The Nothingness of Ben (5 page)

After a few minutes, Hardwick began. “First, let me say I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Ben, I’ve known you since you were a boy. I never thought I’d be sitting here having to do this.”

“Thanks, Russ. Worst-case scenario.”

Hardwick forced a weak smile. He referred down to the will.

“There’s nothing of great surprise here. The estate and all its assets are distributed equally among the four children. The house is paid for. Your father set up an account to cover the taxes and insurance. In addition to the life and supplemental life payments, he also set up college funds for each of the remaining three boys. As for the matter of custody, you, Ben, are named as the sole guardian to your brothers. They did, however, add an addendum last year when you took the job in New York. Should you decline custody, which they specifically detailed as an option for you, guardianship would pass to Mrs. Walsh’s siblings. You three.”

Hardwick stopped and waited.

“Ben, do you accept or decline custody?”

Ben looked at Julie. Things had turned out exactly as she’d predicted. But why hadn’t she told him that Sam and Nick would be at this meeting?

“I accept.”

“Mr. Hardwick,” said Nick, still looking down at the document. “What are our legal options? Regarding custody, I mean?”

Ben looked at him, shocked.

Hardwick continued. “When they added the addendum, there was no indication that they intended your custody clause to supersede Ben’s. Suing for custody is always an option if you believe—”

Nick interrupted him. “We believe the boys would be better served in a more traditional family environment.”

Ben scoffed at the suggestion.
This is an ambush
, he thought.

“Are you serious, Uncle Nick?” Ben kept his voice calm as he spoke. “And I’m not talking about your
traditional family
bullshit. You’re going to take me on in court? Really? Do you know who I work for?”

“That’s a New York firm,” said Sam. “This is Texas.”

“I know I’m not supposed to talk to you this way, Sam, but you’re an idiot. Julie, talk some sense into your brothers. Seriously, I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation.”

“You pretentious little prick,” Sam sneered. “The sun don’t come up just to hear you crow. You’re gonna take those boys down the road to ruin.”

Ben didn’t blink.

“Well, isn’t the Thompson clan just full of pithy bon mots today? Your contempt in the face of my mother’s death is truly comforting. So, let me break it down for you. Do you mind, Russ?”

Hardwick nodded, both flustered and proud at the same time.

“First of all, Sam,
bon mot
means a clever saying or witticism, or more literally,
good word
. It’s French. How’s that for pretentious? Second, if you’re going to sue me for custody then you’ll need to lawyer up, because I will be heavily armed. And I will drag this out and cost you so much money that you’ll be filing Chapter Thirteen before it’s even close to being settled. By then Cade will be graduating from high school and the whole thing will have been for nothing. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. It will not change the outcome and it will only destroy your lives.”

Ben stood up and offered his hand to Hardwick.

“Thank you, Russ. I assume we’re done here. If there’s anything that needs a signature, please send it to the house. And tell Susan I said Merry Christmas and I hope everything stays safe and sound for your family.”

Hardwick got up and shook Ben’s hand.

“If you or the boys need anything, Ben, I want you to call me. You hear?”

“I hear.” Ben turned to Julie and her brothers. “I think we’re going to spend Christmas in Austin this year. On our own. No further explanation necessary. Merry Christmas, Julie.” He bent over to give her a hug. “Merry Christmas, Nick. Sam,” he said, shaking both their hands and enjoying the dumbstruck looks on their collective faces. He exited the office and made his way back to his father’s truck. He drove home knowing full well what the next step was. There were a lot of decisions that had to be made, but all that could wait until later.

Right now, it was time he and his brothers had a talk.

A
LL
three of them were in the living room when he got back to the house. Quentin and Cade were watching something on ESPN. His nose firmly planted in a book, Jason sat sideways in the overstuffed chair, his legs dangling over one arm. Ben looked down and read the cover.
Lord of the Flies
. Excellent choice
.

“I hate to interrupt your doing nothing, but there are a few things we need to talk about. The four of us. Quentin, would you turn off the television? Let’s all move into the dining room. We should sit at a table for this.”

Quentin reached for the remote and turned off the TV, then looked up at Ben with disdain in his eyes.

Ben decided not to sit at the head of the table. Instead, they sat where they always did—Ben and Jason on one side, Quentin and Cade on the other. Simple and familiar, except for the empty chairs at each end.

Ben began.

“So, our parents are dead. I’m sure you’ve noticed the way people like to dance around that fact. They’re dead and it sucks. I don’t know about you, but I’m not happy about it. They’re gone, and we’ll be damaged for a while without them, no matter what we do. That’s just a plain and simple fact. Still, I know you have a lot of questions.”

Quentin stiffened against the back of his chair.

“I met with the lawyer today about the estate. And custody.”

“Custody of what?” Cade asked.

“Not what, moron,” said Quentin. “Who. Custody of who.”

“I’m not a moron,” Cade protested.

Ben looked across the table in disbelief.

“Really? And you call me a dick? For God’s sake, don’t call your brother a moron.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Quentin said, his black eyes ablaze.

Ben turned toward Cade.

“You and your brothers are still minors. Legally, you’ll need a guardian to take care of you. Since Mom and Dad are gone now.”

“But you’re gonna come home, right?” Cade asked. “You’re gonna come back here and take care of us.”

Ben looked at Quentin. He wanted to see his face when, maybe, he didn’t disappoint him for a change.

“Yes. Of course that’s what’s going to happen.”

Quentin raised his brows and widened his eyes. Jason sat up and looked sideways at Ben, smiling and sighing with relief as he placed his forehead on Ben’s arm. Ben reached around and patted the back of Jason’s head.

“Thank you,” Jason whispered.

“Congratulations, big brother. You stepped up.”

“I’m glad you see it that way, because now it’s your turn. You have to help me. All three of you. I know I disappeared five years ago. I understand I hardly know you. Just, please, don’t be angry with me. I’m here now and, like it or not, the four of us are in this together.”

“So,” Cade said, raising his hand, “you’re gonna be, like, the dad now?”

“Sometimes.” Ben nodded. Then he shook his head. “No. I’m not sure. Something like that.”

“What about Travis?” asked Cade.

“What about him?”

“He eats dinner here all the time,” Quentin explained.

Cade nodded and laughed. “He’ll probably starve if we don’t feed him.”

“No,” Quentin said, “
we’ll
probably starve. He helped Mom a lot in the kitchen. He likes to cook and we need someone like that. He’s our only hope for feeding ourselves.”

“Then good thing I invited him over for Christmas. Hope you don’t mind, but he and I have already discussed a theme. We’ll be watching movies in which large things blow up and someone saves the world. Or at least a bus.”

“You’re such a dork sometimes,” said Quentin, laughing. “You and your themes. Is that a gay thing?”

“Like
Independence Day
?” Jason suggested.

Ben smiled, ignoring Quentin.

“Can’t believe we didn’t think of that one. Would you two give me and Quentin a minute alone now?”

“Sure. Come on, Cade, let’s go wrap some presents.”

The two left the dining room and went upstairs.

“I was kidding about the gay thing!” Quentin protested defensively, certain that he had pushed it too far.

“Relax,” said Ben. “I couldn’t care less about that. So we’re good? You and me?”

Quentin smiled at him.

“Yeah, we’re good. I didn’t think…. Sorry, I underestimated you.”

“Let’s put it behind us. I want to talk to you about Jason. He’s been so quiet, even for him. And then you said something yesterday, if I knew what he was going through… what were you talking about?”

“It’s not really my place.”

“I’m making it your place. The rules have changed, Q. You’ve got to catch me up. I’m suspending your attorney/client privilege.”

Quentin eyed him with suspicion.

“After school started, back in October, Mom walked in on him. He was up in his room.”

“Jacking off?”

“No. He wasn’t alone.”

“A girl?”

Quentin was silent.

“A boy?”

He nodded. “Nothing was going on. Not really. He told me they were just making out a bit. Had their clothes on and everything. Still, Mom kind of freaked and threw the kid out. She loves you and all, but really, two in one family? Isn’t that a little much for one Catholic mother to bear?”

“He talks to you about that kind of stuff?”

“Of course. Mom sure as hell didn’t tell me. You’ve really missed out, Ben. Having brothers is cool. Jason and I talk about everything. We’re totally different—he’s all intellectual and I’m….” Quentin stopped.

“You’re sixteen years old. I know you have a girlfriend.”

“How do you….”

“I’ve seen that look on your face when she texts you. Gay or straight, all guys get the same look. You’re using condoms?”

“We’re not….”

“First house rule. No pregnancies. Ever. Use a condom every time, I’m begging you. This is going to be tough enough without asking me for varsity-level parenting.”

“That was an old house rule. No sex, remember?”

“Right, I do remember. Except that I broke that rule and someday you will too, if you haven’t already, so let’s throw it out and replace it with a new one, shall we? No pregnancies. Condoms every time. Please.”

Quentin looked down at his hands.

“This is going to be weird, isn’t it? Not having Mom and Dad around?”

“Yeah, it is. I’m a terrible Plan B.”

“No, you’re alright. Sucks about having to leave New York, though. Can you get a job in Austin?”

“I’ll need to take the Texas Bar Exam, which I thought I had put behind me. But yes, I can work here.”

“Sweet. I’m glad you’re home, Ben. Sorry I blamed you for not being around lately.”

That was when Ben realized they had gotten sidetracked.

“Wait a minute. We were talking about Jason kissing some boy. Did he come out to Mom and Dad after that?”

“Yeah. They tried to be supportive. He talks to me about it sometimes, but what do I know? He needs someone like you around.”

“So why didn’t they call me when this happened?”

“Didn’t want to bother you, I guess.”

“Then why didn’t Jason call me?”

“I don’t know, Ben. Ask him. But you weren’t around. We’re not used to thinking of you as someone we can depend on.”

“Shit, I’m the worst brother ever. And what about Cade? Anything I should know about him?”

“Nah, he’s low maintenance. He’s gonna be the jock in the family. Took them four tries but Dad finally got an athlete. He plays football and baseball. Already bleeds orange. Loves Longhorn anything. He’s at that age. For the past four months, every Saturday, Texas football, he and Dad and Travis.”

“You like Travis?”

“Sure. He’s a good guy. Didn’t have much growing up. He fits in here, you’ll see. Even Mom said so and she was wary at….”

A knock on the front door interrupted Quentin.

“Speak of the devil….”

“Travis?” asked Ben.

Quentin nodded.

“Go answer it, big brother.”

Ben got up and walked to the front door. When he pulled it open, Travis stood in front of him on the porch.

“Were your ears burning?”

“What?”

“We were just talking about you. Come in.”

Travis walked in and nodded a greeting when he saw Quentin sitting at the dining room table.

“Hey, Q-Ball. Everything okay?”

“Hey, Trav. Everything’s dandy.”

“Hmm,” grunted Travis, looking back to Ben. “Usually when he uses the word
dandy
it’s cut with a hell of a lot more snark than that. This mean you decided to move back home?”

Ben smiled. “That’s exactly what it means.”

“Well, then, welcome to the neighborhood. Or back to the neighborhood, I reckon I should say.”

Travis thrust out his hand. Ben looked down and shook it. Firm and sturdy.

“Thank you. I was about to drag Quentin into the kitchen. We’re having leftovers for dinner. You staying?”

Travis looked at the floor.

“Quentin, would you mind giving me and your brother a few minutes to talk?”

“I’ll be in the kitchen. Sorting leftovers.”

Quentin left them alone.

“What’s up?” asked Ben.

“I was thinking about your invitation to Christmas. Don’t you think it’s best if I stay away for a while? You’re here now. You need time with ’em.”

Ben scoffed. “No. I don’t think it’s best at all. In fact, I think it’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard. They love you, man. Especially Cade. I saw that on Saturday. More than anything right now, they need comfort and consistency. And I need help. If you’re a second big brother in their lives, then that’s fucking fantastic. You were there for them before this happened, so please be there now when they really need you. Seriously. Come over for Christmas and stay tonight for leftovers.”

“Well, when you put it like that….”

“Will you go upstairs and get Jason and Cade? They’re wrapping presents.”

“You betcha.”

Ben went into the kitchen, where Quentin had already started to unload plastic containers from the fridge. In a few moments, Jason and Cade broke through the door with Travis on their heels.