The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (68 page)

     As I was saying there is a bottom nature in every one, the other nature or natures in them may be of this kind of men and women that is of the same kind as the bottom nature of them, they may not be of the same kind of them. If the bottom nature of them is resisting the other nature or natures in them may be all resisting, some kinds of resisting and some attacking, all of the other natures in them may be of kinds of attacking, if the bottom nature in them is a kind of attacking being the other nature or natures in them may be of kinds of resisting, of kinds of attacking, some of kinds of resisting, some of kinds of attacking, some may have only a bottom nature to them, some may have almost, nothing of bottom nature to them, there is every kind of mixing, mostly in each one it is very confusing, often each one one is ever knowing is for a long time baffling.
     Some are puzzling a long time, almost every one is more or less puzzling to every one, mostly every one is puzzling to me, sometime mostly every one comes to be a whole one to me.
     Always then I am learning some one. Mostly every one comes very slowly to be a whole one to me. Mostly everyone is sometimes and mostly for a very long time a puzzle to me, sometimes some one only after a long time of learning that one comes to be a conscious puzzle to me.
     Some can have a bottom with other nature or natures in them not mixed up with the bottom nature in them. Such of them are very puzzling and when sometimes such a one is a whole to one such ones always are in parts to one but all the parts are there in that one to one and all always repeating in that one and all repeating coming out of such a one has meaning as parts in one. When some one is not a whole one to one repeating coming out of them has not this clear relation. Such a one as I am now describing is not in pieces, is a whole one. All of such a one is almost completely one and then the bottom of that one is of a different kind from the rest of the whole one and that makes this one not confusing but baffling and sometimes a clear whole one, and then at last a completer whole one. When some one is not a whole one to one repeating coming out of them has not clear relation but sometimes repeating coming out of one has the clear relation of a whole one and it is not the whole of that one that the one feeling the clear relation in all the repeating is really knowing, there is a bottom nature that is different from all the rest of that one. Sooner or later some one knowing this will know it of this one, in the beginning of not being certain that the whole one one is knowing is the whole of that one is a strange feeling, not doubting, not puzzling, not baffling, just incompletion. Then such a one is a little puzzling until that one comes to be a whole whole one. Then the repeating coming out of such a one has clear meaning.
     This was one, that I am now describing, was to this one and to every one, of the resisting kind of them, slow, earthy, dependent independent kind of them and as such a one was to this one and to every one that knew this one a whole one. The bottom being in this one was not resisting being, it was attacking being, reaction in this one was poignant and quick in this one but it was to this one and to every one who knew this one slow in this one because it passed through the whole rest of this one that was resisting, slow, earthy kind of being and so this one was not slow-minded but long-winded, this one had complete quick poignant decision and reaction and then passing through the rest of being in this one it made it to be to this one that it was slow-deciding, germinating in this one and it was no such thing. This was interesting to know for this one had been a whole one to the other way of feeling this one, but it was not the whole of this one, and this understanding of this one gave a completely new meaning to the being, to the history of this one.
     To explain again. This one was mostly smooth, resisting self-sustaining, dependent independent being, this was the being in this one to this one and mostly to every one, only the history of the living of this one was not completely what the history of such being is in those having such being as the whole of them. Mostly this was not puzzling as it might be some other thing in this one, some incompletion of condition in this one, and this one was as this being so completely a whole one. Then it came to be clear in this one that this was not the whole of this one. The bottom nature, and the bottom nature in this one always was acting but never to this one in the talking this one did of the being in this one to any one was it existing, nor to any one not paying much attention to the history of the living in this one but just to the ways of doing things in this one was it existing, the bottom being in this one as I was saying always was there acting and sometime it was clear to some one that this one was not at the bottom slow, resisting, self-sustained, dependent independent being, at the bottom this one was quick feeling, attacking, sensitive, independent dependent being and that gave to the history of this one a new meaning.
     There is one thing very interesting. Those who have this kind of mixing, all of them one thing except just the bottom and that not mixing with the rest of them but always acting, are always romantic in their notion of themselves in living. This is a natural thing, everything in them is one thing, resisting or attacking being as it may happen, everything they or any one can see in them is this thing then a complete one and yet the bottom of them always acting is another thing. This is bound to make them, such of them, have a complete creation of their own being a completed conception of their own being and always it is not the whole being in them, indeed it is never the true meaning of their being and so they have many of them a very romantic feeling in being. This is very interesting. There are many ways of having romantic feeling of one's own being, this is one of them, sometime there will be descriptions of many of them. It is very interesting to know all the ways of having romantic feeling of one's self in living. These then that I have been just describing are not romantic in living, the bottom being in them is too actually acting in them and that determines the history of them, they are romantic in the contemplation of their personality, not knowing the determining thing in them the bottom being and so they romantically conceive themselves as a whole of what is all them but the bottom being in them that really determines the being, way of doing, the history of them.
     Now there will be a description of another kind of contradiction between bottom nature and the other natures in men and women. To begin again then.
     This one then too is of the kind of them that have it to be a romantic temperament, a feeling of themselves as being guided by a destiny always from the beginning and unchanging. All of these then, this last one and this one, have it to be to themselves that they are as they are and nothing can change them, not from firmness of will in them, not from intention or resolution in them, but from the destiny of them always in them from the beginning. These are then this kind of men and women, all of this kind of romantic temperaments with to them a fixed destiny in them, all of these then are an almost complete one thing with another bottom, this keeps them such of them from being a complete unification of being, the bottom of them that is the opposite kind of being, if they are all resisting then the bottom always active in them is attacking being with all the quality of that kind of attacking being, if all the rest of them is attacking being the bottom being in such of them and always active in them is resisting being with all the quality of that kind of resisting being, this makes in such of them romantic feeling of themselves as being unchanging. They, this kind of men and women only know in themselves all except the bottom being in them and that makes them to themselves unchanging, having a destiny from the beginning, these then do not know in themselves the bottom being that interferes and acts and sometimes to them spoils their history for them, these then only know in themselves all the rest of themselves except the bottom being in them. This is very interesting. Perhaps Napoleon was one of this kind of men and women.
     This one that I am now describing had it to be all of the being excepting the bottom being overwhelmingly powerful attacking being, and as a bottom being there was in this one the earthy type that is of the kind of resisting being that is earthy, indolent, slowly engulfing. This one then had it to have as a bottom being indolent earthy being, practical and easy and slowly engulfing in its natural way of winning, with not much energy in acting, with almost not anything of attacking being of the resisting being and this was just there as a bottom, all the rest of the being in this one which was destiny and living to this one was keen and synthetic and poignant and complete attacking being.
     All through the early living of this one the bottom being was just there alive in this one and always acting but so to speak not interfering to domination, to being the real being in this one as controlling being. More and more as this one grew older and the fire of youth and the energy in this one did not hold the whole of this one together, the nature in this one separated into the top and bottom both active but not acting together. This made this one then stupidly obstinate with the attacking top in this one, lethargic with the resisting indolent bottom in this one, vain-glorious with the sense of destiny and success of the top being in this one and nervously irritable with the disturbed bottom being in this one. This is then one kind of being in men and women, these then have been two examples of this kind of being, sometime every one will understand all being in men and women.
     These then are one kind of way of being one with the bottom attacking, one with the bottom the resisting kind of them, these, two I have been just describing. Then these are one kind of way of being these two that I have been just describing where there is the contradiction I have been just explaining. Now this is to be a description of a kind of being where all the nature is of one kind of being and yet where there is a contradiction in the being. To begin then.
     Mostly every one is sometime and sometimes for a very long time puzzling. This one I am now going to be describing was for a long time a puzzle to me. This one as I was saying was, the whole of this one, of one kind of being, of attacking being, but this one was contradictory and confusing and for a long time a very long time puzzling. This is the history of my learning this one, this is a description of the being in this one.
     Thinking one's self good is very important to understand in each one. Goodness and stupid being in each one it is very important to understand in each one. Each kind of them then, each kind of men and women have their own kind of stupid being, their own kind of goodness or badness in them, each kind in men and women have their own way of feeling themselves as good inside them. Some have very much of this in them, some have very little of this in them. Some have very much stupid being of their kind of them in them, some have very little of their kind of stupid being in them. Some have very much of the goodness of their kind of being in them, some have very little of it in them. Some have very much of the badness of their kind of being in them, some have very little of it in them.
     Each kind of them each kind of men and women have the kind of stupid being, the kind of goodness, the kind of badness of their kind of being in them, each one of them have the feeling of their goodness inside them in the kind of way their kind of being always has such feeling.
     This is now some description of the way each kind of men and women have their own kind of way of having stupid being in them, their own kind of stupid being in them, their own kind of way of having goodness in them, their own kind of goodness in them, their own kind of way of having badness in them, of having their own kind of badness in them.
     Each kind of men and women has a certain kind of stupid being, a certain kind of goodness and a certain kind of badness that is their kind of them, that is in common to all men and women of their kind of them, part of them like their kind of way of loving, fighting, working, thinking, eating, drinking, enjoying, disliking, having impatient and angry feeling.
     Now there will be some description of the way each kind in men and women has their own way of having stupid being, goodness, badness, knowing their own goodness, knowing their own badness in them. I tell all this now, now when I am still a little puzzling at it. Sometime I will understand it, then I will tell more of it. Now I tell it when now I am still puzzling at it.
     Each one then is of a kind of men and women. Each one then has a bottom nature of a kind of men and women in them, many have other nature or natures in them.
     Two that I am now going to describe a little are each one of them of one kind of being completely. Each one of them was puzzling, one, the first one was a very long time to me baffling, this was a very curious thing and I will now begin to tell about it, to explain it, the being in this one, the learning in me of the being in this one. I tell it now when now it is still a little puzzling. I know it a little and I begin now to tell all I know yet of it.
     Every one has their own being in them. Every one is of a kind of men and women. Each one is a separate one and yet always repeated.
     There are then many kinds in men and women. There are two kinds of them, there are many kinds of these kinds of them, there are many kinds in each one of the many kinds of each kind of them.
     Supposing there is one kind of them, that some one knows say ten of that kind of them among those that one has come to know in living. Now in these ten of that kind of them some have this kind of being that makes this kind of them as bottom being, some have other kinds of being mixed up in them with this bottom being in them. Some of these ten of them have not this kind of being as bottom being in them, they have some other kind of being in them and have this kind of being, that of the ten of them, mixed with the bottom being in them. There are some of these ten of them that have in them only this being in them, the being that makes alike these ten of them in their way of being, doing everything, feeling, loving.
     As I was saying each kind of them has its own way of being stupid, being loving, being good, being bad, winning fighting, believing in themselves as being good, believing in themselves as being bad.