes, I waited for the pressure of the knife against my scar. Instead, Ryker’s hands grazed my bare arms, trailing down until he linked our fingers together. I felt the warmth of his breath on the side of my neck before his lips met my skin. His mouth lingered there several seconds, causing a shiver to run up my spine as he whispered, “You can do this, Warrior. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. I believe in you.”‘

My heart stuttered in my chest, my breath catching at the tenderness of his words.
What would I do without him?

His hands left mine, but he continued to talk to me. “I’m going to put the prop to your throat now. Remember, it’s not real, and I would never hurt you.”

One of his hands came up to grip my shoulder as he brought the fake knife to my neck. Stiffening as I felt it push against my scar, my heart started to beat erratically.
It’s not real. Don’t freak out over nothing.

“It’s just me, baby. Relax. You can do this.”

I eased against him, focusing on his words.

“Good, now grab my arm with both hands, one hand on the outside, one on the inside, pulling it away as you throw your head back.”

Doing as he instructed, I fit my hands around his bulky, inked forearm, near his wrist, and threw my head back. Ryker angled to the side so that he wouldn’t get hit, expecting my move.

“Good, now after you connect, step to the side opposite of the knife, lean forward, and push that sweet ass into me.”

A laugh burst from deep in my belly because of his words. Feeling the tension leaving me over the whole situation, I followed his directions, rubbing my ass against his growing erection as I leaned over. A low, strangled groan came from him as he buried his head in the middle of my back.

“You okay back there?” I asked in a teasing tone, loving the reaction I had caused.

“Great,” he replied before clearing his throat. “Now, use your left hand to throw a hammer-fist to my groin. If I were using my other hand to hold the knife, you would use your right hand instead. After you connect, use that same arm to elbow me in the stomach and or face.”

I performed all the moves lightly, so that I wouldn’t hurt him. Ryker continued his instructions, moving on to the next step, “Keep your hands securely around my wrist as you rotate your body outward, away from me, twisting my arm around. You should end up facing me with my arm upside down in front of you, between us. From here, kick the groin and then keep twisting my arm in the opposite way from its natural bend until I fall.”

Believe it or not, I made Ryker fall flat on his ass when I did that, but he probably fell for my benefit.

“Now, you can either kick me in the ribs a few times, pry the knife from me and run, or both; your choice. I would do both just to be safe because you don’t want them to chase after you, especially if they still have the weapon.”

Opting to do both like he suggested, I completed the maneuver. Ryker stood and came over to me, wrapping me in his arms and praising in my ear, “You did it, baby. You did it.”

Squeezing him back, I held back the tears that were trying to escape. They were happy tears, but I still didn’t want to cry in the middle of class again.
I did it, I really did it.

Ryker pulled back, smiling proudly at me. “You wanna practice it again?”

“Yeah. Let’s do it again.” I smiled back.

“That’s my girl. I knew you had it in you, Warrior.”

As we continued to practice the routine, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.