The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (878 page)

KING CLAUDIUS

If it is to be, Laertes, will you let me guide you? Of course you will.

If it be so, Laertes--
As how should it be so? how otherwise?--
Will you be ruled by me?

LAERTES

Yes, my lord. Just don’t think I will be persuaded to act peacefully.

Ay, my lord;
So you will not o'errule me to a peace.

KING CLAUDIUS

No, just to give you some inner peace. If he is back without any means to continue on his trip, then I am going to put in place a plan that will surely kill him. Even his mother will think it was an accident.

To thine own peace. If he be now return'd,
As checking at his voyage, and that he means
No more to undertake it, I will work him
To an exploit, now ripe in my device,
Under the which he shall not choose but fall:
And for his death no wind of blame shall breathe,
But even his mother shall uncharge the practise
And call it accident.

LAERTES

My lord, I will follow your lead, but I would like to be the instrument of Hamlet’s death, if possible.

My lord, I will be ruled;
The rather, if you could devise it so
That I might be the organ.

KING CLAUDIUS

That should work. You are very popular in some aspects, and Hamlet may be envious of your special talent.

It falls right.
You have been talk'd of since your travel much,
And that in Hamlet's hearing, for a quality
Wherein, they say, you shine: your sum of parts
Did not together pluck such envy from him
As did that one, and that, in my regard,
Of the unworthiest siege.

LAERTES

What talent is that, my lord?

What part is that, my lord?

KING CLAUDIUS

It’s nothing really. But just two months ago, I met a Norman who was a very skillful man on a horse. Even now, I cannot fathom how he did his tricks.

A very riband in the cap of youth,
Yet needful too; for youth no less becomes
The light and careless livery that it wears
Than settled age his sables and his weeds,
Importing health and graveness. Two months since,
Here was a gentleman of Normandy:--
I've seen myself, and served against, the French,
And they can well on horseback: but this gallant
Had witchcraft in't; he grew unto his seat;
And to such wondrous doing brought his horse,
As he had been incorpsed and demi-natured
With the brave beast: so far he topp'd my thought,
That I, in forgery of shapes and tricks,
Come short of what he did.

LAERTES

You say he was a Norman?

A Norman was't?

KING CLAUDIUS

Yes, a Norman.

A Norman.

LAERTES

I bet it was Lamond.

Upon my life, Lamond.

KING CLAUDIUS

Yes, it was.

The very same.

LAERTES

I know him well. He is much loved in his nation.

I know him well: he is the brooch indeed
And gem of all the nation.

KING CLAUDIUS

He said that you were the best swordsman in all of the world. This made Hamlet very envious.

He made confession of you,
And gave you such a masterly report
For art and exercise in your defence
And for your rapier most especially,
That he cried out, 'twould be a sight indeed,
If one could match you: the scrimers of their nation,
He swore, had had neither motion, guard, nor eye,
If you opposed them. Sir, this report of his
Did Hamlet so envenom with his envy
That he could nothing do but wish and beg
Your sudden coming o'er, to play with him.
Now, out of this,--

LAERTES

What’s the poing, my lord?

What out of this, my lord?

KING CLAUDIUS

Laertes, was your father important to you? Or are you just putting on a show?

Laertes, was your father dear to you?
Or are you like the painting of a sorrow,
A face without a heart?

LAERTES

Why do you ask this?

Why ask you this?

KING CLAUDIUS

It’s not that I think you didn’t love your father, but I’ve seen how time changes the love you feel for someone. As the days go by, the fire of love weakens and dies out. We should act when we feel motivated and not wait. My point is Hamlet is coming back. What do you want to do to prove your love for your father.

Not that I think you did not love your father;
But that I know love is begun by time;
And that I see, in passages of proof,
Time qualifies the spark and fire of it.
There lives within the very flame of love
A kind of wick or snuff that will abate it;
And nothing is at a like goodness still;
For goodness, growing to a plurisy,
Dies in his own too much: that we would do
We should do when we would; for this 'would' changes
And hath abatements and delays as many
As there are tongues, are hands, are accidents;
And then this 'should' is like a spendthrift sigh,
That hurts by easing. But, to the quick o' the ulcer:--
Hamlet comes back: what would you undertake,
To show yourself your father's son in deed
More than in words?

LAERTES

I would cut his throat in the church.

To cut his throat i' the church.

KING CLAUDIUS

No one should commit murder in a church. Although revenge has no bounds, I’d like for you to use some restraint. Stay in your room and when Hamlet comes back, we will let him know you are home. We will make much over your abilities the Frenchman mentioned. Then we will bet him he cannot beat you. You will have your chance to take his life and revenge your father.

No place, indeed, should murder sanctuarize;
Revenge should have no bounds. But, good Laertes,
Will you do this, keep close within your chamber.
Hamlet return'd shall know you are come home:
We'll put on those shall praise your excellence
And set a double varnish on the fame
The Frenchman gave you, bring you in fine together
And wager on your heads: he, being remiss,
Most generous and free from all contriving,
Will not peruse the foils; so that, with ease,
Or with a little shuffling, you may choose
A sword unbated, and in a pass of practise
Requite him for your father.

LAERTES

I will do it. I will prepare my sword, and I’ll poison the tip so if it slightly touches him, he will surely die.

I will do't:
And, for that purpose, I'll anoint my sword.
I bought an unction of a mountebank,
So mortal that, but dip a knife in it,
Where it draws blood no cataplasm so rare,
Collected from all simples that have virtue
Under the moon, can save the thing from death
That is but scratch'd withal: I'll touch my point
With this contagion, that, if I gall him slightly,
It may be death.

KING CLAUDIUS

Let’s think about this a little more. We need to think about the time and place. We mustn’t fail. If our first plan doesn’t work, we need another plan in place. Let me see. You must keep him jumping, so he gets hot and sweaty. Then, when he asks for something to drink, we will have a cup filled with poison prepared for him.

Let's further think of this;
Weigh what convenience both of time and means
May fit us to our shape: if this should fail,
And that our drift look through our bad performance,
'Twere better not assay'd: therefore this project
Should have a back or second, that might hold,
If this should blast in proof. Soft! let me see:
We'll make a solemn wager on your cunnings: I ha't.
When in your motion you are hot and dry--
As make your bouts more violent to that end--
And that he calls for drink, I'll have prepared him
A chalice for the nonce, whereon but sipping,
If he by chance escape your venom'd stuck,
Our purpose may hold there.

Enter QUEEN GERTRUDE

What is it, sweet queen?

How now, sweet queen!

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Another tragedy has struck. Your sister has drowned, Laertes.

One woe doth tread upon another's heel,
So fast they follow; your sister's drown'd, Laertes.

LAERTES

Drowned! Where?

Drown'd! O, where?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

There is a willow tree growing by the brook with limbs stretching over the water. She was there with her flowers when she slipped into the brook. She looked like a mermaid in the water singing her hymns, unaware of the danger she was in. Finally, her drenched clothes, weighed her down.

There is a willow grows aslant a brook,
That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream;
There with fantastic garlands did she come
Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples
That liberal shepherds give a grosser name,
But our cold maids do dead men's fingers call them:
There, on the pendent boughs her coronet weeds
Clambering to hang, an envious sliver broke;
When down her weedy trophies and herself
Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide;
And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up:
Which time she chanted snatches of old tunes;
As one incapable of her own distress,
Or like a creature native and indued
Unto that element: but long it could not be
Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,
Pull'd the poor wretch from her melodious lay
To muddy death.

LAERTES

So, she is dead?

Alas, then, she is drown'd?

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Drowned.

Drown'd, drown'd.

LAERTES

Ophelia had enough water, so I will not cry anymore. Nature is too strong and makes me cry anyway. When I am finished, I will not act like a woman. Goodbye, my lord. I have more fiery words to say, but my tears won’t let me.

Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia,
And therefore I forbid my tears: but yet
It is our trick; nature her custom holds,
Let shame say what it will: when these are gone,
The woman will be out. Adieu, my lord:
I have a speech of fire, that fain would blaze,
But that this folly douts it.

Exit

KING CLAUDIUS

Let’s follow him, Gertrude. I have worked so hard to calm him down and I’m afraid this might start him up again. So, let’s follow him.

Let's follow, Gertrude:
How much I had to do to calm his rage!
Now fear I this will give it start again;
Therefore let's follow.

Exeunt