The Mighty Storm (55 page)

My stomach plummets off to a very happy place.

Unzipping my dress, I step out of it. Watching Jake watch me, I kick off my ballet pumps, and very slowly remove my underwear.

I
’
m just about to put the bikini on when Jake says in a gruff voice, “On second
thought, if I remember right,
you were topless that day, and you know how I hate panties on you…”

Coming close, he takes them from my hand and tosses them to the floor. He kisses me hard on the mouth. Then sliding his hand into mine, he breaks our kiss, leaving me breathless and wanting, and starts to pull me in the direction of the water.

“
We
’
re going in?” I tread carefully over the flat rocks.

“
Absolutely.”

“
You want us to go skinny dipping?”

“
Oh, most definitely.” He gives me a cheeky look.

“
Oh no, Jake. No way. It
’
ll be freezing.” This so was not part of my plan.

“
It
’
s a warm night,” he coaxes. “The water won
’
t be that cold.”

“
It will,” I press.

Jake stops, turning to me. “The last time we were here, we were in the water … and tonight I want to see you … wet.” His voice has gone all dark and sultry, and is completely laced with inclination.

Honestly, I
’
m wet just listening to him, and my stomach has turned to molten lava, heating my insides.

But it
’
s still not enough to want me to freeze to death in that cold ass water.

“
As awesome as that sounds, there is no way in hell that I
’
m getting in that ass freezing water.”

I step back, dropping his hand. “Let
’
s just have sex on the nice warm blanket,” I encourage.

Jake tilts his head to the side. His look is challenging, and I know exactly what
’
s he
’
s thinking.

“
No way! Don
’
t you dare, Jake Wethers!” I point my finger at him in warning, taking a step back.

“
Noooo! Argghh!” I scream as he runs at me, grabbing hold of me.

Picking me up, he hoists me over his shoulder, and kicking and screaming Jake carries me into the water.

“
Put me down!” I yell, laughing, wriggling in his strong arms.

Jake is laughing. Deep and loud. And I love the sound. It
’
s been way too long since I last heard him laugh. So I keep wriggling in his arms, readying myself to take the hit of the cold water for him, to make him laugh, to make him feel happiness.

Jake
’
s happy, so am I.

Once he
’
s waded in to his hips, he slides me down his body, dropping me in the cold water.

“
Arghhh! It
’
s bloody freezing!” I screech as the water chills through me. “You
’
re such an arsehole!”

“
Don
’
t be a girl,” he chuckles deep and throaty.

“
I am a girl,” I grin.

“
Yeah? Well you feel like a woman to me,” he says low, his hands going around my waist, pulling me close.

I can feel he’s hard already. How, in this cold water? I have no clue. But I love that he is for me. That I do this to him.

Wrapping myself around his body, I hold on tight, as Jake wades us further into the water.

Once we
’
re chest deep, I decide to take the plunge. Freeing myself from Jake, I swim out a little and immerse myself into the water, wetting my hair.

It
’
s not too bad now I
’
m acclimatised to it.

As I surface, I see Jake treading water a few feet before me, staring across at me in the moonlit dark.

He
’
s looks so beautiful, all wet with the moon shining down on him. He looks like the star he is.

“
What are you thinking about?” I ask.

“
You. Then, and now. How beautiful you were back then, and how even more beautiful you are now. How I wish I
’
d seen you through all those years, and how I
’
m counting myself as one lucky bastard that I got a second chance to have you in my life … and that
you’re crazy
enough to be mine.”

My heart swells in my chest, replete with love for him. I never knew it possible to love someone as much as I do Jake.

I can
’
t ever imagine my life again without him in it, and I don
’
t ever want to.

Jake is my everything.

I swim to him and wrap my arms around his neck. His arms go around me, holding me tight.

“
I
’
ll always be yours.” I kiss his cheek, licking the cool water drops off his skin with my tongue, trailing a lead of gentle sucking kisses to his mouth. “Back then, on that day, I wanted you to make love to me under the waterfall,” I whisper against his lips, casting my glance in the falls’ direction.

And without another word, I take off swimming for the falls.

Jake is hot behind me.

When we hit the cascading water, Jake takes me in his arms, kissing me like it’s the first time, and he makes love to me here under the falls, like those two teenagers wanted to all those years ago.

“
He
’
s using again, isn
’
t he?”

Stuart looks sadly across the table in the coffee shop we
’
re in, and nods his head once. “Yes, I think he is.”

“
You think or you
’
re sure?”

“
I
’
m sure,” he says without hesitation.

Stuart should know. He lived with Jake, the addict, before.

“
Me too,” I sigh, stirring my coffee, I look down into my cup.

We
’
re in Boston and it
’
s two weeks into the US leg of the tour. And Jake
’
s using drugs again.

It
’
s become increasingly apparent over the last week.

I
’
ve never lived with an addict before, but the signs are pretty clear.

He
’
s not sleeping. His moods are all over the place. His temper is short. He
’
s drinking more than usual. Fidgety. I could go on.

After Lumb Falls, we went back to the hotel, happy together, and when we woke in the morning, everything was perfect.

Jake was Jake again. We spent time with his mum, and my folks. We all had a wonderful few days together in Manchester.

Then one night everything changed. One phone call changed it all.

Stuart received a heads up call from the press about a story that was going to be run the following morning. The press had found out about Paul
’
s death. They dug a little deeper and found out he
’
d been in prison, and just what he went to prison for.

There was no way to stop the story, although Jake and Stuart tried.

So we left Manchester that night, and flew to LA, to Jake
’
s house.

My first stay at his place, my new home to be, wasn
’
t exactly how I had imagined it would be.

Jake was tense and stressed. I was alone for most of the time.

When the story hit the news, I lost him. He became introvert.

I hoped things would get better once the tour started. Once he had work to focus on.

They haven
’
t. They
’
ve got worse.

He keeps disappearing off on his own, sometimes even without Dave.

When I question him as to where he
’
s been, he says he
’
s just been having time out to clear his head.

Basically, he
’
s out scoring drugs.

Jake
’
s distanced himself from me. From everyone. He only talks to bark out orders to staff on the tour. And the only time I see him resembling something near to the Jake I know, is when he
’
s on stage performing at the shows. But the minute he
’
s off stage, he
’
s back to the same.

He
’
s pushing everyone around him away, and I haven
’
t got a clue what to do. How to help him. I feel completely out of my depth. And so very helpless.

Helpless to the fact that the man I love is slowly slipping away before my eyes.

I
’
ve considered calling his sponsor, even his drug counsellor, but I feel like I
’
d be crossing some arbitrary line if I do.

I just feel at a loss.

You have no idea how hard it is to try to hold onto someone when they don
’
t want you to.

I
’
ve tried talking to him. He won
’
t talk to me. He brushes me off, telling me there is nothing wrong.

There clearly is.

The story coming out about what he suffered at the hands of his dad that night was the final nail in the coffin for him.

He could just about cope with Paul dying and the old memories and feelings that resurfaced for him, but this story coming out was too much.

I know he feels like he
’
s been exposed to the world as the weak man he truly believes himself to be. It
’
s crippled him, and the only way he knows how to deal with that emotion is to conceal it with drugs so he no longer has to feel.

The flip side of that, which he doesn
’
t see, is that he stops loving too.

He
’
s stopped loving me on some fundamental level.

It
’
s still there, buried somewhere deep within him. But for now, this Jake I
’
ve got here with me, doesn
’
t love me. Not really. And it
’
s not because he doesn
’
t want to, but because he can
’
t.

So now it
’
s up to me to try to find a way to bring him back.

I think he started using again around the time the tour began here in the US. On some level I think I knew, I just didn
’
t want to believe it.

But now it
’
s become too hard to ignore.

He went to take a shower this morning and when he came out of the bathroom, I looked up at him and there was blood running from his nose.

That
’
s when I knew what he
’
d been doing in there.

He downplayed the nosebleed. Said it was just because he was tired and stressed.

After I
’
d cleaned his bleed up, I went in the bathroom looking for evidence of drugs but I couldn
’
t find any.

He
’
s adept at hiding his addiction. Now I just need to figure a way to out it.

“
What do I do?” I ask Stuart, dropping my spoon onto the table.

“
Confront him.”

“
Will he deny it?”

“
Absolutely.”

“
Then what?”

“
Keep trying. But, Tru, he won
’
t recognise the problem until he
’
s ready to
–
you need to know that, and be ready for the backlash that will undoubtedly come with it when you do confront him.”

I put my head in my hands. “I just can
’
t believe he
’
s back there again.” I lift my head. “This must be terrible for you, seeing him doing this to himself again … he told me what happened in LA … when you found him,” I allude to the rest with my expression.

“
I
’
m glad he told you. It shows how much he trusts you.”

“
Will you leave him now?”

Stuart looks at me surprised. “No. Why do say that?”

I knot my fingers together around the coffee cup. “Because Jake said you told him at that time if he carried on using you would leave, and I just thought as he is again … then maybe you would leave.”

I don
’
t think Jake would cope without Stuart. Honestly, I don
’
t think I could cope without him. I
’
ve come to rely on his friendship so much in these last few weeks.