The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (115 page)

For his vigorous sport

And condemned by a poorly hung jury.

There was a young fellow from Perth

The dirtiest fucker on earth.

When his wife was confned

He crept up behind

And swallowed the whole afterbirth.

There was an old lady of Ypres

Who got shot in the ass by some snipers,

And when she blew air

Through the holes that were there,

She astonished the Cameron Pipers.

There was a young girl from Detroit

Who at screwing was very adroit.

She could squeeze her vagina

To a pin-point, or finer,

Or open it out like a quoit.

There was a young novice called Bell

Who didn’t like cunt all that well.

He would finger and fuck one,

But never could suck one,

He just couldn’t get used to the smell.

There was a young girl from

Throgmorton

Who had one long tit and a short ’un.

To make up for that,

She’d a six-foot-wide twat

And a fart like a 650 Norton.

There was a young girl named Priscilla

Who flavoured her cunt with vanilla.

The taste was so fine,

Men and beasts stood in line,

But she called it a day with Godzilla.

A lady from Texas called Jill

Used dynamite sticks for a thrill.

They found her vagina

In North Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

There was a young lady from Norway

Who hung by her heels from a doorway.

She said to her beau,

“Look at this, Joe,

I think I’ve discovered one more way!”

There was an old man from Calcutta

Who was having a wank in the gutter.

A woman walked by

Got spunk in her eye

And thought it was Ireland’s best butter.

There was a young man from Rangoon

Who was born a fortnight too soon.

He hadn’t the luck

To be born of a fuck

’Twas a wank shovelled in with a spoon.

There was a young queer from Khartoum