The Mighty Storm (52 page)

Another tear drops. “No, of course you didn
’
t,” I shake my head.

“
I saw the papers,” he utters quietly. “You … and
Jake
.”

I close my eyes briefly.

“
Are you happy?” he asks.

“
Yes … and no. I
’
m not happy for what I
’
ve done to you. I
’
m so sorry, Will.” Tears are running freely from my eyes now, and I don
’
t care who sees.

I can see Will
’
s eyes shining, but he
’
s holding himself together.

“
I hate myself for what I did to you.” I wipe the dripping tears from my chin with the back of my hand.

“
I don
’
t hate you, Tru. I wanted to, but I can
’
t … I love you too much.”

I bite my trembling lip.

I never deserved this wonderful man here, before me, in the first place. And I most certainly don
’
t deserve him now.

He takes a deep breath. “If I said to you that none of it mattered, what happened with Jake
–
that I still want you irrespective of it all.” He pauses, pressing his lips together, before finishing. “Would you … come back to me?”

I
’
m so torn in this moment. Being away from Will, it was easy to forget how much I loved him … still love him.

A part of me wants to say yes, a big part, to take his and my pain away.

But I can
’
t.

Jake is my soul mate. My best friend. And I would always go back to him, every time.

I slowly shake my head. “I love you, Will. Very much. But … I love Jake more. He
’
s my best friend. I
’
m so sorry.”

A tear runs from his eye, which he quickly brushes away. “I just don
’
t know how to live my life without you in it, Tru. Nothing
’
s making sense right now.
”

I want to touch him. Hold him. I want to fix this, but I don
’
t know how to.

“
You deserve better than me.” I blink out more tears. “You always did. You were always too good for me, Will. You deserve someone who would never, ever hurt you.”

“
But I want you,” he says. A tear runs down his cheek. He doesn
’
t wipe this one away.

My lip wobbles again, tears streaming.
“
And a part of me wants you too, but I belong to Jake. I always have done. I love you very much and I always will, but … I love Jake more.” I rub my runny nose on my sleeve.

At that, the waiter comes over with our lattes. I grab some napkins, quickly drying my tears.

The waiter has the good grace to pretend he doesn
’
t see me crying.

Once he departs, Will reaches across the table and takes hold of my hand, squeezing it.

I start crying again.

And we sit here like this for a long while, not talking, leaving our lattes to go cold, holding hands, watching the world pass by through the window, just having this time together.

I know this is the last time I
’
ll see Will, and for now, I just want to hold on to him for as long as I can.

After what seems like forever in only a short time, I reluctantly realise we can
’
t sit here all day together. Will does too.

He pays for our drinks refusing my offer to pay.

We stand just outside of Callo
’
s, lingering. I don
’
t know how to say goodbye to him.

I
’
m so confused. I don
’
t want to let him go. But I know I have to.

I thought that telling Will about Jake and I was the hardest thing I
’
d ever had to do, but it
’
s not. This here, letting him go, is the hardest thing I will ever do.

“
Are you taking the Tube home?” he asks.

“
Yes.”

“
Do you want me to walk you to the station?”

I shake my head, no. “Thank you, but I think I should go alone.”

We need to say goodbye outside of here. Our place.

Will looks up at the sign for Callo
’
s. “I don
’
t think I
’
ll be able to come here again,” he sighs.

“
Me either.”

He looks back and meets my eyes. And I can
’
t help but cry again.

I bite my lip trying to force the tears away, but looking at him here, knowing this is the last time I
’
m ever going to see him, it
’
s breaking my heart.

“
I
’
m so sorry.” My lip quivers.

Without another thought, Will wraps his arms around me, enveloping me in a tight hug.

He smells of everything Will. Of warmth, comfort, and safety. Of the last two years of my life. I breathe him in, trying to hold onto it
–
him for as long as I can.

I know I
’
m the one doing this, but knowing that doesn
’
t make it any easier.

I never knew it was possible to love two men at the same time.

But I do. I love Will and Jake.

I just love Jake more, and that means I have to let Will go.

“
I
’
ll always love you, Tru,” he whispers into my hair. I hear his voice break. “Jake will never be good enough for you. You deserve so much more than he can ever give.”

Then he releases me, and strides away, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as he walks, and I stand here outside Callo
’
s watching him go.

Watching the biggest part of the last two years of my life, walking away from me, at my behest.

I
’
m really worried about Jake. He
’
s been so distant, so closed off these last few days in the lead up to his dad
’
s funeral.

It
’
s affected him so much more than I ever anticipated it would.

I guess, I just thought because he hadn
’
t seen his dad in so long, and what happened the last time he did see him, well … not that I thought he would be happy he’s dead, I suppose I just didn
’
t realise it would hit him so hard.

It
’
s like he
’
s here, but he
’
s not. And I
’
m worried that he
’
s slipped back into a time he
’
s tried so hard to forget.

It
’
s a hot August day here in Manchester, and I
’
m thankful for the sleeveless black linen dress I
’
m wearing and for the air-con in the BMW X5 which Dave is driving, taking us to Paul
’
s funeral. Stuart
’
s in the front next to him, and I
’
m in the back with Jake, who
’
s been staring out of the window since we left the hotel to make the journey to the crematorium. He’s wearing a black Armani suit, crisp white shirt and black tie, and dress shoes. It’s strange to see Jake in a suit, and even though he’s look absolutely amazing, breath-taking, I want him out of these clothes and back in his Jake threads. I want my Jake back.

I just hope the surprise, if you can call it that on a day like today, will help lift his spirit and bring him back to me.

I called Susie, Jake
’
s mum. I got her number from Jake
’
s phone when he was in the shower yesterday morning.

She wasn
’
t going to come to the funeral. Understandable of course after what Paul did to her and Jake. But she needs to, for Jake
’
s sake.

I
’
m doing everything I can for him, but for this, I think she
’
s the only person who can help him.

They lived it together, now they need to lay it to rest together.

It was weird speaking to her after all these years.

Once we got past the initial awkwardness, it was actually really nice to talk to Susie again. She told me that she’s really happy Jake and I have found each other again, and more so that we’re together. She said she always knew we were meant for one other.

I actually felt really teary hearing that.

Then I told her my reason for calling.

She took the first flight out of New York to Manchester. Stuart booked her into our hotel, but her flight was landing at lunchtime, so she
’
s coming straight to the funeral from the airport. Dale couldn
’
t come with her as he
’
s currently in China on business.

Susie and I are keeping our phone conversation between us.

That was my decision.

I don
’
t want Jake to know I called her. I want him to think she turned up because she wanted to be here for him.

Not that she didn
’
t want to help her son. Of course she does. She was just blinded by her own anger for Paul, understandably, and she just needed a nudge in the right direction.

Dave pulls the car down the long road to the crematorium. I feel Jake
’
s hand tighten around mine.

I lean close to him, and rest my cheek against his. “Are you okay?” I whisper in his ear.

He moves back from me, staring into my eyes. He looks so different, so little boy lost. It makes me ache for him.

I
’
m praying that Susie is already here waiting for us.

Jake lifts his hand to my face, tucking my hair behind my ear, he kisses me gently on the lips and murmurs, “You
’
re everything to me, Tru. You know that right?”

I nod, confused as to where he
’
s going with this.

He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Just … don
’
t ever leave me. No matter what
–
just don
’
t ever leave.”

I swallow down. He
’
s worrying me with these words.

“
I
’
m not going anywhere. I
’
m yours, Jake. You have my heart. I belong to you.”

Nervous and unsure, I lean in and kiss him lightly on the lips. But he grabs hold of my hair, kissing me harder, desperately, his tongue invading my mouth, claiming me. And it reminds me of the time he kissed me in bed when we were still having an affair. The first time he talked to me about Jonny. The desperation and intensity I felt then, I feel now, and more.

It
’
s almost like he
’
s trying to tell me something with this kiss. Something he can
’
t say with words.

When Dave pulls the car up outside the building, Jake
’
s already released me from his hold, and I see Susie is here, waiting with my mum and dad outside the building. I almost sigh with relief.

As Jake registers her, I see it on his face, the surprise, the relief; I don
’
t miss that, it almost breaks me.

Susie comes over to the car as Jake climbs out, me behind him.

She looks so different to how I remember her. I guess that
’
s what happiness and a lot of money can do for you.

“
What are you doing here?” He sounds confused, angry … happy.

Susie looks up at him, shading her eyes from the sun with her hand. “I thought you might need me,” she says quietly. Reaching out, she takes hold of his hand.

I slip quietly away, leaving them both, and go over to my mum and dad.

“
Hey, daddy.” I smile up at him, as he puts his arm around me, kissing the top of my hair. “Hey, mama,” I say, leaning forward to kiss her. “Thank you so much for coming, I know it will mean the world to Jake.”

“
The only reason we are here is for you and Jake, baby girl,” my dad says to me.

I squeeze him tighter, hugging him. I
’
m so lucky to have a dad as wonderful as mine is.

Jake comes over to us with Susie a few moments later. She looks like she
’
s been crying, her eyes are a little bloodshot.