The Scars of Us (14 page)

“Many times, an attacker will come up and grab you from behind, trapping your arms and putting you in a bear hug. I’m going to show you some ways to escape while disabling your attacker. Come up behind me and wrap your arms around me.”

Doing as I instructed, she grabbed me from behind, pinning my arms to the side.

“First thing that you want to do is crouch down, leaning over a little so that it’s harder for them to lift you up. Most attackers will try to throw you or slam you to the ground—you can’t let that to happen.”

I bent down. “Now, you’re going to stomp on their instep then shift to the right side, giving you some space to throw a hammer-fist into their groin with your right arm, like this. This should cause them to either completely let go or at least loosen their grip on you, allowing you to throw some back elbows into their stomach.”

I softly elbowed her in the stomach a few times before turning. “Once you’re in this position, I would recommend a couple of knees to the groin, and some elbows to the face, even a knee to the face because they’ll probably be hunched over. Put all of your force into your hits so that you can knock them out. Want to try?”

After she nodded, I came up behind her, pinning her arms to her sides as I brought her body against mine. Her ass pushed against my crotch as she leaned over, and even though I was wearing a cup, I couldn’t keep thoughts of bending her over and fucking her from behind out of my head.

She shifted then threw a hammer-fist into my crotch.
I loosened my hold on her as she started to elbow me in the stomach before turning and kneeing me in the nuts twice.
Thank God for cups.

Elbowing me, she connected with the side of my face, which thankfully, was protected by the head gear. Elbows were one of the worst hits to take, especially to the nose or mouth.

We practiced a few more times before I ended class. Everyone was drenched with sweat as we discussed their feelings about sparring, most of which were positive. Tired smiles lined everyone’s faces as they talked about what they practiced.

As everyone left, I started gathering the equipment to sanitize before I closed up. “You need some help?” Kaiya asked.

“Sure. I just need to clean this stuff,” I said as I grabbed the gym’s disinfectant spray and some paper towels from their station in the corner of the room.

After we had sanitized everything, I put the equipment back in their containers before putting them up in the closet. “Thanks for helping me.”

“No problem. I’ll see you Thursday.” Kaiya smiled as she headed for the door.

“Hey, you want to grab something to eat? My treat for your help,” I offered.

She turned back to face me. “I can’t—Kamden waits for me for dinner.”

“Oh, okay. Maybe some other time,” I replied coolly, trying to mask my disappointment.

Our eyes met as she nibbled her bottom lip. “Tomorrow?” she suggested, quirking up an eyebrow in question.

My lips curved into a grin, “Just tell me where and when.”

“East Side at seven?”

Is she serious?
I couldn’t fucking believe it—Kaiya was actually agreeing to go out with me. “I’ll see you there.”

Her skin began to flush as she replied, “Okay. See you tomorrow.”

Hastily, she turned and exited as I finished closing up. My stomach knotted itself as I thought about tomorrow night—I hadn’t felt like this about a date in a long time. I had given up trying to make sense of how Kaiya made me feel—all I knew was that I wanted more, anything she would give me.

Oh my God, did I really just do that?
I couldn’t believe how impulsive I was—what was I thinking? I was supposed to be keeping my distance from Ryker, not going out on dates with him.
But one date can’t hurt, can it?

My resistance was wearing down, especially when he was trying so hard to give me the space I asked for. I knew it couldn’t be easy since we were always touching during class. I could see and feel his desire when we practiced all the techniques he taught me. And I’m sure he could see mine written all over my face.

I felt like I was going to throw up all day on Wednesday since I was so nervous about seeing Ryker that night. None of the figures on my computer screen at work were making sense, my mind too caught up in thoughts of him for me to get anything done. I decided to text Nori and get her thoughts on everything:

Me: Ryker is taking me to dinner tonight :)

Nori: Finally! I was waiting for you to grow some balls and go out with him

I laughed aloud as I text her back:

Me: Idk if this is a good idea :/

Nori: Stop overthinking like you always do just have fun :)

I smiled at her text but didn’t reply back. I tried to focus back on work, to keep my mind off dinner, but it was almost impossible. My phone beeped, and I thought Nori had text me again, but it wasn’t her:

Ryker: Can’t wait for tonight ;)

There was no use trying to fight the goofy smile that took over my lips. Impulsively, I sent the first thing that came to mind:

Me: Me neither :)

Now I’m definitely not going to get any work done.

I anxiously sat on Nori’s bed as she helped me with my make-up for my date. I had told Kamden that I was going to dinner with her, not Ryker. I knew he wouldn’t approve, and I didn’t want to get a lecture from him, not when I was feeling so good.

“Stop moving,” Nori scolded as she applied my eye shadow.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so nervous. I don’t think I can do this,” I said as I started panicking. My palms started sweating as I wrung my fingers together.

Nori stopped what she was doing and put her hands on my shoulders. “Calm down. Deep breaths—in, out, in, out.”

Doing as she said, I slowly inhaled and exhaled until I felt calmer.

Nori looked at me with concern. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Ky.”

“You don’t think I should?”

“No, I think you should. You’ve been giving that poor guy blue balls for weeks now.”

“Nori!” I exclaimed as I smacked her arm.

“What? You have.”

“I know.” I let out a deep breath. “He’s been pretty understanding, but I’m just scared I’ll get hurt. If Kaleb, my own brother, my own blood, hurt me, then
how can I possibly believe that Ryker won’t?
”

“You don’t know for sure, Ky. You can’t punish everyone for Kaleb’s actions. He has mental issues. Look at Kam—he’s never hurt you and never will, same with Bryce. There are some good men out there.”

Absorbing Nori’s words, I contemplated what she said. Even though she was right, my defense mechanisms wouldn’t fully accept it. I could never completely trust anyone, her and Kamden included.

With pursed lips and a raised eyebrow, she shook the eyeshadow brush in my face. “So, am I finishing your make-up or not?”

Smiling, I nodded. Even with all the conflicting thoughts running through my head, I couldn’t deny that I wanted to see Ryker. Maybe I could let everything go and just have fun for one night. Unlikely, but a girl could hope.

I was about ten minutes late, as usual, and Ryker was waiting just inside the doors. Dressed in a nice, black dress shirt and dark jeans, he had his sleeves pushed up, exposing the tattoos on his forearms.

Our eyes met as he gave me his trademark smirk. Heat flooded my entire body as I took him in, and I wondered why I kept resisting him—he was absolutely gorgeous and made me feel so many amazing things that I’d never felt before.
Because you’re crazy, that’s why.

As I approached, he brought me into his arms as he pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. “You look beautiful,” he complimented.

“So do you. I mean handsome—you look handsome,” I stammered.
Great start.

His chest rumbled with laughter as he kept me against him. Keeping my hand in his, he pulled away and led me to the hostess stand.

When the hostess directed her attention to us, she gave Ryker a flirtatious smile. “I was hoping she wouldn’t show—my shift ends in fifteen minutes.”

Jealously sparked through me as my eyes narrowed and my hand tightened around Ryker’s.
Bitch. I’m standing right here.

Ryker released my hand to wrap his arm around the small of my back, drawing me into his body. He pressed a kiss to my temple, causing her smile to fade as he said, “She was just running late, right, baby?”

Giving her a smug smile, I leaned into Ryker, placing my hand on his chest. “Two, please.”

Her eyes thinned as she huffed and grabbed two menus. Ryker chuckled as she angrily stomped in her heels while leading us to our table.

“What a bitch,” I said after she walked away.

Ryker laughed, “Jealous, huh?”

Yes.
“No! She was just rude.”

Ryker gave me a knowing look before directing his attention to the menu. The waiter arrived to take our order after a few minutes, then left to get our drinks.

Ryker grinned. “I have to admit, I was surprised you suggested this.”

You and me both.
“One of my rare impulsive moments,” I joked.

“I like the impulsive side of you. You should let her out more often.”

The waiter came back with our drinks, giving me an opportunity to change the subject. “We always talk about me. Tell me about you.”

He propped his elbows on the table as he looked at me. “What do you want to know?”

“Anything—what about your family?”

“My parents died when I was in high school.”

Shit.
“I’m sorry. Do you have any other family?”

“I have a brother, but we don’t talk,” he replied coldly, his jaw tensing in anger.

I’m sure he can’t be as bad as Kaleb. Fuck, don’t think about him—change the subject.
“How long have you been a personal trainer?”

The anger in his face receded as he answered, “A few years—I went to school for it, and was lucky enough to get a job right after I graduated.”

“That’s awesome—I can tell how much you love it.”

“Yeah, it definitely has its perks. I basically get paid to work out.”

And it shows.
I smiled as I thought about his flawless muscles, how they felt when I touched them while we practiced, and how hot he looked when they gleamed with his sweat.

The waiter brought our food, interrupting my delicious thoughts about Ryker, who slyly grinned at me, as if he could tell that I was thinking about him. Blushing, I directed my attention to my food to avoid his heated gaze.

After we finished eating, we had a few more drinks before Ryker paid our bill. Once we reached my car, he wound his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him as he kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, Warrior.”

Unable to control myself, I turned my face, connecting our lips. My mind reminded me that this was a bad idea, that I’d just end up hurt, but I blocked it out, enjoying the feel of Ryker’s hot mouth on mine.

I almost moaned when his tongue parted my lips, missing his taste after so long. His hands came up to cup my face as he pushed me back against my car.

Nibbling my bottom lip, he gruffly whispered against my mouth, “Come home with me.”

I almost said yes—almost. Lord knows I wanted to, but that scared, broken part of me took hold, making me break away from Ryker as I breathlessly replied, “I can’t.”

Ryker’s face fell, then set in frustration. His voice raised in anger as he stepped away from me. “That’s what you always say, Ky. And we still end up like this every single time.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. You just don’t understand.” I sighed as I hugged myself.
No one ever will.

“Help me understand, then. I know you feel what’s between us, so tell me what the problem is,” he demanded as his eyes locked on mine.

“Me! I’m the problem! I’m too fucked up for this; for you!” I yelled, gesturing towards him before dropping my arms to my sides.

His eyes softened as he closed some of the distance between us. His voice reflected the gentleness in his eyes as he said, “Ky, no-”