The Nothingness of Ben (15 page)

“Good golly. This is real, ain’t it?”

“This is what you said you wanted,” answered Ben, smiling. “No more sneaking around. So, here we are.”

Travis threw his arms around Ben and kissed him. “Here we are,” he repeated. “Did you get brisket
and
sausage?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day, Travis. Of course I got both.”

The two men sat down to eat. Dinner included a bottle of Shiner Bock for each of them, which they used to toast their evening. Travis devoured everything on his plate, including the spicy beans, mayonnaise potato salad (which, in Texas, was quite different from mustard potato salad), pickles, onions, and several slices of soft white bread.

“You should drop by the shop,” Travis suggested in between bites.

“Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Well, maybe give me a week or two. I just got to figure out how to tell ’em.”

“Maybe we should go downtown this evening and take a walk around Town Lake. It’s a nice night.”

“Look at you, taking it to the next level.”

“Why not? If I’m on a date with you, I definitely want to show you off.”

Travis blushed. “Seriously, Ben. You’re too much of a good thing sometimes.”

After dinner, Ben drove them downtown in his father’s pickup truck, parking near
Seventh and West Streets. “We should walk toward the river,” he suggested, “but first let’s stop by Whole Foods for some chocolate-covered strawberries. We have to indulge in at least one cliché tonight.”

After they finished their dessert, Ben steered them toward the Lamar Street bridge.

“Can I hold your hand?” Ben asked.

Travis laughed. “Are we okay down here?”

“Yes. You live in a very gay-friendly city. Just so you know.”

“I kind of figured. I seen plenty of boys holding hands in this town.” He took a deep breath. “So, yes, you can hold my hand.”

Ben grinned from ear to ear as he reached down and meshed Travis’s fingers with his own. He knew that people were staring at them, which was all part of the plan. When they reached the bridge, Ben looked down the span and spotted the piano. He heaved a sigh of relief when he saw that it was empty.

“Do you see that?” Ben asked, pointing toward the piano as they stepped onto the bridge.

“Are we gonna see the bats?” Travis replied.

“Sorry, Atwood. The bats only fly in the summer. No, I mean the upright piano down there. You see it?”

“Yeah, I see it.”

“I wonder what that’s for?”

Ben stopped and spoke to a young woman who was standing near the railing with her boyfriend. “Excuse me. Do you know why there’s a piano on the bridge?”

“They put them all around downtown,” the boyfriend answered. “People just sit and play something. It’s cool.”

“Thanks, man,” Ben said, walking away and pulling Travis with him. “Do you play the piano?”

Travis laughed. “Nu-uh. My mama would have never spent her hard-earned cash on music lessons. Why, do you?”

Ben shrugged. “Let’s find out, shall we?”

He sat down at the piano bench and checked the keys for tuning. Then he launched into the opening chords of “My Funny Valentine.”

“What in God’s creation are you doing, Obi-Wan?”

People had already begun to stop and linger in anticipation of a show.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Ben announced at full voice, speaking to the gathering crowd while he continued to play the song’s introduction. “My name is Ben and this is my date, Travis.”

Random people in the crowd said hello to them by name.

“This is the first time Travis has ever been on a date with a man. Which means that, today, I won the lottery.”

“Welcome to the club, Travis,” a young man yelled from the edge of the crowd.

“Thanks,” Travis replied, turning several shades of scarlet.

“My funny valentine…,” Ben began to sing. Travis stood and listened, completely awestruck and beaming with pride and happiness. “But don’t change a hair for me…,” Ben continued to croon as people pulled out their phones, took pictures, and started tweeting about the event. Ben hammed it up through the middle section but then brought it down to a quiet note at the end. As the last chord faded out on the piano, Ben asked, “Travis, would you be my Valentine?”

Travis looked around at the crowd. “Well, I couldn’t exactly embarrass you in front of all these people, so I reckon the answer is yes.”

Everyone cheered and Ben stood up to plant a big kiss on Travis.

O
N
S
UNDAY
night, Ben decided it was time for him and Jason to finally get some face time. So they left Quentin and Cade behind with Travis and went to dinner at Hyde Park Bar & Grill.

“How are you doing?” Ben asked once they were seated.

A busboy sat two glasses of water onto their table and then walked away. Jason shrugged.

“I’m okay, I guess.”

“Quentin told me. About the boy in your room. I’m sorry it took me so long to bring it up.”

Jason didn’t speak at first. Then he said, “Am I in trouble?”

“No, of course you’re not in trouble.”

A young man approached the table. He told them his name was Joe. “Anything else to drink, boys?” he asked.

“I’ll have a Dr Pepper,” answered Ben.

“Me too,” said Jason. “And can I have some HP fries to start, please? With extra sauce?”

“You got it. Coming right up.”

Joe walked away and Jason took a sip of his water.

“It wasn’t me, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t start it. He kissed me first.”

“Does it matter?”

Jason shrugged again.

“Who was this boy?”

“Jake McAlister. He’s a freshman.”

“How did you meet him? You’re still in junior high.”

“Out Youth potluck.”

“You went to an Out Youth potluck? By yourself?”

“Sure, why not? I can’t exactly get into Oilcan Harry’s.”

“Have you seen him since then?”

“No, not really. Mom kind of freaked out, which freaked him out because his mom is cool with… whatever. He texted me a couple of times, and I saw him at the holiday potluck, but he didn’t have anything to say. Just hey, how’s it going? Lame stuff.”

“Is he cute?”

Jason blushed.

“A-list adorable. A total Justin.”

“Justin?”

“That’s what the girls at school call a cute guy.”

“As in Timberlake?”

“As in Bieber.”

Ben shook his head and laughed. Joe returned with their drinks and Jason’s fries. Hyde Park fries were a local legend, battered before they were deep fried and then served with a kind of modified tartar sauce. Joe set them down in the middle of the table. Ben ate one. He had forgotten how delicious they were.

“So, you and Colin seemed to hit it off.”

Jason’s eyes lit up as he munched on the fries.

“OMG, finally an uncle I actually like. He told me to call him Uncle Colin. Is that okay? Did you know his family has a yacht?”

“I’ve been on that yacht. And you will too someday.”

“Really?”

“Sure. Once we move to New York, I bet you’ll get an invitation first thing.”

Ben grabbed another fry.

“What about Travis?”

“What about him?” Ben asked.

Jason looked puzzled.

“Aren’t you and him boyfriends now?”

“I… I don’t know what we are. But not boyfriends. Yet.”

“He told me what you did down on the bridge. You’re totally crush-worthy, Ben. But if you think he’s not your boyfriend, well… let’s just say you’d better DTR.”

“We’re not ready to DTR, thank you.”

“Are we moving to New York without him?”

Ben looked down at the menu. “What’s good here these days?”

Jason munched down on another fry. He got the hint and dropped it.

“Did you think about calling me?” Ben asked.

“When?”

“When Mom and Dad found out. Why didn’t you pick up your phone?”

Jason looked down at his menu.

“I did.”

“What do you mean, you did?”

“I called you. You said you were in the middle of a deposition or something and you’d call me back.”

Ben sat there, stunned. He remembered the call now.

“And I never did.”

Jason shook his head.

“I’m sorry.”

Jason nodded. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’m not really happy with the way I’ve behaved these past few years. I should have been there for you.”

“You’re here now. Let’s go during spring break.”

“To New York?”

“Yeah. Travis too. Maybe he’ll want to move there when he sees it.”

Ben thought it over.

“That is not a bad idea. Colin was right about you. You are a young genius.”

W
HEN
they got home, Ben told Travis he needed to call Colin and debrief. He went into his room and closed the door.

“We’re doing it,” Ben announced when Colin answered the phone.

“What?”

“Me and Travis. We’re fucking like Mormons.”

“Since when?”

“Since about two weeks ago.”

“Good Lord. What’s come over you, Walsh? I thought the straight ones were off limits.”

“I break my own rules all the time. Besides, he doesn’t seem so straight when my dick is in his ass. I got it bad, Colin. I can’t keep my hands off him.”

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. I could see it coming a mile away.”

“We had our first real date on Valentine’s Day. What would you think about me bringing him to New York? With my brothers? Show them around during spring break.”

“Good God man, you do have it bad. You want to move him here?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. I think you’re not thinking straight, pardon the expression. But you know I’ll support you regardless.”

“You don’t like him?”

“I like him just fine. But why do you have to take a perfectly good
Bridges of Madison County
romance and turn it into an LTR? Relocation never works. He’ll only end up resenting you in the long run.”

“I’m not twisting his arm. I haven’t even brought it up to him yet. I was going to bring him along and let the city charm him. He can decide what he wants to do. What’s wrong with me giving him an option?”

“There is nothing wrong with it. But what if he doesn’t do what you want him to do?”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

“I hate that expression. It negates the very concept of planning. By the way, I got a text from Jason while you two were at dinner. He said you were having
the talk
. It’s about time.”

“This Jake McAlister sounds dreamy.”

“He sounds like a little prick to me. Hardly talked to him after your mom caught them making out.”

“The kid’s fifteen. And if you’d ever seen my mom freak out, you wouldn’t blame him. Besides, I thought you weren’t supposed to tell me anything.”

“Oops. Let’s shuffle back to you and Travis. How is he in bed?”

Ben couldn’t hide his excitement.

“A-list amazing.”

L
ATER
that night, after a round of fucking, Travis curled up into Ben’s arms.

“Do you want me to sing you a song?” he joked, tickling Ben under the ribs.

“Can you sing?”

Travis cleared his throat, and in a clear but slightly off-key tenor voice, crooned the opening line of Michael Jackson’s song “Ben.”

“You do know that song is about a rat, don’t you?” Ben asked.

“Are you shittin’ me?”

“I am not shittin’ you. Hey, Jason threw out an idea at dinner tonight.”

“Oh, yeah? What idea?”

“That we all go visit New York during their spring break. What do you think? I’d love to show you around.”

Travis didn’t answer.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Everything. Is this a try-out or something? It’s crazy to be even thinking about it, but are you floating the idea that I might move to New York with y’all?”

“I’m inviting you to come with us for a visit. No obligation. But come on, Travis. Isn’t it obvious? This is not just about sex. For me, at least. And if we are still like this in May and the furniture is on the truck, I’m going to be pretty fucking bummed if I’m leaving you behind.”

“Well, I’m gonna be pretty bummed too.”

“So at least consider the possibility, then. This could be our way forward. A future.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll ask for the week off from work. I pay my own way, though. I can afford a plane ticket and motels and stuff. I got a nest egg.”

“Keep your nest egg. We’ll stay with Colin’s family.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Stop it. You’ll charm the pants off them.”

“Just ’cause you see me that way don’t mean New York high society will.”

“Nonsense,” Ben said, kissing him full on the mouth. “You’ll be my own little Molly Brown.”

“Who the hell is Molly Brown?”

“Kathy Bates in
Titanic
.”

Travis looked confused.

“That was a real person?”

T
HE
next morning, Ben woke up with a sore throat, throbbing head, full body aches, and a high temperature. He had the flu and it knocked him out flat. He had been too busy to get a flu shot last fall, unlike the rest of the people in the house. They all felt fine. Ben slept for five days. He knew Travis woke him up at regular intervals to feed him soup. He got up to go to the bathroom but often didn’t make it back to bed on his own. At a certain point, he didn’t know how long he’d been down. He started to have fever dreams in which he rewrote law briefs over and over again in his head. He wondered if they would take him to the hospital at some point.

Then one night he woke up and looked at the alarm clock:

3:14.

Ben looked out the window into the dark night.

The bedsheets felt wet and his head was clear. His fever had broken. He looked around but didn’t see Travis. He went into the bathroom and took off his T-shirt, then dried himself with a towel. He went back into the bedroom and put on a fresh shirt. He heard sounds coming from the kitchen. Who else but Travis would be up at this hour of the night?
He’s probably worried sick
, Ben thought. He headed toward the kitchen to give Travis an update.