The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (604 page)

A room in LUCENTIO'S house

[Enter BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GREMIO, the PEDANT, LUCENTIO, BIANCA, PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, HORTENSIO, and WIDOW. TRANIO, BIONDELLO, and GRUMIO, and Others, attending.]

LUCENTIO. At last, though long, our jarring notes agree:

At last, though it took a long time, we have settled our disagreements:

And time it is when raging war is done,

And it is time, once raging war has ended,

To smile at 'scapes and perils overblown.

To smile at escapades and dangers we have survived.

My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome,

My beautiful Bianca, welcome my father,

While I with self-same kindness welcome thine.

While I with the very same kindness welcome yours.

Brother Petruchio, sister Katherina,

And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow,

And you, Hortensio, with your loving widow,

Feast with the best, and welcome to my house:

My banquet is to close our stomachs up,

My banquet is to fill up our stomachs,

After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down;

After our great happiness and celebration. Please, sit down;

For now we sit to chat as well as eat.

[They sit at table.]

PETRUCHIO. Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!

BAPTISTA. Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.

Padua gives us this kindness, son Petruchio.

PETRUCHIO. Padua affords nothing but what is kind.

Padua gives nothing but what is kind.

HORTENSIO. For both our sakes I would that word were true.

PETRUCHIO. Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.

WIDOW. Then never trust me if I be afeard.

Then never thrust me if I am afraid.

PETRUCHIO. You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense: I mean Hortensio is afeard of you.

You are very sensible, and yet you misunderstand: I mean Hortensio is afraid of you.

WIDOW. He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

He that is dizzy thinks the world is spinning around.

PETRUCHIO. Roundly replied.

Good answer.

KATHERINA. Mistress, how mean you that?

Madame, what do you mean?

WIDOW. Thus I conceive by him.

That's how I conceive by him.

PETRUCHIO. Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?

Conceives by me! How does Hortensio like that?

HORTENSIO. My widow says thus she conceives her tale.

My widow says this is how she conceives her story.

PETRUCHIO. Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.

That's a good fix. Kiss him for that, good widow.

KATHERINA. 'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round':

I pray you tell me what you meant by that.

Please tell me what you meant by that.

WIDOW. Your husband, being troubled with a shrew,

Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe;

Compares my husband's troubles by his suffering;

And now you know my meaning.

KATHERINA. A very mean meaning.

WIDOW. Right, I mean you.

KATHERINA. And I am mean, indeed, respecting you.

PETRUCHIO. To her, Kate!

HORTENSIO. To her, widow!

PETRUCHIO. A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down.

HORTENSIO. That's my office.

That's my job.

PETRUCHIO. Spoke like an officer: ha' to thee, lad.

Spoken like an officer: here's to you, young man.

[Drinks to HORTENSIO.]

BAPTISTA. How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?

How does Gremio like these quick-witted folks?

GREMIO. Believe me, sir, they butt together well.

BIANCA. Head and butt! An hasty-witted body

Head and butt! Someone in a rush

Would say your head and butt were head and horn.

VINCENTIO. Ay, mistress bride, hath that awaken'd you?

Ah, madam bride, has that awakened you?

BIANCA. Ay, but not frighted me; therefore I'll sleep again.

Yes, but not frightened me; therefore I'll sleep again.

PETRUCHIO. Nay, that you shall not; since you have begun,

No, you shall not do that; since you have begun,

Have at you for a bitter jest or two.

You need to make a few sharp jokes.

BIANCA. Am I your bird?

I mean to shift my bush,

I mean to move my nest,

And then pursue me as you draw your bow.

And then you can chase me as you draw your bow.

You are welcome all.

[Exeunt BIANCA, KATHERINA, and WIDOW.]

PETRUCHIO. She hath prevented me.

She has prevented me.

Here, Signior Tranio;

Here, Sir Tranio;

This bird you aim'd at, though you hit her not:

You aimed at this bird, though you did not hit her:

Therefore a health to all that shot and miss'd.

Therefore I drink to all that shot and missed.

TRANIO. O, sir! Lucentio slipp'd me like his greyhound,

Oh, sir! Lucentio sent me like I was his greyhound,

Which runs himself, and catches for his master.

Who runs himself, and catches for his master.

PETRUCHIO. A good swift simile, but something currish.

A good analogy, but sounds a bit doggish.

TRANIO. 'Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself:

It's good, sir, that you hunted for yourself:

'Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay.

Though it is thought that now your deer has you trapped.

BAPTISTA. O ho, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.

Oh, ha, Petruchio! Tranio hits you now.

LUCENTIO. I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio.

I thank you for that jab, good Tranio.

HORTENSIO. Confess, confess; hath he not hit you here?

Confess, confess; has he not hit you here?

PETRUCHIO. A' has a little gall'd me, I confess;

He has annoyed me a little, I confess;

And, as the jest did glance away from me,

And, as the joke just bounced away from me,

'Tis ten to one it maim'd you two outright.

It is ten to one it stabbed you straight on.

BAPTISTA. Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio,

Now, in all seriousness, son Petruchio,

I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all.

I think you have the worst shrew of all.

PETRUCHIO. Well, I say no; and therefore, for assurance,

Well, I say no; and therefore, for confirmation,

Let's each one send unto his wife,

Let each one call for his wife,

And he whose wife is most obedient,

To come at first when he doth send for her,

To come first when he sends for her,

Shall win the wager which we will propose.

Shall win the bet which we will make.

HORTENSIO. Content. What's the wager?

Sounds good. What's the bet?

LUCENTIO. Twenty crowns.

PETRUCHIO. Twenty crowns! I'll venture so much of my hawk or hound,

Twenty crowns! I'd bet as much on one of my hawks or hounds,

But twenty times so much upon my wife.

But twenty times that much on my wife.

LUCENTIO. A hundred then.

HORTENSIO. Content.

Sounds good.

PETRUCHIO. A match! 'tis done.

We have agreed, then!

HORTENSIO. Who shall begin?

LUCENTIO. That will I. Go, Biondello, bid your mistress come to me.

I will. Go, Biondello, tell your lady to come to me.

BIONDELLO. I go.

[Exit.]

BAPTISTA. Son, I'll be your half, Bianca comes.

LUCENTIO. I'll have no halves; I'll bear it all myself.

I'll have no halves; I'll hold it all myself.

[Re-enter BIONDELLO.]

How now! what news?

What's going on? What news?

BIONDELLO. Sir, my mistress sends you word

Sir, my lady replies

That she is busy and she cannot come.

PETRUCHIO. How! She's busy, and she cannot come! Is that an answer?

Huh! She's busy, and she cannot come! Is that an answer?

GREMIO. Ay, and a kind one too: pray God, sir, your wife send you not a worse.

Yes, and a kind one too: pray God, sir, your wife does not send you a worse one.

PETRUCHIO. I hope, better.

HORTENSIO. Sirrah Biondello, go and entreat my wife

Sir Biondello, go and plead with my wife

To come to me forthwith.

To come to me right now.

[Exit BIONDELLO.]

PETRUCHIO. O, ho! entreat her! Nay, then she must needs come.

Oh, ha! Plead with her! No, then she must come.

HORTENSIO. I am afraid, sir,

Do what you can, yours will not be entreated.

[Re-enter BIONDELLO.]

Now, where's my wife?

BIONDELLO. She says you have some goodly jest in hand:

She says she knows it is some kind of joke:

She will not come; she bids you come to her.

She will not come; she tells you to come to her.

PETRUCHIO. Worse and worse; she will not come! O vile,

Worse and worse; she will not come! O terrible,

Intolerable, not to be endur'd!

Intolerable, not to be endured!

Sirrah Grumio, go to your mistress; say,

Grumio, my man, go to your lady; say,

I command her come to me.