The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (76 page)
Read The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes Online
Authors: E. Henry Thripshaw
Tags: #Jokes & Riddles, #Humor, #Form, #General
Gary Glitter and his girlfriend are in a video hire shop, looking for something to hire for the evening. Gary’s girlfriend asks him what he wants to watch.
Gary says: “How about we get
Aladdin?”
His girlfriend replies: “Can’t we just get a video? You’re in enough trouble already.”
Gary Glitter was on a ship with 100 boy scouts and 100 girl guides, when it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced “We’re sinking! Everyone abandon ship!”
Gary Glitter asked, “What about the children?”
The captain replied, “Fuck the children!”
Gary Glitter looked around and said, “Do we have time?”
Gary Glitter has bought 100 cases of Glenfiddich scotch whisky. Apparently the shop assistant told him it was a cheeky little twelve-year-old that goes down well.
Gary Glitter is sitting in his living room, surfng the Internet on his laptop. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through. She screams, “You bastard!” and heads into the bedroom sobbing. Stunned, the Leader switches off the computer and walks toward the bedroom, wondering to himself, “Now what have I done?”
Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her what’s up. She responds with a sob, “My friends say that you’re a paedophile!”
“Wow!” says Gary. “That’s a big word for an eight-year-old.”
I was in the pub last night and Gary Glitter came on the jukebox. I knew we shouldn’t have put on St Winifred’s School Choir.
George Best is lying seriously ill in hospital and the doctor says to him: “George, I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?’
“Bad, please,” says George.
“Well,” says the doctor, “the bad news is you only have about one hour left to live.”
“Oh my God!” says George, “that is really bad news. What’s the good news, doc?”
The doctor replies: “It’s happy hour.”
What’s the similarity between Jill Dando and George Best?
They both fnished their careers at Fulham.
When Calum Best was born, George Best went straight down the pub with his mates to wet the baby’s head.
Later he rang his wife and said, “How’s the baby doing?”
She said, “Not bad. He just got a B in history.”
What’s yellow and goes beep . . . beep . . . beep? George Best.
What was the similarity between George Best and Gary Glitter?
They both enjoy the occasional tot.
How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?