The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (117 page)

Whose lineage was noble all through.

It’s surely not crud,

For not only his blood

But even his semen was blue.

There was a young man of Australia

Who painted his arse like a dahlia.

The drawing was fne,

The colour divine,

But the scent, alas, was a failure.

There was a young girl from Hoboken

Who claimed that her hymen was broken

From riding a bike

On a cobblestone spike,

But it really was broken from pokin’.

There was a young fella called Taylor

Who seduced a respectable sailor.

When they put him in jail

He settled the bail

By doing the s

ame to the jailer.

There was a young man from Nantucket

Took a pig to a thicket to fuck it.

Said the pig, “No, I’m queer,

Get away from my rear,

Just come to the front and I’ll suck it.”

A mathematician named Hall

Had a hexahedronical ball

And the cube of its weight

Times his pecker’s, plus eight

Is his phone number - give him a call.

There was a young dentist called Stone

Who saw all his patients alone.

In a ft of depravity

He flled the wrong cavity,

Good Lord! How his practice has grown!

There was a young tyro called Fyffe

Who married the love of his life.

But imagine his pain

When he struggled in vain,

And just couldn’t enter his wife.

A remarkable race are the Persians;

They have such peculiar diversions.

They make love the whole day

In the usual way

And save up the nights for perversions.

There was a young virgin from Bude

Whose proclivities were often viewed

With distrust by the males

For she’d fondle their rails,

But never would let them intrude.

There was a young woman called Dexter

Whose husband exceedingly vexed her,

For whenever they’d start

He’d let fly a great fart

With a blast that damn near unsexed her.

There was a young lady named Sapphire