The Nothingness of Ben (9 page)

“They’ll split them up if you don’t take guardianship.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Who says you have to take care of them in Austin?”

Ben was silent for a few seconds. Then he said, “You mean move them to New York?”

“Yes, I mean move them to New York.”

“I could never afford that. Raising three teenage boys in the city? And besides, they live here. They go to school here. Their friends are here.”

“You’re not looking at the big picture. They have schools in New York, Ben. Better schools. And they’ll make new friends. Families move where the job is. That’s how the world works. If you’re going to be of any use to those boys, you need to be happy. What kind of role model are you going to be wasting away in Texas? You’re not going to be any kind of role model at all because you’ll be miserable.” Colin paused for a second. “And I already talked to my grandfather about the money issue.”

“Tell me you didn’t do that. Please.”

“He’s setting up a trust to cover a bigger place to live and private schools in the city. For all three of them.”

“I can’t accept that.”

Ben heard Colin sigh. Familiar.

“Play the hand you’re dealt, Walsh. Life is painful right now, I understand that. But you’re not going to make the situation any better by clinging to your pride. You’re one of us now, and we take care of our own. I’ve told you a thousand times….”

“I know.”

“No one is batting an eyelash at the money except you. Promise me you’ll think about it. It’s the best option. And don’t assume your brothers won’t like the idea. Give them a chance, at least. New York can be an exciting place for a teenage boy.”

“You should know.”

“Exactly. I do know. What makes you think the same thing won’t happen to them that happened to you? You came alive when you moved here. Maybe they will too.”

Ben smiled at the new possibility.

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

“And you’ll talk to them?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll talk to them today.”

“Brilliant. So when do you plan on calling David?”

“He’s on my list.”

“You need to dance as fast as you can if you want to keep that door open. I am not saying it’s over, but he doesn’t understand why you’re not reaching out to him.”

“I’m not a reacher.”

“I tried to explain that to him.”

“You two get your nails done together or something?”

“He called me.”

“I can always play the dead-parents card.”

“Once. You can play that card once.”

“I’ll call him.”

A pause.

“So how are you holding up?” Colin asked.

“Honestly, it hasn’t hit me yet. I’m still waiting for my
Steel Magnolias
moment.”

“What’s that?”

“Never mind. There’s this guy across the street who’s been helping out. Travis. Straight guy, except….”

“Is he hot?”

“That’s always your first question, isn’t it? Yes, he’s hot. I thought something was going on, but turns out it was nothing. At least, he claims it was nothing. Still, it was weird. I mean, I thought we were just friends, but then last night at dinner he starts knocking up against my knee under the table.”

“What does he look like?”

“He’s a ginger.”

“Have you seen him with his shirt off?”

“Oddly enough, I have. I dropped by while he was having sex with his girlfriend. Except that she’s now his ex-girlfriend. As of last night. Anyway, he answered the door in nothing but a pair of blue jeans.”

“Sexy. So what is this
last night
you keep referring to?”

“Let’s drop it.”

“Let’s not.”

“Well, he goes downtown with his girlfriend last night and then shows up at the house an hour later. Tells me they broke up. Some things were said, and we got into this really uncomfortable argument about… I don’t even know what it was about.”

“What does he do?”

Ben cleared his throat.

“He goes to school,” he lied.

“A college boy?”

“No, he’s our age. Grad student.”

Ben felt bad, but he really didn’t want to think about it right now. Over the years, he had learned that there were some things Colin didn’t need to know. Telling the truth would only bring out a nasty ‘grease monkey’ comment.

“Grad student, eh? So what happened after the argument? You didn’t cheat on your boyfriend, did you, Walsh?”

“No. Nothing happened. He claimed it was all a misunderstanding, but something was going on with him.” Ben paused for a moment. “Let’s forget about it. I’m probably just hypersensitive right now. It was nothing, really. I’m sorry I mentioned it.”

A pause.

“When are you coming back to New York? You have to bring your brothers up to visit so that they can see how brilliant living here will be.”

“This is why I didn’t want to call you. You’ve opened up a whole new can of worms now. I thought everything was settled.”

“Settled for the worse, maybe.”

“Give me a couple of days to think things through.”

“Of course. Now, please, call David. And forget about this Travis person.”

Ben hung up the phone but didn’t call David. Colin had presented a real alternative. If he had a bigger apartment, it might work. Cade would be thirteen soon and even he didn’t need constant supervision anymore. If Ben settled the money issue, then the final step would be getting his brothers on board. Ben considered their possible reactions. Jason didn’t seem happy here. Besides, no gay boy could resist Gotham. He would be a yes vote. Cade wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea, but he’d be fine as long as everyone stayed together. That left Quentin. He had a girlfriend and was a sophomore in high school. He would certainly be the most resistant. And, knowing Quentin, he would have no problem voicing his objection.

“
A
RE
you crazy?!”

They sat at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. Which, since Travis had disappeared, consisted of bowls of cold cereal. Ben tried to ease his way into the conversation, working in some of Colin’s arguments as to why they should consider this a good thing. From the tone of Quentin’s reaction, he had clearly failed.

“I am not moving to New York. I hate that place. It smells like rotting garbage.”

“You’ve only been to visit once.”

“And that’s all I needed! This is the worst possible solution. On top of losing our mom and dad, now you want to take away our home too. We’ve lived in this house our whole lives!”

“Calm down, little brother.” Ben put a decidedly condescending tone in his voice.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.”

“Then stop acting like one.” Ben doubted he should be having this conversation in front of Jason and Cade, but that train had already left the station. “You know damn well this isn’t the worst possible solution. Don’t throw a fit pretending there wasn’t a
much
worse option on the table last week. You are not the only person in this family, Quentin.”

“So now what? You have absolute power?”

Ben didn’t have a chance to answer him because Cade started crying.

“Shit,” said Ben. “Cade, I’m….”

“Put a lid on it,” barked Quentin.

“No, you put a lid on it.” Ben got up and walked around the table next to Cade. He squatted down and the boy fell into his arms. “I’m sorry, buddy. You know how we talk to each other sometimes. Hey, look at me.” He pulled back so that he could see Cade’s face. “This conversation is not about anybody splitting up. The four of us will be together no matter what. You have my word on that. Tell him, Q. Even if we move to New York, you’ll be there with him.”

Quentin didn’t speak. Ben felt his resentment from across the table and could practically see the steam shooting out of his ears. Ben had played a dirty trick, and they both knew it.
Dirty
, he thought,
but effective
.

“It’s all good,” Quentin said, reaching over to pat his brother on the head. “No way we’re splitting up. Even if he drags us to Alaska.”

Cade laughed and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“See?” Ben said. “So enough with the crying. It’s time to man up.”

“Jesus, Ben. He’s only twelve.”

“Twelve, not eight. Next year thirteen. If we were Jewish, he’d be a man soon. I’m just saying. Your idyllic childhood is over.”

“Fine,” said Cade. “But you two stop fighting. You got that?”

Ben looked at him, impressed. “We got it,” he answered. Ben went back to his chair and his bowl of Froot Loops.

“Can I say something?” Jason asked.

Ben nodded. “Please. You don’t see your brother asking permission, do you?”

Jason took a deep breath and rolled his head back and forth.

“We can’t leave this two-bit cattle town fast enough for me!”

Then he gave out a yelp of joy.

“Wait,” said Quentin. “Can there be a little accommodation here?”

“How so?” asked Ben.

“Can we at least finish out the school year? It’s only five months. If this place where you work loves you so much that they’re gonna pay for all this, then surely they can give you five months. Not even half a year.”

Ben looked at Jason, whose face betrayed his obvious disappointment.

“Cade?” Ben asked, gesturing with his spoon.

The youngest Walsh brother digested the information. “I agree with both of you. We should go to New York but not until after school’s over.”

Ben finished his cereal and drank the remaining milk straight from the bowl. “Then I will take that deal back to my client. You know, this just might work out. I don’t care what people say about you,” he joked. “You boys are alright.”

They all laughed. Even Quentin.

T
RAVIS
stayed away that day. The brothers didn’t question it since they figured he was with Trisha. Ben kept them in the dark about what happened the night before, and since Ben had mastered the art of takeout long ago, they didn’t go hungry. Their neighborhood even had some decent restaurants. As usual, they passed the day and night watching more movies. On Friday morning, the Walsh boys sat in the living room eating cereal and watching
Donnie Darko
(one of their favorites). Shortly before noon, they heard a knock at the door.

“Probably Travis,” said Quentin. “Poor fool can’t stay away for more than a day.”

Ben got up and headed toward the door. Poor fool. But when he opened it, there was no Travis.

Instead, Colin stood on the front porch, his arms outstretched, grinning wildly.

“Yeehaw, Walsh! Look at me. I’m in Texas.”

That’s when someone stepped out from behind him.

“Hey, stud.”

It was David.

Chapter 8

“
W
HAT
are you doing here?”

“Surprise, Walsh. I knew if I asked, you would say no. And since I hate to travel alone, I thought it would be a nice gesture if I brought your boyfriend along. It doesn’t hurt that he can walk onto a plane anytime he wants.”

“I hope it’s okay,” said David, his voice deep and comforting. Ben’s spirits lifted when he saw him. David looked like the kind of guy that can only be found in glossy magazines and high-class porn. Ben knew he could hold his own in that department, but when they went out in New York, everyone looked at David with lust and Ben with envy. He hadn’t thought about sex since the phone call, except for a few stray mental images of a shirtless Travis, but his cock woke up when David looked at him sheepishly and ran his fingers through his wavy brown hair.

“Of course it’s okay,” said Ben. “Come on in.”

As they grabbed their bags and filed past him, Ben leaned forward and gave David a kiss.

“Hey, sexy. It’s good to see you.”

“Likewise,” said David, kissing him back.

Ben led them into the living room, where his brothers were sitting up with varying looks of surprise on their faces.

“Boys, you remember Colin, from New York. And this is our friend David. This is Quentin, Jason, and Cade,” he said, pointing each of them out as he went.

“Wow,” said David. “They’re like Xeroxes of you.”

The Walsh boys had heard similar comments for years and their reaction had always been the same—smile politely and nod. Colin and David sat down and gave a brief summary of their trip. Ben noticed his brothers didn’t have much to say at first, and he wondered if this was a good idea. Not like Colin had given him a choice. Then he saw Jason eying the two visitors with awe, as if they were some kind of exotic creatures at the zoo. Ben kept on stealing glances at David. He thought about crawling into bed with him, naked, feeling his skin next to his own. He considered how to maneuver him to the bedroom. His parents’ room? Still creepy, but he’d get over it. He decided to hold off, though. His brothers didn’t need to confront his sex life just yet.

As the afternoon wore on and they hung out and talked, the brothers warmed considerably to both of his friends. Colin possessed a natural charisma that almost everyone found infectious. He had also met Ben’s brothers when they visited him the one time in New York. Jason started asking questions about the city, and Colin looked at Ben with a knowing smile. As he answered the questions, Colin went to his bag to pull out brochures of three New York prep schools.
He’s campaigning already
, Ben thought.