The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (495 page)

SIR HUGH EVANS

This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.

These are amazing moods and jealousies.

DOCTOR CAIUS

By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not

jealous in France.

By God, we are not like this in France; we are not

jealous in France.

PAGE

Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.

Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

Come on and follow him, gentlemen; let's see the results of his search.

MISTRESS PAGE

Is there not a double excellency in this?

Isn't this doubly good?

MISTRESS FORD

I know not which pleases me better, that my husband

is deceived, or Sir John.

I don't know which pleases me more, that my husband

has been tricked, or that Sir John has.

MISTRESS PAGE

What a taking was he in when your husband asked who

was in the basket!

Imagine what he must have felt when your husband asked what

was in the basket!

MISTRESS FORD

I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so

throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

My only regret is that he will need a wash; so

throwing him into the water will do him good.

MISTRESS PAGE

Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same

strain were in the same distress.

Hang him, the dishonest rascal! I wish everyone like him

was in the same boat.

MISTRESS FORD

I think my husband hath some special suspicion of

Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross

in his jealousy till now.

I think my husband had some special reason to think

that Falstaff was here; I never saw him so openly

jealous before.

MISTRESS PAGE

I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have

more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will

scarce obey this medicine.

I'll play a trick to find that out; and we'll have

some more fun with Falstaff: he's so awful

that this alone won't be enough to teach him.

MISTRESS FORD

Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress

Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the

water; and give him another hope, to betray him to

another punishment?

Shall we send that silly bitch, Mistress

Quickly, to him, apologise for his being thrown into

the water, and hold out more hope, to trap him

into another punishment?

MISTRESS PAGE

We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,

eight o'clock, to have amends.

Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

Let's do it: let's send for him tomorrow

at eight o'clock, to apologise.

FORD

I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that

he could not compass.

I can't find him: maybe the scoundrel was boasting of things

that he couldn't manage.

MISTRESS PAGE

[Aside to MISTRESS FORD] Heard you that?

Did you hear that?

MISTRESS FORD

You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

This is a good way to treat me, is it Master Ford?

FORD

Ay, I do so.

Yes, it is.

MISTRESS FORD

Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

May heaven make you better than your thoughts!

FORD

Amen!

Amen!

MISTRESS PAGE

You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

You have done yourself a great wrong, Master Ford.

FORD

Ay, ay; I must bear it.

Yes, yes; I must put up with it.

SIR HUGH EVANS

If there be any pody in the house, and in the

chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,

heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!

If there is anybody in the house, in the

bedrooms, in the chests, in the drawers,

then may heaven forgive my sins on Judgement Day!

DOCTOR CAIUS

By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.

By God, mine neither: there's nobody here.

PAGE

Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What

spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I

would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the

wealth of Windsor Castle.

Come now, Master Ford! Aren't you ashamed? What

spirit, what devil stirred up your imagination? I

wouldn't want to have your sort of feelings

for all the treasure in Windsor Castle.

FORD

'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

I'm in the wrong, Master Page: I suffer for it.

SIR HUGH EVANS

You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as

honest a 'omans as I will desires among five

thousand, and five hundred too.

You're suffering from a bad conscience: your wife is as

honest a woman as one could hope to find amongst five

thousand, or even five hundred.

DOCTOR CAIUS

By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.

By God, I can see she's an honest woman.

FORD

Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in

the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter

make known to you why I have done this. Come,

wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;

pray heartily, pardon me.

Well, I promised you a dinner. Come on, we'll walk in

the Park until it's ready: please forgive me; I will tell you

later why I have done this. Come,

wife; come, Mistress Page. Please, forgive me;

I'm begging you, forgive me.

PAGE

Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock

him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house

to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I

have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

Let's go in, gentlemen; but, believe me, we'll make fun

of him. I'd like to invite you to come to my house for breakfast

tomorrow morning; afterwards, we'll go hunting together; I

have a good hawk for flushing out game.

FORD

Any thing.

Whatever you like.

SIR HUGH EVANS

If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

If anyone is going, I will be a second member of the party.

DOCTOR CAIUS

If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

If there are going to be one or two, I shall be the third.

FORD

Pray you, go, Master Page.

Come on, Master Page.

SIR HUGH EVANS

I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy

knave, mine host.

Now don't forget, tomorrow we will take revenge on that

lousy scoundrel, the landlord.

DOCTOR CAIUS

Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!

That's good; by God, definitely!

SIR HUGH EVANS

A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!

Exeunt

A lousy scoundrel, with his sneers and jokes!

Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE

FENTON

I see I cannot get thy father's love;

Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.

I see I'll never get your father's approval;

so don't ask me to approach him again, sweet Anne.

ANNE PAGE

Alas, how then?

Alas, what shall we do then?

FENTON

Why, thou must be thyself.

He doth object I am too great of birth--,

And that, my state being gall'd with my expense,

I seek to heal it only by his wealth:

Besides these, other bars he lays before me,

My riots past, my wild societies;

And tells me 'tis a thing impossible

I should love thee but as a property.

Well, you must decide for yourself.

His objection is that I am too high born,

and that as my estate is loaded with debt

I am trying to improve it with his wealth:

besides that, he has other objections to me,

my former riotous behaviour and my wild company;

he tells me that he'll never believe

that I love you for anything but your money.

ANNE PAGE

May be he tells you true.

Perhaps he's right.

FENTON

No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!

Albeit I will confess thy father's wealth

Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne:

Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value

Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;

And 'tis the very riches of thyself

That now I aim at.

He's not, may heaven strike me dead if he is!

I must admit that your father's wealth

was what inspired me to woo you, Anne:

but in the process I found you are worth more

than golden coins or moneybags;

it is the riches of your personality

which I want now.

ANNE PAGE

Gentle Master Fenton,

Yet seek my father's love; still seek it, sir:

If opportunity and humblest suit

Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!

They converse apart

Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY

Gentle Master Fenton,